Why every married person should be required to get their spouse a Christmas gift

Ben Reed —  December 20, 2013 — 6 Comments
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If you’re married, do you get your spouse a gift?

Or do you forego the gift? Because, after all, you don’t really need anything, right? Or…well…this is a time to get other people gifts. Or…our budget just won’t allow it.

Is it really that important to get your spouse a gift? Or can we just skip it and focus on others? Do we really need to focus so inwardly?

Yes. Yes, you do.

If you’re married, you better get your spouse a gift for Christmas. [Tweet that]

I remember in premarital counseling, my pastor told me something about my then-fiance, now-wife. It was over a decade ago that he spoke the words, but I’ll never forget them.

Your spouse is God’s gift to you. They are your treasure. Treat them like they are. – R. Sing Oldham

If something is my treasure, I’m going to do whatever it takes to find, and keep, my treasure. I’m going to guard it. I’m going to protect it. I’m going to go out of my way to value it because it’s valuable! At the end of the day, I’m going to…treasure it.

One thing that I tell couples when I counsel is that a key to remaining happily married is to continue to date your spouse. Look for moments to steal away. Snag a kiss. Go out of your way to make the mundane special. Go on dates. Do little things to show them you love them. Do big things. Do tiny things. Do medium-sized things. But whatever you do, continue to date them. Continue to get to know them. Spend your life getting to know, and love, your spouse increasingly.

I got gifts for Laura when I dated her. I wanted her to know just how much I loved her. Just how much I treasured her. I wanted her to know how special she was to me. I wanted to impress her with the gifts I got. I wanted her to know I knew her well, and that I understood what made her tick and what she valued.

Just because we’re married now doesn’t mean I should want to impress her less. Yes, we’re committed. She’s not going anywhere and neither am I. But if I really love her, I ought to go out of my way to show her.

I ought to get creative. Think out of the box. Listen to her when she says what she likes and what she thinks looks good to her.

Sure, my wife may not “need” anything. She may not even say she “wants” anything. But it would make no sense for me to go shopping for hours, stretching my brain and my budget, to buy stuff for others without buying something for the one I love the most on this earth.

You’d better get your spouse a Christmas gift before you run out of money and ideas. [Tweet that]

I’m not saying you have to get something expensive. Not at all! It has very little to do with a dollar amount, and everything to do with your heart, your motivation, and how well you’ve listened and know your spouse.

Gifts that show you’ve listened well are more valuable than expensive ones. [Tweet that]

And those you love the most should get the best, most thoughtful gifts of all.

What do you think?

 

Ben Reed

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Christ follower, husband, father, writer, small groups pastor at Saddleback Community Church. Communications director for the Small Group Network.
  • http://www.jasonvana.com Jason Vana

    I’m not married, but this is kind of a no-brainer to me. Of course, I’m that’w at with my family – they may say no gifts, but I always get them something. Great thoughts, Ben!

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      Same principle, Jason! We shouldn’t let the ones we love the most get the least thoughtful gifts. Keep up the great work! Your family will love you for it!

  • http://ThatGuyKC.com/ ThatGuyKC

    Wait, you mean some couples don’t buy each other gifts? That’s just crazy talk.

    I actually heard about this for the first time from someone who left a comment on a FB post. “We just get presents for the kids” <— You're missing out.

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      Yes. Missing out big time.

  • Amelia Stewart Crotzer

    We go on a big trip every year and spend the whole time on dream dates. We usually don’t buy each other anything because the trip and said dates are expensive. I think the fact that we honor each other this way and spend the whole year planning counts for a gift…right? I’m interested in your insight!

    • http://www.benreed.net Ben Reed

      I love that, Amelia! Sounds like a great way to honor each other and do something you enjoy together!!