Tag: bible (page 5 of 9)

Cherry-picking sins

May 18, 2012 / / 0 Comments

I’ve heard some pastors cherry-pick certain sins, finding the biggest, juiciest sins to pick from the tree each and every week.

photo credit: Flickr user Robokow

Condemnation against these sins ends up weaving its way into the Sunday experience, whether it’s part of the notes or part of the while-we-are-talking-about-Jude-let’s-not-forget-_____. It’s not that the folly of these sins shouldn’t be exposed. The destructive nature of sin and the contrasting hope of the Gospel should always be proclaimed. But consistently highlighting sins that may be more public in nature or more far-reaching in their implications and natural consequences is a dangerous tactic.

3 Dangers to Cherry-picking

1. You pander to “itching ears.”

These sins are easy to “pick” on. Much of your church culture finds them offensive and repulsive, and they make for easy cries of “Amen!” in the congregation. You know that if you preach against “that,” you’ll have a room full of supporters. We often think that Paul’s warning in 2 Timothy 4:3  is talking to people who simply want to hear a motivational talk. Maybe, though, their “itching ears” are looking for a pastor who will rail against some sins, but not others. Maybe the 2 Timothy warning is for the cherry-picker, too.

2. You promote a weak theology.

Theologically, when you bang the drum against the same sin, you highlight that sin as if it’s more offensive to God. As if that sin sends you to a deeper level of hell and issue you a stricter punishment. As if that sin is more offensive to a holy God than others. As if God has to muster up a little more grace for others’ sin than yours. Though some sins carry a weightier earthly consequence, it’s shaky ground to stand on when you say that one sin is more evil than another, in the eyes of a holy God.

3. You hide in the shadows.

Practically, you have found a way to justify your own sin. When you consistently highlight someone else’s sin, you minimize your own. What you forget is that when you shine the light on somone else, you inadvertently cast a shadow on yourself, giving yourself room to hide in the darkness. Don’t simply highlight the sin that causes you the most offense. Instead, highlight the sin that you tend to minimize. The one that nobody notices. The one that you’re likely to think doesn’t offend the heart of God quite as dangerously. Highlight your drift towards laziness. Talk about your sin of gluttony. Mention your predisposition to choose people over God by sneaking white lies into your relationships. Drop in your next sermon your increasing impatience with your kids. Don’t hide your sin behind someone else’s.

Quit hiding behind the veneer of “bad” sins. Doing this only makes us look like impotent theologians, out of touch with our own depravity.

Choose authenticity instead. Be open and honest about your past, and current struggles.

In that, you’ll find freedom in being a living, breathing example of the Gospel of grace.

Question: Ever heard a pastor cherry-pick a certain sin time and time again?

 

 

This is awkward, but…can you help my marriage?

May 4, 2012 / / 13 Comments

Don’t miss out on my “This is awkward” series HERE.

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

As a pastor, I’m supposed to have it all figured out.

I have a degree in theology.

I have been called to full-time vocational ministry.

I help other people work on their marriages.

I’ve even written blog posts about how to preach a marriage ceremony, for crying out loud.

But I don’t have it figured out.

My wife and I, in seasons of our marriage, have had to ask for help. Shore up some weaknesses. Make our marriage stronger. Get my wife to realize how awesome I am. 🙂

Does that mean we’re weak? And not where we need to be? And that we don’t have a perfect marriage? And that we don’t have all of the answers.

Yep. You bet it does.

Honest community

And we’re okay being honest about that. In being honest about times in our marriage when we needed help, we’re able to step alongside other couples and say, “It’s okay to ask for help. We have, too.”

There’s a perception that asking for help means you’ve got some sort of deficiency. That some disease has stricken your marriage, and now everybody looks at you like you’re a leper.

If that’s true, maybe it’s time to look for a new community where it’s okay to be yourself, scars and all.

It’s more than “okay” to ask for help in your marriage. In fact, I’d call it “wisdom.”

Time to wise up. Ask for some help from a couple that’s a little further down the road from you.

Ask them how they’ve worked through difficulties. How they’ve grown in their faith. How they’ve learned to argue well. How they’ve pointed their family to Jesus along the way.

Our marriages are too valuable to ignore our need for outside help.

The Spirit of God helps us in our weaknesses (Romans 8:26), and He often does that through others.

There’s no shame in asking for help.

Umm…this is awkward…but can you help me with my marriage?

 

 

 

 

The stupidity of leading alone

May 2, 2012 / / 9 Comments

image credit: Creation Swap user http://creationswap.com/kconner

You, alone

are not the Church.

are bull-headed.

are prone to give up.

think you’re right.

are narrow-minded.

only have 24 hours in a day.

have only 2 ears to hear from God.

have only 1 life experience to draw from.

can blindly veer straight into foolishness.

easily slide into pride.

think you’re more amazing than you really are.

are alone.

 

You, together

collaborate.

curate the best ideas.

encourage one another.

refine processes.

think outside your box.

have 24 x ___ hours in a day.

have 2 x ____ ears to hear from God.

can build more relationships.

have multiple life experiences.

fight against pride that any one person is always “right.”

get more done.

pursue the most wisdom.

are the Church.

So quit trying to lead by yourself.

 

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. – Proverbs 15:22

 

Pastors: keep your “gray” areas off the stage

April 23, 2012 / / 108 Comments

I was visiting a church recently (which I encourage anyone on a church staff to do periodically…you’ll learn so much), and I got called out from stage.

I was minding my own business, when the theological hammer came crashing down on my head.

Let me state this first: I’m a pro-Bible guy. I’m for it. I read it. I glean wisdom and life from it. I’m convinced that it’s the very Word of God.

But I’m not convinced that it has to be printed on a page to be the Bible.

image credit: Creative Commons user BigD

The service started out like 99% of every other service in America…a few songs, announcements, prayer, another song, then the sermon.

Here’s how it started, “Please get out your Bibles and turn to ______. If you don’t have your Bible, we have them available at the back…”

Normal, right? Nothing odd yet.

“And when I say Bible, I don’t mean your iPhone or your iPad or your digital device. I mean your physical Bible.” (he was shaking his Bible high in the air by now) He was peering over his invisible reading glasses…right at me and my iPad.

“THIS (he holds his Bible higher and shakes it more ferociously) is how Jesus had his. I think that’s good enough for us, too.”

I wanted to say, “Well, actually, Jesus opened the scroll in the temple, and it didn’t look like that neat, leather-bound, small book you’ve got above your head…” but I didn’t. At least not out loud. 🙂

I looked around me, to the people sitting close by. I was the only one with a digi-Bible.

Uh oh. I knew I was in for a long service.

Shades of Gray

There’s nothing wrong with holding convictions about gray areas. Things like watching TV, sending your kids to public school, listening to secular music, or drinking alcohol.

Scripture doesn’t say anything specific about any of these actions. It neither forbids nor condones these actions. Scripture may speak in principles, and how we should operate with respect to our freedoms, but with each of these areas, it’s relatively silent. (to these areas, I’d counsel someone to chase hard after wisdom.)

Turns out that the Bible also doesn’t say that, for a “Bible” to be legitimate, it has to be in print form.

Does God’s Word cease to be God’s Word when it’s on a digital screen? When it’s spoken aloud? When it’s written on a banner at a ball game?

Pastor: when you hold up “gray” areas as if they’re black-and-white, right-or-wrong issues, you needlessly alienate people.

The offense of the Gospel

If you’re going to offend someone, offend them with love. So overwhelm them with love and grace that they’re disgusted by it. Preach the Gospel so clearly and winsomely that they’re turned off by a God who loves and cares for them that much. Offend them with a community that loves and accepts them for who they are…people made in God’s image. Offend them with radical forgiveness. Offend them with scandalous grace.

But don’t offend them over what type of media they use to access God’s Word.

They’re accessing God’s Word…let’s rejoice!

Don’t raise gray issues to the level of black-and-white. When you do, you’re speaking authoritatively where God has chosen to be silent. Which is not ground on which I want to find myself.

Question:

Have you ever heard a pastor speak authoritatively on “gray” issues?

* image credit: creative commons user BigD

 

 

This is awkward, but…how are you spending your money?

April 19, 2012 / / Comments Off on This is awkward, but…how are you spending your money?

Culture tells us that it’s not polite to talk about politics or religion at the dinner table.

Either of those topics brings about so much heat that people can too easily get offended to enjoy dinner. But you know what brings up even more heat than politics or religion?

Not “how’s your sex life?”

Not “How’s your present life?”

Not even, “I need some help.”

The question that brings up more heat is, “How are you spending your money?”

image credit: Creation Swap user Filip Ologeanu

You want to put someone on the hot seat, ask them this.

Ask them why they’ve decided to buy a new car, even though they don’t have any financial plan in place for a rainy day.

Ask them how many credit cards they currently have, and have maxed out.

Ask them why they feel ok buying their child every little thing they ask for, but have no sense of being generous to others.

Ask them how they’re doing at tithing.

Ask them how they’re stewarding the resources God’s given them.

When you ask any of these questions, be ready for someone to squirm.

Or punch you in the throat.

But these questions are so important. Not to be asked publicly, because that could cause enough embarrassment to sever a relationship. These are questions to be asked of someone that you have built trust with. Maybe someone you’re investing in spiritually. Definitely someone who trusts you with important things in life. This question is off limits in casual relationships…this question is evidence of a deeper, richer community.

Yes, these questions are awkward, but the way you handle your money says much about what you believe about God. Jesus says, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” (Matthew 6:24) The way you handle your money reflects your belief.

It’s unbelievably easy for money to become an idol in our lives. And the more secretive we operate, the stronger our idol becomes.

Idols lose their power when they’re brought into the light.

Get ready to cause a little heat with this one. But dealing with heat now will help keep from flames later.

This is awkward, but…how are you spending your money?

 

 

Open-door decision making

April 9, 2012 / / 13 Comments

When people are talking about what next step they should take, whether they should take a new job, buy a new house, or start a new relationship, they often talk about ‘open’ or ‘closed’ doors.

“I was going to get married to _____, but God closed that door.”

“I didn’t know what school I was going to go to, but God just kept opening doors to _____, so I just kept walking through them.”

Ever heard a statement like that?

image credit: Creative Commons user Documentarist

If the door is metaphorically closed, it’s like trying to get into Ft. Knox. Or like trying to get your cable guy to shrink the time frame of when he’ll show up to fix your problem. Forget it. You’re not getting through.

If the door is metaphorically open, it’s like a magical door opened with the help of magical elves. And if you walk through it, everything smells like a fresh rainbow.

There’s a problem that exists with the swinging door. And I’d like to propose a better way to know what your next step should be.

Here’s the problem: you’re depending on something that could just as easily be the work of the Devil himself as the work of God.

An open door doesn’t always mean you need to walk through it. Likewise, a closed door doesn’t always mean you need to stop. If the apostle Paul used this theory, he would’ve given up on the Galatians. And he would’ve never gone to Spain.

If Jesus would’ve relied on the “open door” to follow God’s will, he wouldn’t have gone to the cross. He walked through a “closed door” with confidence. (Luke 22:42-44)

Don’t depend on swinging doors in trying to determine your next step.

3 Things to Depend on in Decision-Making

Depend on God’s Word.

This is the one thing that we can depend on every time. If the Bible clearly instructs us on something, we should follow its teachings. If you’re trying to decide whether to murder someone or not, I’d say not…Exodus 20:13. If you’re trying to decide whether to take a job that will keep you from your family, think again. The Bible instructs us to make a priority out of our home. If the Bible has clearly instructed, you’ve found your first answer. Sometimes the Bible guides by specific directives…other times it’s by principles. But it’s always to be trusted.

Depend on prayer.

I’ve never prayed and, as a result, seen the heavens open up and drop me a note with the answer I was looking for. But I often get much clarity through prayer. That’s a great gift God gives through the Spirit when we depend on Him. When you depend on God, He honors that. And not necessarily in giving you the answer you want to hear. Often, His answer is, “Keep trusting me. I’ll reveal the next step you should take.” Depending on prayer is important, too, because we see that the heart of God is moved when we pray. Last time I checked, that was a big deal. (Exodus 32:11-14)

Depend on people who know and love you.

Don’t make decisions by yourself. Ultimately, the decision may be yours to make and yours to deal with the consequences, but it’s foolish to operate alone. You may have your best interest at heart, but it’s hard to see the best course of action to take because you’re zoomed in too closely to your own situation. Find a group of people (I believe these people are often found in small groups) who have your back, have your best interest at heart, and will encourage you to seek God’s best.

Don’t depend on your circumstances, though they inform. Don’t depend on past decisions, though they also inform. Don’t depend on open or closed doors, though they may help sway.

There are 3 things you should depend on: The Bible. Prayer. And people who love you.

Question:

Ever heard people use “open doors” as the primary way they decide what course of action to take?

 

 

This is awkward, but…I need some help

April 3, 2012 / / 7 Comments

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

I have something you don’t. And you need that. So ask me for it.

Maybe it’s my lawn mower.

Maybe it’s a pinch of salt.

Or maybe it’s $100.

Maybe it’s some wisdom I have.

Maybe it’s a ride to the airport.

Learning to ask for help is vital to your spiritual growth.

But it’s awkward, isn’t it?

Culture would like us to believe that this is just a “guy” problem. That since guys don’t want to ask for directions, they’re the ones that feel it’s awkward to ask for help. But this awkwardness and self-dependent isolation isn’t just limited to the “y” chromosome.

Men and women deal with this.

Asking for help gives the appearance of weakness. Because, if you were stronger, you wouldn’t need help, right? You wouldn’t need money. Or advice. Or guidance.

Asking for help signifies you don’t have all you need for life. It screams, “I’m not independently self-sufficient.” It rails against our culture of independence and isolation.

Nobody wants to say that. Nobody wants to show the chink in their armor. Nobody wants to appear weak and vulnerable and exposed. Nobody. We want to appear to have more insight and more capabilities than we actually do, that we don’t need outside wisdom or influence. We especially never need correction.

But it’s our weaknesses that expose the way that God created us, because He didn’t create us for complete independence. He created us to be dependent on others.* He created us to live in need of encouragement. He created us to live in need of biblical counsel. He created us to live in need of sex advice. He created us to live in need of advice for our present circumstances.

I bet you need a pinch of salt right now. Or $100. Or life’s falling apart, and you need much, much more.

Love is an unbelievably transformational and redemptive force that we need extended to us. If we’ll just ask.

Time to get off your high horse and ask. You were created to do just that.

Time to say, “This is awkward, but…I need some help.”

*Yes, we’re supposed to be dependent on God. No doubt about that. But for the purposes of this post, depending on God alone becomes a ruse to really go at life alone. Because you can still hide your inadequacies.

 

 

What should you do when fear creeps in?

March 26, 2012 / / 3 Comments

When I got married, I trembled with fear. Like a shaky leaf that crunches when you step on it, I was weak and breakable and vulnerable.

I think this is common.

At least, that’s what I tell myself. It makes me feel better about my trepidation.

image credit: Creative Commons, Jones DePalma

My fear, though, wasn’t one of questioning my decision to get married. It wasn’t founded in questioning my bride-to-be. It wasn’t even in questioning the timing.

My “fear” found its way into my pocket because the step I was making was altering the trajectory of my life.

Ever had a decision like that?

Maybe it was in deciding which college to go to. Or a change in jobs. Or walking away from a relationship that you’ve treasured, but that was damaging to you personally. Maybe you felt that flutter in your gut when you bought a car. Or a house.

Maybe it was when you found out you were pregnant, and quickly realized you had no idea what it took to be a parent.

Fear

Fear is a natural emotion.

Let me quote a Scripture for you that you may have heard before:

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:7

Reading this verse at face-value, you’re left thinking that any ounce of fear shows you to be anti-God. That it’s not something that is consistent with being called a child of the King. That if you experience fear, you show yourself weak and faithless and un-usable.

Let me throw a wrench in that thought process before you tread down that road much further.

The verse here says that God didn’t give us a “spirit” of fear. In other words, we aren’t dominated by fear. We’re not paralyzed by fear. And we don’t let fear hold us back. It won’t be our master. Instead, our spirit, our heart, is driven by power and love and self-control, rooted in an unchanging, unshakeable, courageous God who seeks after our heart even in the midst of the most difficult times in life.

The presence of fear doesn’t show you to be anti-God. It shows you to be human. Emotions aren’t inherently evil. How you respond to your emotions, though, reveals your heart.

And if your heart is driven by fear, you’ll never do anything that matters. On the precipice of doing significant work, fear will be present, trying desperately to course its way through your body.

Yielding to the Fear

In those moments, you can yield to the fear.

  • “I can’t do that. I’ll fail.”
  • “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
  • “I don’t have that skill set.”
  • “I’m not worthy of that.”
  • “I could never sustain that.”
  • “Me?”

Yield to that fear, step back off the precipice, and return to life as normal.

Or press through it, reminding yourself of who God has created you to be, and take the plunge. Remind yourself that God has given you a spirit of power and love and self-control. “Fear” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move forward. “Fear” may mean it’s time to trust God to do what He said He’d do.

Pressing through fear

Take a step of faith.

Fear didn’t keep me from making the decision to marry my wife. It lit a fire in my heart to do what I knew God was calling me to.

Fear is normal. It means you’re human.

Don’t let it hold you from what God wants you to do. Satan would love that.

Instead, press through with resolve.

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, or I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:9-10

Question:

What’s the biggest decision you’ve ever had to make? Did you have any hint of fear?

* image credit: Creative Commons user Jones DePalma

 

 

This is awkward, but…how’s your sex life?

March 22, 2012 / / 23 Comments

My wife and I had a conversation with a young married couple about sex a few weeks ago.

It was incredibly refreshing. We could be open and honest with them, and help them take steps forward in their marriage.

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

Church leaders should talk with people more about sex, in a positive light.*

Most of the “sex talks” that happen with church leaders are

  • a premarital conversation that goes something like this: Don’t have sex. Quit having sex. Wait for a few more months.
  • a sermon series in the student ministry that lasts for 8 months. Think I’m joking? I’m not…I ran into a student pastor who said he’d been preaching on sex for 8 months with his students. “I think we’re just about done” he said. “I bet they’ve been done listening to you talk about it for about 8 months, because that’s way too long for students to hear their 50-somethings youth pastor talk about sex” I replied…in my head, of course.
  • an awkwardly timed, not-so-funny joke in a sermon on Sunday morning. Either you think, “Can I laugh at that in church?” or “Can I laugh at that, just to make my pastor feel better? That wasn’t funny…”

Church leaders should have more frank conversations about sex. Not in a “sex is dirty” kind of way, and not in a way that’s constantly condemning the bad things about sex. But in a way that helps a couple honor God with this area of their life.

Culture teaches us a lot about sex, most of which is glamorized, made out to be some sort of physical-only act that’s super easy for a couple to enjoy together.

It Ain’t That Easy

If you’ve been married long at all, you know that sex isn’t easy to get “right” (meaning something that’s mutually enjoying and honoring to God). More often than not, especially in the first few years of married life, sex is frustrating for husbands and wives. It’s not the beautiful act that God intended, but a point of contention. Instead of an act of union and love, it drives a wedge dissatisfaction.

And sex is so, so important to a marriage. It’ll bring a marriage down in a heartbeat if it’s not addressed. We’d be foolish to assume that all couples just know how to flourish in this area of their lives. Understanding your spouse is something that takes time…it’s not an intuitions you’re born with. As quickly as it can bring a marriage down, it can also help a marriage turn a corner. God intended sex to be an emotional, physical, and spiritual act. It’s intended to be a deeply satisfying intimacy for which no other act can substitute. (don’t believe me? Try reading Song of Solomon and not blushing)

A Little More Conversation, A Little More Action

Don’t wait for your church to have a sermon series on sex. Even if they do, it’s impossible to cover every specific issue for every couple. While there may be general problems, ideals, pitfalls to avoid, and healthy steps to take, in no way can a sermon be comprehensive. Those comprehensive questions and concerns and frustrations need to be worked out in the context of healthy relationships.

So go ahead. Ask the awkward question to someone you have a close relationship with:

How’s your sex life?

You’ll get them snickering like middle school girls. But you’ll also open up the opportunity for a beautiful conversation.

And if you’re not having good sex, it may be time to ask for some advice.

Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be yours alone, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love (Proverbs 5:15-19).

*Talking about sex isn’t just relegated to church leaders…all followers of Jesus should make it a point to talk openly and honestly about this issue. Church leaders especially. This blog just tends to be read by a majority of people who are, at one level or another, leaders in their local church.

* image credit; Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

* catch up with the “this is awkward” series HERE.

 

7 Phrases a Pastor Should Regularly Say Off-Stage

March 6, 2012 / / 27 Comments

I recently wrote a post relaying phrases a pastor should never say.

Though this is important, there are also things that a pastor should regularly be in the habit of saying. And not the passing, “Good to see ya” that every pastor says. Not the trivial phrases that everyone expects.

image credit: Creative Commons, Franklin Photos

There are phrases that every pastor should say that take you off guard. These words help build culture and show what a local church values. As they say, “As the pastor goes, so goes the local church.” (nobody that I know has said that. It just sounds catchy and works here) They speak volumes beyond what a pastor communicates from stage.

 7 Phrases a Pastor Should Say Off-Stage

1. I’ll return that email tomorrow.

There are certain things that are pressing in nature. Everything else should be relegated to email…which can be checked and responded to tomorrow. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were the problems you’re dealing with in this moment. Most of the time, your marriage isn’t going to be fixed if we wait until tomorrow. Your job crisis won’t go away before the sun comes up tomorrow. And your parenting woes can wait until later, too. It’s okay to say, “Tomorrow.”

2. No, I can’t meet on Tuesday evening. That’s my family time.

Setting aside time to be with your family is vital. Letting others know that you’ve made a priority out of spending quantity and quality time with your family is highly important, because your congregation takes its cues from you. If you want them to value their family, you’ve got to value yours.

3. I need rest, too.

Pastor, you’re not a superhuman. We need rest, too. And if we want others to experience the natural rhythms of life, and honor God with their rest, we’ve got to model that. Don’t work 6 days/week, and also Sunday. Take your Sabbath. The work God has called you to deserves your best, which you can’t give without adequate amounts of rest.

4. I don’t know the answer.

Pastor, you’re not a superhuman here, either. Unless you’re the Bibleman. Quit acting like you always have the answer, even when you don’t. We’re pretty good at this, aren’t we? We can fudge our way around theologically even though we have no idea what we’re talking about.

When you model humility in this area, those you lead will feel the freedom to not have every answer before they feel like they can lead. They’ll also not come to you for every answer, creating a culture of self-learners.

5. I need help.

There are certain pastors that try to do everything on their own. In the process, they cap their leadership. The local church was never meant to function under the leadership of one person. Varying gifts are utilized when others are given the chance to lead and flesh those gifts out. Pastors can’t do it on their own. They should bring others to the table. (the same goes for times in a pastor’s life when he needs spiritual/counseling/financial help. Modeling that it’s okay to ask for help in this area is an important step for pastors, too).

When you ask for help, you encourage others to do the same.

6. I value my wife more than I value my ministry.

Say this and mean it. Build your schedule around it. Block off time with her. And if you’re asked about it, don’t hesitate to let people know what you’re doing. (1 Timothy 3:4-5) Protecting your marriage is one of the most important things you can do as a pastor.

7. I don’t have time for small group either. But I make time.

You’ve got the same number of hours in a day that those you lead have. You can’t make time any more than you can make dirt. You have to take time if you want to live life in community. If this is truly a value of you and your church, then model it. Block off the time once/week to minister, and be ministered to, in authentic community.

Question:

Did I leave anything out? Anything else you think a pastor should regularly say off-stage?

* image credit: Creative Commons, Franklin Photos

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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