Yesterday, I highlighted the challenges that introverts and extroverts face when a small group launches. You can read that post HERE. Today, we’ll take a look at the second phase of group life, what I’m calling “the middle.” I know, I know…where did I come up with that name? I’m just a bastion of creativity…
“The middle” phase of small group life can be pretty boring. You’ve lost the luster of the new group, you know almost everybody’s “junk,” you’ve gone through a study or two together, and there’s no real end in sight. This is actually a dangerous time in the life of a group, where a group can lose much steam and excitement, with the foundations laid in the first couple of months quickly washing away.
Understanding how you’re wired (introverted or extroverted) can help you and your group fight against the doldrums of “the middle.”
The Middle of a Small Group:
*Extroverts can really struggle during this time. They have built a relationship with everyone in the group, exhausted all they want out of that relationship, and are ready for the next challenge. They’ve shared their story, cried it out, and listened to everyone else’s. They’ve noticed areas of growth that need to happen and they’re ready to work on it. In short, their question now is, “What’s next??”
A word of encouragement to extroverts: The group needs you now as much as ever! Don’t give up. Don’t stop sharing your struggles, your victories, your questions. And the fact that you’re ready for what’s next…that’s a great thing! Help the group continue to think creatively, and not get into such a fixed routine that people get bored. You may share your story in one big chunk…but not everybody does it like that. Others prefer to share theirs in bits and pieces over time…and they need you to continue to press in and ask Gospel-centered questions that promote growth.
Introverts can also really struggle during this time. They’ve formed close relationships with one or two other people, and they are satisfied. There are lots of other people in the group, but forging a relationship with them (especially after you’ve had countless surface-level conversations) would be too difficult, so they’re content to maintain those couple of close ties. At this point, instead of looking at small group as a time to grow and serve others, they begin to look at the group saying, “What’s in it for me?”
A word of encouragement to introverts: Don’t. Grow. Comfortable. Continue to share more and more of your story with more and more of the group. Step out of your comfort zone and grab coffee with another group member. Help the group to take a step towards authentic relationships. Your strengths can’t be ripped out of the group right now! You can be the glue that holds the group together, because you see the value in fostering deep relationships.
“The middle” season of a small group can be marked by growing complacency. Don’t let that happen.
Ever seen any of these dynamics in a small group?
Are you more introverted or extroverted?
*Remember, these are generalizations. You may not find yourself fitting neatly into these categories. But some will.
