Ben Reed, Author at - Page 32 of 86

Author: Ben Reed (page 32 of 86)

Note to self

Are you one who writes notes to yourself? I am.

I email myself.

Write myself notes on sticky pads.

I use reminders on my phone.

I use Wunderlist.

Sometimes I even write notes on my hands.

Most of these notes are information-driven because I’m prone to forget to do things. If I don’t write it down, I’ll forget it. I need reminders often.

And if something as eternally insignificant as picking up the milk warrants me writing myself a note, how much more vital should it be for me to write myself reminders about the things that matter most?

Today, I wrote a post for Michael Perkins’ blog. It’s a note to myself. Check it out HERE. It’s a reminder to myself to invest in the things that matter most. I’d love to say that I’ve arrived, and that it’s not still a struggle. But I’m a work-in-progress. I’m still drawn to building things that won’t last through eternity.

And I need grace. Every day.

Do you write notes to yourself?

Community is realized in story

November 14, 2011 / Ben Reed / 13 Comments

Community is realized in story.

Image credit Creation Swap user Pierce Brantley

On the first night of our small group, I didn’t want to make things too awkward. I didn’t want to be the guy who dumped all of my junk on everyone…you know, the emo guy that just goes around with a rain cloud over my head, and shares dark things all of the time. You know who I’m talking about. Every time you talk to them you think, “How are you even still alive? You are so dark and mysterious…”

Community and Prayer

I didn’t want to pressure people too much, so I closed in prayer. I just laid it out there and said, “Hey, we’re going to close in prayer…please don’t feel the pressure to share anything…if you want prayer, please mention it and someone will volunteer to pray out loud for you in a moment.” There must have been something magical in those words. Because in that moment, the heavens opened up and it was glorious.

Our group gravitated towards each other’s stories. We could’ve gravitated towards a lot in that moment, but it was with each unfolding story that our group began moving inwards.

I didn’t ask for community to happen…it just did. Our group went from fragmented, broken individuals to a unified community in the matter of about 12 minutes. And I’ve seen this over and over again. Fragmented individuals come together more quickly and more tightly, forming the bonds of community, through the power of story. Stories reveal shared experiences.

Isn’t Community Through the Gospel?

I know that some of you right now are saying, “Nope, it’s not through story, you crazy liberal! It’s through Gospel. We’re aiming for Gospel-centered community, NOT story-centered community. Have you read Blue Like Jazz too many times?”

Community is not realized in a group simply when we find out that we all follow Jesus.

Community is realized

When I hear how the Gospel has changed your life.
When I hear the junk you’ve had to deal with, and that God’s grace has brought you through it.
When I hear the pain you’ve been through, yet hear how the hope of the Gospel has sustained you.
When I hear about how the Gospel has changed your desires.
When I see that the Gospel transformed your family.

In the process of hearing your story, I hear mine. I make connections between who you were and who I was. I link who you’re becoming with who I’m becoming. And I see that the Gospel is strong enough. Scandalous enough. Generous enough. Big enough to transform my story, too.

Your story gives me hope.

Without your story, community isn’t found. “Bible study” may be found. “Fun” may be found. “Relationships” may be found. But genuine community is formed when I see and hear and feel and smell and hug and experience the Gospel in your life.

To choose to not share your story is to choose fear. And it’s choosing a weak, inadequate form of community when the Gospel offers much, much more.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. – Romans 12:15-16

BE the Church

November 11, 2011 / Ben Reed / 2 Comments

I learn a lot while flying on an airplane. Last time I flew, this post happened: HERE.

Photo Credit: Creation Swap user Suaz Carranz

Last time, I sat beside a couple of ladies that brought along hard-boiled eggs.

This time, I’m not sure it was any better. Here’s what I would’ve tweeted if I had had internet capabilities:

Gosh, I love kids, but seriously? Do you really need to scream the whole flight? And I know that you, mom, are trying to help, but yelling louder than the screams isn’t helping.
Did that guy in front of me just exhaust that whole bottle of Germ-x? Is he drinking it? I’m pretty sure my nose is now germ-free. And on fire.
I think the person behind me has passed enough gas to fuel the plane. This is bad…and I can’t go anywhere.
Truth: Snores are much louder on a plane. Something gets amplified when you’re that high in the air.
I got in “trouble” on the plane because I didn’t listen to the pilot when he said to put away all electronic devices. Apparently, a Kindle can take down a plane.

But I sat beside a couple of single parents and had a great time hearing a bit of their story and understanding who they are. We struck up a conversation about parenting, and they both have 16-year-old daughters. They were throwing ideas around for their daughters’ upcoming birthday parties, and I quickly felt out of my league. Partly because I have a 3-year-old son. Partly because they think much more extravagantly for birthdays than I do. I can get my son a $.99 matchbox car and he’s thrilled.

I also felt like a great parent after hearing their birthday suggestions. There were three that rose to the top.

Top 3 Birthday Suggestions from 10,000 feet

You could take your daughter to this make-up artist I know. She charges $400/hour, but it’s worth it. I go there every once in a while…
You could send them with their friends to Dallas. Dallas is a fun city, right?
You could send your daughter to Las Vegas for the weekend. I’m sure she’d love that. Oh, wait…do you think she should have adult supervision?…

It was at that point that I really started feeling like, though I often feel clueless as a parent, I am a pretty awesome dad. And I was reminded that common sense isn’t common.

Inevitably, all of my conversations on a plane end up coming back to a conversation about God. This one was no different. Both of these single parents grew up in church, but were burned for various reasons. I asked

Are you and God on speaking terms?

They were. But they wanted nothing to do with a local church. Nothing. “I like your God, but not the whole religion thing.”

So I got the chance to advocate for a ‘better’ Church. And I took the opportunity to show them that there are churches in America that aren’t burning people. Churches that are making a difference in their communities. Churches that are speaking Truth and hope and grace and mercy. Churches that are based not on maintaining programs, but investing in people. Churches where it’s safe to explore faith. Churches where you’re encouraged to come as you are.

As I’m sharing this truth with my two new friends, I was struck by the fact that everywhere I go, I’m a living, breathing, talking billboard for the Church. And if we (the Church) are ever going to overcome the perception that we’re just a group of judgmental, self-serving, stingy bigots it’s got to start with me.

You may not think of yourself this way, but you are, too. The conversations you have paint a picture for others.

Can we start painting a better picture? One that looks a little more like our Savior?

My new picture will look like this:

Be generous.

Be loving.

Be full of grace.

Be full of mercy.

Be the Church.

*Photo credit: Creation Swap User Suaz Carranz

Shepherding Realities

November 9, 2011 / Ben Reed / 4 Comments

image via iStock Photo user IB

Self-perceptions are more spoken into existence by others than they are self-taught.

Don’t believe me?

Why do you think that some kids feel awkward? It’s because they’re told that they are.
Why do some kids feel un-loved? Because they’re told that they never measure up.
Why do some leaders perceive themselves to be weak? Because everyone tells them that they are.
Why do some wives feel like they never measure up? Because they’re never told that their work investing in their homes is worth the effort.
Why do some older people feel like they have no life and wisdom to give? Because they’re devalued by those who claim to love them.

We speak perceptions into existence every day through conversations and interactions we have with coworkers, family members, and the annoying guy at the drive-thru. The words, tone, and attitude you share with others can literally change the way that others view themselves.

I am speaking my son’s reality into existence every day: I tell him that he’s courageous. And strong. And that he’s a leader. And that nothing can hold him back. And that God’s going to use him in big ways. And that my love of him is secure. He can’t do anything to lose it.

Speaking Realities in Leadership

Want to lead someone? Then change their perceptions of themselves. The Bible calls this ‘encouragement.’ Encourage even the smallest step in the right direction. As you feed the work of God in someone’s life, people see where God is working. Your encouragement acts as a new set of glasses, changing the way they see everything. As you encourage with love, people feel loved. As you encourage with grace, people feel graced. As you encourage people with hope, despair melts away. Negative perceptions are overcome with a timely word and action.

Without your encouragement, though, they’re going to continue feeling an absence of love and grace and motivation. Without your encouragement, they won’t know which direction to head.

Encouragement focuses not on what is, but on what could be.
Encouragement focuses not on past failures, but on future hopes.
Encouragement focuses not on current shortcomings, but on timeless Truth.
Encouragement focuses not on overwhelming fear, but on a big God.
Encouragement focuses not on weaknesses, but on gifts and strengths.

Through encouragement, you have the chance to shepherd a person’s reality of themselves.

Correction may be warranted at times, but right now, just point out the bright spots. Help them see what you see.

There’s someone in your life right now that needs encouragement. Let them hear it from you today.

And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. – 1 Thessalonians 5:14

*image via iStock photo user: IB

I Hope you Enjoy Your Boring Train

November 3, 2011 / Ben Reed / 10 Comments

One of my mentors growing up made a drastic change in his life. He used to be a guy that people loved to be around…one of those people that laughed and joked and had a great time. He was infectious.

Then one day something happened.

He got on the boring train.

He began equating “holiness” with “seriousness.” No longer did he have time to joke around. Life’s too short for that. If you’re going to be holy, you’ve got to be serious and focused and intense. Truly holy people didn’t have time to joke around, because there are more important things to do.

Boring train…all aboard!

photo credit: Creation Swap user Chris Powell

The Boring Train is Empty

I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but this whole thing really rubbed me the wrong way. Mainly because I no longer enjoyed being around him…and apparently none of our group did, either. Instead of being a bridge over troubled waters, he created troubled waters and burned the bridge.

I’d love to say that my uneasy feelings were motivated by a deep desire to honor God, rooted in the Truth found in the Scriptures. But I was more pragmatic. He made me feel creepy. Ever said a joke to a guy and had them just stare right back at you, stone-faced? Not a great experience.

Laughter & a Good God

As I spent more and more time in Scripture, I realized that my creeper radar going off pretty strongly in my head growing up actually had some roots in Scripture. Check out what the Psalmist said:

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.” The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. – Psalm 126:2-3

I don’t know if you fully caught that. Did you see the response from the nations? When they heard the people’s mouths filled with laughter and their tongues singing songs of joy, they said, “They must serve a great God!” Laughter and joy became attractional for the church. Outsiders began to notice the community of God-followers because they were laughing. Not handing out tracts. Not going door-to-door and inviting people to Sunday morning. Not because of a billboard. But because of laughter. Laughter pointed to the greater reality that God was good.

Want to be sensitive to seekers? Laugh a little.

Want to show people that we serve a good God? Laugh a little.

Want to make much of the grace of God? Laugh a little.

Want to show people that holiness isn’t boringness? Laugh a little.

Want to live in a way that shows people how great God is? Laugh a little.

To those of you who think that holiness and boringness should go together: enjoy riding the boring train.

Get it? Enjoy riding…oh, never mind.

Question:

Have you ever equated holiness with seriousness? Ever thought that laughing could honor God?

* Photo credit, Creation Swap user Chris Powell

Giving your Best Away

November 2, 2011 / Ben Reed / 5 Comments

photo credit: Creation Swap user Red Bottle

I don’t know what you’re good at.

Maybe you’re amazing at building things.

Maybe you’re skilled at fixing broken things.

Maybe you’re a gifted communicator.

Or you can write in a way that makes thoughts come alive.

Maybe you have a strong back and can move heavy boxes.

Maybe you can coach soccer like nobody’s business.

Maybe it’s working with electricity that you’re skilled at.

Maybe you have every Friday night free.

Maybe you can think “systems” in a way that structurally organizes chaotic programs.

Maybe you’re a good painter.

Give away your best for free.

Your “best” is a gift. Especially when you’ve been trained (through school and/or practical on-the-job training) to use that gift more effectively. It’s a blessing God’s given you. There’s nothing wrong with making money doing what you’re good at, but God’s not just given you your gift to make money. He’s given you your gift to bless others and make a difference.

It’s time you stopped complaining about not knowing what you can do.

It’s time you stopped making excuses for not doing.

It’s time you stopped bemoaning a lack of resources.

You’re good at something. I guarantee that you are. There’s something that you do that comes easily for you, but others just can’t seem to pull it off.

God’s given you that gift to serve others.

Find a way to start using it.

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. – 1 Peter 4:10

*Photo credit: Creation Swap user Red Bottle

Should Pastors Work on their Presentation Skills?

October 29, 2011 / Ben Reed / 14 Comments

photo credit: Creation Swap user Agatha Villa

I’m reading a book right now by Nancy Duarte entitled Resonate.

I’m giving a presentation this upcoming week at the RightNow Conference, and thought it might be helpful to brush up some skills. The book has been a helpful read as I’ve been preparing my talk.

I know that when (some of) you hear that I’m reading a book on communication, you roll your eyes. You feel that pastors shouldn’t concern themselves with things like leadership, communication improvements, and the like. They should just focus on the Gospel. That argument says: Isn’t the Gospel enough?

Though the Gospel is sufficient…I tend to disagree with the train of thought above. I think that leadership and communication are unbelievably important for a pastor to grow in.

For Pastors, Communication and Leadership

are gifts we should steward.
aren’t necessarily innate gifts for preachers, but are skills that can be learned and improved upon
are an important part of sharing the Gospel
are like muscles…if you don’t work on using and improving them, they’ll wither up.
shouldn’t be the only thing we study, but should be part of what we study

If we (pastors) have the best message (the Gospel), shouldn’t we be the best communicators? And if our communication is lacking, shouldn’t we be compelled to improve?

But maybe I’m wrong. So I’d love to hear from you!

When it comes to preaching:

Is it wise for pastors to read books on improving their presentation skills?

Or is that so secondary to the Gospel that we shouldn’t worry about it?

Should we just be reading books about the Gospel?

Or should we be reading books on communication, because communication is the vehicle through which the Gospel goes out?

* photo credit: Creation Swap user Agatha Villa

How to Overcome Perceptions

October 27, 2011 / Ben Reed / 16 Comments

image credit: CreationSwap user Rich Aguilar

Just the other day, I had someone tell me that all of my posts on Facebook are about food and parenting. “You must really love your food…and your son!”

Well, she’s right about me loving my food…and my son.

But she’s wrong about all of my posts being about those two topics. And I could’ve corrected her, but thank you very much Dale Carnegie, I just smiled and continued the conversation. Correcting her would’ve done no good. Why?

Perception is everything.

People can perceive you to be all sorts of things that you’re not. I’ve been perceived

Naive
Un-thoughtful
Forgetful
Unwise
Small-minded
Forgetful
Lazy
Unmotivated
Wasteful
Greedy
Self-serving

And in each of those cases, I could verbally tell you why I’m not that. Explain to you how I’m not lazy. Map out for you how I’m really not small-minded. Draw a diagram on the back of a napkin to show you how I’m not self-serving.

And in each of those cases, I would watch you walk away shaking your head in disagreement, firmly planted and confirmed in your ideas about me.

Perceptions aren’t often logical. They’re feelings-based. And feelings-based ideas aren’t overcome by logic and reason. They’re overcome by another feeling.

Instead of telling you how I’m not lazy, I need to show you that I hustle every day.

Instead of telling you how I’m not forgetful, I need to remember your name.

Instead of telling you how I’m not greedy, I need to demonstrate for you generosity.

Instead of telling you that I’m not self-serving, I need to show you what it looks like to serve others.

Perceptions of the Church

I know that, because of what we’ve stood against and how we’ve lived in this world, others have certain perceptions of the Church. Certain perceptions that aren’t necessarily true. Perceptions that, because of our history, people have come to believe. They perceive that we’re

Naive
Small-minded
Bigots
Deceived
Foolish
Stubborn
Boring
Lazy
Uncaring
Weak

I’m ashamed of the perceptions that the Church has gained. And I could lay out for you how our church is different. I could logically walk you through what we do differently. But most of the time, that’s not going to work. Perceptions aren’t logical. They’re rooted in feelings and emotions.

So I’m just going to show you. I’m going to let you see the Church in action through me. I’m going to serve and love and give and go and never expect anything in return. I’m going to be the Church and live the Church. Instead of just talking, I’m going to serve. Instead of just debating, I’m going to love. Instead of arguing, I’m going to give.

That’s what the Church does.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. – Jesus, from John 13:34-35

*Image credit: CreationSwap user Rich Aguilar

How Sermons Work

October 26, 2011 / Ben Reed / 8 Comments

I haven’t read David Murray’s (Twitter, Blog, Facebook) latest work yet, How Sermons Work.

But I love the promo video. And I’ll be picking up the book soon.

Maybe you can relate to this video…I think it’s hilarious.

You can pick up a copy HERE.

Out-dreaming Those You Lead

October 26, 2011 / Ben Reed / 4 Comments

Leaders should dream, because without dreaming there’s no forward momentum.

But dreaming without leading can leave you out-dreaming your team.

Photo Credit: Creation Swap User Rob Gros

A good friend of mine has a boss that lives in her dream world. Her boss is living out her dream of owning her own small business…this is what she’s wanted to do her whole life. And she gets frustrated when those she’s hired don’t have hearts that beat for the business like hers does, and when her employees aren’t as personally invested in her dream as she is. Though she has great employees (case-in-point, my friend), they feel like they can never measure up to the standard that their boss sets as a pace for the organization, even when they’ve accomplished their job well.

I’d love to say that this only happens in the secular world, but I’d venture to reason that you’ve seen this dynamic on Sunday mornings at church. Maybe you’ve even fallen into this trap.

Ever have a volunteer you’re responsible for not show up? Ever been frustrated by that?

When church leaders grow frustrated because they’re out-dreaming those they’re leading, they often heap guilt on others. Here’s a scenario for you:

Sorry, I can’t make it this Sunday…it’s been a crazy week…I’m tired, my kids are tired, and I’m just not going to be able to make it to volunteer in the parking ministry…

Sorry I can’t make it this Sunday, we’re going out of town next week and I need to get things ready…

Sorry I can’t make it this Sunday, I’m going to the _____ game Sunday afternoon…

To which every church staffer thinks

I’ve had a hard week too…I’m tired…and I want to go to that game!!

And the follow-up thought, if you’ll be honest with yourself right now, is this:

Do they really love Jesus? Because if they did…

Confession Time

I’ve fallen into the trap of out-dreaming those on my team. See, I’m living my dream right now. I absolutely love what I do. I love my church, the team I get to work with, and what I get to do within it. And sometimes…*shocker*…I have some volunteers that aren’t as committed to leading their small group as I am to leading this ministry.

I find a part of me growing frustrated that they’re not as invested in this as I am. Frustrated that I put long, hard hours into leading the ministry, while they have other dreams they’re pursuing (which, in the moment, I’d call less important). I’ve even thought, “If it were me, I’d give up _____ so I could lead my small group.” Or, “If I were them, I’d not let my kids do _____ so that I could love people and lead my small group well…” Those are some low moments for me.

In those moments, I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that this is my dream, not theirs.

Leaders: your dream is your dream. Don’t expect that everybody is going to be invested in it like you are.

Sure, you cast vision well. Sure, you recruit leaders well. Sure, you sell the mission well. But at the end of the day

It’s your vision, not theirs.
It’s your job, not theirs.
It’s your passion, not (necessarily) theirs.
You live for this, they don’t.
They have other dreams, you don’t.

This shouldn’t discourage you from dreaming. But if you’re going to dream, dream well.

Leaders that Dream Well

Allow people to dream with them. Maybe you’re dreaming too small. If you’re going to accomplish your dream, you’ve got to have other people on board. More people = more laborers = more ideas = more solutions = bigger, more effective dreams.
Allow flexibility in their dream. In this, you may have to actually give up part of your dream, but in the process, your give your dream the chance to go further. Allowing flexibility means you work from a modified, but unified dream. More flexibility = more buy-in = more unified vision = bigger, more effective dreams.
Equip people, but don’t leave them hanging. It’s not their job, after all, to make sure your dream is accomplished. Equip them to work well, but don’t send them out to do a job because you don’t want to do it. Help them accomplish the vision you’ve given them, don’t simply heap a burden on them. More support = more effective work = less burnout = bigger, more effective dreams.
Lead well. Lead people to adopt your vision. Don’t look at this from the “You’re either all-in or all-out” vantage point. Lead people to buy in to your vision. Cast vision well, love well, and be patient. After all, how long did it take before you fully followed what God was calling you to do? More leadership = more leaders involved (leaders attract leaders) = more followers involved (leaders also attract followers) = bigger, more effective dreams.

Have you ever out-dreamed your team?

Have you ever been expected to adopt someone else’s dream that wasn’t your own?