Here’s part 4 of my interview with Randall (on Twitter HERE), as a follow-up to his book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It.  You can see part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE and part 3 HERE.

My question for Randall: How do discipleship and mentoring play into small groups?

Would you ever ban somebody from being a part of your small group?

That question has been going through my mind after I read an article about some  American pastors who went to Uganda to speak against homosexuality.  They preached in support of a bill that

…creates a new category of crime called “Aggravated Homosexuality,” which calls for death by hanging for gays or lesbians who have sex with anyone under 18 and for so-called “serial offenders.”

The bill also calls for seven years in prison for “attempt to commit homosexuality,” five years for landlords who knowingly house gays, three years for anyone, including parents, who fail to hand gay children over to the police within 24 hours and the extradition of gay Ugandans living abroad.   ABC News article

So these American pastors are encouraging people to hunt down homosexuals because homosexuality is wrong and destroys the family.  They have also met with the Ugandan government and preached their message to them.

Is this the way the church should treat lost and broken people?

NO!

Even if you agree that homosexuality is a sin, and destroys the family, inciting a manhunt is not what God would have us do.

Here are a couple of tips on dealing with the lost and broken when they’re in our small group.  Though the sin of homosexuality may make you uncomfortable to talk about, I encourage you, for the sake of those who need your grace and love, to consider the following:

1. Remember that Christ didn’t die for you because you were good. He died for you while you were still his enemy.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

2. Remember that sanctification doesn’t happen overnight.  It’s a process. And processes take a lot of time to finish.  In fact, the process of sanctification won’t be complete in this lifetime.

3. Remember that God hates your sin. He hates it so much that He would deny you a relationship with Him, if it weren’t for Christ.

4. Listen. People appreciate when you ask them to share their story.  But they feel loved and valued when you actually listen and engage them while they’re sharing.

5. Speak the truth in love. Speaking the truth is good.  But truth without love is abrasive.  And hurtful.  And unhelpful.  It doesn’t have the other’s best interest at heart.  It’s self-serving and self-focused.  It’s un-Godlike.

6. Be open and honest about your own struggles. This helps you to fight against pride, and makes others feel more comfortable in being honest about their struggles.

7. Invite an open dialog. Instead of condemning the lost and broken, ask if they’d be open to thinking through what the Bible has to say.  And don’t let the conversation drift into a discussion that slams one sin, and minimizes another.  It’s easy to condemn the sins that we don’t struggle with.  It makes us feel better about the sins we constantly have to battle. Don’t fall into that trap.

8. Be quick to forgive. Those quick to forgive understand the true nature of their sin against God.  Those not quick to forgive don’t truly understand the nature of their own sin, and the loving mercy of God.

9. Offer prayer and further pastoral care and counseling to those open to it.

Notice that I didn’t say, “Ask them to leave.”  OR, “Point out every passage in the Bible that condemns their sin.”  OR, “Petition the government to hang them.” (see article above that does just that)

Those who are broken and lost don’t need our heaping condemnation.  They need our pursuing, relentless love. Jesus, to an adulterous woman, said these words:

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”John 8:9-11

A sin is a sin, no matter how small.

Do you treat some sins as worse (in God’s eyes) than others?

How important is it to have your lead pastor’s buy-in? Can a small group ministry thrive in an environment where the pastor isn’t living life with others in biblical community?

Randall Neighbour doesn’t think so.

Here’s part 3 of my interview with him, as a follow-up to his book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It.  You can see part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE.

Does your pastor buy in to small groups?  What kind of an effect has that had on your small group system?

Here’s part 2 of my interview with Randall Neighbour (here’s part 1).  It’s a follow-up interview to his new book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It.  I was challenged, but had some follow-up questions for Randall.

Here’s part 2 of my interview with Randall Neighbour, focusing on the dangers Randall sees with lowering the leadership bar when it comes to recruiting new leaders.

Randall Neighbour, part 2 from Ben Reed on Vimeo.

I’ve read through Randall Neighbour’s The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It.  I was challenged, but had some follow-up questions for Randall.

I thought that my interview would take 3-5 minutes.  30 minutes later, we were still talking.  So I’ve decided to break it up into 5 sections.

Please bear with the audio and video quality. I’m doing the best I can!

If you’d like to get a free copy of Randall’s book, I’m extending the contest giveaway until tomorrow at noon!  Click HERE to enter.

1st question:

What are some of the major problems you see in most small groups systems right now?

Beware of placing such stringent restrictions on potential new leaders that you crowd out great individuals who can, and will, grow.

What are your requirement for small group leadership?

I don’t know about you, but I tend to box myself in.  I find something that works, then stick with that plan 100% until I have completely run it into the ground.

And that’s not a good thing.

When it comes to serving in ministry, “boxes” are helpful, but should constantly be evaluated…and burned if necessary.

That’s why I’m offering, for free, a leadership training event called “Outside the Box.”  I’ve created the event to help us think outside of the normal way of operating.  To not accept mediocre.  To push for excellence.  And to not rely on yesterday’s ideas to accomplish today’s problems.  Because yesterday’s ideas worked really well….yesterday.

In order to continue to grow as a ministry at Grace Community Church, we need to think outside the box.

Especially when it comes to the idea of being missional.

Here is the lineup of speakers:

Kenny York – Kenny is launching a new ministry in Clarksville to minister to the homeless.  Instead of asking the homeless to come to a centralized location…he’s going to them, bringing hot meals to where they are.  You can read more about Manna Cafe Ministries HERE.

Ryan Chappalear – Ryan is Founder/International Director of Africa for Jesus.  Ryan, and the way he has led AFJ to plant churches and train local pastors in Africa, has changed the way I think about international missions.  You can read about the ministry that Ryan leads HERE.

Rick Howerton – Rick is one of the premier leaders in the small-group movement. Having facilitated an untold number of small-group journeys over the last 17 years, his passion is contagious. This guy honestly believes that small groups can and will change the world!  He blogs HERE.

This event is designed for our small group leaders (and volunteers) at Grace Community Church.  If you lead a small group but you don’t go to Grace, we’d still love to have you!  Just call the church office at 931-647-6800 and ask for Ben Reed.

Hope to see you there!

I met Randall Neighbour (you can follow him on Twitter HERE) a few weeks ago, and I would already consider him a friend.  I love the way that he thinks about small groups, and the value of getting people connected in authentic, biblical, God-honoring community.

Randall’s recently released a book, The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry.

He has generously donated 5 copies to Life and Theology for me to give away!

To be entered into the drawing, please do one (or all) of the following.  Each is worth one entry, so feel free to “enter” as many times as you’d like…the more you enter, the more chances you have to win!

1. Tweet this (or share on Facebook): RT @benreed He could’ve done better w the title but I’ll snag a FREE copy of @rgneighbour ’s book on small groups here: http://ow.ly/1dpRv!

• Feel free to share as many times as you’d like!

2. Subscribe to Life and Theology by email HERE or RSS reader HERE

3. Leave a comment below with your suggestion of a better title for his book.

• Include how many points you’ve accumulated (1 for each time you tweet or FB share, 1 for subscribing to Life and Theology, 1 for a comment)

This is the front cover of Randall’s book, and the printed copy says, “The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry.”  For the record, Randall’s very happy with the title, and isn’t looking to change it…but hey, I had to come up with a good reason to give these books away, right?  So leave your new title as a comment below…be creative!

I will randomly pick 5 winners on March 8th and will let you know via email if you’ve won.

I’ll start us off:

My new title:

I’m a small group leader…how did this happen?

Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?

I’ve run into this question myself.  A group leader approaches me and says, “Can I invite ______…he goes to another church, but…”  Or a group member approaches me and says, “My good friend goes to ________ Church, but I’d love to invite her to our small group…can I?”

I’ve posted this question on Twitter HERE, The Small Groups QHub HERE, and gotten some great responses.

Todd brings up a good point

@benreed If it’s obvious their goal is to win others to their theological position, or they’re avoiding dealing with sin, i’d confront.

If their goal is to win others to their theological position, it’s time to have a conversation (though the whole “obvious” part is, in my estimation, difficult to ascertain).  We see this at different points in the New Testament, where people came into the local church and, through their teaching, intentionally divided the local church (passages dealing with false teaching: Matthew 24:11; Mark 13:5-6; Galatians 1:6-10; 2 Corinthians 11:1-4; Col. 2:1-10; Peter 3:17-18; 1 John 4:1-6).

Spence says

@benreed I ask them to view their time in group as training to launch groups at their church

I love that idea (though I have a few exceptions…you’ll see what I’m talking about below).

There’s a lot that goes into answering this question.  I don’t think that the answer is a simple, “Yes” or “No.”

Trying to understand another person’s intent/desire/theological bent/difficulties is not an easy task.

Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?

Instead of making a general pronouncement for or against kicking people out of your group, why not consider these things:

Should I kick them out?

1. Not all churches have a discipleship structure that helps people grow in their faith. I know…I know…at some point, we need to take personal responsibility for our growth.  We can’t depend on others solely for our own spiritual growth.  But if we’re in such a difficult place (local church) that we can’t lean on them when life is tough (for example, how about a church plant in a place where the Gospel isn’t prevalent), then we need to be able to draw from other churches.

2. Some pastors of other churches aren’t able to be fully open and honest in their own church’s small groups. If they were completely open about their struggles with church members, it may be tough for church members to hear them preach on Sundays.  *Pastors need to have people in their life to whom they can be fully transparent…but it may not be people in their congregation.

3. Not all churches truly offer grace. People’s sins sometimes preclude them from having regular fellowship with believers because their church can’t truly offer grace and forgiveness.  Once others find out the nature and extent of a person’s sin, they can no longer have regular fellowship with them.  It’s not that these who have sinned are trying to run from accountability…they’re longing for grace, and they get it from God, but not from His people.  It’s unfortunate, but true.

4. Some people are sensing that God’s calling them to another church. Small groups are a great test of the health of a local church. Instead of walking out of their Sunday morning services immediately, they can explore what God would have for them through the small groups at your church. *I understand that there are “biblical” and “unbiblical” reasons for leaving a local church, and my intent in this post is not to address those reasons.

5. Exercise wisdom. Look at these on a case-by-case basis.  Instead of making judgments against every person’s situation in a blanket fashion, work with each of these situations individually.3. Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody.

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment. (Proverbs 18:1)

If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)

Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody.  Some people hop from church to church because they don’t feel they are getting the respect they deserve, but not everybody.  Some people are true false teachers, but not everybody.

At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself (or your church) what’s right.  I don’t think that the Bible explicitly spells out the absolute “right” or “wrong,” “black” or “white” way to handle this issue.

May we be people quick to forgive and quick to offer grace…because we serve a God who is ready to run after the prodigal.

I had a chance to watch The Summit live, but many people didn’t have that opportunity.  So, Lifeway has made the video available for you to watch.  And, just like the conference, this video is FREE.

I blogged the event, including highlights from the entire week while the small group experts were in Nashville, at Rick Howerton’s new blog.  Click HERE to see his blog, and my notes.

I’ve posted the video of the event below.

The Summit: A Convergence of Small Group Experts from LifeWay Productions on Vimeo.

What were your takeaways from the event?  Was it worth your time?