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Category: Uncategorized (page 4 of 10)

Insecure, lazy leadership

image credit: CreationSwap User Matt Gruber (edits mine)

There’s a buzz going around about ‘releasing people to _____.’ You can insert any of the following words in that blank:

lead
serve
start projects
launch ministries
do their job

On the surface, this sounds noble. It sounds like you’re fighting the dreaded “micromanagement,” a 4-letter word in churches, businesses, and any organization trying to move forward. Micromanaging is not the way to create a culture of healthy growth for leaders. It does not produce future leaders, nor leave current ones thrilled by any stretch of your imagination.

“We’re releasing people to _____” also sounds like you’re intentionally giving leaders the chance to lead, ensuring that you don’t box people into a proverbial box…or a glass case of emotion, if you prefer. No leader worth their weight in homemade laundry detergent (it’s cheap…trust me) wants to be boxed in…so “release them to _______!”

My concern

I have concerns about this line of thought. Though it sounds noble, I’m afraid that in many cases this is just a mask for ‘I have no idea what I’m doing’ or ‘I am not really willing or able to put time into developing leaders.’ Instead of truly being a noble move, it covers over deeper issues of incompetency (I don’t know what I’m doing, myself), inadequacy (I’ve not been trained at all, myself), or insecurity (I’d rather people not know that I don’t know how to lead them).

Turning someone loose to lead doesn’t mean you abandon them. If you want them to help fulfill the vision for your organization, leaders need direction, oversight, and development. “Management” may not be popular, but it’s vital.

Let’s be fair

It’s organizationally unfair to “release someone to serve” if they haven’t properly developed. It’s not fair for the individual, who’s been thrown in over their head. It’s also not fair for the organization, who now has a leader in place without the necessary tools, and who’s not trusted to lead.

It’s okay to “release people to _____,” but don’t neglect development. Spend great care developing your leaders. The time, money, and resources you spend on development will reap huge dividends.

In the small group world where I operate, I’ve said this phrase, too. I have nuanced it like this: “I’m allowing group leaders to be the shepherds of their group.”

But I didn’t do a great job of developing leaders over time. So that’s going to change.

With our newly implemented coaching structure, combined with our leadership development pathway, we’ve made some major changes. Instead of having trainings as isolated events, they’re connected, increasing in depth through each step. This allows us to take a new leader from “I have no idea what I’m doing as a small group leader” to coaching other group leaders into deeper spiritual health.

We want to be able to “turn leaders loose” in good conscience, trusting them to lead their groups with great effectiveness. To do this, we’ve got to do our part of helping them develop.

Question:

Ever heard the phrase, “We’re releasing people to _____.”?

Ever seen it as an excuse for laziness?

* image credit: CreationSwap User Matt Gruber (edits mine)

Merry Christmas from the Reeds!

December 24, 2011 / Ben Reed / 2 Comments

Wisdom for leaders young and old

December 14, 2011 / Ben Reed / 11 Comments

Stuck Between Stages

I find myself in a strange stage of life at this moment. In many ways, I can appeal to two very different groups: older leaders and younger leaders.

To younger leaders, I’m older. I’ve been in vocational ministry for nearly 6 years, have experience writing, teaching, leading teams, and consulting. I’ve been married for more than 7 years and have a 3 year old son. To “young” leaders, I’m old…ahem…experienced.

To older leaders, I’m still young. I’m not yet 30, still have a young child, have not run as many ministry laps as others, and still have a lot to learn. The “wet” behind my ears isn’t yet fully dried.

I find myself stuck between new leaders and old leaders. Which leaves me categorically nowhere. Thanks a lot, late-20s.

Living the Tension

For many of the decisions in my life right now, I live in this tension. I’ve been around long enough to stand on my own feet…but l have also been around long enough to know I don’t know everything. There are still days I feel in over my head. There are still days where I doubt myself. There are still days when I desperately need the sage advice that experience brings.

But I’ve been around long enough that people are looking at me for that same kind of advice. Which frightens me…and should frighten many others, too.

Many days, I wonder whether the next step forward is a good one…or is just a creepy man with a white wigbeard. Should I tell him what I want…or look at him, like my son did, with much trepidation?

photo credit: me

Allow me, out of this tension, to speak to you.

To older leaders:

We need you. Urge us to proceed with caution or to run full throttle. Prod us to start something new. Encourage us to quit doing what we’re doing. Tell us what you would do if you were our age. We crave your years of experience. We long to learn from your failures so we don’t replicate them. Help us to stand on your shoulders and see further than our own vantage point offers.

To younger leaders:

Seek wisdom. It’s out there for you. In books, podcasts, and blog posts. It’s available in other men and women, screaming to shed light on the dark and confusing areas of your life. Don’t try to navigate the fog on your own. Life’s too short, and you haven’t lived enough of it.

Out in the open wisdom calls aloud, she raises her voice in the public square; on top of the wall she cries out, at the city gate she makes her speech. (Proverbs 1:20-21)

Whatever stage in life you find yourself, you have a role. Lead upwards and downwards, sideways and backwards. The Kingdom needs you.

Passable Gaps in the Creative Process

December 6, 2011 / Ben Reed / 1 Comment

credit: iStock Photo user TommL

*The creative process is beautiful and frustrating and exhilarating and exhausting. Yet far too often, we put out a poor product. One we’re not even proud of. One that doesn’t inspire further creativity, but de-spires it. (kind of like when you create a new word, like “de-spire”)

I look back to work I did a few years back and I think, “How did I ever send that?” It’s not that it’s full of mistakes. It’s that it’s just not that good. I wasn’t being lazy or haphazard with my work. I just knew something was missing and that I could get better.

The Gaps

I noticed gaps between what I was producing and what I wanted to produce. Gaps between “good” art and “lousy” art. I knew what I was aiming for, and I was hitting as close to the target as I knew how. I recognized the gaps, be it ever so slightly, then but now looking back, those gaps are like chasms.

Closing the Gap

That process continues today. I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to the target, but I still miss. I can describe to you what a beautiful, finished piece of work should look like, but for some reason, my finished work falls short.

With every project, I’m getting a little bit better. One day, I know I’ll look back on my current works and wonder, “How did I ever send that?” But for now, I trust that the daily grind and evaluation is producing an increasingly better and more beautiful work.

So I’ll keep producing the best art with the most care that I know how.

This video from Ira Glass is a great take on the creative process.

(HT: Z)

* I realize that this post is a bit outside of the normal scope of this blog. Thanks for hanging with me, though. This is what’s on my mind right now.

** photo credit: iStock Photo user TommL

The anti-narcissistic medicine of community

December 1, 2011 / Ben Reed / 3 Comments

We’re prone to thinking we have the toughest life, the most stressful schedule. That nobody understands how much we have to deal with. That nobody is as busy as we are.

photo credit: creation swap user Sharolyn Newington

Nobody gets us.

Nobody really understands.

And we can’t really imagine how life could get busier for you.

And if you think this is just as adults, you’re wrong.

Life in College

When I was in college, I remember feeling incredibly busy. I averaged 21 hours of classes each semester. I also played on the golf team. Most days, I’d go to class from 8-2, then play golf until it was dark. Then I’d either go to my room to study, go to the local collegiate ministry house, or both. I was busy. I felt like life couldn’t get any crazier. I needed others to speak into my life and say, “My life is crazier, and God is still sustaining. I’ll walk with you.“ The reality was that life would get much busier and more difficult.

Life in Grad School

The same pattern happened in graduate school. I took a full load of classes and I worked at least one job throughout my time there. I was also married. I’d go to class most days from 8-12, then work from 3-midnight. After that, my wife and I would often head out to the store. Sometimes it was for grocery shopping, other times it was just to get out of the house. Because she was also in grad school and working. Different from college, now I was carrying more weight personally, and felt the burden my wife was experiencing too…that’s just how married life works. We carry each other’s burdens. I needed others to speak into my life and say, “My life is crazier, and God is still sustaining. I’ll walk with you.“ The reality was that life would get much busier and more difficult.

Life after Grad School

The same pattern happened post-graduate school. I’m now working full time, working on side projects, opening a small business, maintaing my house, leading a small group, and raising a son. And I thought that life was busy in college! Life has never been busier. Now, more than ever, I’ve needed others to speak into my life and say, “My life is crazier, and God is still sustaining. I’ll walk with you.“ The reality, based on the pattern I’ve seen, is that life will get much busier and more difficult. It’s not going to slow down.

Our need for community

We need other people in our lives. We need people who remind us that this stage in life will be over. People that remind us that the next stage is full of awesomeness. People that have been where we are, and can honestly tell us that they love us and that it’s going to be okay.

My life is crazier, and God is still sustaining. I’ll walk with you.

We desperately need community.

Question:

Do you feel like you’re busy right now?

* photo credit: creation swap user Sharolyn Newington

20 Ways to ensure your email never gets read

November 28, 2011 / Ben Reed / 6 Comments

image via depositphotos.com

To almost everyone who has ever used email,

I’ve read your emails. One too many times.

They’ve cluttered my inbox. Wasted my time. And asked me to do something I didn’t want to do. (I never wanted to forward this email to my 10 friends, and I’m pretty sure Jesus isn’t upset with me for not.)

If you want to keep ensuring that I don’t read your emails, please note the following whenever you send an email.

20 Ways to Ensure Your Email Never Gets Read

Make sure FWD is in the subject line
Make sure to start with ‘I never send forwards, but this…’
Make your email more than 500 words 200 words 100 words.
Leave out the subject line altogether.
Start with ‘Sorry this email is so long…’
Consistently send emails that have no real purpose or aren’t moving the ball forward.
Never reply to emails
Never follow up with emails you send
Make sure the important stuff is embedded deep in the email and is tough to find
Use a font that is super small
Use a flash image as your background or signature
Assume everyone cares about all of the little details. Every one of them.
Include lots of pictures that take a long time to Download
Includes lots of attachments. More than 3 is preferable.
Send emails that have to be answered within the hour. Never give someone advanced warning.
TYPE IN ALL CAPS
never capitalize anything. even to start a sentence.
Write run on sentences.
Don’t use commas.
Use more than 5 commas/sentence
Don’t use spell check. Ever.

If you want your email to never be read, do any or all of the above.

You’re welcome.

Thanksgiving by the numbers

November 24, 2011 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

Prayer Hijacking

November 16, 2011 / Ben Reed / 12 Comments

Ever heard someone start praying and all of a sudden they’re talking about something that wasn’t requested and you’re thinking, ‘what does that have to do with anything?’

photo credit: creation swap user Stacey Lewis

If you have, you’ve been a part of a prayer hijack.

If you’ve ever been in a small group, you’ve seen this in action. Allow me to illustrate.

Bob volunteers to pray for Mike and Sally because they’ve got a busy week ahead. Here’s how his prayer goes, starting with minute *0:00*:

00:00-1:00 – Opening intro to God

1:00-1:24 – Prayer for Mike and Sally

1:25-3:00 – Reciting random Scripture references

3:00-4:00 – Short exegesis on those Scripture references

4:00-5:00 – completely unrelated prayer of thanksgiving

5:00-7:00 – 5 point sermon on prayer, each pointing starting with the letter Y.

If you’ve ever used an outline for your prayers like that, or if you’ve ever heard someone use that outline and thought, “Oh, please Lord, let me never, ever pray like that out loud…” then make sure you refer to these 5 prayer reminders below.

5 Prayer reminders to Prevent Hijacking

1. Don’t preach a mini sermon. People aren’t bowing their heads and closing their eyes to hear your 5 alliterated points from Romans 8. If your prayer has points and subpoints, you’ve got a mini-sermon on your hands. Remember: you’ve been asked to pray. Not preach. They both start with the letter “p” but they are much different, oh mighty pray-er.

2. Don’t pray longer than 5 minutes. If you do, there’s no possible way you can stay on track. And there’s no way that anyone else is thinking anything positive about you after minute 1.5. If it takes you longer than 1.5 minutes to pray out loud in a group setting, ask them if you can be slated for the devotional next time.

3. Keep it focused. Remember the request you’re praying for. Stay on track, prayer warrior. I know your mind is running to all kinds of different prayers, sub prayers, and sub sub prayers…but keep your mind on the task at hand. Mike and Sally need you right now.

4. Long prayers intimidate others. Praying out loud is a great fear for people. And the longer your prayers are, the more people feel like they need to pray at least as long as you. Want to encourage people to pray? Then bring your stopwatch with you to small group.

5. This isn’t about you. Build your platform somewhere else. Impress your small group later. For now, bring someone’s request before God, and let the group move on. By trying to impress, you depress. And nobody wants a depressor in their small group. Nobody. Not even you.

Feel free to print these out on index cards and give them to everyone in your small group. Don’t just give them to that guy. If you do, it’ll just make things more awkward. And by “awkward,” I mean that his 7 minute prayer will blossom into a 12 minute prayer before the night is up.

Ever been a part of a prayer hijacking?

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. – Matthew 6:5

* photo credit: Stacey Lewis, creation Swap

BE the Church

November 11, 2011 / Ben Reed / 2 Comments

I learn a lot while flying on an airplane. Last time I flew, this post happened: HERE.

Photo Credit: Creation Swap user Suaz Carranz

Last time, I sat beside a couple of ladies that brought along hard-boiled eggs.

This time, I’m not sure it was any better. Here’s what I would’ve tweeted if I had had internet capabilities:

Gosh, I love kids, but seriously? Do you really need to scream the whole flight? And I know that you, mom, are trying to help, but yelling louder than the screams isn’t helping.
Did that guy in front of me just exhaust that whole bottle of Germ-x? Is he drinking it? I’m pretty sure my nose is now germ-free. And on fire.
I think the person behind me has passed enough gas to fuel the plane. This is bad…and I can’t go anywhere.
Truth: Snores are much louder on a plane. Something gets amplified when you’re that high in the air.
I got in “trouble” on the plane because I didn’t listen to the pilot when he said to put away all electronic devices. Apparently, a Kindle can take down a plane.

But I sat beside a couple of single parents and had a great time hearing a bit of their story and understanding who they are. We struck up a conversation about parenting, and they both have 16-year-old daughters. They were throwing ideas around for their daughters’ upcoming birthday parties, and I quickly felt out of my league. Partly because I have a 3-year-old son. Partly because they think much more extravagantly for birthdays than I do. I can get my son a $.99 matchbox car and he’s thrilled.

I also felt like a great parent after hearing their birthday suggestions. There were three that rose to the top.

Top 3 Birthday Suggestions from 10,000 feet

You could take your daughter to this make-up artist I know. She charges $400/hour, but it’s worth it. I go there every once in a while…
You could send them with their friends to Dallas. Dallas is a fun city, right?
You could send your daughter to Las Vegas for the weekend. I’m sure she’d love that. Oh, wait…do you think she should have adult supervision?…

It was at that point that I really started feeling like, though I often feel clueless as a parent, I am a pretty awesome dad. And I was reminded that common sense isn’t common.

Inevitably, all of my conversations on a plane end up coming back to a conversation about God. This one was no different. Both of these single parents grew up in church, but were burned for various reasons. I asked

Are you and God on speaking terms?

They were. But they wanted nothing to do with a local church. Nothing. “I like your God, but not the whole religion thing.”

So I got the chance to advocate for a ‘better’ Church. And I took the opportunity to show them that there are churches in America that aren’t burning people. Churches that are making a difference in their communities. Churches that are speaking Truth and hope and grace and mercy. Churches that are based not on maintaining programs, but investing in people. Churches where it’s safe to explore faith. Churches where you’re encouraged to come as you are.

As I’m sharing this truth with my two new friends, I was struck by the fact that everywhere I go, I’m a living, breathing, talking billboard for the Church. And if we (the Church) are ever going to overcome the perception that we’re just a group of judgmental, self-serving, stingy bigots it’s got to start with me.

You may not think of yourself this way, but you are, too. The conversations you have paint a picture for others.

Can we start painting a better picture? One that looks a little more like our Savior?

My new picture will look like this:

Be generous.

Be loving.

Be full of grace.

Be full of mercy.

Be the Church.

*Photo credit: Creation Swap User Suaz Carranz

Should Pastors Work on their Presentation Skills?

October 29, 2011 / Ben Reed / 14 Comments

photo credit: Creation Swap user Agatha Villa

I’m reading a book right now by Nancy Duarte entitled Resonate.

I’m giving a presentation this upcoming week at the RightNow Conference, and thought it might be helpful to brush up some skills. The book has been a helpful read as I’ve been preparing my talk.

I know that when (some of) you hear that I’m reading a book on communication, you roll your eyes. You feel that pastors shouldn’t concern themselves with things like leadership, communication improvements, and the like. They should just focus on the Gospel. That argument says: Isn’t the Gospel enough?

Though the Gospel is sufficient…I tend to disagree with the train of thought above. I think that leadership and communication are unbelievably important for a pastor to grow in.

For Pastors, Communication and Leadership

are gifts we should steward.
aren’t necessarily innate gifts for preachers, but are skills that can be learned and improved upon
are an important part of sharing the Gospel
are like muscles…if you don’t work on using and improving them, they’ll wither up.
shouldn’t be the only thing we study, but should be part of what we study

If we (pastors) have the best message (the Gospel), shouldn’t we be the best communicators? And if our communication is lacking, shouldn’t we be compelled to improve?

But maybe I’m wrong. So I’d love to hear from you!

When it comes to preaching:

Is it wise for pastors to read books on improving their presentation skills?

Or is that so secondary to the Gospel that we shouldn’t worry about it?

Should we just be reading books about the Gospel?

Or should we be reading books on communication, because communication is the vehicle through which the Gospel goes out?

* photo credit: Creation Swap user Agatha Villa