Category: Church (page 11 of 28)

5 Super Simple Keys to Changing the World, Mike Foster, Catalyst 2012

April 19, 2012 / / 0 Comments

Mike Foster is the cofounder of People of hte Second Chance as well as working with Plain Joe Studio. He most recently wrote Gracenomics.

 

5 Super Simple Keys to Changing the World:

1. The fuel for world change is a truthful and trustful you.

So often in our own passions and dreams, we’re not honoest with those. We get boxed in with expectations and what we should be about. Only you can bring what only you can bring. Our callings are different from each other. Reinventing comes from a place of truth, from who and where we are…good things, and things that we’ve failed at.

The greatest gift you can give the world is becoming the person you were uniquely meant to be. (You’re not meant to be anyone except who God created you to be.)

Freedom is found when we let go of who we think we’re supposed to be…and embracing who we really are. When you’re doing someone else’s calling, you’ll be frustrated and tired.

There is nothing holy, godly, or admirable about a “calling” that leaves you drained, empty and exhausted. When that’s you, you may be in the wrong role/place. Numbers can become an idol to us.

“I have done my best” is a great philosophy for life and for your mission.

2. Courage is required. Safety is deadly.

Our world is in a constant deficit of courage…and is drowning in fear. Our culture often limps along because so few people act courageously.

POTSC definition of courage: to truthfully live your story, being who you really are, unashamed and with all your heart.

Quit preaching and teaching safety…that’s anti-Jesus and anti-faith!

3. A pound of doing is better than a ton of promising

World change requires you to be action biased. Grow to hate meetings…instead, love doing things.Most everyhting is a crap-shoot anyway. Get out there and start practicing it.

God is in the “yes” business.

If you’re 100% sure, then your strategy is a 100% wrong. The military works on an 80% rule…they ahve to be 80% sure before they move. Don’t wait on 100% certainty!

Grow a backbone, not a wishbone. Don’t have another meeting…do it!

4. Don’t fix problems that are not really problems.

We’re guilty of dealing with sysmptoms rather than core problems.

Target the 51. Don’t just target the top 50…target the people who are on the outside. We all come across people who are overlooked, marginalized and minimalized. Go for the people everybody else is passing by.

Be a friend to those who others leave behind.

5. Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of yours

Never be the critic and cynic that steals dreams.

Those who can do. Those who can’t teach. Those who won’t can only criticize.

“You can’t beat the person who refuses to give up.” – Babe Ruth

Question: What’s your world-changing idea? What’s stopping you from going after that?

 

Holding on to fortune cookies

April 5, 2012 / / 2 Comments

Parenting is tough. And I hear it never gets any easier.

image credit mine

It’s easy to feel like a failure, too. Like all of the effort you pour into the work, all of the love you give, all of the consistency in discipline, all of the enforcing bedtimes and pointing your children to God is worthless. Especially when you have friends over and your child is the heathen child of the bunch that runs his Power Wheels into the back of another, smaller kid’s Power Wheels…twice.

But just last week, we opened fortune cookies together after a particularly delicious meal at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants. He hadn’t eaten a huge dinner, but of course, he had room for a fortune cookie (or two). I asked him to read his to me. (bear in mind…he’s 3. Which makes “fortune cookie time” rather interesting.) What he “read” I’ll never forget.

“What does yours say, Rex?”

“It says, ‘We have to go to church and to small group.” Before you jump to conclusions that I’ve raised a legalistic Pharisee, let me translate that for you: “I like to go to church on Sundays, and I like mommy and daddy’s small group. Can we go to either one now?”

That’s one of my prayers for him. That my son would grow up enjoying Sunday mornings. That being the son of a pastor wouldn’t burn him. That he wouldn’t look back with disdain on the evenings when my wife and I attended small group. That he would catch just how vital relationships are to his spiritual growth. That ministering and serving and worshipping on Sunday mornings would be a well of joy in his life.

Did he say all of that in his “reading” of the fortune cookie. Probably not. But don’t ruin it for me. Let me think that’s what he meant. 🙂

That’s one of those moments I’m going to tuck away in my back pocket on the days when my parenting seems to be a flop. On the days when I look at other parents and wish I were more like them. On the days when my child is the heathen, I’ll lock back in to this fortune cookie.

Fortune cookie moments are rare in any parenting’s life. But they’re a diamond worth holding on to.

What “fortune cookie” do you hold on to in parenting?

 

 

An open letter to church staffs for Easter

April 4, 2012 / / 0 Comments

image credit: Creation Swap user Chris Kennedy

Easter, for a church staff, is an administrative beast.

Whereas a normal staff meeting would cover multiple weeks and months of planning, most staffs devote an entire meeting (or two or three) to Easter alone. Planning details, follow-up, worship elements, volunteers, and extra chairs, churches pour great time and energy into Easter services.

Because we know that we have the chance to impact the lives of people who don’t regularly participate in our worship services.

And we want every note, every letter, every light to be perfect.

But sometimes, church staffs can get lost in the fog of planning. And that’s an incredibly dangerous place to be.

I don’t know about you, but my call to the ministry wasn’t a call to planning and administrative paper-pushing. My call to the ministry was a call to do. A call to be. A call to live the Gospel and proclaim it.

So here’s my open letter to church staffs everywhere.

 

Church staff and leadership,

As you prepare for Easter this year, don’t get locked down in the planning. Don’t get lost in the details.

Don’t let the fog overtake you as you rehearse.

Don’t let the glitz grip your heart.

The reason we have Easter services is because Jesus didn’t stay in the grave.

The tomb of death is empty.

The cross wasn’t the final chapter.

At the cross, our fears and failures and pain were killed.

Easter is more than just our biggest service of the year.

The fact that it’s the biggest service of the year means that more people get to inhale a fresh breath of life.

A fresh hook of hope.

And get to discover, maybe for the first time or the first time in a long time, how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” (Ephesians 3:18)

Plan, scheme, and detail the mess out of Easter. But don’t lose sight of that empty tomb.

Sincerely,

Ben

 

This is awkward, but…I need some help

April 3, 2012 / / 7 Comments

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

I have something you don’t. And you need that. So ask me for it.

Maybe it’s my lawn mower.

Maybe it’s a pinch of salt.

Or maybe it’s $100.

Maybe it’s some wisdom I have.

Maybe it’s a ride to the airport.

Learning to ask for help is vital to your spiritual growth.

But it’s awkward, isn’t it?

Culture would like us to believe that this is just a “guy” problem. That since guys don’t want to ask for directions, they’re the ones that feel it’s awkward to ask for help. But this awkwardness and self-dependent isolation isn’t just limited to the “y” chromosome.

Men and women deal with this.

Asking for help gives the appearance of weakness. Because, if you were stronger, you wouldn’t need help, right? You wouldn’t need money. Or advice. Or guidance.

Asking for help signifies you don’t have all you need for life. It screams, “I’m not independently self-sufficient.” It rails against our culture of independence and isolation.

Nobody wants to say that. Nobody wants to show the chink in their armor. Nobody wants to appear weak and vulnerable and exposed. Nobody. We want to appear to have more insight and more capabilities than we actually do, that we don’t need outside wisdom or influence. We especially never need correction.

But it’s our weaknesses that expose the way that God created us, because He didn’t create us for complete independence. He created us to be dependent on others.* He created us to live in need of encouragement. He created us to live in need of biblical counsel. He created us to live in need of sex advice. He created us to live in need of advice for our present circumstances.

I bet you need a pinch of salt right now. Or $100. Or life’s falling apart, and you need much, much more.

Love is an unbelievably transformational and redemptive force that we need extended to us. If we’ll just ask.

Time to get off your high horse and ask. You were created to do just that.

Time to say, “This is awkward, but…I need some help.”

*Yes, we’re supposed to be dependent on God. No doubt about that. But for the purposes of this post, depending on God alone becomes a ruse to really go at life alone. Because you can still hide your inadequacies.

 

 

Tip: Try to go home at 5:00

March 30, 2012 / / 0 Comments

Josh Tandy is a student pastor. He’s written an ebook for “Rookie Pastors” that I think is worth checking out.

It’s called 30 in 30: How to Start or Restart Well. In the eBook you will find 30 practical tips for those just getting started in ministry and those looking to start over. Here is 1 of the 30 tips that Josh gives. It’s worth a look! 

Find out below how you can get it for free!

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Go Home at 5

First time parents talk about the adrenaline that gets them through those sleepless nights and the never-ending feeding/changing cycle. Much of this adrenaline wears off by kid #2.

As a Rookie Pastor, especially if it is your first paid ministry you are going to be pumping full of adrenaline ready to get after it. You can make the argument that you have to maximize the honeymoon period and get as much started as possible. Except you forget that in those first 30 days you have the unique opportunity to communicate some values and set precedents.

Going home at 5, or whenever the office closes up for the day, is going to be difficult for some but don’t underestimate the importance of it. So much of pastoring and leadership is about what you do and how those actions communicate what you value. Modeling what a healthy work/family balance has more impact than a sermon on it, and a great sermon will be undermined by a contradictory example.

When you join a church with multiple staff positions you can also give a gift to those you work with and/or supervise by going home at 5. Particularly if you are supervising other staff you are going to be setting the pace in those first 30 days. They will be looking to you to see what to expect moving forward, and I don’t know any pastor who would say they wish their boss would make them stay at the office more.

Use this time to stress the importance of good time management and maximizing time spent in the office, but give permission to others and yourself to go home. There will be times when 60-70 hour weeks are required but make that the exception not the rule.

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To get the rest of the book (for free) visit RookiePastor.com and sign up for the free email updates, on the right side of the page.

 

 

What should you do when fear creeps in?

March 26, 2012 / / 3 Comments

When I got married, I trembled with fear. Like a shaky leaf that crunches when you step on it, I was weak and breakable and vulnerable.

I think this is common.

At least, that’s what I tell myself. It makes me feel better about my trepidation.

image credit: Creative Commons, Jones DePalma

My fear, though, wasn’t one of questioning my decision to get married. It wasn’t founded in questioning my bride-to-be. It wasn’t even in questioning the timing.

My “fear” found its way into my pocket because the step I was making was altering the trajectory of my life.

Ever had a decision like that?

Maybe it was in deciding which college to go to. Or a change in jobs. Or walking away from a relationship that you’ve treasured, but that was damaging to you personally. Maybe you felt that flutter in your gut when you bought a car. Or a house.

Maybe it was when you found out you were pregnant, and quickly realized you had no idea what it took to be a parent.

Fear

Fear is a natural emotion.

Let me quote a Scripture for you that you may have heard before:

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:7

Reading this verse at face-value, you’re left thinking that any ounce of fear shows you to be anti-God. That it’s not something that is consistent with being called a child of the King. That if you experience fear, you show yourself weak and faithless and un-usable.

Let me throw a wrench in that thought process before you tread down that road much further.

The verse here says that God didn’t give us a “spirit” of fear. In other words, we aren’t dominated by fear. We’re not paralyzed by fear. And we don’t let fear hold us back. It won’t be our master. Instead, our spirit, our heart, is driven by power and love and self-control, rooted in an unchanging, unshakeable, courageous God who seeks after our heart even in the midst of the most difficult times in life.

The presence of fear doesn’t show you to be anti-God. It shows you to be human. Emotions aren’t inherently evil. How you respond to your emotions, though, reveals your heart.

And if your heart is driven by fear, you’ll never do anything that matters. On the precipice of doing significant work, fear will be present, trying desperately to course its way through your body.

Yielding to the Fear

In those moments, you can yield to the fear.

  • “I can’t do that. I’ll fail.”
  • “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
  • “I don’t have that skill set.”
  • “I’m not worthy of that.”
  • “I could never sustain that.”
  • “Me?”

Yield to that fear, step back off the precipice, and return to life as normal.

Or press through it, reminding yourself of who God has created you to be, and take the plunge. Remind yourself that God has given you a spirit of power and love and self-control. “Fear” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move forward. “Fear” may mean it’s time to trust God to do what He said He’d do.

Pressing through fear

Take a step of faith.

Fear didn’t keep me from making the decision to marry my wife. It lit a fire in my heart to do what I knew God was calling me to.

Fear is normal. It means you’re human.

Don’t let it hold you from what God wants you to do. Satan would love that.

Instead, press through with resolve.

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, or I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:9-10

Question:

What’s the biggest decision you’ve ever had to make? Did you have any hint of fear?

* image credit: Creative Commons user Jones DePalma

 

 

Friday favorites (3/23/12)

March 23, 2012 / / 0 Comments

Here are some of my favorites from around the web this week:

How American Adults Read the Bible, by Ed Stetzer

We released some new research last week focused on habits of adult Americans in relation to how they read the Bible. Among regular Bible readers, more than a third indicate they read it nearly every day and typically use one primary version of the Bible.

After compiling the research though, we can unfortunately conclude that among American Bible readers, owning multiple Bibles is much more prevalent than regularly investing time in reading it.

The Danger of Hiring the Best, by Eric Geiger:

The longer I lead, the more I realize how essential the right leaders are to the success of a team, ministry, or organization. While the right leaders will overcome insufficient systems and processes, great processes and systems can never overcome ineffective leaders.

The right leaders are not necessarily the “best” leaders.

 

Trying to nail Jell-O to the Wall (and knowing when to quit), by Tim Peters:

In order to grow and succeed, organizations and leaders need to continually forge ahead with new ideas, projects and personnel. Unfortunately, not all those efforts are going to succeed. In fact, a fair share of them will fall flat. The key is admitting your failure and moving forward. Knowing when to quit is just as important as knowing when to persevere.

 

5 Suggestions When the Pastor leads a small group, by Ron Edmondson

Since beginning Grace Community Church I have personally led a small group study, many times meeting in our home. Cheryl and I have loved each of our groups. Some of our best friends in life have come from these groups. I hear from pastors who don’t want to lead a group or feel that they shouldn’t, but from my experience, I think it is best when a pastor does.

Redefining worship in small group, by Spence Shelton

When I hear that title [Redefining worship in small groups], immediately this scene comes to my mind: Clarence Spragains, the small group leader, puts a CD into the CD + Cassette combo player he bought in 1994 and out comes either “Jesus take the Wheel” or “Saddle Up your Horses.” Clarence is singing at full blast, that other couple is halfway engaged doing the eyes-shut head bob while the other 9 people are frantically looking for the fire escape routes.

Question:

You find anything noteworthy?

 

This is awkward, but…how’s your sex life?

March 22, 2012 / / 23 Comments

My wife and I had a conversation with a young married couple about sex a few weeks ago.

It was incredibly refreshing. We could be open and honest with them, and help them take steps forward in their marriage.

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

Church leaders should talk with people more about sex, in a positive light.*

Most of the “sex talks” that happen with church leaders are

  • a premarital conversation that goes something like this: Don’t have sex. Quit having sex. Wait for a few more months.
  • a sermon series in the student ministry that lasts for 8 months. Think I’m joking? I’m not…I ran into a student pastor who said he’d been preaching on sex for 8 months with his students. “I think we’re just about done” he said. “I bet they’ve been done listening to you talk about it for about 8 months, because that’s way too long for students to hear their 50-somethings youth pastor talk about sex” I replied…in my head, of course.
  • an awkwardly timed, not-so-funny joke in a sermon on Sunday morning. Either you think, “Can I laugh at that in church?” or “Can I laugh at that, just to make my pastor feel better? That wasn’t funny…”

Church leaders should have more frank conversations about sex. Not in a “sex is dirty” kind of way, and not in a way that’s constantly condemning the bad things about sex. But in a way that helps a couple honor God with this area of their life.

Culture teaches us a lot about sex, most of which is glamorized, made out to be some sort of physical-only act that’s super easy for a couple to enjoy together.

It Ain’t That Easy

If you’ve been married long at all, you know that sex isn’t easy to get “right” (meaning something that’s mutually enjoying and honoring to God). More often than not, especially in the first few years of married life, sex is frustrating for husbands and wives. It’s not the beautiful act that God intended, but a point of contention. Instead of an act of union and love, it drives a wedge dissatisfaction.

And sex is so, so important to a marriage. It’ll bring a marriage down in a heartbeat if it’s not addressed. We’d be foolish to assume that all couples just know how to flourish in this area of their lives. Understanding your spouse is something that takes time…it’s not an intuitions you’re born with. As quickly as it can bring a marriage down, it can also help a marriage turn a corner. God intended sex to be an emotional, physical, and spiritual act. It’s intended to be a deeply satisfying intimacy for which no other act can substitute. (don’t believe me? Try reading Song of Solomon and not blushing)

A Little More Conversation, A Little More Action

Don’t wait for your church to have a sermon series on sex. Even if they do, it’s impossible to cover every specific issue for every couple. While there may be general problems, ideals, pitfalls to avoid, and healthy steps to take, in no way can a sermon be comprehensive. Those comprehensive questions and concerns and frustrations need to be worked out in the context of healthy relationships.

So go ahead. Ask the awkward question to someone you have a close relationship with:

How’s your sex life?

You’ll get them snickering like middle school girls. But you’ll also open up the opportunity for a beautiful conversation.

And if you’re not having good sex, it may be time to ask for some advice.

Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be yours alone, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love (Proverbs 5:15-19).

*Talking about sex isn’t just relegated to church leaders…all followers of Jesus should make it a point to talk openly and honestly about this issue. Church leaders especially. This blog just tends to be read by a majority of people who are, at one level or another, leaders in their local church.

* image credit; Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

* catch up with the “this is awkward” series HERE.

 

On golf, discipline, hypocrisy, and community

March 14, 2012 / / 5 Comments

Growing up, I played a fair amount of golf. My parents would drop me off in the morning and pick me up later that afternoon.

Many days, I was by myself, just me and the narrow fairways.

image credit: Creative Commons

There’s something epic about that picture to me, even now. Here’s the picture:

A 12 year old beating buckets of range balls on the dew-soaked ground until his hands callous over while the sun comes up. Walking 9 hours on a golf course by himself, evaluating every shot, pouring over every sliding putt. Kicking himself every drive that trickled into the second cut of rough. Spending hours on the putting green engraining that perfect putting stroke.

Gotcha fooled

And I’d love to say that that was the real picture. But more often than not, halfway through the first bucket of range balls, I’d decide to call it quits and just start my round. By hole 5, instead of lining up every putt, I would try to break my speed record of how quickly I could finish the hole.

It wasn’t gritty. It wasn’t hard, disciplined work. There was nothing epic about it. No Braveheart music was playing in the background as the sun set.

For too long, I operated by myself spiritually, too. And I don’t mean that I wasn’t a part of a local church. I don’t mean I was intentionally trying to go it alone. It just sort of happened.

The trap is set

Sin snuck up on me, and I chose to bury it.

Instead of bearing my soul, I hid it, covering up with a mask of, “It’s all good.” Putting on a facade, I chose to battle my sin alone, me-and-Jesus style.

The more I wore my mask, the fuller and more beautiful it became. Me-and-Jesus style was safe, but damaging. It was safe, but kept people at a distance. It was safe, but held me back.

It wasn’t gritty. It wasn’t hard, disciplined work. There was nothing epic about it. No Braveheart music was playing in the background as the sun set.

It was a life of acting like I was okay. Acting like I always had it together. Acting like I had all of the answers. Projecting an image I wanted you to see. But in my heart, knowing I wasn’t taking the steps of faith I needed.

Bringing other guys into the battle with me made all of the difference. Jesus was more than enough for my salvation…but sanctification was another thing. I needed authentic community. I needed significant relationships where I could be honest. I needed to be known.

God’s not created us to go through life on our own. The more you try to, the less fulfilling you’ll find life to be. You’ll also find that sin overtakes much quicker, fears conquer, doubts are more persuasive, sin more enticing, passing problems overwhelm much more fully, and the daily grind of life takes its toll more rapidly.

You were created incomplete…needing to be invested in. As much as you need to be invested in, you also need to invest in others. That’s the double-edged beauty that is community.

Authentic community is real, messy, gut-wrenching, and full of grace and hope.

I need that.

And so do you.

Let love be without hypocrisy. – Romans 12:9

* image credit: Creative Commons user FoxyPar4

 

 

 

7 Truths a Pastor Wishes They Could Say

March 12, 2012 / / 10 Comments

You may have caught my 5 Things a Pastor Should Never Say or my 7 Phrases a Pastor Should Say Regularly Off-Stage or even my 5 Things You Should Be Careful Saying to Your Pastor.

image via Creation Swap user Daniel Romero

Today, I want to give a voice to the pastors who often feel trapped, and can’t say what they really want to say. 

Not all pastors are in this boat. Some are riding the waves of freedom, able to speak wisdom freely. I’m thankful to be serving in a local church that gives incredible amounts of freedom.

Others, though, are trapped. Given the opportunity, here’s what they’d say.

7 Truths a Pastor Wishes They Could Say

1. This week has worn me out.

There’s a reason why there’s a distinct calling into full-time vocational ministry. It’s exhausting, often unrewarding, and will ultimately cost you your life. The work of a pastor leaves them worn out emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Pastors would like to tell you they’re worn out, but they can’t because you expect too much of them.

2. I need help.

Pastors are real people with real families with real struggles. Sometimes they need physical help in leading. Other times they need financial help. Sometimes they need counseling help with their lives. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness…it’s a sign of wisdom. (Re: Galatians 6:1-3)

Pastors would like to ask for help, but they know that if they do, their job will be in jeopardy.

3. Quit making everything about you.

It’s easy to unload all of your junk on your pastor. And at one level, that’s incredibly healthy. Your pastor is equipped to help minister the Gospel into your specific situation. But when your every conversation revolves around you, your problems, your opportunities, and your struggles, you leave little room for your pastor to build real relationships. Good friends don’t just call you when they need something.

Pastors would like to build real friendship with you, but they can’t because everything is always about you.

4. I have no interest in doing a cantata.

No explanation needed here. If a cantata is being done, this statement is running through your pastor’s head. 🙂

5. I can’t fix everything in your life.

Pastors are often seen as a cure-all. Pastors have all of the right answers, they know just that *perfect* verse, and they can pray the *perfect* prayer that will quickly and seamlessly fix the problem that you’ve been struggling with for decades. It’s not your pastor’s job to fix you. That’s a role that the Holy Spirit reserves for Himself.

Pastors would like to tell you this, but you won’t work out your own faith with fear and trembling. (Re: Philippians 2:12-13)

6. Grow up.

At some point in your natural development, you started feeding yourself, clothing yourself, bathing yourself, and fending for yourself. Spiritually, this has got to happen, too. Sure, your pastor has a role to play there. But taking ownership of your own spiritual growth has to happen.

Pastors would like to tell you this, but you need to grow up before you’ll listen.

7. The end goal of Christianity isn’t to get someone to come into a church building. It’s for someone to build a relationship with the living God.

Bringing someone to church with you is often a phenomenal step of faith. But that should never be the end goal. Never. That also shouldn’t be your primary means of introducing people to God. Evangelism happens best in the context of relationships. 

Pastors would like to say this, but when the primary focus is on numbers (whether they’re decreasing or increasing), they don’t have the freedom to.

Question:

Can you think of anything else a pastor wishes they could say?

* image credit: Creation Swap User Daniel Romero

 
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