Author: Ben Reed (page 22 of 86)

10 Lessons Leaders can learn from a 3 year old

May 23, 2012 / / 11 Comments

Jesus said

Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.  – Matthew 19:14

You can learn a lot from a 3 year old if you’re willing. I’ve been stretched by the way my son lives his life…stretched to think differently about the way I live and the way I lead.

image credit: Creation Swap user: http://creationswap.com/jonathanmalm

Maybe you will be, too. 

10 Lessons from a 3 year old

1. Run fast and break things.

I think this is my 3-year-old’s life mantra right now. And he’s really good at it.

Leader: Playing it safe isn’t what we’re called to do. Faith takes risks, trusting God to work. Trusting that God is sovereign. And if we break something, it gives us the chance to figure out what doesn’t work, so we can truly find the best way to lead people in the best, most efficient way possible.

2. Have fun.

Everywhere my son goes, he’s having a good time. And he can make the best out of a boring situation. It’s amazing how fun he can make a department store. 

Leader: If you’re not having fun, those you lead probably aren’t, either. And laughter is evidence that we serve a good God. (Psalm 126:2) If you want to show people that our God is good, have a little fun. In the process, if your team has fun together, you’ll go further together.

3. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

My son laughs at himself all of the time. He’s one of the funniest people he knows. 🙂

Leader: you have a tendency to be super serious. And super boring. When you take yourself too seriously, you set yourself up for disappointment, and inadvertently set yourself on a pedestal that’s begging to be brought down by the next bad idea.

4. Work so hard you have to rest.

By the time his head hits the pillow, most nights, he’s already asleep.

Leader: may we never be found lazy. The people we’re called to serve are too valuable for that. We should run so hard and give of ourselves so fully that we long for the Sabbath each week.

5. Don’t be afraid of new things.

My son tries new things every day. Whether that’s a new food, picking up a new bug, climbing a new playground, or meeting a new friend, my son knows very little fear.

Leader: We ultimately serve the most creative Being in the universe. And He’s sovereign over all things. So why should we ever be afraid of trying something new? If you break something, refer back to #1, above. It’s better to try something new and fail, than keep doing things that are weakly accomplishing our mission and vision.

6. Trust people who know and love you best.

My son has a huge trust of us, and of people he knows best. He’ll go anywhere, and do anything for, those who know and love him.

Leader: if we don’t have a circle of friends who know us, want what’s best for us, encourage and correct us…then we don’t have people we can really trust. It’s easy to keep people at arm’s length, and not allow yourself to be vulnerable. This is a dangerous place to be as a leader.

7. Don’t think. Do.

Rarely does my son evaluate the full range of possibilities before he does something. Which means he takes a lot more risks, ends up with a lot more bruises, and has a lot more fun.

Leader: there are times to evaluate and to perform risk assessments. But there are times when, if you do that, the change that needs to be made will pass you by. Doing something is better than doing nothing.

8. Make the big ask.

My son asks me to stay home from work. Often. And sometimes I do. 🙂

Leader: Need your leadership team to have your back on a new crazy idea? Make the big ask. Need to hire a new staff member, and only want the best? Make the big ask. Need a lot of money for your next project? Make the big ask.

9. Don’t wait for a title. Just lead.

My son doesn’t wait until someone declares him the “leader.” He just leads, and invites others to follow.

Leader: Wherever you find yourself in the organization, whether you’re the lead person or one of the staff members, don’t rely on your title to lead. Just lead, and invite others to follow. Leaders lead.

10. Be constantly curious.

3 year olds ask a lot of questions. And learn about a thousand new things every day.

Leader: learn to be a good question-asker. Ask, “Why not?” and, “What’s next?” constantly. Be willing to search outside of your box to find answers to your questions. Learn from other professions. Push the envelope. Your mission and vision are worth the cost.

Question:

Do you now, or have you ever, spend much time around a 3 year old?

 

9 keys to preaching a lousy sermon

May 22, 2012 / / 12 Comments

Most people, when they preach, want to do well. Right?

Most people want others to experience God, encounter truth, and leave changed. Most people want the hard work they put into their sermons to have some sort of impact on the people listening.

image credit: Creation Swap user Justin Knight (http://creationswap.com/justinknight)

Most people.

But not everyone. Some people aim to preach a lousy sermon. If you’d like to be one of those preachers, here’s your list.

9 keys to preaching a lousy sermon

1. Spend very little time praying.

If your sermon is going to be lousy, this is where you’ve got to start. Don’t seek God in prayer. Don’t spend time begging Him to lead your thoughts and your words. Don’t plead with him to soften hard hearts and open blind eyes.

2. Make your sermon purely about “teaching” propositional truths.

Go at it like your 7th grade history teacher…the one that you thought was boring. The one that you didn’t remember anything from her class. Just teach lofty moral platitudes and propositional truth statements that don’t drive any application home. That’ll get the job done.

3. Make your “study time” primarily about listening to other preachers talk about that passage.

Whatever you do, don’t read the Bible for yourself and study the Scriptures to show yourself approved (2 Timothy 2:15). Live off of others’ relationship with God, their experience with Him, and the knowledge and insight they’ve gained.

4. Don’t use the word “I” at all.

Don’t let things get too personal. Use ‘they’ and ‘them’ primarily. Slip in a few ‘you people’ and you’re good to go. Talk about “those people” a lot.

5. Heap burden after burden on top of your people.

Condemnation is the way to go. Try to make sure those condemning thoughts weave themselves throughout your sermon. Something like ‘The 5 ways you sinned this week and didn’t know it’ or ‘Why God hates you’ or ‘The 17 ways you’ll never measure up” or “Quit trying…you’re not doing any good anyway.”

6. Be sure to yell. Loudly. And obnoxiously.

Be careful with this one, though. People might think that, because you’re yelling, you’re saying something important. We all know you’re not. Just be careful.

7. Be completely absent and disengaged from people the entire week leading up to your sermon.

Because, if you’re not careful, your ministry of loving and serving people could bleed over into your sermon. The times you spend praying with and for people could have a drastic impact on the way you teach and preach. Be careful.

8. Don’t ask for anyone else’s input prior to preaching.

Study, prepare, write, and rehearse on your own. Don’t let anyone else take a look at your notes, your wording, or the direction you’re going to head on Sunday. Go it alone, my friend. Nobody else is as awesome as you are. The moment someone else tries to offer you a bit of advice, refer back to #6, above.

9. Don’t spend time wrestling through your own sins and weaknesses.

Just focus on other people. It’s much easier this way. Focusing on yourself gets all personal. And it means you have to be vulnerable. And…well, I’ll stop right there. I was just about to go into confession time. I can’t go there…and neither can you.

There you go. 9 steps to preaching a lousy sermon. Now get out there and start preaching!

Question:

Ever seen/heard a pastor lead this way?

 

 

Don’t waste your pain

May 21, 2012 / / 8 Comments

What does it look like to live a good story? Am I living a good story? Why does it matter? I’m blogging as a part of a series today for Prodigal Magazine on what it looks like to live a good story. You can catch the rest of the writers HERE.

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When I was in graduate school, my wife and I joined a small group. Small groups are supposed to be a place of safety, and trust, and growth and encouragement. A place where you form relationships that help you make sense out of life, pursue Jesus together, and enjoy friendship. That’s the bill we were sold, and we bought it. Every Sunday night, we’d trek across town, 35 minutes south, reading our small group study on the way to group (don’t judge us), praying we weren’t the first to be called on to answer a question. Praying we weren’t asked to sign a sheet of paper that said, “I read all of this week’s lesson…before I got in the car to come over here.”

For a season, everything was great. My wife and I were both in seminary, so getting ourselves out of the academic classroom was refreshing for us. As we focused on applying the Scriptures to our lives, we found the Bible coming alive once again.

When things go sideways

But then we had to miss group for 3 weeks in a row. We had to be out of town for various (and might I add, legitimate) reasons, and couldn’t make it to group. The moment I got back in town, our group leader called me, and said, “Ben, I noticed you and Laura have been absent from group for a while now…” and he just kind of let it hang out there, hoping that I would pour out my heart in confession. But I didn’t. I just made things more awkward, letting the silence hang, creating a thick air of tension. My main reason for the silence was because I had no idea what he was driving towards. He pointed out that Laura and I had been absent for a few weeks, questioning our commitment to the group and our integrity as individuals. He said that because of our spotty attendance, there were people in the group who didn’t trust us anymore.

“Because we missed 3 weeks?” I said.

“Yep.” he confidently returned.

He began to unpack his thoughts, calling my integrity into question because, “I just think you’re holding stuff back from the group, Ben…because when we share prayer requests, you don’t cry.”

I can’t even begin to tell you how frustrated I was…we thought we were committed to the group! “Ok…I get it. This is a joke, right? Joke’s on me! I almost fell for it,” I said.  But as I dug a little deeper, I found that there was a family in the group gossiping about us. They’d pull the leader to the side and plant little thoughts into our leader’s head, calling Laura and me into question. And as far as my lack of crying goes…I’m just not a cryer. Not that there’s anything wrong with guys crying…I make fun of those guys, but there’s nothing wrong with it. (that’s a joke…if you’re offended by that, then cry about it and I’ll make fun of you. :)) I’m not trying to be uber-tough, it’s just not my personality. But it was the personality of some of the guys in the group, and so, because nobody talked with me about this, space was created for people to think I was masking some deep pain. I wasn’t.

Over time, the leader began to believe the lies. Something that was absolutely benign, that could’ve been handled with one conversation, grew to a point where my wife and I were ready to be done with community. We were soon to move anyway, so we were just ready to check out of small groups altogether. Forever.

So we did. We walked away from this great gift God has given his people.

Until I got a call 2 years later from Grace Community Church to be their small groups pastor. Suddenly, this gift was placed back in my lap, and I had to wrestle through the risk of stepping back in, making myself vulnerable once again. I had to figure out whether I believed that biblical community was a gift…or a weapon. I had to discern if God was calling me to help others experience this weapon-gift or not.

4.5 years later, I can tell you with great certainty that I’ve found an area of life and ministry that I’ll give the rest of my life to promote. “Community” is a value that I hold in high regard. It was through frustration, though, that I found it. Had I not experienced the dark side of community, I wouldn’t value healthy, authentic, biblical community like I do.

Isn’t it funny how God works?

Isn’t it funny how God uses pain and frustration to shape who you’re becoming? How He uses an event or a relationship or a season of life to shake us to our core, and cause us to question so many things. And through that, mold us into who He created us to be.

I’m quick to pray the prayer, “God, please remove this suffering…I don’t like it.” But I have found that prayer, in my life, to be a reflection of an immature side of my faith. Instead, I’ve learned to pray, “God, through this suffering, give me eyes to see what you’re up to.” I wish I could say that my knee-jerk reaction to anything difficult in life is this prayer. Alas, I’m a work in progress.

It’s not wrong to ask God to remove pain. But through pain, don’t miss what God’s teaching you. Don’t miss the bigger picture that He’s up to, and how He’s ready and willing to use your pain to help others. (2 Corinthians 1:3-11)

Don’t waste your pain. Let God use it.

Question:

What pain, that you’re experiencing right now, might God be using to shape you into who He created you to be?

What pain, that you’re experiencing right now, might God use to change someone else’s view of life, difficulties, and Jesus?

 

 

The distracted driver

May 19, 2012 / / 3 Comments

I’m one of the .001% of people who love to run. I love the lead-up to running. I love the run itself. I love the post-run soreness.

I love it all.

Most of all, I like that I can’t run with my cell phone. When I run, I can’t hear a text message. Or an email. Or a phone call. For the next hour, it’s just me and the road.

It’s an incredibly stress-free time.

image credit: Flickr user Zanthia

Until I see the person who’s not focused on the road. I tend to keep an eye on drivers when I run. Probably because I value my life.

Most people are focused on driving. In fact, they move over to avoid hitting me. I stay on the shoulder of the road, but they give me even more room. I’m thankful for those guys.

Every once in a while, though, I can’t lock eyes with the driver. They’re distracted. They’re fiddling with the radio or texting or…well, I don’t care what they’re doing. They’re not focused on the road. As long as they stay in their lane, everything is ok. But then the drift starts to happen. They begin to slowly slide my direction. I’ve had to jump into ditches to avoid the drifters.

The same thing happens in life, too. Drift happens, and we begin to focus on things that are less important than the task at hand. And in that process, we put others in grave danger.

You endanger others when you

  • Are a husband, and stop focusing on your wife
  • Are a pastor, and stop focusing on serving others
  • Are a leader, and stop focusing on relationships
  • Own a business, and focus only on the bottom line financial
  • Lead a non-profit, and get caught up catering to large donors.
  • Are a small group leader, and only focus on keeping your house straight
  • Are a coach, and only focus on winning the game
  • Are a parent, and stop spending quantity time with your child(ren)
  • Are a politician, and stop focusing on serving people.
  • Are a friend, and only focus on yourself.
  • Are a teacher, and focus only on your curriculum.
  • Are a follower of Jesus, and take your eyes off your King. (re: Hebrews 12:2)

When you aren’t focused on primary things, others can get hurt.

Keep your eyes on the road. And if you see me running, wave and give me a bit of extra room. 🙂

 

 

Cherry-picking sins

May 18, 2012 / / 0 Comments

I’ve heard some pastors cherry-pick certain sins, finding the biggest, juiciest sins to pick from the tree each and every week.

photo credit: Flickr user Robokow

Condemnation against these sins ends up weaving its way into the Sunday experience, whether it’s part of the notes or part of the while-we-are-talking-about-Jude-let’s-not-forget-_____. It’s not that the folly of these sins shouldn’t be exposed. The destructive nature of sin and the contrasting hope of the Gospel should always be proclaimed. But consistently highlighting sins that may be more public in nature or more far-reaching in their implications and natural consequences is a dangerous tactic.

3 Dangers to Cherry-picking

1. You pander to “itching ears.”

These sins are easy to “pick” on. Much of your church culture finds them offensive and repulsive, and they make for easy cries of “Amen!” in the congregation. You know that if you preach against “that,” you’ll have a room full of supporters. We often think that Paul’s warning in 2 Timothy 4:3  is talking to people who simply want to hear a motivational talk. Maybe, though, their “itching ears” are looking for a pastor who will rail against some sins, but not others. Maybe the 2 Timothy warning is for the cherry-picker, too.

2. You promote a weak theology.

Theologically, when you bang the drum against the same sin, you highlight that sin as if it’s more offensive to God. As if that sin sends you to a deeper level of hell and issue you a stricter punishment. As if that sin is more offensive to a holy God than others. As if God has to muster up a little more grace for others’ sin than yours. Though some sins carry a weightier earthly consequence, it’s shaky ground to stand on when you say that one sin is more evil than another, in the eyes of a holy God.

3. You hide in the shadows.

Practically, you have found a way to justify your own sin. When you consistently highlight someone else’s sin, you minimize your own. What you forget is that when you shine the light on somone else, you inadvertently cast a shadow on yourself, giving yourself room to hide in the darkness. Don’t simply highlight the sin that causes you the most offense. Instead, highlight the sin that you tend to minimize. The one that nobody notices. The one that you’re likely to think doesn’t offend the heart of God quite as dangerously. Highlight your drift towards laziness. Talk about your sin of gluttony. Mention your predisposition to choose people over God by sneaking white lies into your relationships. Drop in your next sermon your increasing impatience with your kids. Don’t hide your sin behind someone else’s.

Quit hiding behind the veneer of “bad” sins. Doing this only makes us look like impotent theologians, out of touch with our own depravity.

Choose authenticity instead. Be open and honest about your past, and current struggles.

In that, you’ll find freedom in being a living, breathing example of the Gospel of grace.

Question: Ever heard a pastor cherry-pick a certain sin time and time again?

 

 

The varied hats a pastor wears

May 16, 2012 / / 9 Comments

A pastor does more than preach on Sunday mornings. In fact, that’s one thing you should be careful saying to your pastor.

We work throughout the week as well, wearing many varied hats. That may be something you forgot about us pastors. If preaching were all we did, our job would be easy.

image credit: Flickr user Small_Realm

I don’t preach every week, but the weeks that I get the opportunity (though I relish it), I’m completely swamped. None of my other responsibilities go away…it’s just a matter of tacking on 20-25 hours of prep time.

I often counsel folks who are sensing a call to ministry. Their idea of full-time ministry is that you get to have a “quiet time” for a couple of hours in the morning, take a long lunch where you meet with friends, drink coffee all afternoon, and go home by 4:00. They think that ministry is easy.

Trying to paint an accurate picture of the day-to-day life of a pastor is difficult, because there are so many different tasks that we are expected to complete. Though seminary was great, and I benefited from it tremendously, it didn’t prepare me for the gamut of roles I’ve found myself in. My title may be “small groups pastor,” but my job description extends well beyond that.

I’m sure that things are no different for you.

 The Varying Hats a Pastor Wears

  • Preacher
  • Counselor
  • Leader
  • Financial planner
  • Designer
  • Project manager
  • Entrepreneur
  • Videographer
  • Supervisor
  • Volunteer coordinator
  • Theologian
  • Receptionist
  • Greeter
  • Webmaster
  • Community activist
  • Writer
  • Recruiter
  • Life coach
  • Shipping department coordinator
  • Strategist
  • Social media-ite
  • Dreamer
  • Student
  • Disciplinarian
  • Teacher
  • Social activist
  • Events specialist
  • Chaplain
  • CEO
  • COO
  • CMO
  • CFO
  • Operations management
  • Janitor
  • Salesman
  • Communications specialist

Did I leave anything out, that you do or that you’ve seen other pastors do?

 

 

10 Things You Forget About Pastors

May 15, 2012 / / 108 Comments

I had the chance to preach at Grace this past Sunday. What a gift it was.

apparently, I said something I thought was funny

And what a hard week it was.

Every time I get the call to preach, I forget just how much work it is to prepare until the Wednesday before I preach on Sunday. It’s at that point, when I’m on my 5th rewrite, my 10th bottom line, and my 4th, “I have no idea what I’m going to say” thought for the week.

In the process of preparing and delivering the sermon yesterday, I realized that there are a few things that people often forget about preachers. In fact, I’ve found exactly 10 things that are often forgotten.

10 Things You Forget about Pastors

1. Preaching is a lot of work.

In fact, it takes me between 20-30 hours to prepare my sermon. On top of that, I still have my normal, weekly responsibilities. Last time I checked, adding 30 hours to a work week was a pretty significant amount. The best sermons take time to marinate. Which means that if you enjoyed the sermon…it probably took longer than normal to prepare.

2. Preaching is stressful.

If you mess up in your job, your boss might get upset with you. If we mess up…God is upset with us. I’d rather get the stink eye from your boss than mine any day. 🙂

3. Preaching has a lot of moving parts.

We feel the weight of preaching the Scriptures faithfully, in an engaging way, every time. We have to balance humor, theology, and application, making sure to pepper in just the right number of illustrations, but not too many so that people remember the illustration and not the Truth. That’s a lot to balance on a small stage.

4. We don’t always have it all figured out.

We don’t know it all. Or have all of the answers. Or have every truth we’re preaching on mastered. Growing up, I assumed that my pastor knew everything. Now that I’m in that role, I realize that we don’t.

5. We get worn out, too.

Delivering a sermon is physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining. Expect that we’ll be pretty zapped afterwards. After all, “they” say that delivering a sermon is equivalent to 8 hours of work.

6. If you tell us some important detail on a Sunday morning, we’ll probably forget it.

Feel free to tell us, but follow that up with an email. We’ll thank you later. It’s not that we don’t care in the moment…it’s that our minds are racing, and we often have hundreds of thoughts and ideas we’re wrestling with.

7. Preaching is a gift, but it doesn’t always feel that way.

Some days, it feels more like work. I’d love to say that every time we preach, the heavens open up and God gives us great joy in the preparation and in the delivery. But I’d be lying…sometimes it doesn’t feel like a gift.

8. Criticisms need to wait.

Seriously, if you have a bone to pick, call us on Tuesday. We’ll be in a much better spot to handle criticism then, than on your way out the door on Sunday.

9. We see you texting.

Don’t act like you’ve listened to our sermon…we know better.

10. We have to do it all again next week.

Most preachers preach every week. In fact, most preachers preach on Sunday, Sunday night, and then again on Wednesday night. The work of a pastor is never done.

Question:

Have you ever preached? Do any of these resonate with you?

 

 

 

 

Quit planning. Start doing.

May 14, 2012 / / 6 Comments

Carrying around a megaphone doesn’t legitimize your message.

image credit: Flickr user Hazzat

It just makes your message louder.

Just like talking about your dreams doesn’t mean you’ve taken any real action to accomplishing them.

It just makes your dreams more widely distributed.

We love to talk about our plans and goals and dreams. Sharing your dreams is a great way to keep a conversation going, and make us seem like we’re the forward-thinking, out-of-the-box type.

But just like the guy who writes a blog about how to write a blog about blogging is great at spinning his wheels but creating no real movement, so too are our wheels spinning.

We go in circles trying to justify our inaction.

9 times out of 10, our inaction is driven by our fear.

Faith takes risks, trusting God to truly be a God who loves to do the impossible. You’ll never fully understand God’s power until you have the faith to believe, pray, and act on the fact that our God is a God who loves to do the impossible. (Re: Ephesians 3:20-21)

You can’t experience God’s power if you trust Him with what you, in your power alone, can do. Faith requires risk. Risk to trust God. Risk to fight your fear. Risk to believe and act in confidence that God is who He says He is and does what He says he’ll do.

Instead of writing about marriage, take your wife on a date.

Instead of taking about reaching out to your neighbor, do it.

Instead of leading others to be generous, do it yourself.

Instead of telling others about your dream, start living it.

Don’t write. Do.

Don’t speak. Be.

Don’t dream. Act.

 

 

Big changes

May 8, 2012 / / 2 Comments

Any change takes is tough. Whether that change is at home, at work, or at the gym, change of any sort brings about a mixture of feelings, emotions, and, in the case of the gym, pain. Every time.

There are big changes coming down the pike where I serve on staff at Grace Community Church. My pastor, Ron Edmondson, is leaving to pastor Immanuel Baptist Church in Lexington, KY. Ron helped launch Grace over 6 years ago, and has served as co-pastor the whole time.

Ron and his wife, Cheryl, are leaving a huge hole as they transition out. Ron is an unbelievably gifted leader and communicator. He’s helped lead our staff team, and our church, from 11 families to ~2500 on Sunday mornings. He’s shaped the culture of our church, and our staff team, into a healthy environment. Ron’s not leaving a disheveled mess of a leadership team. In fact, I believe that we’re as healthy as we’ve ever been. He’s leaving on a high note, which makes this faith step even harder.

For most people, it’s easy to walk away from something that’s unhealthy. Especially when you have something healthy to walk into.

But for Ron, he’s doing the opposite. He’s walking away from something that’s thriving (Grace) and towards something that isn’t (Immanuel). Which makes this an even larger step of faith.

I’m proud of Ron, for the step he’s taking, the work he’s done, and the work ahead of him. His next team will be blessed to sit under his teaching and leadership.

I’m also excited for the days ahead of us at Grace. I’m confident in the leadership of Chad Rowland, our lead pastor. God has crafted him to lead our church, and he’s got a staff that’s ready and willing to follow. I’m excited to see how God’s going to use Chad in the coming weeks, months, and years, as Grace transitions into its next season.

Here’s the video we released this week, explaining Ron’s new position, and casting vision for what’s to come.

 

Question: what’s the biggest change you’ve ever had to face?

 

Creating art with my son

May 5, 2012 / / 2 Comments

image credit: Creation Swap user http://creationswap.com/joshyates

We created art today,

my son & I crafting a masterpiece.

Weaving figure 8s, sweeping our brushes across,

we dominated the back yard.

 

We created art today.

He used the green, I the orange.

No blade stood a chance

as we blanketed every square inch of our canvas.

 

We created art today

amidst a stifling heat.

We left, covered in green bits of canvas

from which we had crafted.

 

We created art today,

art of the best kind.

Art that gives you hope

and makes you laugh.

 

We created art today,

art that displays real life.

And spotlights the best this life can offer.

Art that beckons others’ enjoyment.

 

We created art today

and we’ll do it again next week.

When the long blades call out

for a father and son to create a masterpiece.

 

 
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