Tag: Church (page 5 of 8)

Insecure, lazy leadership

image credit: CreationSwap User Matt Gruber (edits mine)

 

There’s a buzz going around about ‘releasing people to _____.’ You can insert any of the following words in that blank:

  • lead
  • serve
  • start projects
  • launch ministries
  • do their job

On the surface, this sounds noble. It sounds like you’re fighting the dreaded “micromanagement,” a 4-letter word in churches, businesses, and any organization trying to move forward. Micromanaging is not the way to create a culture of healthy growth for leaders. It does not produce future leaders, nor leave current ones thrilled by any stretch of your imagination.

“We’re releasing people to _____” also sounds like you’re intentionally giving leaders the chance to lead, ensuring that you don’t box people into a  proverbial box…or a glass case of emotion, if you prefer. No leader worth their weight in homemade laundry detergent (it’s cheap…trust me) wants to be boxed in…so “release them to _______!”

My concern

I have concerns about this line of thought. Though it sounds noble, I’m afraid that in many cases this is just a mask for ‘I have no idea what I’m doing’ or ‘I am not really willing or able to put time into developing leaders.’ Instead of truly being a noble move, it covers over deeper issues of incompetency (I don’t know what I’m doing, myself), inadequacy (I’ve not been trained at all, myself), or insecurity (I’d rather people not know that I don’t know how to lead them).

Turning someone loose to lead doesn’t mean you abandon them. If you want them to help fulfill the vision for your organization, leaders need direction, oversight, and development. “Management” may not be popular, but it’s vital.

Let’s be fair

It’s organizationally unfair to “release someone to serve” if they haven’t properly developed. It’s not fair for the individual, who’s been thrown in over their head. It’s also not fair for the organization, who now has a leader in place without the necessary tools, and who’s not trusted to lead.

It’s okay to “release people to _____,” but don’t neglect development. Spend great care developing your leaders. The time, money, and resources you spend on development will reap huge dividends.

In the small group world where I operate, I’ve said this phrase, too. I have nuanced it like this: “I’m allowing group leaders to be the shepherds of their group.”

But I didn’t do a great job of developing leaders over time. So that’s going to change.

With our newly implemented coaching structure, combined with our leadership development pathway, we’ve made some major changes. Instead of having trainings as isolated events, they’re connected, increasing in depth through each step. This allows us to take a new leader from “I have no idea what I’m doing as a small group leader” to coaching other group leaders into deeper spiritual health.

We want to be able to “turn leaders loose” in good conscience, trusting them to lead their groups with great effectiveness. To do this, we’ve got to do our part of helping them develop.

Question:

Ever heard the phrase, “We’re releasing people to _____.”?

Ever seen it as an excuse for laziness?

* image credit: CreationSwap User Matt Gruber (edits mine)

 

Wal Mart, customer service, and your church

 

image credit: CreationSwap user Esther Gibbons

When I think of customer service, I don’t instantly think of Wal Mart.

In fact, when I think of Wal Mart, I think of two things:

Typically, customer service hasn’t jumped out of the aisles to scare me at Wal Mart. Until recently.

I was looking for aluminum baking pans. I went up and down the grocery aisles. Looked at every end cap. Even walked through the milk area twice thinking maybe I’d missed them.

Asking for help

Then I broke a cardinal man-code. I asked for help from a Wal Mart associate. Thinking the pans were somewhere in the grocery section, I asked someone who was working in that section, stocking shelves.

I instantly felt guilty for asking them. They were in the middle of something else, deeply engrossed in unpacking and stocking cans of something. I knew I was a distraction from him accomplishing his job.

“I’m sorry to bother you…really, I know you’re working on something else. But could you point me in the direction of the aluminum baking pans? I can’t find them anywhere. Just point me in the general direction and I’ll get out of your hair.”

I must have had a wince on my face, anticipating a pair of rolling eyes, sharp tone, and general disdain.

But I got none of those. In fact, I got exactly the opposite.

“No bother at all.” she said.  “I am 99% sure I know where they are. Let’s go find them together.”

So the employee walked me across the store, away from the grocery section (I’m dumb…I know), to the home goods aisles, and right to the aluminum baking pans.

“Wow. Thank you so much!” I said.

“No problem at all. Glad to help.” she returned.

I was floored. And felt valued. And I found what I was looking for.

And in the process, my feelings about Wal Mart, which weren’t necessarily negative in the first place, took a drastic turn upwards. Suddenly, this store became a store that valued me, a customer. I may have gone in for the discounts…but I’ll return because of the stellar, friendly, customer-focused customer service.

Customer service and your theology

I began to wonder if we treat people like this on Sunday mornings in our local churches. Especially staff members.

It’s easy to feel like we have more “important things” than helping someone find a different classroom. Or find the welcome desk. Or get information about another ministry. Our role is much “bigger” and more “important” than that…we preach, we lead children’s ministries, and we equip volunteers. We set up hallways, hang banners, and operate the computers. We don’t have time for little things like, “Do you know where the baby dedication happens today?

We quickly forget that, though our roles are important, it’s the people that we’re called to serve that are vital. Creating lasting, memorable experiences is unbelievably important in our churches. The experience someone has on a Sunday morning doesn’t trump the Gospel…it fleshes the Gospel out.

You can help someone have a better, more beautiful picture of Church by the way you serve them, instead of just handing them off or pointing them in another direction. The way you carefully and skillfully and patiently lead guests has lasting impacts on the health of your local church.

The way we treat others reveals our theology.

We serve a God who is infinitely patient and gracious with us. To love others any less is cheapening grace.

“The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth.” – Exodus 34:6

Questions:

When guests leave your church, do they feel valued?

When someone needs help, do they feel like they’re a burden on you if they ask?

Have you ever gotten so engrossed in your specific ministry that you were bothered when asked for a little help?

Is your church more “product” focused than “people” focused?

 

 

50 things you should tell your children

image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

Yesterday, I compiled a list of 50 things you should never tell your child. Ever.

But that’s only half of the story. While there are plenty of things you should not say to your child, there are also plenty of things you should tell them on a habitual basis. I’d be remiss to leave out that part of the story.

Most of these are applicable no matter what the age. Whether your children are 2 or 60, you can and should speak them.

Some of them may need to be uniquely suited if your children are older than 2, though. And some (like #19) may not work if you’re a single parent.

50 things you should tell your children

1. I love you.

2. I will always love you.

3. No matter what you do, you’ll always be my child.

4. I love you, but I’m still going to punish you.

5. Yes, I’ll forgive you.

6. Will you forgive me? I messed up.

7. You’re so valuable to me.

8. Let’s go to church.

9. Yes, I’ll drop what I’m doing to play.

10. No, I’m not too busy.

11. You drew that?!? Amazing!

12. I’m proud of you.

13. You slipped up, but you’re still precious to me.

14. Can we talk?

15. Let’s hang out.

16. You don’t have a choice here. You’re 2 years old.

17. You’re safe with me.

18. Yes, I’ll help.

19. You’re not the most important person in my life…your mom (my wife) (or your dad (my husband)) is.

20. Honoring God is always the right choice.

21. Learning to obey mommy and daddy is important.

22. Let’s pray.

23. Let’s go on a date! (dad to daughter, or mom to son)

24. To boys specifically: Never treat your mother with disrespect. Never.

25. To boys specifically: stand up for yourself.

26. To boys specifically: it’s okay to cry.

27. To boys specifically: it’s okay to be dangerous.

28. To boys specifically: being dangerous can leave you hurt. But playing it safe isn’t what men are called to do.

29. To boys specifically: fight for things that are eternally valuable.

30. To boys specifically: stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

31. To girls specifically: You’re worth far more than rubies.

32. To girls specifically: you’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not.

33. To girls specifically: you’re my princess, and you always will be.

34. Love those that nobody else loves.

35. Love others more than you love yourself.

36. Love and respect those who don’t love or respect you.

37. Serve others like your life depended on it.

38. Learn to respect those in authority over you. Life will be much easier if you do.

39. There is no problem so big that you can’t come to me.

40. You’ll never do anything to lose my love.

41. You have so many gifts. Can I help you use them?

42. I will always want what is best for you.

43. It’s okay if you mess up. I mess up, too.

44. No matter where you are or what you’ve done, if something’s wrong, call me. I’ll come running.

45. I don’t care if your friends get to do that. I’m your parent, not theirs.

46. Be a good friend. Others will love you for it.

47. It’s okay to be upset.

48. You can never do anything so bad that God would desert you.

49. You’re a ____ (insert your last name), and ____s (insert your last name again) don’t back down from our convictions.

50. Your mom and dad aren’t perfect. But we love you unconditionally.

Question: 

Anything you’d add?

* image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

 

Residency in Ministry

image credit: CreationSwap user Gabriel Smith

There’s a great danger in attending seminary. In fact, seminary has robbed many people of a great ministry.

There, I said it. I feel much better.

The danger I’m referring to is an intellectualism that can drive students to value truth over people. That finds more value in being theologically “right” than in loving people. Seminary can leave students with an unbalanced view of ministry and theology and life.

Life, as the seminary student will find out, does not operate like a seminary classroom. The once black-and-white difficult doctrines either fall on deaf ears in most congregations…or appear somehow like a shade of gray not hinted at previously.

In the classroom & outside

That said, I see the benefits of seminary for ministry. I was able, during my last 4 semesters of seminary, to work in a local church, fleshing out the information I was being fed in the classroom. And for me, that intimate connection with a local church helped me turn the corner. It helped me value knowledge, but never walk away from people in the process. It helped me work through living, breathing shades of doctrinal gray.

At Grace, we’ve been looking for a way to raise up and develop future leaders. We’ve had short-term interns, but those tend to be centered around doing tasks than actual development for ministry. We wanted something that was more robust, that gave people real hands-on ministry experience, and that also connected the dots theologically as young leaders were cutting their teeth. Even in areas of ministry like small groups.

I think we’ve found a way to accomplish this.

Residency in Ministry Program

We’re calling it, for now, our Residency in Ministry program. Similar to a medical residency, we view this as a post-college “residency” where those in the program will be doing real ministry alongside pastors who are a little further down the road. They’ll be entrusted not with making copies (though, as we all know, that is a small slice of ministry, too) but with life-changing ministry. They’ll be viewed as full-on staff members, held to the expectations of the rest of our staff team. They’ll also receive a small stipend and have their housing covered.

In addition to doing the work of ministry, one major benefit of the program is that seminary tuition will be included. Clarksville is ~45 minutes from the new Nashville campus of Southern Seminary. We’ve already had staff members (myself included) who have worked full-time at Grace and attended classes concurrently. And as I said above, I believe that this is a great way to learn and do ministry: in the classroom and in the “lab.”

We’re receiving applications now, looking to have residents in place by August, 2012.

So, to sum up, the benefits of the program are:

  • Monthly stipend
  • Seminary tuition
  • Housing arranged
  • Specialized training
  • Access to leadership development

If you’re interested, just head right HERE and start the application process. If you know someone who would fit the bill, send this info along. If you have any questions, we’ve tried to answer the most frequently asked HERE.

We’re stoked about this program, and are convinced it will be a great benefit to a great number of young leaders.

If you were at the right stage in life, would this program entice you?

 

 

A New Leadership Development Pathway

We’ve constructed a new leadership development pathway for our small group leaders at Grace Community Church.

I talked about it on a guest post I wrote for Matt Steen right HERE.

Here’s a video that I put together for our leaders, with help from Dustin York and Brian Coleman. *Make sure you watch about the 1:50 -2:05 mark for a cool effect that we incorporated.

 

6 ways to nudge a potential leader

I ask small group leaders often, “Who is your apprentice? Your Co-leader? What potential leaders do you have in your group?”

The reply I get more than any other is this:

Nobody in my group is anywhere near ready to lead other people.

I guarantee you, though, if I were to sit in their group meeting, I could pick out a handful of potential leaders.

I’ve found that the word “potential” is a tough word to grasp. We often jump right over it. Instead of “potential,” we hear “proven.” Or “ready.” Or “perfect.”

photo credit: Ahisgett (Creative Commons)

“Potential” is different. Think back to your days in science class, where you learned about the difference between potential energy and kinetic energy. Kinetic energy is the energy of motion. It’s the energy of work. The more work you do, the more kinetic energy you produce. The faster you move, the more kinetic energy you build up.

Potential energy is energy that’s stored up, waiting for an outside mover. Waiting for a nudge, a kick, or a “suggestion.” It’s hard to “see” potential energy. A roller coaster, at the top of a hill, has potential energy. A ball, just before it’s dropped, has lots of potential energy. A spring, when fully outstretched, has lots of potential energy.

When I’m sitting with a leader, asking what other “potential” leaders are present in their group, they are looking for “kinetic energy” leaders. They’re looking for someone who’s already leading. They want to suggest someone whose kinetic energy is building, not someone who has potential energy stored up.

Someone who has potential energy may look uncommitted and unmotivated. They may appear lazy. It may seem that they’re far from being ready to lead.

Seeing Potential

Seeing potential is tough, because you can’t look at who, or what, is in front of you. You’re looking at what’s in front of someone else. Often, what’s in front of them is something that they haven’t seen themselves. Potential energy isn’t moving mountains and creating waves. Potential energy may be sitting calmly, not realizing the kinetic energy right in front of them.

Which is exactly why they need a nudge. From you.

Here are 6 easy ways to nudge to a potential leader

1. Tell them that you believe in them. And mean it. Encouragement goes a long way in nudging a potential leader.

2. Tell them the potential you see in them. Help paint a picture for them of what could be if they were to lead.

3. Give them a chance to lead, and set things up for an easy win.

4. Ask for feedback on your own leadership. Ask them how they think you could improve.

5. Read a book on leadership…together. Meet as you’re reading through it, and discuss observations you find.

6. Give them authority over an area of your organization, or over a special project. Trust them to make decisions and lead well, and follow up to ensure they feel supported and are growing.

Question:

Do you find it difficult to spot potential leaders? How do you give them a nudge?

* photo credit: Ahisgett

 

BE the Church

I learn a lot while flying on an airplane. Last time I flew, this post happened: HERE.

Photo Credit: Creation Swap user Suaz Carranz

Last time, I sat beside a couple of ladies that brought along hard-boiled eggs.

This time, I’m not sure it was any better. Here’s what I would’ve tweeted if I had had internet capabilities:

  • Gosh, I love kids, but seriously? Do you really need to scream the whole flight? And I know that you, mom, are trying to help, but yelling louder than the screams isn’t helping.
  • Did that guy in front of me just exhaust that whole bottle of Germ-x? Is he drinking it? I’m pretty sure my nose is now germ-free. And on fire.
  • I think the person behind me has passed enough gas to fuel the plane. This is bad…and I can’t go anywhere.
  • Truth: Snores are much louder on a plane. Something gets amplified when you’re that high in the air.
  • I got in “trouble” on the plane because I didn’t listen to the pilot when he said to put away all electronic devices. Apparently, a Kindle can take down a plane.

But I sat beside a couple of single parents and had a great time hearing a bit of their story and understanding who they are. We struck up a conversation about parenting, and they both have 16-year-old daughters. They were throwing ideas around for their daughters’ upcoming birthday parties, and I quickly felt out of my league. Partly because I have a 3-year-old son. Partly because they think much more extravagantly for birthdays than I do. I can get my son a $.99 matchbox car and he’s thrilled.

I also felt like a great parent after hearing their birthday suggestions. There were three that rose to the top.

Top 3 Birthday Suggestions from 10,000 feet

  • You could take your daughter to this make-up artist I know. She charges $400/hour, but it’s worth it. I go there every once in a while…
  • You could send them with their friends to Dallas. Dallas is a fun city, right?
  • You could send your daughter to Las Vegas for the weekend. I’m sure she’d love that. Oh, wait…do you think she should have adult supervision?…

It was at that point that I really started feeling like, though I often feel clueless as a parent, I am a pretty awesome dad. And I was reminded that common sense isn’t common.

Inevitably, all of my conversations on a plane end up coming back to a conversation about God. This one was no different. Both of these single parents grew up in church, but were burned for various reasons. I asked

Are you and God on speaking terms?

They were. But they wanted nothing to do with a local church. Nothing. “I like your God, but not the whole religion thing.”

So I got the chance to advocate for a ‘better’ Church. And I took the opportunity to show them that there are churches in America that aren’t burning people. Churches that are making a difference in their communities. Churches that are speaking Truth and hope and grace and mercy. Churches that are based not on maintaining programs, but investing in people. Churches where it’s safe to explore faith. Churches where you’re encouraged to come as you are.

As I’m sharing this truth with my two new friends, I was struck by the fact that everywhere I go, I’m a living, breathing, talking billboard for the Church. And if we (the Church) are ever going to overcome the perception that we’re just a group of judgmental, self-serving, stingy bigots it’s got to start with me.

You may not think of yourself this way, but you are, too. The conversations you have paint a picture for others.

Can we start painting a better picture? One that looks a little more like our Savior?

My new picture will look like this:

Be generous.

Be loving.

Be full of grace.

Be full of mercy.

Be the Church. 

*Photo credit: Creation Swap User Suaz Carranz

 

How to Overcome Perceptions

image credit: CreationSwap user Rich Aguilar

Just the other day, I had someone tell me that all of my posts on Facebook are about food and parenting. “You must really love your food…and your son!”

Well, she’s right about me loving my food…and my son.

But she’s wrong about all of my posts being about those two topics. And I could’ve corrected her, but thank you very much Dale Carnegie, I just smiled and continued the conversation. Correcting her would’ve done no good. Why?

Perception is everything.

People can perceive you to be all sorts of things that you’re not. I’ve been perceived

  • Naive
  • Un-thoughtful
  • Forgetful
  • Unwise
  • Small-minded
  • Forgetful
  • Lazy
  • Unmotivated
  • Wasteful
  • Greedy
  • Self-serving

And in each of those cases, I could verbally tell you why I’m not that. Explain to you how I’m not lazy. Map out for you how I’m really not small-minded. Draw a diagram on the back of a napkin to show you how I’m not self-serving.

And in each of those cases, I would watch you walk away shaking your head in disagreement, firmly planted and confirmed in your ideas about me.

Perceptions aren’t often logical. They’re feelings-based. And feelings-based ideas aren’t overcome by logic and reason. They’re overcome by another feeling.

Instead of telling you how I’m not lazy, I need to show you that I hustle every day.

Instead of telling you how I’m not forgetful, I need to remember your name.

Instead of telling you how I’m not greedy, I need to demonstrate for you generosity.

Instead of telling you that I’m not self-serving, I need to show you what it looks like to serve others.

Perceptions of the Church

I know that, because of what we’ve stood against and how we’ve lived in this world, others have certain perceptions of the Church. Certain perceptions that aren’t necessarily true. Perceptions that, because of our history, people have come to believe. They perceive that we’re

  • Naive
  • Small-minded
  • Bigots
  • Deceived
  • Foolish
  • Stubborn
  • Boring
  • Lazy
  • Uncaring
  • Weak

I’m ashamed of the perceptions that the Church has gained. And I could lay out for you how our church is different. I could logically walk you through what we do differently. But most of the time, that’s not going to work. Perceptions aren’t logical. They’re rooted in feelings and emotions.

So I’m just going to show you. I’m going to let you see the Church in action through me. I’m going to serve and love and give and go and never expect anything in return. I’m going to be the Church and live the Church. Instead of just talking, I’m going to serve. Instead of just debating, I’m going to love. Instead of arguing, I’m going to give.

That’s what the Church does.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. – Jesus, from John 13:34-35

*Image credit: CreationSwap user Rich Aguilar 

 

 

 

Out-dreaming Those You Lead

Leaders should dream, because without dreaming there’s no forward momentum.

But dreaming without leading can leave you out-dreaming your team.

Photo Credit: Creation Swap User Rob Gros

A good friend of mine has a boss that lives in her dream world. Her boss is living out her dream of owning her own small business…this is what she’s wanted to do her whole life. And she gets frustrated when those she’s hired don’t have hearts that beat for the business like hers does, and when her employees aren’t as personally invested in her dream as she is. Though she has great employees (case-in-point, my friend), they feel like they can never measure up to the standard that their boss sets as a pace for the organization, even when they’ve accomplished their job well.

I’d love to say that this only happens in the secular world, but I’d venture to reason that you’ve seen this dynamic on Sunday mornings at church. Maybe you’ve even fallen into this trap.

Ever have a volunteer you’re responsible for not show up? Ever been frustrated by that?

When church leaders grow frustrated because they’re out-dreaming those they’re leading, they often heap guilt on others. Here’s a scenario for you:

Sorry, I can’t make it this Sunday…it’s been a crazy week…I’m tired, my kids are tired, and I’m just not going to be able to make it to volunteer in the parking ministry…

Sorry I can’t make it this Sunday, we’re going out of town next week and I need to get things ready…

Sorry I can’t make it this Sunday, I’m going to the _____ game Sunday afternoon…

To which every church staffer thinks

I’ve had a hard week too…I’m tired…and I want to go to that game!!

And the follow-up thought, if you’ll be honest with yourself right now, is this:

Do they really love Jesus? Because if they did…

Confession Time

I’ve fallen into the trap of out-dreaming those on my team. See, I’m living my dream right now. I absolutely love what I do. I love my church, the team I get to work with, and what I get to do within it. And sometimes…*shocker*…I have some volunteers that aren’t as committed to leading their small group as I am to leading this ministry.

I find a part of me growing frustrated that they’re not as invested in this as I am. Frustrated that I put long, hard hours into leading the ministry, while they have other dreams they’re pursuing (which, in the moment, I’d call less important). I’ve even thought, “If it were me, I’d give up _____ so I could lead my small group.” Or, “If I were them, I’d not let my kids do _____ so that I could love people and lead my small group well…” Those are some low moments for me.

In those moments, I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that this is my dream, not theirs.

Leaders: your dream is your dream. Don’t expect that everybody is going to be invested in it like you are.

Sure, you cast vision well. Sure, you recruit leaders well. Sure, you sell the mission well. But at the end of the day

  • It’s your vision, not theirs.
  • It’s your job, not theirs.
  • It’s your passion, not (necessarily) theirs.
  • You live for this, they don’t.
  • They have other dreams, you don’t.

This shouldn’t discourage you from dreaming. But if you’re going to dream, dream well.

Leaders that Dream Well

  • Allow people to dream with them. Maybe you’re dreaming too small. If you’re going to accomplish your dream, you’ve got to have other people on board. More people = more laborers = more ideas = more solutions = bigger, more effective dreams.
  • Allow flexibility in their dream. In this, you may have to actually give up part of your dream, but in the process, your give your dream the chance to go further. Allowing flexibility means you work from a modified, but unified dream. More flexibility = more buy-in = more unified vision = bigger, more effective dreams.
  • Equip people, but don’t leave them hanging. It’s not their job, after all, to make sure your dream is accomplished. Equip them to work well, but don’t send them out to do a job because you don’t want to do it. Help them accomplish the vision you’ve given them, don’t simply heap a burden on them. More support = more effective work = less burnout = bigger, more effective dreams.
  • Lead well. Lead people to adopt your vision. Don’t look at this from the “You’re either all-in or all-out” vantage point. Lead people to buy in to your vision. Cast vision well, love well, and be patient. After all, how long did it take before you fully followed what God was calling you to do? More leadership = more leaders involved (leaders attract leaders) = more followers involved (leaders also attract followers) = bigger, more effective dreams. 

Have you ever out-dreamed your team?

Have you ever been expected to adopt someone else’s dream that wasn’t your own?

 

Family Values

As a church (Grace Community Church), we say that we value the family. Now I can personally vouch that we do.

I know that older generations accuse my generation of not working hard. But if you spend much time around me, you’ll realize that I don’t fit that mold. (and, in fact, I’d submit that my generation isn’t lazy…we just work differently)

I really enjoy hard work. And when I have to be out of the office for an extended amount of time, it drives me nuts. Not because I’m being pressured from other team members or not living up to perceived expectations. It’s simply because I love what I do, and I love working hard at it.

When Family Calls 

So when I had to be out of the office for 10 days, it was tough…

Read the rest of my guest post for Ron Edmondson’s blog HERE.

 
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