Don’t think long and hard about this. Just give me your gut reaction.
What word(s) or phrase pops into your head when you think “small group?”
It could be good, bad, beautiful, ugly, off-base, off-color, or off-putting. I just want to know what people think about when the word “small group” comes up.
I have lots of conversations with people from areas other than Tennessee (aka, God’s Country).
If they’re from further south, they think Tennessee weather is cold.
If they’re from the north, they laugh when we Tennesseans say, “It’s cold outside!”
A 50 degree day in the middle of July in Tennessee is freezing…in January, that same temperature would make for a beautiful day.
Cold…hot…it’s all relative, to a degree (pun intended).
One of the most important aspects of small group life at Grace Community Church is discipleship. I often say to group leaders that making disciples is the #1 priority of their group. Everything else falls under this. If your group ends up bringing 50 new people in, meet 5 times/week, and blaze through 100 curriculums/month, but don’t help those in the group become more faithful disciples of Jesus, the group is a failure.
But I quickly follow that up with the fact that discipleship is relative.
Before you write me off as a post-modern, left-wing, “what’s right for you isn’t necessarily right for me,” spiritual person, hear me out…
A step of faith for me looks different for a step of faith for you. It looks different for the guy who’s just checking out Christianity. It looks different for the guy who’s grown up in Church but is far from God. It looks even different for the student who’s been saved for 6 months and is working through different issues at school. It looks even different for the wife whose husband is deploying (to see what we’re doing to help these women out, check this out HERE).
I’m not sure we can boil “discipleship” down to 4 easy steps. It’s never easy…and it’s not going to be the same 4 steps for everybody.
Taking a step of faith, similar to your perception of “hot” and “cold,” is a matter of where you find yourself in life.
Has your small group helped you take steps of faith?
If you live in the Clarksville, TN area, and are the spouse/girlfriend of a soldier who is, or will be, deploying, then you need to get connected with The Lantern. Started as a small group, it’s grown to a once/month gathering focusing on specific topics that those affected by a deployed loved one will face. I absolutely love the direction that this ministry is headed!
Here’s a quote from their website, telling a little more about who they are:
Our story is similar to that of most Military wives. We are a group of women made up of mothers, professionals, students, exercise-aholics, scrap-bookers, and divorcees from all over the country and all faith backgrounds, who are married to the Military, er, men in the Military. We have learned, often through painful trial and error, that we cannot continue to burden the challenges that come with a Military lifestyle alone. We have learned that when we rely on our own strengths, experiences, and plans to get through deployment and reintegration periods (often many periods), we fall short and our marriages, children, careers, and mental sanity suffer. It is only when we give our lives back to the One who made them that we are able, through His strength, love, and incredible grace, to live full lives despite our current circumstances.
Here’s a video we put together to help promote this ministry that will start on Thursday, February 18th, and continue every 2nd Thursday of the month, but check the calendar for specifics.
Have you ever been “Cc’d” in an email? Not even sure what I’m talking about? Let me enlighten you.
Here’s a normal email field:
See the “Cc:” line below the “To:” field?
Cc stands for Carbon Copy. You know those forms you have to fill out that have multiple copies where, if you press down hard enough, the image is stamped on all of the subsequent attached copies? The first one’s white…the second is yellow…the third, pink…the last page is black. Follow?
Carbon copies are a way of sharing multiple copies of the exact same information with people.
The same holds true with emails.
If I send an email to you, and Cc Joe, it means that I want Joe to have the same information that you have. It’s not directly addressed to him, but he needs to be included in the conversation.
There’s one more thing you need to know about: “Reply All.”
If you “reply” to said email, I will get your reply. But Joe won’t.
If you “reply all” to said email, I will get your reply, and so will Joe.
Here’s my point: I included Joe for a reason. I wanted him to be included in the conversation. I want him to know what we’re talking about. And for him to know what we’re talking about, you have to “reply all.”
It would be the same if I am having a conversation with you and Joe about an upcoming event that you will be leading. I say, “Hey, do you know who else will be coming to the event?” And you whisper back to me, “Yes, Don will be there, too.” Then Joe says back (to both of us), “I don’t know anybody else who will be there.” Then I have to say (to both of you), “Sorry, Joe, _____ whispered to me, but he should have said it out loud. Don will be there.” Then you whisper (to me), “Can’t wait to see you both there!” Then I have to tell Joe what you just told me.
Confused?
If I send you an email, and Cc somebody else, please, please, please “reply all.” There’s a reason I sent them a Cc. I want them to be in on the conversation!
Email can be a conversation…if you know how to use the Cc. The same principle can hold true in a small group, too.
If I’m leading a small group, and consistently find myself talking with the same one or two people, that’s not a small group…that’s a clique.
A good small group leader involves everybody in the discussion. They’re listening to what Joe says…and connecting it with what Sean says…and the prayer request that Debbie shared last week…and the fact that I know John lost his job. Because they, as the good small group leader, are convinced that everybody’s story matters. And they are convinced that, though Rose is quiet in the back, she’s dealing with real life issues. And, even though everybody rolls their eyes when Chris starts to talk because he dominates the conversation, Chris is a vital part of the growth of the group (because learning how to interact with Chris teaches the group patience, love, and grace).
Sure, it would be more fun to talk with “that couple” that you’ve been friends with for years. Or that girl that you think you may have a chance with. But the role of a small group leader is to pastor the whole group, which means learning to help the whole group have a conversation.
Learn to listen well. In email. And in small groups.
What kinds of things have you done in your small groups to help elicit discussion out of the whole group?
Recently I said this on Twitter:
Can a person REALLY be growing in their faith & NOT be involved in a faith community? I think not.
As you might imagine, it stirred some people up.
As you can also imagine, the ones it stirred up were the ones not involved in a faith community (a general term that I used to point to church, small group, Sunday School, etc.)
I would love to hear from you, but before that, I’ll throw my thoughts into the ring.
1. No.
2. 9 times out of 10, in my opinion, the statement, “I don’t need to go to church” is used as an excuse. The people who say this aren’t growing, and don’t have much intention to grow. Church would bring conviction and accountability…two things that they don’t have, and don’t truly desire.
3. For those who fall into the 1 out of 10 who aren‘t using, “I don’t need to go to church” as an excuse, I would say that the Church needs you as much as you need the church. We need your encouragement, love, accountability (doctrinal as well as moral/practical), wisdom, love, care, support, admonition, rebuke, teaching, and leadership. And you need us for the same reasons.
4. “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25) Going to church brings us into close contact with the Church. Hearing others worship, praying with others, hearing Scripture preached, and building relationships with others in the Church all help to grow our faith, and are, in my opinion, vital to your relationship with Christ.
5. We are prone to forget. We need others to remind us, and spur us on in this walk of faith. We get wrapped up in the trivialities of life, and get bogged down with details. Others help remind us of the power of the resurrection. The brevity of life. The life-transforming power of grace. The healing nature of forgiveness. Without the Church, we quickly lose sight of all of that. I can read about these things in a book…but seeing them lived out in the guy sitting two pews over is different altogether.
6. UPADATE – After a comment I received via Facebook, I’ve decided to make an addition to this post. I’d like to make concessions for folks who are not able to travel, due to health or other reasons. Those people should not feel an ounce of guilt for not traveling to gather with other believers. That said, though, I truly believe that they need to gather with others, so the Church’s responsibility would be to go to them.
What do you think? Do you believe that it’s possible to grow in your faith without “meeting together?”
…you can walk into church without anybody knowing you
…you leave church without anybody knowing you
…you’ve backslidden
…you want to grow in your faith
…you want to help others grow in their faith
…you need a place to serve
…you need a place to grow
…you need a place to belong
…you’re curious about God
…you don’t even know where to start
…you are a new believer
…you are a mature believer
…you are divorced
…you have children
…you cannot have children
…you “have it together”
…everybody else knows you don’t “have it together”
…you have a great family
…your family is rotten
…you don’t have any family
…you have lots of friends, but none that share your values
…you don’t have any friends who encourage you
…you don’t have any friends who hold you accountable
…you don’t have any friends, period
…life has fallen apart
…you know life will soon fall apart
…you have lots of free time
…you don’t have any free time
…you don’t have parenthood figured out yet
…you don’t have marriage figured out yet
…you don’t have singleness figured out yet
…life is tough right now
…you find that living the Christian life is difficult
…you erroneously think living the Christian life is easy
…you can never seem to think of things to pray for
…you have a house (or apartment) that can seat more than 2 people
…your story is still in progress
What would you add to this list?
One of the small group experiences that we offer multiple times each year is called Starting Point. We believe that the foundational truths of Christianity are learned best in the context of relationships. This is a small group that is designed for “seekers, starters, and returners,” but is beneficial for people at any spiritual maturity level.
I love this video that helps explain the value that Starting Point offers. (ht: Mark Howell)
Starting Point – Fall 2009 from buckheadchurch on Vimeo.
Here are a few reasons that you should never, under any circumstances, be in a small group:
…you cannot tolerate messiness. Doing life together with others is often messy, because you are doing life together with sinners (don’t forget that you’re a sinner, too!)! Don’t always look for a neat bow to be tied at the end of each week of meeting together. It’s just not going to happen. Your story, and those in your group, is ongoing.
…you cannot tolerate a bit of chaos. Coordinating schedules, activities, emails, curriculum choices, food choices, etc. can be a big headache. If you can’t put up with a little bit of chaos, please check out now.
…you show up expecting to receive, but not give. In a small group, you’ll be expected to participate in the discussion. To reach out and build relationships. You’ll be expected to, on occasion, host the group in your home…or pray for others…or lead an icebreaker…or lead the group discussion. If you’re there just to soak it all in, small groups aren’t for you.
…you think that discipleship is limited to information transfer. It’s not! Read more about my thoughts about discipleship HERE.
…people get on your nerves. It’s inevitable. There will be “that guy” in your group. If you just absolutely can’t stand to be around “that guy,” then you can count on God putting him (or her) in your small group (just so you know, I think that it actually works for your good when God puts people who are not like you in a small group together. Conflict with others often reveals the sinful patterns in our own hearts. James 4:1-6 speaks to this.
…you are comfortable with your life. Small groups stretch you to love more, serve more, give more, and sacrifice more. Small groups are not for the faint of heart.
…you don’t want your faith to grow. Being an active part of a small group will grow your faith. The early church met in a gathering service and in homes (Acts 2:46). I’m not saying that the fact that they met in homes is the sole reason that “the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved,” (Acts 2:47) but it was surely one piece that God was using then…and that, I believe, he continues to use now.
What can you add to this list? Why would somebody not want to be in a small group?
I’m a small groups pastor, and part of my job is training up new small group leaders. In addition to philosophical/theological/boring stuff that I talk about in new leader trainings, I give practical advice to help them make their small group a success (I know, I know, some of you would argue that good theology is always practical…don’t get all up in arms about my wording…you know what I mean). Lots of this I learn because I lead a small group myself, and see group dynamics in action every week. Part of this I learn through reading books. Part I learn through reading blogs. But this time, I want to learn from you.
Have you ever been in a small group? How about a Sunday School class? How about a Bible study with at least a few other people? Still no? Have you ever been a part of a group of guys from the office, just sitting around and talking? (If you cannot answer “yes” to any of these questions, please close down your computer and get a real friend…j/k) If so, you can help me out.
What makes a small group successful? We may all define the “win” differently based on our context and goals, but what is it that helps you to acheive the goals you are setting out to accomplish? What can/should a small group leader do in order to be the best small group leader God is calling them to be? Leave a comment and let me know two things that you have learned from being a part of a small group. Your two answers won’t be comprehensive, but that’s ok. Here are mine:
1. Make your small group “fun.” If it’s not fun, people won’t come back. You may have the most Biblical discussion that has ever happened in the history of the church, but if it’s boring, you’ll lose people the following week.
2. Open a discussion. Give people a chance to voice objections, concerns, questions, and life experiences (and actually listen to their answers). They’re a part of the story, too, you know?!?
Those are my two. What do you think?
Like I said in the last post, I fully believe in our system of creating followers of Christ. However, I would be ready to throw it out today if the system were the problem. I never want to be so connected to community groups, and the way that we do them at Grace Community Church, that I am unwilling to abandon them in favor of true discipleship. My goal in ministry, in a broad stroke, is to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” (Matthew 28:19-20) My goal is not to start 5,000 community groups and train 10,000 leaders to host a group in their home. I want to make passionate disciples of Christ! Right now, the way that I do that is to start new community groups, shepherd our current community group leaders, and recruit new leaders. Though these activities may seem mundane, I believe that true growth in godliness happens best in the context of community. So, I willfully and joyfully take on the administrative burden and the difficulties that go along with assimilating people into group life at Grace.
Why are we not making disciples more quickly at Grace? There are a variety of reason. Here are five:
1. Not everybody who hears the Gospel becomes a disciple the first time they hear it. I know that I sure didn’t! Did you? Then why should I expect vastly different results from those in our community groups? God didn’t give up on me when I rejected His call. Instead, He continue to pursue me.
2. The devil is real! “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8) Satan loves to distort the Gospel, remind us that it’s not relevant to us today, and snatch it from our hearts before it has the chance to take root. In short, he’s vying for the worship of our hearts, and this is true whether the Truth is coming from the pulpit or from a couch in somebody’s living room in a small group setting.
3. I need to take it upon myself to apply the Gospel to my life every day. CJ Mahaney, in The Cross Centered Life, says it well,”If there’s anything in life we should be passionate about, it’s the gospel. And I don’t mean passionate only about sharing it with others; I mean passionate in thinking about the gospel, reflecting upon it, rejoicing in it, allowing it to color the way we look at the world and all of life” (15).
4. Our group leaders need to take it upon themselves to ask difficult questions that drive their group back to the Gospel. “How are you living out the Gospel today? How are you more like Christ today than you were 12 months ago? What part does the Gospel play in your everyday life? What is the Gospel? Why did Jesus have to die? How is the truth that you are a sinner saved by grace affecting the way you parent your children, or love your spouse, or work at your job, or serve in your church?”
5. Group leaders need to be reminded that they are the shepherd leaders of their group, and as such, should concern themselves greatly with the eternal state of the souls in their group.
Based on that, here are 5 things I resolve to do:
1. I will not give up on people.
2. I will create an atmosphere of openness and vulnerability in our groups. It is only when group leaders, and group members, are open and honest about their struggles, that the more reluctant folks will feel the freedom to open up their lives, and the struggles they are facing.
3. I will apply the Gospel to my life every day. I need to preach to myself, reminding myself that I am a sinner saved by grace, that Christ died to free me from my sin, and that Satan wants to destroy the Gospel in my life.
4. I will develop Gospel questions to put into group leaders hands that help them have intentional, Gospel-focused discussions that are laid back enough that everybody feels comfortable asking even the most “simple” questions (though these tend to turn out to be some of the most profound questions).
5. I will pray for all of my group leaders, that they will shepherd their group in a way that honors God and holds high the banner of the Gospel.
Are your groups structured so that basic Gospel questions and concerns can be brought to the table? Or are you so laid back that the Gospel is never discussed? Or are you so “holy” that you jump to “deeper” questions (as if there is anything more life-changing and “deeper” than the Gospel!) Are you group leaders ready and willing to ask these questions?
Do you or your group leaders make the mistake of assuming that, just because a person is attending your church and frequents your small groups, he or she is saved? How are you giving your group members the freedom to explore faith?
How are you living out the Gospel today?
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