Tag: God (page 3 of 5)

What should you do when fear creeps in?

March 26, 2012 / / 3 Comments

When I got married, I trembled with fear. Like a shaky leaf that crunches when you step on it, I was weak and breakable and vulnerable.

I think this is common.

At least, that’s what I tell myself. It makes me feel better about my trepidation.

image credit: Creative Commons, Jones DePalma

My fear, though, wasn’t one of questioning my decision to get married. It wasn’t founded in questioning my bride-to-be. It wasn’t even in questioning the timing.

My “fear” found its way into my pocket because the step I was making was altering the trajectory of my life.

Ever had a decision like that?

Maybe it was in deciding which college to go to. Or a change in jobs. Or walking away from a relationship that you’ve treasured, but that was damaging to you personally. Maybe you felt that flutter in your gut when you bought a car. Or a house.

Maybe it was when you found out you were pregnant, and quickly realized you had no idea what it took to be a parent.

Fear

Fear is a natural emotion.

Let me quote a Scripture for you that you may have heard before:

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:7

Reading this verse at face-value, you’re left thinking that any ounce of fear shows you to be anti-God. That it’s not something that is consistent with being called a child of the King. That if you experience fear, you show yourself weak and faithless and un-usable.

Let me throw a wrench in that thought process before you tread down that road much further.

The verse here says that God didn’t give us a “spirit” of fear. In other words, we aren’t dominated by fear. We’re not paralyzed by fear. And we don’t let fear hold us back. It won’t be our master. Instead, our spirit, our heart, is driven by power and love and self-control, rooted in an unchanging, unshakeable, courageous God who seeks after our heart even in the midst of the most difficult times in life.

The presence of fear doesn’t show you to be anti-God. It shows you to be human. Emotions aren’t inherently evil. How you respond to your emotions, though, reveals your heart.

And if your heart is driven by fear, you’ll never do anything that matters. On the precipice of doing significant work, fear will be present, trying desperately to course its way through your body.

Yielding to the Fear

In those moments, you can yield to the fear.

  • “I can’t do that. I’ll fail.”
  • “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
  • “I don’t have that skill set.”
  • “I’m not worthy of that.”
  • “I could never sustain that.”
  • “Me?”

Yield to that fear, step back off the precipice, and return to life as normal.

Or press through it, reminding yourself of who God has created you to be, and take the plunge. Remind yourself that God has given you a spirit of power and love and self-control. “Fear” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move forward. “Fear” may mean it’s time to trust God to do what He said He’d do.

Pressing through fear

Take a step of faith.

Fear didn’t keep me from making the decision to marry my wife. It lit a fire in my heart to do what I knew God was calling me to.

Fear is normal. It means you’re human.

Don’t let it hold you from what God wants you to do. Satan would love that.

Instead, press through with resolve.

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, or I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:9-10

Question:

What’s the biggest decision you’ve ever had to make? Did you have any hint of fear?

* image credit: Creative Commons user Jones DePalma

 

 

This is awkward, but…how’s your sex life?

March 22, 2012 / / 23 Comments

My wife and I had a conversation with a young married couple about sex a few weeks ago.

It was incredibly refreshing. We could be open and honest with them, and help them take steps forward in their marriage.

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

Church leaders should talk with people more about sex, in a positive light.*

Most of the “sex talks” that happen with church leaders are

  • a premarital conversation that goes something like this: Don’t have sex. Quit having sex. Wait for a few more months.
  • a sermon series in the student ministry that lasts for 8 months. Think I’m joking? I’m not…I ran into a student pastor who said he’d been preaching on sex for 8 months with his students. “I think we’re just about done” he said. “I bet they’ve been done listening to you talk about it for about 8 months, because that’s way too long for students to hear their 50-somethings youth pastor talk about sex” I replied…in my head, of course.
  • an awkwardly timed, not-so-funny joke in a sermon on Sunday morning. Either you think, “Can I laugh at that in church?” or “Can I laugh at that, just to make my pastor feel better? That wasn’t funny…”

Church leaders should have more frank conversations about sex. Not in a “sex is dirty” kind of way, and not in a way that’s constantly condemning the bad things about sex. But in a way that helps a couple honor God with this area of their life.

Culture teaches us a lot about sex, most of which is glamorized, made out to be some sort of physical-only act that’s super easy for a couple to enjoy together.

It Ain’t That Easy

If you’ve been married long at all, you know that sex isn’t easy to get “right” (meaning something that’s mutually enjoying and honoring to God). More often than not, especially in the first few years of married life, sex is frustrating for husbands and wives. It’s not the beautiful act that God intended, but a point of contention. Instead of an act of union and love, it drives a wedge dissatisfaction.

And sex is so, so important to a marriage. It’ll bring a marriage down in a heartbeat if it’s not addressed. We’d be foolish to assume that all couples just know how to flourish in this area of their lives. Understanding your spouse is something that takes time…it’s not an intuitions you’re born with. As quickly as it can bring a marriage down, it can also help a marriage turn a corner. God intended sex to be an emotional, physical, and spiritual act. It’s intended to be a deeply satisfying intimacy for which no other act can substitute. (don’t believe me? Try reading Song of Solomon and not blushing)

A Little More Conversation, A Little More Action

Don’t wait for your church to have a sermon series on sex. Even if they do, it’s impossible to cover every specific issue for every couple. While there may be general problems, ideals, pitfalls to avoid, and healthy steps to take, in no way can a sermon be comprehensive. Those comprehensive questions and concerns and frustrations need to be worked out in the context of healthy relationships.

So go ahead. Ask the awkward question to someone you have a close relationship with:

How’s your sex life?

You’ll get them snickering like middle school girls. But you’ll also open up the opportunity for a beautiful conversation.

And if you’re not having good sex, it may be time to ask for some advice.

Drink water from your own cistern, And fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be yours alone, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love (Proverbs 5:15-19).

*Talking about sex isn’t just relegated to church leaders…all followers of Jesus should make it a point to talk openly and honestly about this issue. Church leaders especially. This blog just tends to be read by a majority of people who are, at one level or another, leaders in their local church.

* image credit; Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

* catch up with the “this is awkward” series HERE.

 

The powerful truth that defeats insecurities

March 5, 2012 / / 11 Comments

photo credit: Creative Commons user Ingesting

Like that lonely thread all by itself that you pull on an old sweater, I found myself unraveling my calling recently.

It started off innocently enough, with someone pushing back on my theology. I didn’t get prickly or defensive. I went introspective. Let me try to get you in my mode of warped thinking.

Ever heard someone tell you how they hate they could only get to the gym twice this week and think, “Geez…quit saying I’m lazy!” Or maybe you’ve heard someone mention how they’ve switched to a new, healthy way of eating and all you hear is, “You’re so irresponsible with your diet!” Or maybe someone says, “I love getting up early to read my Bible” and all you hear is a heap of condemnation thrown your way.” They say one thing…you hear another.

The unraveling begins

That’s sort of what happened recently when I was questioned about my theology. Not “questioned” as in “What do you believe about ____.” Questioned as in, “Why would you ever say ____?!?”

The thread was hanging loose and I gave it a little tug, only to have more of the thread exposed. Another little pull left more thread in my hand. Another jerk and a hole appeared in the sleeve.

I started wondering, “Am I really a theologian? Do I even have any idea what I’m talking about?” I thought, “Has God really called me to ministry? Am I being effective? Have I ever been effective?” I let my mind wander: “Why would God call me into ministry? Why would He ever use me to lead people and communicate truth?”

I’m useless. I’m worthless. I have nothing to offer.

Feeding the lie

I stopped myself.

I was being fed a Lie. And I was tossing him more snacks. With every passing thought, that Lie was hastily burrowing itself into the fabric of my identity. My identity that is deeply rooted in Christ was being unraveled and dismantled, and I was watching it happen before my eyes.

If I didn’t do something quickly, the whole sweater was about to be a pile of thread in my hands.

So I did what you have to do if you want to stop the thread: I cut it off. I didn’t allow it to do more damage. I didn’t keep pondering the theological challenge. I didn’t keep feeding the Lie. I snipped it with a pair of scissors.

I can only think that if identity insecurities crop their nasty head up in my life, they do in yours, too. When we should find our identity in being called the King’s son, we often find it in

  • being a parent
  • our career
  • our church
  • our hobby
  • our insights
  • being right
  • our theology
  • our talents

Reorienting your identity

When someone questions one of those “identities,” the thread comes loose. You find yourself either lashing out in anger or turning inwards in deep introspection.

The answer to this spiral is to root your identity not in what you’ve earned, but in who God has declared you to be.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will… – Ephesians 1:3-5 (emphasis mine)

You’re a child of the King

No longer are you outsiders and foreigners and weird cousins. You’re now a son, with all of the inheritance and blessings that a son should receive. And nobody can take that name from you. Not even you.

Let that truth fight the Lie of insecurity for you.

* photo credit: Creative Commons user Ingesting

 

 

 

50 things you should tell your children

February 7, 2012 / / 15 Comments

image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

Yesterday, I compiled a list of 50 things you should never tell your child. Ever.

But that’s only half of the story. While there are plenty of things you should not say to your child, there are also plenty of things you should tell them on a habitual basis. I’d be remiss to leave out that part of the story.

Most of these are applicable no matter what the age. Whether your children are 2 or 60, you can and should speak them.

Some of them may need to be uniquely suited if your children are older than 2, though. And some (like #19) may not work if you’re a single parent.

50 things you should tell your children

1. I love you.

2. I will always love you.

3. No matter what you do, you’ll always be my child.

4. I love you, but I’m still going to punish you.

5. Yes, I’ll forgive you.

6. Will you forgive me? I messed up.

7. You’re so valuable to me.

8. Let’s go to church.

9. Yes, I’ll drop what I’m doing to play.

10. No, I’m not too busy.

11. You drew that?!? Amazing!

12. I’m proud of you.

13. You slipped up, but you’re still precious to me.

14. Can we talk?

15. Let’s hang out.

16. You don’t have a choice here. You’re 2 years old.

17. You’re safe with me.

18. Yes, I’ll help.

19. You’re not the most important person in my life…your mom (my wife) (or your dad (my husband)) is.

20. Honoring God is always the right choice.

21. Learning to obey mommy and daddy is important.

22. Let’s pray.

23. Let’s go on a date! (dad to daughter, or mom to son)

24. To boys specifically: Never treat your mother with disrespect. Never.

25. To boys specifically: stand up for yourself.

26. To boys specifically: it’s okay to cry.

27. To boys specifically: it’s okay to be dangerous.

28. To boys specifically: being dangerous can leave you hurt. But playing it safe isn’t what men are called to do.

29. To boys specifically: fight for things that are eternally valuable.

30. To boys specifically: stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

31. To girls specifically: You’re worth far more than rubies.

32. To girls specifically: you’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not.

33. To girls specifically: you’re my princess, and you always will be.

34. Love those that nobody else loves.

35. Love others more than you love yourself.

36. Love and respect those who don’t love or respect you.

37. Serve others like your life depended on it.

38. Learn to respect those in authority over you. Life will be much easier if you do.

39. There is no problem so big that you can’t come to me.

40. You’ll never do anything to lose my love.

41. You have so many gifts. Can I help you use them?

42. I will always want what is best for you.

43. It’s okay if you mess up. I mess up, too.

44. No matter where you are or what you’ve done, if something’s wrong, call me. I’ll come running.

45. I don’t care if your friends get to do that. I’m your parent, not theirs.

46. Be a good friend. Others will love you for it.

47. It’s okay to be upset.

48. You can never do anything so bad that God would desert you.

49. You’re a ____ (insert your last name), and ____s (insert your last name again) don’t back down from our convictions.

50. Your mom and dad aren’t perfect. But we love you unconditionally.

Question: 

Anything you’d add?

* image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

 

No more daydreaming

October 24, 2011 / / 9 Comments

They said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking up into heaven? This Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come in the same way that you have seen Him going into heaven.” – Acts 1:11

photo credit: Creation Swap user Jared Rarick

I don’t know what your situation looks like right now. Maybe it’s bleak. Maybe it’s tough. Maybe there’s no hope, and you don’t know what your next step needs to be. Maybe your plans, and where you want to be in life, haven’t panned out.

Maybe you are undervalued, overworked, and underpaid. Maybe you aren’t appreciated at home. Maybe your “best” still isn’t good enough.

In these moments, it’s easy to wish our life away. It’s easy to complain, sulk, and be angry that life’s not how we want it to be.

And if you find yourself wishing your life away, do you know what’ll happen? You’ll wish it away. Life will pass you by, and you’ll be caught for years just staring into outer space, going nowhere.

That’s what the men in Acts 1:11 were doing. They were staring up into the sky, frozen and ready to wait right there until Jesus returned. They were completely unproductive and unmotivated. They had watched Jesus teach and heal, then be crucified on a cross. He died, was buried, then resurrected and ascended to heaven. They had placed their hopes on Jesus, and he’d left them. I can expect that they were frustrated, confused, and worried. Their Hope and their Promise was gone.

And the problem was that before Jesus would return there was still work to do.

Don’t get caught daydreaming your way out of where you are. Don’t want things to just be over. God’s got work for you to do now. People to invest in and gifts to give. Missions to fulfill and communities to transform. Relationships to heal and hope to give.

There Ain’t No Easy Way Out

Quit looking for the easy way out. Maybe there’s not one. Maybe God’s not going to swoop in and supernaturally make life easy for you. Maybe His plan isn’t to heal you of that disease. Maybe His plan isn’t to reconcile that relationship. Maybe His plan isn’t to make you financially secure.

Maybe, though, just maybe…His plan is to comfort you through it. And give you hope and mercy and grace. And use you to breath life and hope into someone else. (2 Corinthians 1:3-7)

Question: Ever been caught daydreaming?

*Photo credit: Creation Swap user Jared Rarick

 

I need You

October 10, 2011 / / 10 Comments

Photo credit: Creative Commons User Herzensangelegenheit

I need you to use your gifts.

Because when you use your gifts, something awakens in me.

I can’t always explain it, but

  • when you teach, light bulbs go off.
  • when you sing, my heart sings.
  • when you lead, I follow.
  • when you serve, I want to serve.
  • when you love, I understand God a little better.
  • when you give, I want to give.
  • when you open your home, I feel God’s presence.
  • when you share your wisdom, life makes more sense.

You see things I don’t see. Hear things I don’t hear. Taste things I don’t taste. Understand things I don’t understand.

When you use your gifts, I see God in a new light.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. – 1 Peter 4:10

*Photo credit: Creative Commons User Herzensangelegenheit 

 

The art of the spoken word

August 24, 2011 / / 2 Comments

Over the past few months, I’ve had the chance to preach at my church, Grace Community Church, three times.

And I’ve loved it. Each time, though, I’ve learned quite a few things. Some about myself. Some about the art of preaching. You can read what I’ve learned HERE and HERE.

Well, this past Sunday was no exception.

5 Observations about Preaching

1. It’s incredibly easy to get distracted.

I notice every single person that stands up to leave. Every one. And I try oh so hard to not get distracted by them. Remember that next time you get up in the middle of a sermon.

2. To preach well, you have to give of yourself.

When I preach, I pour myself, my life, my personality, my research, my stories, my heart and my mind into the craft. And this past Sunday, I had the privilege of preaching 3 times. It was a beautiful exhaustion.

3. Beware the death blow.

Want to know how to deal a crushing blow to a pastor? Right after they say ‘Amen,’ find them in the hallway and tell them which part(s) of their message were a disaster. They’ll love you for it. And by love, I mean…watch out, because they may swing at you.  Preachers should elicit feedback, but it’s okay to wait a day or two.

4. If you want to get better, you’ve got to work at it.

I work to get better every single time. I evaluate what I said and how I said it so that next time I can communicate more effectively. And, hopefully, I’m improving.

5. Preaching is an unbelievably incredible motivational tool.

I talk so much about the importance of community. In fact, that’s what my sermon was about on Sunday. And I talk so much about community that I can almost forget how powerful the public, spoken word can be in someone’s life. We saw people taking steps of faith in droves on Sunday, as they took a step towards community by signing up for small groups.

Question: Has God worked in your life through hearing someone preach?

 

 

The thing about cloth diapers

July 25, 2011 / / 8 Comments

Did you know that studies show that toddlers who wear cloth underwear tend to potty train faster than those that wear disposable pull-ups?

I have a two year-old now, and we’re in the middle of potty training. And 9 times out of 10, we have cloth on him. Because we’re ready to be done with this stage!

Do you know why children who wear cloth underwear train so much faster?

Because when they go to the bathroom, they feel the discomfort. It’s not immediately wicked away by a disposable diaper.  They feel the same discomfort you’d feel if you wet your pants right now.

It’s not a pleasant feeling.

Discomfort is a great motivator

Discomfort is a great motivator for a child to not pee their pants. Because they instantly feel the discomfort, and until someone changes their pants, they remain in that discomfort.

It’s as if part of their growth comes through pain.  And part of their immaturity is allowed to hang around if they are never exposed to that difficulty.  In other words, their difficulty is wasted (no pun intended) because they don’t feel it.

Don’t Waste the Pain

The exact same thing can happen in our lives.

Difficulties have the chance to grow us.  To help us take steps of faith towards God.  Or, we can move so quickly past them that we waste them.

If you never feel the sting of defeat, the pain of losing someone you love, the failure of your plans, the loss of a job, a bad decision, rejection, heartache, or just the dark side of the soul…then you can’t grow through the pain.  Difficulty incubates growth.

Some of the greatest times of growth in my life have come on the heels of great failure.

I don’t know what you’re going through right now.  But I know something about your struggles.  You can act like the pain’s not there.

Or you can acknowledge it, feel it, invite others into it, and grow through it.

God allows difficulties to fall on us because He’s interested in our growth.  Because without pain, growth ekes.

Don’t waste pain.  Let God use it for good.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

 

 

 

What are you good at?

June 15, 2011 / / 3 Comments

Everybody’s good at something. How do I know?

We serve a God who gifts people. (check out Exodus 35:30-35)

And your gift was given to you to benefit yourself others.

You’re talented at something. There’s something that, when you do it, you just come alive. And when you use that gift, it feels as if you’re doing what you were created to do.

And when you use those gifts well, folks stop and stare. They’re in awe of your gift…because it’s awesome!

 

Here are some things I’m good at:

  • Learning
  • Writing
  • Discipline/working hard
  • Focus

So…brag on God. Tell us what you’re good at! (*leave a comment below)

 

 

 

 

My struggles

June 9, 2011 / / 10 Comments

I wouldn’t call myself an insecure child.

photo by Jason Harper

But little thoughts pop into my head, and it reminds me that I’m still human.

I’m still a sinner.

I still need encouragement.

I still need grace.

I still need Truth.

And I don’t lean in close to my King often enough.

Here are questions that pop into my head.

  • Why can’t I blog like him?  He just started!
  • Why can’t I speak as well as he does?  I went to school for this stuff!
  • Why can’t I write a book like she did?
  • Why can’t I think about systems as well as he does?
  • Why can’t I work out as often as he does?
  • Why can’t I be a stronger leader like him?
  • Why can’t I communicate as clearly as she does?
  • Why am I not as disciplined as they are?
  • Why can I not read as many books as he does?
  • Why can’t I be better at fixing things like he is?

See how my warped mind works?

I need to remind myself that my strengths are mine.   Your strengths are yours.   And that’s a good thing.

I need to get over the fact that I can’t be good at everything.  I need to be good at where God’s gifted me and what He’s called me to be and do.

Reminder to self:

God’s not gifted you with all of the gifts.  If He did, you’d be God.  Learn from other people and marvel at the grace and beauty of God.

Am I the only one that asks these questions?

What insecurity struggles are you facing?

 

 
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