Category: Uncategorized (page 5 of 10)

Strategic Changes

September 16, 2011 / / 4 Comments

 

*credit, iStockPhoto user 06Photo

Chip and Dan Heath, in their book Switch, referred to the idea of “scripting the step” as you’re walking yourself, or anybody, through the difficult process of change.

We (at Grace Community Church) made some strategic, but very practical, changes to help people “script the step,” and more easily move towards authentic, Gospel-centered community  in small groups. I wrote about some changes we made, and they’re over on Mark Howell’s blog today.

Head on over and check it out HERE.

And while you’re at it, track along with Mark on Twitter and Facebook.

 

9/11 Tribute video

September 11, 2011 / / 0 Comments

Today is our church’s (Grace Community Church) 6th anniversary.  But that wasn’t what was on the forefront of our minds.

We live in a town connected with an Army base, Ft. Campbell.  So we worship with countless soldiers who live daily with the after-effects of the attack on September 11, 2001.  Soldiers whose lives were forever changed that day.

To properly memorialize this monumental day in our country’s history, we sat down with a few soldiers that go to Grace to get their perspective on how life was altered 10 years ago.

 

 

Roughhousing with my son

June 16, 2011 / / 2 Comments

I roughhouse with my son.  Often.

I tickle.  Toss in the air.  Wrestle.  “Fly.”  Give piggy-back rides.  Jump, roll, run, and flip.

My interaction with my son is more rough, tough, and “dangerous” than my wife’s interaction with our son.

That doesn’t make me a better dad than my wife is a mom.  It also doesn’t mean that, for my wife to be a good wife, she needs to try to do what I do and roughhouse with our son.  Moms and Dads have unique roles to play, each contributing to the maturing and preparation of children to become men (and women) who honor God.

I enjoy roughhousing with my son, and I know how important that will be to his development into manhood.  I know it was important for me, growing up with my dad.  We would wrestle, play, and do “dangerous” stuff with him.  And I know for certain that he played a pivotal, key role in helping me understand God-honoring masculinity.  I’m thankful for him every day.

It’s cool when you see something on TV that gives credence to what you already do.  On NBC’s Today Show, they interviewed Anthony DeBenedet about his book, The Art of Roughhousing.  Check out the clip below.

I like this quote:

They’re learning about the tricks and trades of the world, and how difficult the world can be, but they’re doing it in a protected and safe environment with someone they respect, that they love, and that love them.  And that’s important.

Did you roughhouse with your dad?

Do you roughhouse with your kids?  Does that look any different for boys than girls?

 

15 social media etiquette rules

May 30, 2011 / / 1 Comment

Just as common sense isn’t common, neither is etiquette.  Especially in social media.

image by BioInsights

Here’s a general rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t say it in a normal conversation, don’t say it on social media.

Scratch that.

If you don’t have common sense, appealing to reason, and asking you to exercise common sense, won’t work.  Just take a look at my social media etiquette rules below.

The 15 rules of social media etiquette

1. Thank someone for ReTweet-ing you. Especially if they share one of your posts with their followers.  If you don’t, it’s the equivalent of someone saying, “Great job on that speech!” …and you glancing them in the eye, then turning and walking away.

2. Create stuff. Don’t just be a commenter.

3. Comment on stuff. Don’t just be a creator.

4. Enter the conversation regularly. Not just as a response to someone engaging you.

5. Don’t make it all about you, your book, your blog, your podcast, or your life. Even if you are that awesome, we don’t want to hear about it all of the time.

6. ReTweet, ReTweet, ReTweet. Be copious with your ReTweet-ing.

7. If you’ve got something mean to say, say it via DM. Don’t publicly say something everyone can see. Reword it to make it a constructive criticism, not just a destructive one.

8. Keep your blog posts short. If I wanted to read a book, I’d have bought a book.

9. Don’t auto-Direct Message me. Ever.

10. If I want to read your blog, I’ll read your blog. No need for you to DM me about it.  Especially when it’s already in your profile bio.

11. Give more than you receive.

12. Don’t ask me to ReTweet your post. Create better content so I’ll be compelled to ReTweet it without being asked.

13. Build relationships. It’s called “social” media for a reason.

14. Don’t vent on social media. It’s unflattering.

15. Don’t be an auto-bot. Of course, if you’re an auto-bot, you’re probably not reading this post, so this last point is unhelpful.  Sorry.

Any other social media etiquette I missed?

 

Small Group Books

May 30, 2011 / / 6 Comments

Recently, I’ve been getting this question from a lot of other pastors:

Besides the Bible, what are the best books on small groups available?

Here are the ones I think are the strongest, and most helpful, when you’re looking to launch small groups or significantly change your system.

Best books on small groups

Small Groups with Purpose by Steve Gladen

Creating Community: 5 Keys to Building a Small Group Culture by Andy Stanley

The 7 Deadly Sins of Small Group Ministry by Bill Donahue and Russ Robinson

Simple Small Groups by Bill Search

Sticky Church by Larry Osborne

Community: Taking Your Small Groups Off Life Support by Brad House

Leading Life-Changing Small Groups by Bill Donahue (and the 2nd book, Coaching Life-Changing Small Group Leaders)

Seeker Small Groups by Gary Poole

Activate by Nelson Searcy

 

Accountability

May 24, 2011 / / 1 Comment

If you want accountability in your life, you’ve got to take responsibility.

image by Cassandra Security

Nobody will do that for you.  Others can pour into you, teach you, model for you, and share resources with you.  But if you want accountability, you’ve got to take that responsibility on yourself.  I’ve asked people to help me with certain aspects of my spiritual life.  Sometimes it’s “worked.”  Many times, it hasn’t.  But I’ve learned some principles along the way that have helped ensure success.

8 principles in seeking spiritual accountability

1. Ask for it.

If you don’t ask, nobody will respond.  You need these deep relationships that help you with your personal spiritual growth.

2. Help define what it needs to look like.

Don’t just assume that if you ask someone, they’ll instantly know what accountability needs to look like for you.  You have to help set the paramaters.  How often?  What will you talk about?  What questions should they ask you?

3. Be vulnerable and share your story.

Otherwise, how can someone else help?  If they don’t know who you are, where you’ve been, and the weak spots in your life, they’ll have no idea how to help you grow.

4. Take a risk.

You’ll never know if the person on the other end, that you’re asking to step into that relationship with you, is 100% trustworthy.  This is  a step of faith, not a step of pre-knowledge.

5. Remember that accountability is a two-way street.

This isn’t a cure-all solution.  You’ve got to be doing the difficult task of working on yourself and your own shortcomings.  Having someone “hold you accountable” doesn’t assure you’re accountable.  You’ve got to continue to actively pursue that relationship, and be open and honest with where you are at all along the way.

6. Give the other person the room to say, “No.”

This is a big responsibility that you’re asking someone to.  Give them the freedom to say that this is not the right season for them.  Forced accountability rarely works.  Both parties have to be willing to step in and do the hard work.

7. You have to continue to drive the relationship.

Don’t expect that you can ask once, share your story, and the other person will then magically follow up with you exactly when you need it.  You’re the one asking for accountability.  You need to be the one driving this relationship.

8. Ask for grace.

Since accountability isn’t a cure-all, there’s a good chance you’ll mess up again.  In a big way.  And this is where many “accountability partners” fall apart.  If you’ve messed up, you think, “I can’t possibly be honest about this with him now.”  And he’ll think, “I guess I’ve failed at holding him accountable.”  What needs to happen is what happened in the beginning: grace.  Set out from the beginning this idea that if failure happens, grace is the knee-jerk response.

You need someone to spur you on. (Hebrews 10:24) You’re too weak on your own to fight sin, insecurities, and the battles that rage against you doing what God’s calling you to do.  You need someone who’s got your back.  You need someone who is going to encourage you on the good days and the bad.  You need a warrior who won’t give up on you, who knows where you’re headed, and is willing to walk through the dark and the light to help you get there.

So encourage each other and build each other up – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Do you have someone who’s intentionally encouraging you and helping hold you accountable?

Have you seen this kind of relationship misused?  Where one (or both) parties expected too much?

 

The quest for the perfect cup of coffee

May 12, 2011 / / 15 Comments

If you’re in the business of leading people, you must also be in the business of building relationships.

If you’re not, you can forget about having any significant level of influence.

Yesterday, I had a cup of coffee from a Chemex.  You know how long it took between the time I ordered it and the time I took my first sip?

Nearly 12 minutes.

Was I frustrated?

Not a bit.

It was a perfect cup of coffee.  Perfect.  It was clean, smooth, and a bit chocolatey.  Its roasty-ness wasn’t overwhelming, but its flavors deep and rich.

With the Chemex, you don’t just hit a button and watch the magic happen.  You have to stand beside it the whole time it’s brewing, continuing to add more water at just the right time.  Then wait for the percolation to happen.  Then add more water (with a very specific type of kettle) to the areas that are dry, starting with the center and moving out towards the edge.  Until finally, after all of the water has percolated through and the brewing process is complete, you get a decanter full of perfection.  The cup of coffee that comes from the Chemex is truly a work of art.

And relationships are no different.

We’d like to think that relationships are microwavable.  Quick, easy, and cheap.  But they’re far from it.

Truths about Significant Relationships

Relationships take time, effort, and expense.

They take constant care and attention.  Don’t walk away, or you’ll miss that key opportunity, that key moment that the next step forward is contingent upon.

Each relationship is different.

Building relationships is not a one-size-fits-all model.  Just as each Chemex cup takes a slightly different amount of time to brew, depending on the grind of the coffee, the speed at which you pour the water, and the temperature of the water, so each relationship takes a different amount of effort, time, and care.

You can’t have significant relationships with a vast number of people.

There’s just too much expense involved.  It’s not possible to give of yourself enough to have deep, significant relationships with significant numbers of people.

Relational investments take cultivation to grow.

Don’t expect to hit a button, wave your magic wand, and voila!  Cultivating important relationships is hard work.  You’ll have to let other things slide.  Other commitments, responsibilities, emails, phone calls, and things less important.

It is worth the wait.

If you’ll give a relationship the time and effort it needs, you’ll be surprised the mutual benefits that will follow.

If you lose sight of the end goal, you’ll get frustrated.

You’ll get burned, feel like it’s too big an investment, and feel the tension to just move on.  Like this is a hopeless cause that’s benefiting nobody.  Offering grace, mercy, love, and hope isn’t something you do because you are looking for immediate results.

“Love is patient…Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 7)

 

 

Social media monologue

May 2, 2011 / / 7 Comments

I had coffee the other day with a guy.  He shared his thoughts, his ideas, his insights, his stories, and his history over the course of an hour.  As we ended our meeting, he said

Sorry I talked so much…next time, I want to hear from you!

So two weeks later, we had coffee again.  And you know what he said as we finished the meeting?

Sorry I talked so much…next time, I want to hear from you!

Meetings that are driven by monologue are not so much fun.

Meetings that are driven by listening and dialog are much more productive.

The social media monologue

And when we look at social media as bite-sized, micro meetings, the same principle holds true.

When social media is used as a monologue, it’s seen by others as a waste of time.  Boring.  Self-serving.

But when social media is seen as a dialog, it can be engaging, meaningful, productive, and generous (I wrote about social media and generosity HERE).

I’m not aiming to simply broadcast my thoughts and ideas out so that others can hear.  I’m ready to dialog about this stuff.  I’m ready to open up a dynamic conversation within different communities around the globe.

There are some people who want you to hear their message, but don’t care about hearing yours.  Those are the conversations I don’t care to have.

Those who are using social media most effectively are starting conversations and building relationships.

Have you built authentic relationships with others online?

Have you seen dynamic, robust communities share ideas collaboratively online?

 

 

Do something

April 28, 2011 / / 6 Comments

Doing something is much more important than doing nothing. *

My son tries new things all of the time.  He tries climbing something new.  Saying something new.  Eating something new.  Playing something new.

But what I’m challenged on is that he’s not afraid to try something new.  Even if that means failing.

Something happens when you start getting older.  You start aiming for “safe.”  Working to not rock the boat, keep the status quo, and not try anything new.

Don’t lull yourself to sleep.  We need you. We need your new idea.  Your insights.  Your excitement.  Your creativity.  Your passion.  Your failures.

Bring them all to the table.  And don’t hold back.

I talked with a good friend the other day.  He’s just become an elder at his church.  Here’s what he said,
I just don’t want to be the new guy that comes in with all kinds of ideas and shakes things up right off the bat.
And while I, at one level get it, I challenged him:
Be that guy!
They’ve brought him on as a young elder (yes, I see the play on words there…hang with me) because they believe in him, and he believes in his local church.  They trust him.  And these elders need to be challenged!  Be the guy that doesn’t take, “We’ve always done it like that…” as an adequate answer.
 

Faith does.  It doesn’t sit back on the sidelines and wait for someone else.  It takes risks.  Moves forward.  Follows its King.  (see Hebrews 11)

 

If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. – James 2:16-17

Doing something is more important than doing nothing.
What do you need to do today?

* I know that wisdom sometimes says, “Wait.”  But that period doesn’t have to last very long.  It lasted 40 years with God’s people in the wilderness, yes, but remember…that was a form of discipline/sanctification, not a way of “wisely” choosing to wait.

 

 

An open letter from church visitors

April 15, 2011 / / 5 Comments

Dear local church,

You do weird things.  And please don’t tell me you have no idea what I’m talking about.

  • You eat tiny crackers and drink tiny glasses of grape juice.
  • You sing.  Loudly and passionately.  And it’s 8:30 on a Sunday morning.  Seriously, who sings, out loud, where others can hear them before 9:00?
  • You ask people to come down front.  Nobody at my son’s baseball game has ever asked me to make a big life decision right in front of the whole stadium.
  • You tell me I need to go somewhere else, into someone else’s home, to really connect.
  • You pass a bucket for me to put money in.  Do I have to pay to worship here?
  • You lay hands on people to pray for them.  Never seen that one done in a helpful way in a PTA meeting.  Never.
  • You preach from the Bible, and keep referring to it as an authority in your life, but I don’t see it like that.  It’s a bit strange that you would put such weight into such an old document.

I’m not saying that these things are wrong.  They’re just weird to me.  I need you to help me understand why I need to do them.  Why they’re important.  Why you do them every week.  Why I need to join in.  Why I feel like such an outsider when I’m there.

I don’t want to be an outsider. Nobody does.  I’d like to feel like I’m a part of you guys…but I need you to be patient.  Walk me through understanding and doing.  It took you lots of years to get where you are…help me get there.  But don’t assume that, after 2 weeks, I’m going to “get” it.

Because when you don’t help me understand, you push me away…and it seems you don’t care that I come back.

Signed,

 

-Church visitors

 
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