Tag: introverts

Introverts, Extroverts, and small groups part 4

August 23, 2010 / / 0 Comments

I’ve posted HERE, HERE, and HERE about the ways that small groups are difficult for you whether you’re introverted or extroverted.  In closing, here are a few things to remember:

1. Being introverted or extroverted isn’t a sin. It’s just how God made you.  Don’t let anybody criticize you for your wiring in this area.

2. The Church needs both introverts and extroverts. Without both, things can get out of balance.

3. You need small group life. When the Bible talks about our need for authentic community (see Acts 2:42-47; Hebrews 10:24-25; the “one anothers“) it doesn’t distinguish that need to just one personality type.  The Church is a diverse body with diverse needs…but we all have the need for community, because our need for community is rooted in God’s design, not in a personality type.  Our need for community is not a result of the Fall (though it’s certainly complicated by the Fall), rather rooted in the fact God lives in community (the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit living in perfect community at all times) and has designed us with that need.  Using your personality isn’t a valid excuse to not plugging into the life of the body of Christ (the Church).  There will be difficulties along the way, for sure.  And at times, you’ll find yourself wanting to back out because it’s too tough.  But when you press on through that difficulty, I’m convinced you’ll find biblical community life-transforming.

Find a group of people.  It may be 3.  Or it may be 23.  But find a small group of people that you can grow with, that love you, will encourage and admonish you, and that you can serve.

Whether you’re and introvert or an extrovert.

 

Introverts, Extroverts, and small groups part 3

August 20, 2010 / / 0 Comments

The discussion started HERE with a look at the starting point of a small group, and the effect that has on introverts and extroverts.  The discussion then shifted HERE to the middle-point of small group life.

**Now we’ll look at the ending season of a small group (which may last anywhere from 1 month to several).  This is a sweet, sweet season in the life of a small group.  By now, the group really knows each other.  You understand how each person is gifted.  You know where they struggle and how to encourage them effectively.  You know their children, and the struggles and victories they’ve had at home.  You’ve seen God change cold hearts.  You’ve served alongside these people, cried with them, laughed with them, and heard them speak truth directly to your heart.

Though the above sounds like it’s all rosy, don’t think there aren’t still challenges to face.

The end of a small group

Extroverts may find this phase of small group life increasingly difficult.  They’re ready for the group to end so they can get out there and meet a new group of people.  They’ve done all they can, and assume God’s done all he’s going to do.  Since the only thing left is the finish line, they’re ready for it.  It’s like how the last hour of a car ride seems much longer than the first 10.  For an extrovert, the end can’t come fast enough.  And though extroverts get their energy from being around people, they can still find themselves bored since they’ve been around the same people for so long.

A word of caution to the extroverts: Just because you feel God’s done all he’s going to do in your heart doesn’t mean that he’s done.  There’s still refining to do.  There’s still change that needs to happen.  And if you give up on the group now, even though you may feel bored, you may miss out on the best God has to offer you through your small group.

Introverts can really start to find their groove during this time.  If they’ve pushed through the awkward phase of the beginning (where they didn’t know many people), pushed themselves to forge new relationships throughout the middle season, now they find that they’re surrounded by people whom they know and are known by.  There’s a great trust that’s developed, and a sweet season of close relationships is where they find themselves.  In fact, they feel so comfortable that they may be resistant to forming new relationships with others.  Forming these was tough…they may not be up to the challenge of building new bonds with others.

* A word of caution to the introverts: Don’t let your current feeling of “success” drive you away from forming new relationships with others.  Your feelings of comfort and safety are good, but shouldn’t paralyze you from taking steps of faith, and courageously reaching out to those you don’t know.  They need to hear your story, and see God’s hand of redemption in your life.  This season of group life may be the easiest for you, but don’t let it lull you to sleep, and cause you to forget that steps of faith involve risk.

I’ve got a few more thoughts to share. But I’ll save them until the next post.  Until then:

Have these dynamics played out in your small group?  In your own heart?

Do you think small groups are easier for an introvert or an extrovert?

**This is based on the assumption that your small group has an end-date in mind.  In some small group systems, groups are together for life.  In the system that I lead at Grace Community Church, our groups last 12-18 months.

 

Introverts, Extroverts, and small groups part II

August 19, 2010 / / 2 Comments

Yesterday, I highlighted the challenges that introverts and extroverts face when a small group launches.  You can read that post HERE.  Today, we’ll take a look at the second phase of group life, what I’m calling “the middle.”  I know, I know…where did I come up with that name?  I’m just a bastion of creativity…

“The middle” phase of small group life can be pretty boring.  You’ve lost the luster of the new group, you know almost everybody’s “junk,” you’ve gone through a study or two together, and there’s no real end in sight.  This is actually a dangerous time in the life of a group, where a group can lose much steam and excitement, with the foundations laid in the first couple of months quickly washing away.

Understanding how you’re wired (introverted or extroverted) can help you and your group fight against the doldrums of “the middle.”

The Middle of a Small Group:

*Extroverts can really struggle during this time.  They have built a relationship with everyone in the group, exhausted all they want out of that relationship, and are ready for the next challenge.  They’ve shared their story, cried it out, and listened to everyone else’s.  They’ve noticed areas of growth that need to happen and they’re ready to work on it.  In short, their question now is, “What’s next??”

A word of encouragement to extroverts: The group needs you now as much as ever!  Don’t give up.  Don’t stop sharing your struggles, your victories, your questions.  And the fact that you’re ready for what’s next…that’s a great thing!  Help the group continue to think creatively, and not get into such a fixed routine that people get bored.  You may share your story in one big chunk…but not everybody does it like that.  Others prefer to share theirs in bits and pieces over time…and they need you to continue to press in and ask Gospel-centered questions that promote growth.

Introverts can also really struggle during this time.  They’ve formed close relationships with one or two other people, and they are satisfied.  There are lots of other people in the group, but forging a relationship with them (especially after you’ve had countless surface-level conversations) would be too difficult, so they’re content to maintain those couple of close ties.  At this point, instead of looking at small group as a time to grow and serve others, they begin to look at the group saying, “What’s in it for me?”

A word of encouragement to introverts: Don’t. Grow. Comfortable.  Continue to share more and more of your story with more and more of the group.  Step out of your comfort zone and grab coffee with another group member.  Help the group to take a step towards authentic relationships.  Your strengths can’t be ripped out of the group right now!  You can be the glue that holds the group together, because you see the value in fostering deep relationships.

“The middle” season of a small group can be marked by growing complacency.  Don’t let that happen.

Ever seen any of these dynamics in a small group?

Are you more introverted or extroverted?

*Remember, these are generalizations.  You may not find yourself fitting neatly into these categories.  But some will.

 

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