If you’re married, or ever been in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, you know that men and women communicate differently.
And I bet you’ve had an argument discussion that went something like this.
Author: Ben Reed (page 10 of 86)
image credit: Creation Swap user Jeremiah Bauer
Who has the audacity to tell me…
…how to parent?
…that I’m wrong?
…to not be lazy?
…to quit being stingy with my money?
…to forgive someone who permanently damaged me?
…to call me out when my sarcasm stings?
…I need to rest?
…not to go there?
…not to watch that?
…to be friends with him?
…to quit hanging out with her?
…to go to that college?
…I need to quit avoiding him?
…that I have no right to an ego?
…to love those people?
…to tithe?
…that my best life is still yet to come?
…that I don’t have to try to impress him?
…that I’ve got nothing to give him that makes him any better?
…that he loves me, even in my worst moments?
The guy who rose from the dead. That’s who.
Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. – the apostle Paul (Romans 6:8-11)
You’ve had a dream that flopped. An idea that didn’t get off the ground. A passion that didn’t come to fulfillment.
I know you have.
- You wanted to write a book.
- You wanted to go to work for a non-profit.
- You wanted to start a non-profit.
- You wanted to read through the Bible in a year.
- You wanted to pray every day.
- You wanted to save enough money to go on a mission trip.
- You wanted to audition for a part in a play.
- You wanted to open your own business.
- You wanted to start, and maintain, a blog.
- You wanted to launch a small group.
- You wanted to learn a new language.
You started the process. And somewhere along the way, it lost its cool factor. Someone challenged you. Someone laughed at you. Something didn’t go exactly as you thought it would go. Things grew difficult, and hairy, and life happened.
Dinner still had to be served. Bills still had to be paid. Deadlines still had to be met. And dreaming took a back seat.
So you stopped. You walked away. And your dream, your idea, and that thing that God called you to do is disappearing in your rear-view mirror.
You tried. Got embarrassed. Then walked away.
What does that look like, in real life? Boiled down to 7 seconds? Something like this.
This is my son, Rex. He was dancing in front of the mirror. Dancing like nobody’s watchin. Then he realizes that someone is watching, and gets embarrassed. Then walks away, glancing back as he goes.
It’s funny to watch, but kinda sad, too.
Who cares what other people think? Who cares if they laugh? Who cares if you fall flat on your face? Who cares if things don’t go exactly as you hoped they’d go?
If God’s called you to do something, do it. Ignore the haters. Ignore the cameras. Ignore the failed attempts.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” – Isaiah 6:8
What’s God calling you to do? Be brave. Share it with us.
How do I stop growing in my faith?
You’ve asked this question time and time again. In varying seasons of life. Maybe you’re asking it right now.
You’re tired of growing your faith.
- Tired of getting closer to God.
- Tired of God calling you to do big things.
- Tired of feeling like your gifts are being well-spent.
- Tired of pouring yourself out.
- Tired of feeling like you don’t know exactly what God’s going to ask you to do.
- Tired of God using you to minister hope and grace and truth.
I mean, seriously, it’s time to quit growing. Time to get control back over your life. Time for things to calm down, and for you to get a handle on where things are going. Am I right?
If you’re with me on this, and you’re ready for your faith to grow stagnant, stinking the place up like a mosquito-infested pond in June, then try this one thing on for size. It’s easy, really. If you’re tired of your faith growing, all you have to do is
Play it safe.
- Don’t be generous with your resources. That’s risky, and takes faith.
- Don’t be generous with the grace you give others. You will probably get burned.
- Don’t join a small group. You could be asked to be vulnerable. And you could be stretched. That’s no way to live.
- Don’t read your Bible and act on it. Just stick to reading it. Much safer.
- Don’t invite your neighbors to church with you. Stay in your comfort zone.
- Don’t go on a mission trip. That’s crazy talk.
- Don’t go serve the homeless in your city. You might get dirty.
- Don’t tithe. Planned giving? We’re going for minimal risk here. Come on.
- Don’t maintain close relationships with people. People are too messy and difficult.
- Don’t build relationships with people outside of the faith. If someone doesn’t trust Jesus, give ’em a tract and move on. If you try to stick around and love them, you’re being dangerous.
- Don’t worship with other believers. Just quit going to church. They ask you to do things like ‘participate in worship.’ Not safe at all.
- Don’t do anything difficult. When things get tough, run the other way. That’ll *stick it* to your faith.
Just minimize the risk in everything you do. That way you keep things safe, easy, and manageable.
And watch your faith shrivel right up.
Anybody with me?
True grace is dangerous, scandalous, and unfair.
And that’s a good thing.
Get you some.
(Below is a sermon I preached recently at my church, Long Hollow.)
Memorial Day is a special day for me for a number of reasons. None of which being that I’m in, or have ever been, in the military.
I have a lot of friends who are faithfully serving our country, putting their lives on the line for our freedom. They’ve fought alongside their friends who have died serving us. They, and their families, have sacrificed. Some ultimately.
Honestly, I don’t know what it’s like to lose a friend in battle. To have to deal with that in the moment, and for the rest of my life. But I’ve got friends for whom this is their reality.
And having a grill-out with some friends just doesn’t seem like an adequate way for me to be reminded that freedom isn’t free. So I CrossFit on Memorial Day. (This may seem like a stretch for you, but hang with me)
CrossFit is special to me because I’ve torn my quad and almost died. And because I just love it.
But on Memorial Day, it takes on a whole new meaning.
Memorial Day Murph
me, at Murph last year
Last year for the first time, I participated in Murph, a Hero WOD (Workout Of the Day), at CrossFit Sola Fide. In fact, Murph is what solidified me as a CrossFitter for life. I was hooked. Pushing my body beyond its limit, in the encouraging environment of community, was just what I needed. Linking it to a real story, and pushing myself right beside soldiers, was almost too much for me to handle emotionally.
Here’s why I’ll be doing the Murph WOD again:
In memory of Navy Lieutenant Michael Murphy, 29, of Patchogue, N.Y., who was killed in Afghanistan June 28th, 2005.
This workout was one of Mike’s favorites and he’d named it “Body Armor”. From here on it will be referred to as “Murph” in honor of the focused warrior and great American who wanted nothing more in life than to serve this great country and the beautiful people who make it what it is.
So as we celebrate Memorial Day here in the States, I’m remembering, alongside my military buddies, the sacrifice that so many have given.
By doing Murph.
Here’s the workout. Want to join me?
- 1 mile run
- 300 air squats
- 200 push-ups
- 100 pull-ups
- 1 mile run
What are you doing to remember?
At Long Hollow, we primarily plug people into small groups in two different ways:
- Connection Events
- Sermon Alignment
We ust finished with our latest sermon alignment, where we launched short-term small groups around our Sunday morning sermon series. We chose a series, and crafted it in such a way that it was accessible for a wide variety of spiritual maturities. It was incredibly effective for us, as we launched groups across our campuses, connecting bucketfuls of folks who hadn’t previously been connected.
If you’ve ever tried to line up a sermon series with your small groups in a way that was productive, though, and plan this all out far enough in advance to get the whole series printed and produced before you start the series, you know how much of a logistical challenge this is. From working with the teaching team to get the sermon series info, to crafting content that’s engaging, to producing videos that go along with the series, it’s a lot of work.
I’ve got a way to help one of the biggest steps for you.
We used Lifeway’s Discipleship in Context to help us produce the content. And they were incredibly easy to work with.
I sat down with their team, and laid out the whole series for him. I told them conceptually where the series was going, where each individual week would go, Scriptures that our team was wrestling through, and the general flow (introduction questions, sermon recap, application questions) we were looking for. They produced exactly what we were looking for. They hit it perfectly on the head.
I also told him how we needed a “leader’s guide” so that our leaders could be one step ahead of the folks in their group. They went over and above, including an easy-to-follow Bible commentary for leaders.
On top of it all, it was incredibly cost-effective.
I talked with a company recently that wanted to do everything for us…branding, printing, and video production. And they wanted to charge us tens of thousands of dollars.
I chuckled when they told me that, knowing that we could never afford that.
Thankfully, the Discipleship in Context guys know that churches can’t afford prices like that. And though they don’t do the videos, they’ll produce content that’s crafted in your church’s language, tailored to your exact sermon series.
We were thrilled with the product we got from them (you can click HERE to see it all). Absolutely thrilled. And I guarantee you we’ll use them in the future to help us craft the content for our groups and the alignment series we launch.
I think you should use them, too.
Here’s a video further explaining the Discipleship in Context team’s work:
Welp, here it is. Summer. The time for vacations, baseball tournaments, camps, and fireworks. Time for the pools to open and the schools to close. Crank up the lawnmower, fire up the grill, and…
…prepare for everyone’s normal schedule to be completely jacked up.
And if you’re a small group leader, you know exactly how difficult this can be. Tuesday nights were wonderful, until little Johnny started baseball. Thursday mornings were perfect, until Laura’s two kids weren’t in school throughout the summer. Thursday evenings worked for everybody…until, for 6 weeks straight, someone was on vacation.
Before the summer hits, you and your small group need to have a plan. Be ready for the chaos that is June and July so that when it drops, your group survives.
To help you out, I thought I’d give you some tips. Depending on whether you want to destroy your group or not, choose which list fits you best.
Photo courtesy, iStockPhoto
6 easy ways to destroy community over the summer
1. Meet every week at the same time.
A rule’s a rule, am I right? These people signed the small group covenant. If they can’t abide by it now, then kick ‘em out.
2. Just stop meeting.
After all, if you can’t meet every week, what’s the point? These people should be more committed.
3. Send angry tweets at the people who don’t show up every week.
Because nothing’s better than a good ole public defamation.
4. Assume that the people in your group that don’t show up every week have no commitment to the group.
Also, assume that they don’t really love Jesus. Be sure to include them in your “they really must need our prayer” list.
5. Petition your church council to remove them as members if they don’t show up every week.
6. Since your schedule is out of the norm, bar anyone else from meeting.
And if they decide to meet, let your pastor know that they’re probably conspiring against him.
1 easy way to flourish this summer
1. Be flexible.
Schedule’s are going to be crazy in June and July. So be flexible. If someone can’t show up, let them off the hook. Even before they ask. Don’t make people feel guilty for missing small group in the summer. Help them find time to value their family, and to value the vacation time they’re going to take from work.
Here are some practical ideas for your group.
5 practical ideas to help you be flexible:
Vary your meetings times: Meet 3 times in June and once in July. Or have a June party and a July party. Or meet the first 2 weeks in June and the first 2 weeks in July.
Include the kids: Choose activities where kids could be welcome.
Throw two parties: Have a party in June and a party in July.
Travel somewhere together: Go get ice cream. Or go on a hike. Or eat ice cream while you’re hiking.
Connect regularly: As a leader, be sure to individually connect multiple times with each of your group members, so they know you haven’t given up on them amidst the chaos of summer.
Don’t give up meeting together completely, and lose the sense of community that you’ve built as a small group. 2 months is a long time to go without connecting.
Just be sure to build flexibility in.
* this post was originally published at Lifeway’s Bible Study Insider blog.
I’m done listening to my pastor.
D.O.N.E. Done.
All this talk on believing the Gospel. Trusting God through pain. Loving my kids with all of my heart. Believing God’s way is better than my way. I’m done.
Will you join me?
Quit listening to your pastor talk about how much he loves you. About how God has a plan for your life. About how you need to link arms with other people and join a small group.
Quit listening to him when he says that it’s good for your heart to give generously.
Quit listening when he talks about turning your back on your sin. About trusting the God who loves you. About your need to repent.
And when he prays for you…stop listening then, too. Don’t listen when he encourages you to step up and serve others. Or to spend a week this summer at student camp. Or going overseas to share the love and hope of the Gospel.
Stop listening. Please.
Stop listening and start doing something.
Take what your pastor says and start living it. Let it resonate so deeply in your soul that it pushes you to action.
Listening alone is worthless. When the act of hearing Truth doesn’t end in some form of action, it’s not done you any good. As James puts it,
But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. – James 1:22
If we listen, and don’t do, we’re a fool. James goes on to compare us to the person who looks in the mirror to make sure everything’s straight…and as soon as they look away, they forget what they looked like. That’s dumb.
So let’s quit wasting our pastor’s time by listening. It’s not doing either of us any good. A storm’s brewing, and we’ve got to be ready. The question is not whether we will have enough knowledge or not. The question will be whether we can do anything about it.
But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete. – Jesus, Luke 6:49
Stop listening to your pastor. And start doing.
I read books outside the scope of my niche. I hope you do, too.
Reading books that speak in to areas where you’re not zoned in help stretch you in new ways, applying new truths to your well-worn paths. Not everything in these books will be applicable to you. Not everything will even be relevant. But at the end of the day, truth is truth. And truth is applicable across disciplines.
Business books help me think critically about the “system” of church. About how to spur on growth and change. About how to create systems that maintain growth over time.
I recently read Brand Against the Machine by John Morgan (on Twitter, Facebook, and Blog), and found it to be full of nuggets applicable to ministry.
John talks a lot about “branding,” much outside of the context of ministry. So let me give you 3 ways to process this book.
1. Brand = your local church.
What helps your “brand” of church stand out from other “good” things a person could be doing on a Sunday morning? What is it that motivates them to consistently worship with you, instead of skipping out? YES, if someone doesn’t consistently show up for worship (or small group) it’s a spiritual growth issue. But let’s craft our message in such a way that the image (or “brand”) of our churches doesn’t get in the way of the Gospel.
John consistently makes the connection between “trust” and “sales.” If you trust a brand, you’re more likely to buy from that brand. We in churches aren’t in a completely different field. We just happen to have the best product in the world: Jesus! The more trust we develop with our congregations, the more likely we are to close a sale.*
2. Brand = the ministry you’re a part of.
What is it that helps your ministry stand out from everything else? What helps your “brand” of small groups stand out from the noises of life that distract on a weeknight, like going to a movie or watching TV? What helps your “brand” of student ministry encourage students to forego other activities in favor of linking arms with other students on Wednesday nights.
3. Brand = professional.
Feel free to read the book as it was originally intended, and think through your life in the marketplace. Process it through the lens of your company. Or even your personal “brand” online and in your community.
Giveaway contest:
I spoke with John, and he’s generously chosen to give a personally signed copy away. Just enter the contest here, and I’ll choose a winner on Friday, May 3, by 5:00 pm central time. Just fill in your information below and you’ll be officially entered. I’ll ship the book out next week.
Below each quote, I’ve included the question I’m personally wrestling with.
15 quotes from Brand Against the Machine
1. “Branding is about emotion, and emotion turns prospects into buyers.”
How am I stirring people’s emotions to help them “buy” into the idea I’m selling?
2. “People are willing to spend more money on a brand they trust. Do I want to drink a nice cold Kountry Mist or a Mountain Dew? Kountry Mist is a generic brand of Mountain Dew, and I have zero trust in that brand. Just because it’s cheaper doesn’t mean I’m gonna have a sip. Plus, it’s annoying when brands get too cute with the spelling of their name. Spelling country with a K makes me worry about their education. It isn’t kool.”
Am I developing trust and innovating? Or just stealing from pop culture?
3. “Branding is not just about being seen as better than the competition. It’s about being seen as the only solution to your audience’s problem.”
What problem in people’s lives am I helping them solve through this idea? Am I communicating that through my pitch?
4. “You are your brand.”
Am I representing the church, and the ministry I lead, well in every avenue of life in-person and online?
5. “You may have an incredible product or service, and I truly hope that you do. But having a great product or service isn’t going to be enough. If no one knows you exist, the best product in the world isn’t going to save you. It’s estimated that 1 to 5 percent of people who come in contact with your brand will become clients. Are you coming in contact with enough people?”
Am I getting my message in front of enough eyes? Am I prepared for the vast amount of people I come in contact with to say, “No” to my pitch (to lead a small group, join a small group, or take the next step of faith?)
6. “When your message is focused and directed toward a certain group of people, those people respond. They respond because they realize it’s for them. That’s the kind of attention you want. With the attention of the right people and by taking care of those people, you can start to build trust and a loyal audience. You’ll never be all things to everyone, so don’t even try.”
Who is my “target audience” and are all of our communication pushes directed towards helping them move forward in faith? Or am I trying to be “all things to everyone?”
7. “Offer prospects a better product or service than everyone else. The most important element of branding is positioning.”
How am I positioning the ministry I lead as something that’s better than what culture promises them is best for their life? I.e., why is joining a small group worth bending your life around?
8. “Branding is all about emotion. Most marketing campaigns are lacking both emotion and passion. There’s nothing for people to get attached to. In fact, people rarely if ever feel an attachment to an individual marketing campaign, but they do feel an attachment with certain brands.”
How are we “branding” small groups? Are we using emotion (stories of life change) to drive our campaigns? Do people feel an attachment with groups?
9. “Fans are very attracted to a strong stance on something.”
Is our ministry positioned as something you “can’t live without?” What is it in their lives that’s missing without the element of healthy community?
10. “No one wants your product. They want their problem solved.”
What problem are we solving in people’s lives? Are we leading our promotions with that?
11. “The better you know your customers, the better you can create valuable content and products for them. There is no point in guessing, and making assumptions about your audience is extremely dangerous.”
How am I getting to know the people I lead at an even deeper level?
12. “You are your bigest advantage in business. What you sell may not be one of a kind, but you are. You create the value for people, not your business name or fancy logo.”
Every church in town has the same Gospel message. Every small group at our church has the same end-goal in mind. What separates one from the other is our beautiful uniqueness…are we embracing that?
13. “One of the main reasons people don’t visit a new church is because they don’t know what to expect. They don’t know which doors to go in. They don’t know how to dress. People are always afraid of looking stupid. A church could ease these fears by posting a simple video on their website with a tour of the church and what to do and where to go, starting from when they pull into the parking lot. Video can take the unknown element out of the equation for prospects.”
Are we overcoming fears through how we promote small group life?
14. “Price often gets the blame when a product fails. Although price could certainly be the culprit, most of the time it is not. The problem is that consumers failed to see the value in it. When selling your product or service, focus on value, not price.”
Are we selling the value of small groups well? So that people understand that the price (giving up a night of the week, finding childcare, forming new relationships) is worth the value?
15. “Your fans want to be a part of something that is fun, exciting, and has a real sense of community.”
Are we having fun? Or just doing a job?
The book is full of even more nuggets, but this blog post is already too long. Honestly, if you’ve made it this far, I’m impressed. 🙂
You can pick up a copy of the book for yourself HERE.
*In no way am I discounting the work of the Holy Spirit to awaken the heart. I just want to posture myself, and our ministry, to be most ready for His work.
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