Tag: small group (page 3 of 8)

27 things I’m thankful for

November 22, 2012 / / 2 Comments
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image credit: CreationSwap user Rich Aguilar

This has been a tough year for us. Transitioning churches, cities, and completely overhauling our relationships has been a tough row to hoe. And we wouldn’t have made it but for the grace of God. We’ve found that God’s grace often comes packaged as friends. And occasionally coffee. 🙂

27 Things I’m Thankful for

1. God’s not done with me yet.

2. God’s grace is still for me, not just for everyone else.

3. My wife loves me, and still puts up with me. 🙂

4. My son’s an adventurer. I don’t have to teach him to live dangerously and take risks. I don’t have to push him be a boy. He does it naturally.

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Rex & the crab

5. I’m in a healthy, growing, vibrant church that’s open to change.

6. My job is challenging. Nothing worse than being in a mundane job where you coast and aren’t needed.

7. Our house will be done soon. We’re living with my in-laws. It’s awesome, but I’m excited about our the project coming together. Here’s what we’ve got now:

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our lot

 

8. My coffee station. It’s the little things, right?

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my office coffee station

9. That I don’t have to put up with cats. But you already knew that. Again, the little things. 🙂

10. To be in a job that I enjoy.

11. To serve on staff with a leader that I enjoy. Thanks Derek.

12. The burgeoning small groups team. We’re small, but scrappy. 🙂 thanks Micha!

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13. The staff that has supported us in great ways. Especially Nick and Parker. And Calvin and Erica. Oh yeah, and Eric. Tony. Cyndi. Jason. Nate. Bill. The Dybas. Rog. Angie. Jeff. J Lo. Jeff. LT. Robyn. Lynne. Shannon. Brian. Shane. The Lamberths. Amanda. Todd. Henry. Julie. Andrew. Heck, you can see them all here.

14. The work I get to do with Steve Gladen and the Small Group Network. It’s awesome.

15. Being in a job where my gifts are maximized and my heart and mind are challenged. I know I kind of said that already, but I’m super thankful. So it bears repeating.

16. The countless small group leaders that have made it a point to encourage me in this transition.

17. Our family, that we’re living with. They’re so gracious.

18. My family, who has been so supportive of the craziness that has been our life over the past few months.

19. Grace, with whom we spent 5 amazing years.

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20. Chad & the rest of the staff team at Grace, that were incredibly gracious and supportive of us as we made the hardest move of our lives.

2!. Good friends like David and Tony and the Anthonys and the Wolfes that have come to see us in Hendersonville.

22. Guys in my life that mentor me from far off. Thanks Ron.

23. My buddies that helped me move. Thanks John, Tony, Brad, Brandon, and Byron.

24. Friends that have still stayed in touch, even though I’ve moved. Thanks Jesse, Michael, and Peter.

25. Chocolate chip pecan pie. With a piping hot cup of good coffee.

26. Our Clarksville realtor, who helped us sell our house in 3 days. Thanks Jackie.

27. Our Hendersonville realtor, who showed us that it’s possible to be patient with a young couple as they look through 50+listings…only to end up buliding something new. Thanks Jeff.

What are you thankful for? Anybody you can thank, and tag here?

 

Measuring what matters in small groups

November 21, 2012 / / 2 Comments

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I attended the ReGroup conference at North Point this year. I decided to post some of the notes. To see all of them, click HERE.

Introduction

How do we know if our ministries are working? Is it stories or is it statistics? Yes. Stories and statistics are not mutually exclusive. The measurements that we track help us tell the story of our ministry…about what has happened, what is happening, or what will happen. They help us know if we are “winning.” Measurements matter, so we measure what matters.

I. Where stories and statistics intersect

A. “Story” people and “statistics” people

  1. Stories engage the heart
  2. Statistics engage the head.
B. As a church, we are both organism and organization.
  1. Organism without organization is chaos
  2. Organization without organism is lifeless

II. Involve the right people

A. Establishing measurements must be a collaborative effort.

B. Establishing measurements requires diverse perspectives.

  1. Ministry involvement offers the perspective of ownership.
  2. Manager involvement offers the perspective of oversight.

III. Leverage best practices

A. Tie to the strategic

  1. Vision (life is better connected, which is why they measure “connection”), mission (to lead people into a growing relationship with Christ, which is why they send out a survey 2x/year to people in groups), and strategy (to create environments where people can grow, which is why they track the number of groups and the number of people in groups) must drive all measurements
  2. For each area of the organization, measurements must be developed around a clear win and critical factors of success. They measure 4 things: group participation, leader apprentice (for future growth), leader retention, and leader training
B. Tips on the tactical
  1. If you can’t or won’t change something, then don’t ask for feedback
  2. When relevant, use rations 100% of the time. This makes it easy to compare over time.
  3. Track over time to establish targets. You have got to have trends.
  4. Don’t marry your metrics.

IV. Follow up the right way

A. We don’t make decisions based on measurements alone.
B. We do…
  1. Open conversations. We believe the best, and don’t assume the worst.
  2. Start explorations
  3. Plan ahead…use numbers to look forward
  4. Benchmark standards
  5. Celebrate success. Don’t just focus on gaps.

Conclusion

The church is people and every one of them has a story. Our measurements must always be complemented with the stories of the people they represent. But stories, like numbers, can be manipulated. Therefore, it is not one or the other. We must walk the path between the ditches of the lifeless, organization-only mentality and the chaotic, organism-only approach. This is wise and skillful leadership; this is where sustainable growth is found. What you manage shows what you value.

 

Developing a Small Groups Strategy

November 21, 2012 / / 0 Comments

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I attended the ReGroup conference at North Point this year. I decided to post some of the notes. To see all of them, click HERE.

Introduction

There is a road map you can follow when developing your small group ministry. In this breakout, we’ll talk about the key principles that form the framework of our small group strategy. And we’ll discuss how you can contextualize them to your adult ministry, regardless of the size.

I. Some contextual thoughts for developing a small groups strategy

A. Leading a small group is to developing a groups strategy as driving a car is to building a car. A car and a groups’ strategy are both systems. 

B. Every system is built of essential components.

  1. If you leave out an essential component, your system won’t work.
  2. If you don’t know what the essential components are, you won’t know why your system down’t work.
  3. For every essential component, there is a steering question to ask and a guiding principle to consider.
  • When you have better questions, you get better ideas.
  • When you have better ideas, you get better solutions.

C. The goal for today is to further your ability to develop and implement an effective groups strategy. 

D. We will achieve the goal through two tactics:

  1. Introduce the five essential components of a small groups strategy.
  2. Illustrate an expression of these components using the example of our model

II. The Five components of an effective small group strategy

A. Point leadership

  1.  Steering question: Who is empowered, responsible, and accountable for the success of our groups system?
  2. Our answer:
  3. Guiding principle: “First who, then what.” – Jim Collins, Good to Great

B. Establish clear wins

  1. Steering question: How is our groups’ strategy helping us accomplish our vision?
  2. Our answer: intimacy with God, community with insiders, influence with outsiders. Closeness and intimacy (closed model), vs connecting people quickly (open model)
  3. Guiding principle: Life change happens best in the context of a small group. People love to win!

C. Coaching structure

  1. Steering question: How are we providing real-time, tactical support to group leaders?
  2. Our answer: coaching provides vision, orientation, direction, and support.
  3. Guiding principle: coached leaders go further, faster

D. Leader development

  1. Steering question: How are we equipping leaders with the knowledge they need?
  2. Our answer: community group leader orientation, coaches meetings, early gathering, theopraxis
  3. Guiding principle: Teach less for more.

E. Assimilation Solution

  1. Steering question: How are we forming groups?
  2. Our answer: Group Link in January and August. At Athens church, they appoint people to small groups
  3. Guiding principle: Think steps, now programs.

Conclusion:

  1.  There is no such thing as “the thing,” that silver bullet that solves all small group problems.
  2. The strategy will only be as strong as the weakest component.
  3. The expressions may not be infinitely scalable; the questions are.
  4. Ask and answer these questions continuously.

 

 

Small Groups, My Insecurities, & 9 Ways to Respond to the Quiet Guy

November 15, 2012 / / 8 Comments

I was in a small group my junior and senior years of high school that was absolutely monumental in my spiritual journey. That group helped me more than years and years of sermons I heard. More than years and years of sitting under a Sunday school teacher. More than years and years of individual study.Even though I didn’t talk much.

You know why I didn’t talk much during group time?

I was afraid.

I was afraid that I’d say something and be wrong.

Afraid I’d misquote a Scripture.

Afraid I’d say something and be disproven.

Afraid I’d say something dumb.

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image credit: Matt Gruber, Creation Swap, edits mine

There were a handful of times when I’d share something, only for someone to immediately respond with, “Well, why would you say this if ______ is true? What about the verse that says, “______.”

I’m sure that the guys saying these things weren’t trying to strike fear in me. Surely they weren’t intentionally trying to undercut every little step of faith I took to kick my fear in the teeth. They couldn’t be backhanding slamming my little serve across the net, like the guy that toys with you in ping pong, only to make you look silly with a flick of his wrist.

But every time I put myself out there, and they gave a quick retort, I retreated into my shell.

It’s a fear of man issue, I know. I’ve worked through it. I’ve dealt with my issues. I’m still dealing with them. I’m more and more comfortable being harshly corrected and chastised in a small group. My skin has toughened, and I’m more and more confident in who God has created me to be, rooting my identity in Christ. But here’s a word of wisdom to every small group leader:

Be careful how you respond to the quiet guy.

It’s easy to break people. Inadvertently, you squelch courage, winning the battle you didn’t even know existed. Winning the battle for the wrong team.

Instead of jumping all over the guy that says something you don’t agree with, let me offer a few responses you could give:

Helpful discussion engagers from a small group leader:

1. Hmm…that’s interesting. Can you explain that a little more?

2. Hmm…that’s interesting. Anybody else have a different take?

3. Thanks a ton for sharing that. We so value your perspective.

4. Good thought. Sounds like you’re pretty passionate about that. Where did you first hear that?

5. Thanks for that. I love the diversity of thought here.

6. Thanks for sharing. Let’s bounce that thought around the group.

7. But the Bible says, “_____,” so you’re wrong… (trust me, even if the person stands in stark contrast with the Bible, this is never, ever the best response right out of the gate)

8. I’ve not heard that angle before. Help me understand where you’re coming from.

9. So, let me try to repeat what you said so we can all be sure to understand your point…

There is a time for correction. A time for pointing out the Truth, and letting people choose to fall into the arms of Truth or run from them. There is a time for brutally honest feedback. But that time isn’t from you, the group leader, the “expert,” right after that person shares. Please don’t stomp out courage. Don’t cut off safety. Don’t snuff out curiosity.

And don’t kick the quiet guy.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. – Proverbs 18:21

 

 

Disruption: the king of community

September 19, 2012 / / 2 Comments

I met the king of community last night. He was in my small group, just waiting to reveal himself at the right time.

I’ve seen him before. He’s popped his head in a few times to small group or to random conversations with friends. I’ve seen him at the gym, in the coffee shop, and waiting in line at Wal Mart.

It’s hard to plan for him, because he comes and goes as he pleases. The best thing you can do is to be ready for him, because when he shows up he could destroy a relationship. He could so distract you that you think he’s an annoyance, something you need to move past to get to something else that’s more important. In the moment, nobody really likes him.

The king of community’s name is not “food,” though that helps. His name is not “coffee,” though in my small group coffee is vital. His name is not “funny joke” or “comfortable couch” or “a great Bible study” or “common interests.”

His name is disruption.

image credit: CreationSwap user Jeremy Binns, edits mine

He shows up in a number of different ways. He shows up often in small groups, but if you’re not ready for him, he’ll come and go unnoticed as the king. He’ll frustrate, distract, and derail. In fact, when he shows up, he’ll make people want to leave.

But if you’re ready for him, he’ll build a stronger sense of community than you could ever imagine. Small group leader: be ready.

Unplanned disruption

Pain.

Sometimes this pain is caused outside of your group (losing a loved one, losing a job, etc.). Other times it’s a pain that’s shared together by the group. Either way, pain and difficulty disrupt the “normal” and build community. Neither of these painful experiences can you plan, and neither of these painful experiences would you long for. But either can cause your relationship with that person to go really deep really quickly, knitting your stories together.

The prayer request.

Look out for this one, because it’ll sucker-punch you in a small group. You’re ready to shut the group down for the night when someone brings up the request, “Dave’s not here tonight because we decided to separate.” Or, “Every week I just sit here and listen, but I need to tell you that I’m addicted to _____.” In these moments, slow down and let community happen.

The random question.

You’ll be tempted to dismiss this one as a distraction. And though it may be distracting you from the topic at hand, it can be a great community builder. These questions disarm people, giving them a chance to rally around their doubts, confusions, and curiosities. Chances are good that one person’s curiosities will reveal another’s.

Planned disruption

Meeting to serve.

Try putting your Bible study aside for the night and serving at a local soup kitchen. Or going shopping for your neighbor with 3 kids whose husband just left. Or going on a full-fledged mission trip together.

Game night.

Nothing reveals the depravity of the human heart quite like game night. Gloves come off, ribbing begins, and friends turn on each other. All is fair in love and war…but not in a game of “Cranium.”

The tough saying/hard question.

“What’s God calling you to do with this?” “How are you going to obey Jesus with this today?” “Why does God ask us to ____?” Wrestling through difficult questions and hard sayings builds community. Plan these question-bombs wisely.

Watch for disruptions. They’ll either rip the fabric of your group apart…or weave it together into beautiful community.

Question: 

Have you experienced authentic community? What helped build that?

 

 

Measuring new small group health

September 12, 2012 / / 7 Comments

When a group leader launches a new small group, they’re curious. They want to know if they’re going to have a successful group. They don’t know if their group is going to stick, if people will come back, or if they’ll take steps of faith together.

How do you know if your new small group is going to “work”? How do you know if they’re going to stick together and grow and have dynamic stories of life change?

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image credit: iStockPhoto user Daft_Lion_Studio

Is it that you have solid biblical discussions right off the bat?

Is it that for the first few weeks everybody shows up?

Is it that they’ve already started talking about the group serving together?

Is it just that sense of “peace,” that fluffy feeling in your stomach, that you sometimes get?

I submit something different. I saw the #1 marker of success in the small group that my wife and I lead, and I saw it last night. How do I know we’re going to have a successful group?

They stayed at our house until almost 11:00.

And we started at 6:30.

Relationally, we’ve already made deep connections. When we say, “Amen,” we’re not done. Our group isn’t defined by our study alone. Our group isn’t defined by the fact that we meet on Tuesday nights. Our group isn’t defined by our life stage or our kids’ ages. Our group is defined by significant relationships, built around the stories God has written with our lives and the story He’s writing with us together as a group.

We’ve built authentic community quickly. It just took us a few weeks, but God’s woven us together beautifully. We’ve made a priority out of getting to know each other at a level deeper than the surface. And it’s working. Late into the night every Tuesday night.

If your group hangs around after you say, “Amen,” you’re doing something right.

Without significant relationships, your group won’t last. Mark my word.

 

9 vital reasons for small talk in your small group

September 4, 2012 / / 5 Comments

If you’re going to be a good small group leader, master the art of small talk.

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image credit: iStockPhoto user Digital Skillet

Mastering small talk is an underrated strength of the best small group leaders.

Even though you might tell me that small talk:

  • Is pointless
  • Is too surfac-y
  • Is difficult
  • is a waste of time

My wife and I just launched a new group, and were quickly reminded how awkward the first few weeks are. It’s like a really weird blind date with a group of people you don’t know and don’t care to know.

Nobody knows each other. Everybody is on edge. Nobody knows what’s safe. Nobody knows what to say or when to say it. And everyone wonders what to expect.

So they shut down. Especially when you have a group full of introverts, which we do.

Everyone plays the wallflower.

Enter “small talk.” Talking about the weather, work, or your favorite football team tends to dominate small group time on the front end of a group’s life. It’s surface-level communication, and for some of you it’s frustrating.

But small talk is more important than you could imagine. Why?

If group members don’t feel connected in the first 8 weeks, you’ll lose them.

Why small talk is vital in group

1. Connects common interests
You’re a football fan, too?!? You like to run?!? You just started coming to our church?!?

2. Gives people something to talk about
This food is good, right? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?
3. Breaks the tension
Everybody feels it, and nobody knows what to do. And this tension is awkward. It’s looking for a release.
4. Keeps it on the surface
I don’t want to share my deepest, darkest secret to you right now, so…how ’bout that rain? Your group can and will get around to deeper issues in life. Until then, lots has to happen: trust has to develop, relationships must grow, and steps of faith must be taken together.
5. Keeps me from thinking you don’t care.
You could sit off in the corner, but if you do, I’ll think you don’t want to be a part of my life. Small talk engages people and gets them chatting.
6. Keeps my mind from wandering to ‘I do not want to be here.’
Early on, excuses like ‘I don’t want to be here anyway’ or ‘this is too difficult’ or ‘these people don’t like us’ or ‘I have more important things to do’ can win in the battle over whether someone leaves the comfort of their home or not.
7. Makes me feel welcomed. 
When you make it a point to Talk with another group member, they feel valued. They feel like you care about who they are. They feel included in your new, awkward family.
8. Helps encourage me to come back.
Mark my words: though the Bible study may be great, though you may choose just the right curriculum, though you are a brilliant discussion leader, people will return to your group for one reason: relationships. Build them and build them quickly.
9. Opens the door for deeper conversations. 
deeper conversations happen because we have taken steps towards that. They rarely happen spontaneously.
Obviously, small talk can’t dominate group communication forever. But on the front end, it will.
That is, if you want your group to have long-term success. If you want your group to feel a sense of connection with other group members early. If you want to open the door to deeper connections.
So…how ’bout them Cubbies?
 

How the Jews get it & the Christians miss it

August 14, 2012 / / 19 Comments
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image credit: CreationSwap user Jason Harper

Traditional thinking in American Protestant culture values individual time with God. We purport that as the center of spiritual growth.

Go in your room, shut the door, and study.

Master the art of the “quiet time.” Just you and God. Not you and God and ____. Leave ____ out.

Read a book by yourself. Put headphones on and listen to a podcast by yourself. Go sit on a hammock and pray…by yourself.

This bleeds into our worship services, too. We sit in a classroom-style setting, with rows of chairs in a Sunday school class or a worship center. One person, the teacher or preacher, proclaims the Truth we need to digest, while being certain to keep our hands to ourselves. There’s no talking allowed in either setting. I even remember a note in the bulletin of a local church I attended saying, “If you have to get up during worship, please do so before the sermon starts in order to not distract the work of the Holy Spirit.” Because the Holy Spirit throws up His hands in utter ‘what-am-I-going-to-do-now’ fashion as soon as a kid gets up to go to the bathroom.

Contrast this with traditional Jewish styles of learning:

Jews seldom study Torah alone; the study of Torah is, more often than not, a social and even communal activity. Most commonly, Jews study Jewish texts in pairs, a method known as havruta (“fellowship”). In havruta, the pair struggles to understand the meaning of each passage and discusses how to apply it to the larger issues addressed and even to their own lives. – Rachael Schultz

Studying, wrestling, and seeking hard after God is done communally. We Protestants have missed that. With our rows of people, quiet services, quiet times with God, and personal spiritual growth plans, we inadvertently push people towards an individualistic faith.

My friend, James Grogan, says

Circles are better than rows.

He may have stolen that phrase, but since I don’t know who said it first, I’ll give James the credit. Circles promote group growth, unity, and a combined synergy towards knowing God, encouraging each other, correcting each other, and pushing each other towards God’s best.

The reality is that I don’t know everything there is to know about the Bible. God hasn’t revealed all angles and varied beauty of truth to me. Your life experiences have given you a certain interpretation of the texts of Scripture that help me know God more fully. Your upbringing, your failures, your pain, your victories, your passions…they all help me know God better. Not that if we study and engage God together that we have to walk out of that clones of one another. I’m still me and you’re still you. But our collective relationships with our Creator is multiplied together.

The advantages of studying together

1. We both work to fulfill the Great Commission.

Iron sharpens iron, and together we push one another to love Jesus more.

2. We build fellowship.

The early church devoted themselves to fellowship, and God honored them in this. (Acts 2:42) You can’t do this on your own.

3. We fight against pride, realizing we’re not the only ones with the “right” answer.

On your own, you’re prone to thinking you’ve got the best angle, the most understanding, and all of the “right” answers. If you thought you didn’t, you’d change your mind, right?

4. Past experiences are (at least) doubled, adding new flavors and angles to the truth.

You only have one past, one set of experiences and one mind. And thus only one insight into the vast depth of Scripture.

5. We can laugh together.

And that’s vital for our growth. If you laugh on your own, while it’s just you and God talking, people look at you weird. And put you away in “homes” for a long time.

6. We don’t get “stuck” on questions.

We’re less prone to getting stuck, because we can help each other out of our ruts of questions.

7. There’s built-in accountability.

I can’t short-cut the process of learning if I’m constantly being pushed and challenged by someone else. Alone, in a large room, though, it’s easy to disappear, not process, and not challenge myself.

8. You’re prone to being narrow-minded by yourself.

We can so easily dive straight into narrow-minded legalism and bigotry when we make our faith only about ourselves.

9. You only have 2 ears to hear from God, alone.

When you read the Scriptures and study them alone, you’re limited to your own ears. God speaks to other people besides you. You know that, right?

10. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

Obeying God is too hard. Trying to understand, and obey, the Scriptures will break you. If you go it alone.

We Protestants have missed the boat when we study, prepare, and deliberate the Scriptures by ourselves. We’re better together.

Because circles are better than rows.

 

 

How to encourage Radically simple, beautiful prayer

August 9, 2012 / / 10 Comments

“This is your house. You’ve got the floor to pray if you want.” I whispered to my friend as we gathered together in his kitchen, people spilling into the dining room, stirring prior to small group. Lots of people showed up that night, eager to engage in each others’ lives, catch up on the week, and dig into the homemade meatball subs simmering on the stove top.

image credit: CreationSwap user Stacey Lewis

Facial expressions speak much louder than words. Unless, of course, you are screaming into a megaphone, in which case those words speak louder than your facial expressions. But in most instances in life, knee-jerk facial expressions speak what’s on your heart loudly. In this moment, I knew I’d inadvertently put my friend in an awkward spot.

“Umm…ok. Let’s do this” he whispered back, shrugging his shoulders to shake off that nervous feeling of inadequacy and I-have-no-idea-what-I’m-doing.

He positioned himself so that the full group could see and hear him, and began to tie the laces of the new “spiritual leader” shoes he was taking for a spin around the block. “Well, guys, welcome to our home,” he squeezed through a forced smile. “We’re glad you’re here” he said as he communicated genuineness, making eye contact with everyone looking up. “I’ve never done this before…well, out loud, anyway…but let’s pray.”

He prayed the most simple, God-honoring, easy-going, authentic prayer I may have ever heard.

There was nothing profound about his prayer. Nothing particularly to note from an outsider’s perspective.

But knowing the internal battle of his heart, combined with the fact that he’d never taken the spiritual lead publicly like this before, it was beautiful. I believe this step of faith he took into unknown (for him) territory has set his family on a pathway to spiritual growth like he’s never known. Though the prayer may not have sounded radical to you, it was a risky, wall-shattering step towards Jesus.

It was our small group that got him ready for this. And I know how we did it.

There’s a way to structure prayer time that encourages prayer. And there’s a way to structure prayer time that encourages people to think you’re amazing and eloquent. One way honors God. One way honors you and your flowery vocabulary.

The more you use theologically technical, complicated words when you pray out loud, the more you’ll encourage people to shut down during prayer time. Why?

Because they don’t have that vocabulary.

At some level, praying out loud is like public speaking. Glossophobia (fear of public speaking) strikes 3/4 people, and we as a culture are deathly afraid of speaking in public. Maybe it’s a twisted form of pride that we need to work through, but the truth remains: speaking publicly strikes a fear into most people’s heart. Combine that with the fact that people don’t know the words you’re using, they’re afraid to appear “immature” spiritually in front of other people. They don’t know what to say, and it’s easy to shut people down during group prayer time through the words you use.

The leader sets the tone

You, the leader, can lead group members to take radical steps of faith by the way you pray out loud. Pray simply. Pray as if you’re talking to a friend…because you are, right? God’s not impressed by your theologically charged language. He wants your heart, not your words that seek to impress hearers. In fact, when you use words that don’t encourage others to unite with you in prayer, you sound a lot like the hypocrite from Matthew 6. You’ve gotten your reward already, and the reward isn’t that God heard you.

Want to encourage others to begin praying?

Pray simply. Use normal language. And keep your prayers short. Pray for a specific request, thank God that He showed up, and move on.

It’s in that process of simplicity that group members begin to think, “This prayer thing…it’s not so hard. Maybe I can try talking to God, too.”

Last time I checked, talking to God for the first time is a radical, beautiful step of faith.

 

 

 

10 Ways to Ensure I’ll Never Revisit your Church

August 1, 2012 / / 51 Comments

I’ve visited a lot of churches. I’m always looking for ways that our whole church can improve.

It’s amazing what a fresh set of eyes can find.

It’s one thing to get people in the door once. But to get someone to visit again, and begin to call your church their home? Much tougher.

photo credit: Flickr User “The Snige”

We’re still trying to figure out ways to ensure people stick, but there are a few things we’ve learned that will guarantee someone won’t come back.

10 Ways to Ensure I’ll Never Revisit your Church

1. Offer no easy way to plug in to community.

Don’t tell me about small groups. Make me wait forever to plug in…or make me do extensive work to even figure out what kind of groups you offer.

2. Don’t be welcoming in the parking lot.

Just do your job, don’t speak to me as I walk in, and offer a bit of a “it-is-early-on-a-Sunday-morning” scowl.

3. Don’t acknowledge I’m in the service.

Give no head nod to “first timers,” “visitors,” or “folks just checking us out.” In fact, just speak to the inner core, the “members.”

4. Acknowledge me too much.

Call me out and have me stand up. Ask me to publicly share my name and darkest secrets.

5. Don’t give much thought or care to your kids ministry.

People don’t care if their children are safe, watched after, and learn the Bible. Nope. Let them run amuck.

6. Pass the offering bucket twice.

Or thrice. And shame me into giving you money.

7. Don’t share the Gospel, or challenge me spiritually.

Because that’s not why people come to church is it…to be stretched to grow spiritually, is it? Oh, wait, maybe that’s one of the main reasons they show up…

8. Ask me to give me your email address, then spam me.

Overwhelm me, starting on Monday morning, with news from every single ministry your church has ever offered.

9. Visit me at home.

Show up during dinner time, if you can. Or while I’m trying to put my son to bed. That would be ideal, please. Our generation loves the random church-member pop-in when we aren’t even sure we like your church. Love. It.

10. Pastor: disappear as soon as you finish preaching.

Go back to the greenroom. Or Starbucks. But don’t position yourself in the hallway. You are a diva, after all.

Note: If you want visitors to return, be warm and inviting. Challenge people to grow. Offer various opportunities to plug in and serve. Then get out of the way and give people the chance to explore.

Question:

Ever had a bad experience while visiting a church?

 
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