Life and Theology

The 10 Commandments of Fatherhood

benlreed — June 14, 2013 — 5 Comments

You want to be the dad that doesn’t ruin your kids’ lives. You do. I (probably) don’t know you personally, but I know this about you.

Because it’s the same desire I have.

I want my son (and future daughter) to look back on their childhood and say, “Daddy was a good dad. He didn’t mess me up or leave me damaged. And I love Jesus more because of my dad.”

If anyone has something to say about fatherhood, it should be the one who created fatherhood, right? God better have something to say about it if He’s going to be a good dad. Which we know He is. (1 John 3:1)

image credits: mine

10 Commandments of Fatherhood

1. Do not provoke your children to anger. (Ephesians 6:4)

Don’t publicly humiliate your child. Don’t give them undue and unfair discipline. Don’t make fun of them, even privately, just you and them. Instead, actively play with them, love on them, be “present,” and look for ways to honor them.

2. Bring them up in the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Consistently have them worshipping in a healthy church. You, the adult, lead the way in church attendance and in living life openly and honestly with others (in a small group). Live out your faith at home.

3. Do not provoke your children…they’ll become discouraged (Colossians 3:21)

Encourage your children! Show them you’re proud of them…even when they color outside of the lines. Or, maybe especially when they color outside of the lines. Knowing they’ve made Dad proud is a huge accomplishment. Let them know this constantly, and help your children curb discouragement. You don’t want them seeking their sense of approval and worth from the world. Trust me, you don’t.

4. Discipline your children. (Proverbs 3:12; Hebrews 12:10)

Discipline in the moment feels negative. But it’s for our children’s good. It helps create structure, learning right from wrong, and shapes our children’s hearts. It also helps them understand the loving discipline of God that works for our good. The dad that doesn’t discipline his child is an unloving, unkind, and foolish dad.

5. Don’t abuse verbally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. (Colossians 3:8)

This is just outright sinful. Don’t ever resort to this. What they’ve done never necessitates this. Ever!

6. Have fun. (Proverbs 17:22)

Enjoy your kids! Don’t be boring. Go outside and play. Take ‘em to the park. Go to a ball game. Head out to the zoo. Play hide-and-seek. Figure out what they love, and do that with them. They’ll love you for it.

7. Give ‘em good gifts. (Luke 11:13)

Give them something that they’ll love. Study them, and know what they like. Maybe that’s a video game. Maybe that’s a new baseball glove. Maybe it’s a book or a CD or a special piece of candy. Go out of your way to know your kids and their interests. Then go get them something they’ll love.

8. Hug them. (Ecclesiastes 3:5; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Embrace your children. Give them comfort. Let them know they’re safe and secure with you. God loves and comforts us…let’s do the same with our kids.

9. Tell them you love them. (*Zephaniah 3:17)

Tell them every single day. Let them never doubt you love them because you fail to say it. God speaks over us…let’s speak over, and to, our children.

10. Be present. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

You can abandon your children without leaving the room. You know that, right? You can escape into something other than what you’re surrounded with and who you’re surrounded by. So put the phone down. Turn the TV off. No iPads. Or text messages. Just be with your kids. Time’s too short, and they’re too precious, to be consumed every moment with something else.

Time for dads to be dads. Ravenously loving our kids and constantly pointing them to Jesus. I’m ready to have a counter-cultural relationship with my son. Are you?

Anything you’d add to the 10 commandments?

*it’s a stretch in application, but hang with me. God’s “rejoicing over us,” to me, can apply to fathers rejoicing in love over their children. Which HAS to include telling your kids you love them. Right?

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In Parenting, Theology anger, bible, biblical fatherhood, child, children, exasperate, father's day, fatherhood

The difference between men and women

benlreed — June 13, 2013 — 2 Comments

If you’re married, or ever been in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, you know that men and women communicate differently.

And I bet you’ve had an ~~argument~~ discussion that went something like this.

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In Uncategorized, Videos communication, men, women

The audacity

benlreed — June 12, 2013 — 11 Comments

image credit: Creation Swap user Jeremiah Bauer

Who has the audacity to tell me…

…how to parent?

…that I’m wrong?

…to not be lazy?

…to quit being stingy with my money?

…to forgive someone who permanently damaged me?

…to call me out when my sarcasm stings?

…I need to rest?

…not to go there?

…not to watch that?

…to be friends with him?

…to quit hanging out with her?

…to go to that college?

…I need to quit avoiding him?

…that I have no right to an ego?

…to love those people?

…to tithe?

…that my best life is still yet to come?

…that I don’t have to try to impress him?

…that I’ve got nothing to give him that makes him any better?

…that he loves me, even in my worst moments?

The guy who rose from the dead. That’s who.

Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. – the apostle Paul (Romans 6:8-11)

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In Spiritual growth, Theology jesus, resurrection, truth, wisdom

How every dream dies…in 7 seconds

benlreed — June 5, 2013 — 6 Comments

You’ve had a dream that flopped. An idea that didn’t get off the ground. A passion that didn’t come to fulfillment.

I know you have.

You wanted to write a book.
You wanted to go to work for a non-profit.
You wanted to start a non-profit.
You wanted to read through the Bible in a year.
You wanted to pray every day.
You wanted to save enough money to go on a mission trip.
You wanted to audition for a part in a play.
You wanted to open your own business.
You wanted to start, and maintain, a blog.
You wanted to launch a small group.
You wanted to learn a new language.

You started the process. And somewhere along the way, it lost its cool factor. Someone challenged you. Someone laughed at you. Something didn’t go exactly as you thought it would go. Things grew difficult, and hairy, and life happened.

Dinner still had to be served. Bills still had to be paid. Deadlines still had to be met. And dreaming took a back seat.

So you stopped. You walked away. And your dream, your idea, and that thing that God called you to do is disappearing in your rear-view mirror.

You tried. Got embarrassed. Then walked away.

What does that look like, in real life? Boiled down to 7 seconds? Something like this.

This is my son, Rex. He was dancing in front of the mirror. Dancing like nobody’s watchin. Then he realizes that someone is watching, and gets embarrassed. Then walks away, glancing back as he goes.

It’s funny to watch, but kinda sad, too.

Who cares what other people think? Who cares if they laugh? Who cares if you fall flat on your face? Who cares if things don’t go exactly as you hoped they’d go?

If God’s called you to do something, do it. Ignore the haters. Ignore the cameras. Ignore the failed attempts.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” – Isaiah 6:8

What’s God calling you to do? Be brave. Share it with us.

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In Spiritual growth, Theology brave, calling, courage, dream, God, isaiah

How do I stop growing in my faith?

benlreed — May 30, 2013 — Leave a comment

How do I stop growing in my faith?

You’ve asked this question time and time again. In varying seasons of life. Maybe you’re asking it right now.

You’re tired of growing your faith.

Tired of getting closer to God.
Tired of God calling you to do big things.
Tired of feeling like your gifts are being well-spent.
Tired of pouring yourself out.
Tired of feeling like you don’t know exactly what God’s going to ask you to do.
Tired of God using you to minister hope and grace and truth.

I mean, seriously, it’s time to quit growing. Time to get control back over your life. Time for things to calm down, and for you to get a handle on where things are going. Am I right?

If you’re with me on this, and you’re ready for your faith to grow stagnant, stinking the place up like a mosquito-infested pond in June, then try this one thing on for size. It’s easy, really. If you’re tired of your faith growing, all you have to do is

Play it safe.

Don’t be generous with your resources. That’s risky, and takes faith.
Don’t be generous with the grace you give others. You will probably get burned.
Don’t join a small group. You could be asked to be vulnerable. And you could be stretched. That’s no way to live.
Don’t read your Bible and act on it. Just stick to reading it. Much safer.
Don’t invite your neighbors to church with you. Stay in your comfort zone.
Don’t go on a mission trip. That’s crazy talk.
Don’t go serve the homeless in your city. You might get dirty.
Don’t tithe. Planned giving? We’re going for minimal risk here. Come on.
Don’t maintain close relationships with people. People are too messy and difficult.
Don’t build relationships with people outside of the faith. If someone doesn’t trust Jesus, give ‘em a tract and move on. If you try to stick around and love them, you’re being dangerous.
Don’t worship with other believers. Just quit going to church. They ask you to do things like ‘participate in worship.’ Not safe at all.
Don’t do anything difficult. When things get tough, run the other way. That’ll *stick it* to your faith.

Just minimize the risk in everything you do. That way you keep things safe, easy, and manageable.

And watch your faith shrivel right up.

Anybody with me?

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In Spiritual growth faith, spiritual growth, steps

Dangerous, scandalous, ‘unfair’ grace

benlreed — May 28, 2013 — Leave a comment

True grace is dangerous, scandalous, and unfair.

And that’s a good thing.

Get you some.

(Below is a sermon I preached recently at my church, Long Hollow.)

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In Theology, Videos grace, matthew 20, truth

How I celebrate Memorial Day

benlreed — May 26, 2013 — 2 Comments

Memorial Day is a special day for me for a number of reasons. None of which being that I’m in, or have ever been, in the military.

I have a lot of friends who are faithfully serving our country, putting their lives on the line for our freedom. They’ve fought alongside their friends who have died serving us. They, and their families, have sacrificed. Some ultimately.

Honestly, I don’t know what it’s like to lose a friend in battle. To have to deal with that in the moment, and for the rest of my life. But I’ve got friends for whom this is their reality.

And having a grill-out with some friends just doesn’t seem like an adequate way for me to be reminded that freedom isn’t free. So I CrossFit on Memorial Day. (This may seem like a stretch for you, but hang with me)

CrossFit is special to me because I’ve torn my quad and almost died. And because I just love it.

But on Memorial Day, it takes on a whole new meaning.

Memorial Day Murph

me, at Murph last year

Last year for the first time, I participated in Murph, a Hero WOD (Workout Of the Day), at CrossFit Sola Fide. In fact, Murph is what solidified me as a CrossFitter for life. I was hooked. Pushing my body beyond its limit, in the encouraging environment of community, was just what I needed. Linking it to a real story, and pushing myself right beside soldiers, was almost too much for me to handle emotionally.

Here’s why I’ll be doing the Murph WOD again:

In memory of Navy Lieutenant Michael Murphy, 29, of Patchogue, N.Y., who was killed in Afghanistan June 28th, 2005.

This workout was one of Mike’s favorites and he’d named it “Body Armor”. From here on it will be referred to as “Murph” in honor of the focused warrior and great American who wanted nothing more in life than to serve this great country and the beautiful people who make it what it is.

So as we celebrate Memorial Day here in the States, I’m remembering, alongside my military buddies, the sacrifice that so many have given.

By doing Murph.

Here’s the workout. Want to join me?

1 mile run
300 air squats
200 push-ups
100 pull-ups
1 mile run

What are you doing to remember?

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In Leadership crossfit, memorial day, murph

Discipleship Customized

benlreed — May 9, 2013 — 1 Comment

At Long Hollow, we primarily plug people into small groups in two different ways:

Connection Events
Sermon Alignment

We ust finished with our latest sermon alignment, where we launched short-term small groups around our Sunday morning sermon series. We chose a series, and crafted it in such a way that it was accessible for a wide variety of spiritual maturities. It was incredibly effective for us, as we launched groups across our campuses, connecting bucketfuls of folks who hadn’t previously been connected.

If you’ve ever tried to line up a sermon series with your small groups in a way that was productive, though, and plan this all out far enough in advance to get the whole series printed and produced before you start the series, you know how much of a logistical challenge this is. From working with the teaching team to get the sermon series info, to crafting content that’s engaging, to producing videos that go along with the series, it’s a lot of work.

I’ve got a way to help one of the biggest steps for you.

We used Lifeway’s Discipleship in Context to help us produce the content. And they were incredibly easy to work with.

I sat down with their team, and laid out the whole series for him. I told them conceptually where the series was going, where each individual week would go, Scriptures that our team was wrestling through, and the general flow (introduction questions, sermon recap, application questions) we were looking for. They produced exactly what we were looking for. They hit it perfectly on the head.

I also told him how we needed a “leader’s guide” so that our leaders could be one step ahead of the folks in their group. They went over and above, including an easy-to-follow Bible commentary for leaders.

On top of it all, it was incredibly cost-effective.

I talked with a company recently that wanted to do everything for us…branding, printing, and video production. And they wanted to charge us tens of thousands of dollars.

I chuckled when they told me that, knowing that we could never afford that.

Thankfully, the Discipleship in Context guys know that churches can’t afford prices like that. And though they don’t do the videos, they’ll produce content that’s crafted in your church’s language, tailored to your exact sermon series.

We were thrilled with the product we got from them (you can click HERE to see it all). Absolutely thrilled. And I guarantee you we’ll use them in the future to help us craft the content for our groups and the alignment series we launch.

I think you should use them, too.

Here’s a video further explaining the Discipleship in Context team’s work:

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In Church, SmallGroups alignment, campaign, discipleship in context, lifeway, Small Groups

6 easy ways to destroy community this summer

benlreed — May 7, 2013 — 6 Comments

Welp, here it is. Summer. The time for vacations, baseball tournaments, camps, and fireworks. Time for the pools to open and the schools to close. Crank up the lawnmower, fire up the grill, and…

…prepare for everyone’s normal schedule to be completely jacked up.

And if you’re a small group leader, you know exactly how difficult this can be. Tuesday nights were wonderful, until little Johnny started baseball. Thursday mornings were perfect, until Laura’s two kids weren’t in school throughout the summer. Thursday evenings worked for everybody…until, for 6 weeks straight, someone was on vacation.

Before the summer hits, you and your small group need to have a plan. Be ready for the chaos that is June and July so that when it drops, your group survives.

To help you out, I thought I’d give you some tips. Depending on whether you want to destroy your group or not, choose which list fits you best.

Photo courtesy, iStockPhoto

6 easy ways to destroy community over the summer

1. Meet every week at the same time.

A rule’s a rule, am I right? These people signed the small group covenant. If they can’t abide by it now, then kick ‘em out.

2. Just stop meeting.

After all, if you can’t meet every week, what’s the point? These people should be more committed.

3. Send angry tweets at the people who don’t show up every week.

Because nothing’s better than a good ole public defamation.

4. Assume that the people in your group that don’t show up every week have no commitment to the group.

Also, assume that they don’t really love Jesus. Be sure to include them in your “they really must need our prayer” list.

5. Petition your church council to remove them as members if they don’t show up every week.

6. Since your schedule is out of the norm, bar anyone else from meeting.

And if they decide to meet, let your pastor know that they’re probably conspiring against him.

1 easy way to flourish this summer

1. Be flexible.

Schedule’s are going to be crazy in June and July. So be flexible. If someone can’t show up, let them off the hook. Even before they ask. Don’t make people feel guilty for missing small group in the summer. Help them find time to value their family, and to value the vacation time they’re going to take from work.

Here are some practical ideas for your group.

5 practical ideas to help you be flexible:

Vary your meetings times: Meet 3 times in June and once in July. Or have a June party and a July party. Or meet the first 2 weeks in June and the first 2 weeks in July.

Include the kids: Choose activities where kids could be welcome.

Throw two parties: Have a party in June and a party in July.

Travel somewhere together: Go get ice cream. Or go on a hike. Or eat ice cream while you’re hiking.

Connect regularly: As a leader, be sure to individually connect multiple times with each of your group members, so they know you haven’t given up on them amidst the chaos of summer.

Don’t give up meeting together completely, and lose the sense of community that you’ve built as a small group. 2 months is a long time to go without connecting.

Just be sure to build flexibility in.

* this post was originally published at Lifeway’s Bible Study Insider blog.

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In Church, SmallGroups community, small group, summer

Why you should quit listening to your pastor

benlreed — May 3, 2013 — Leave a comment

I’m done listening to my pastor.

D.O.N.E. Done.

All this talk on believing the Gospel. Trusting God through pain. Loving my kids with all of my heart. Believing God’s way is better than my way. I’m done.

Will you join me?

Quit listening to your pastor talk about how much he loves you. About how God has a plan for your life. About how you need to link arms with other people and join a small group.

Quit listening to him when he says that it’s good for your heart to give generously.

Quit listening when he talks about turning your back on your sin. About trusting the God who loves you. About your need to repent.

And when he prays for you…stop listening then, too. Don’t listen when he encourages you to step up and serve others. Or to spend a week this summer at student camp. Or going overseas to share the love and hope of the Gospel.

Stop listening. Please.

Stop listening and start doing something.

Take what your pastor says and start living it. Let it resonate so deeply in your soul that it pushes you to action.

Listening alone is worthless. When the act of hearing Truth doesn’t end in some form of action, it’s not done you any good. As James puts it,

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. – James 1:22

If we listen, and don’t do, we’re a fool. James goes on to compare us to the person who looks in the mirror to make sure everything’s straight…and as soon as they look away, they forget what they looked like. That’s dumb.

So let’s quit wasting our pastor’s time by listening. It’s not doing either of us any good. A storm’s brewing, and we’ve got to be ready. The question is not whether we will have enough knowledge or not. The question will be whether we can do anything about it.

But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete. – Jesus, Luke 6:49

Stop listening to your pastor. And start doing.

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In Church bible, gospel, listen, pastor, truth

10 Commandments of Fatherhood

1. Do not provoke your children to anger. (Ephesians 6:4)

2. Bring them up in the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

3. Do not provoke your children…they’ll become discouraged (Colossians 3:21)

4. Discipline your children. (Proverbs 3:12; Hebrews 12:10)

5. Don’t abuse verbally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. (Colossians 3:8)

6. Have fun. (Proverbs 17:22)

7. Give ‘em good gifts. (Luke 11:13)

8. Hug them. (Ecclesiastes 3:5; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

9. Tell them you love them. (*Zephaniah 3:17)

10. Be present. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

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Who has the audacity to tell me…

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Play it safe.

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Memorial Day Murph

Here’s the workout. Want to join me?

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6 easy ways to destroy community over the summer

1 easy way to flourish this summer

5 practical ideas to help you be flexible:

Just be sure to build flexibility in.

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Will you join me?

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