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Starbucks, Consistency, and Small groups

I have a Starbucks “Black Card.” It’s supposed to give various perks, one of which, from day 1, was free refills. Until today. I asked for a refill, gave the card to the cashier, and she said, “Do you have money loaded on this card?” I said, “I don’t need money loaded on it…the refill should be free.” She said, “Nope. Not on this card it’s not. You need a different card for the refill to be free.”

Starbucks is supposed to be the king of consistency. A Hazelnut latte should taste the same in Belgium as it does in coffee mecca (Seattle). They should look and feel the same wherever you are. Consistency, and brand management, help people to feel “at home” when they go to a Starbucks that’s not their regular shop. But when that consistency is broken, and that which used to go along with the Black Card changes, things no longer seem as…well…consistent.

A while back, we had a small group that was really struggling getting people to show up. They had been meeting for 6 months, and had moved from 18 folks to 8. The leader and his wife were incredibly gracious hosts, gifted in ministry, lovable, and fully bought into the mission and vision of Grace (our church). I sat down with the leader to try to troubleshoot. As I talked with the leader, and other group members, we came to the same conclusion. Here’s what was happening.

The group leader was gifted in teaching, and had great ease in front of people. He was also incredibly busy with work. That deadly combination led him to not work on (or lead his group through) any kind of curriculum (not that every group needs to have a curriculum, but every group should have a plan). In short, from week to week and month to month, he wasn’t taking his people anywhere. Instead, he would show up each week and just start throwing out thoughts and questions randomly, relying on his gift of gab and natural ease in leading people. This led to frustration as the group members never knew how to prepare for their small group time. They didn’t know what to think through, what to read, or what questions to be prepared to answer. The group members never knew what to expect, and never knew where the group was headed. Trust was never built, and the group fizzled out.

While it’s not vital that your group utilize a curriculum, it is vital that you take your group somewhere. With no understood goal, it’s impossible to know whether you’re “winning” as a small group or not. If you have no idea where you’re taking your group, now’s the time to figure that out. Don’t wait another day. Begin praying now, and talking with your group through it. Then consistently work to accomplish that goal.

Without consistency, people don’t know what to expect. Consistency allows trust to be build. Trust encourages the group to speak truth into each others’ lives. Speaking truth into each others’ lives spurs growth in godliness. And a group growing in godliness is a healthy group.

How are you building consistency into your group time, without allowing things to grow stale?

Convergence, a review

June 7, 2010 / Ben Reed / 1 Comment

Photo taken from http://www.allthingsconverge.com

I’ve just recently finished going through a new small group study called Convergence, published by Creative Trust.

This series of 7 studies is DVD-driven, with each study standing alone. Here are the DVD studies available now:

Breaking the Ice: Learning to Share our Stories

Parenting: Helping Your Kids to Become Adults

Frustrations and False Gods: Living in a Fallen World

Heaven: Understanding God’s Plan and Our Hope

Marriage: Life after I Do

Personal Growth: Learning to Meet Life’s Demands

Each DVD features Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz) facilitating a conversation with well-known, respected Christian authors or speakers about the challenges that Christians face while trying to integrate faith with real life. Each DVD is a 3-4 week study.

There are some real strengths in these studies.

Strengths:

1. The videos are only 20 minutes long. When DVD-based curriculum gets longer than that, it begins to infringe on discussion time. 20 minutes works. It gives enough information to communicate an idea, but not so much that the group leader feels the need to squeeze discussion time.

2. There’s no cost to the group member. The only cost incurred is the DVD itself (which is a mere $15).

3. Both the leader’s guide and the participant’s discussion guide can be found online for each study (by clicking HERE). All you have to do is print it off, and you’re good to go.

3. There’s no real homework to be done from week to week. Instead of needing to spend hours pouring over the specific material (which can, by some, be seen as busy work), group members can show up and immediately jump into the conversation. Don’t take this to mean that the studies aren’t challenging, or don’t require any work. It just means that you won’t feel like an outsider in the discussion if you haven’t “done your homework.” And though a homework-heavy study may be the right call for your group in some seasons, a homework-light study can be incredibly refreshing.

4. The questions are short, and elicit discussion. Some curriculum writers feel the need to control the answers of group members. Their goal is not necessarily group discussion. Rather, they want group members to parrot back a certain answer, which makes group discussion much cleaner and simpler. But not necessarily more helpful. Phrasing questions in a way that spurs discussion is incredibly difficult, and often leads to messier discussions, but I’ve had much greater fruit in those types of discussions than in the ones in which, realistically, there was only one “right” answer.

5. Don Miller is really good at interviewing/conversing. I picked up a copy of Free Market Jesus a while back, hoping that Don Miller’s sermons would be as impactful as his books. [insert long, awkward pause] Don’s gotten much better in front of a camera. He represents the “everyday Christian” really well, and seems to ask the “right” questions to spur the dialog with the person(s) he’s interviewing.

6. There’s a specific Scripture connected with each lesson. I’ll expand more in the following section.

Though there are great things about this curriculum, I’ve got a couple of cautions/suggestions.

Cautions/Suggestions:

1. They’re quite academic, which may keep some people on the outside. Though I’m a fan of Tremper Longman, I found the DVD’s that he’s a part of to be “heady.” The content was solid, but if I wasn’t 100% engaged in every word, I was quickly lost. In the future, making sure these discussions don’t spiral into a seminary-level conversation is something to look out for.

2. Scripture seems to be a secondary thought. Though I’m glad that there is a specific Scripture (sometimes 2) passage connected with each week’s study, I feel like there could be more. If there’s a place for expansion, it’s here. The videos each week don’t necessarily revolve around Scripture. And I’m fine with that. I’m not always looking for a sermon for my small group each week. But when there’s not a passage targeted by the conversation that Don’s having, I would like (as a small group leader) to be able to draw from a deeper well of passages related to the topic at hand.

3. With a couple of the DVDs, I’m not sure how they would fit with my small group. They may be helpful for a group leader to go through on their own (e.g., “Breaking the Ice: Learning to Share our Stories). Or they may be good for a side-discussion (e.g., “Frustrations and False Gods: Living in a Fallen World”). I’m just not sure how well it would integrate into our small group.

Overall, I think these studies will be a great resource for small group leaders, and I’m going to recommend them to the small group leaders I shepherd.

Have you used these before? What do you think?

Here’s a sample from one of the studies:

Convergence Promo – NEW from All Things Converge on Vimeo.

Convergence, a small group study

May 24, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

I’m in the process of reviewing a small group series called Convergence. Have you heard of it?

Convergence is a series of DVDs designed specifically for small groups looking for more than just Bible study. Convergence will examine the intersections between faith and real life with the goal of sparking deeper conversations and stronger community within small groups.

Each DVD will feature Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz) facilitating a conversation with another well-known Christian author or speaker about the challenges that Christians face while trying to integrate faith with real life.

Unlike other DVD series that rely on a single person to speak and teach, these DVDs will rely on the interviews hosted by Donald Miller to start conversations within small groups.

Here’s the promo video:

Convergence Promotional Video from All Things Converge on Vimeo.

What do you think makes for a successful small group study?

A “Deep” Bible study

May 6, 2010 / Ben Reed / 18 Comments

Can you tell me which small group has a “deep” Bible study?

Ever been asked that question? Ever asked it yourself?

I’m asked the question all of the time.

But instead of posting my thoughts, I’d like to hear from you, so leave a comment below.

What does it take for a “regular” Bible study to turn into a “deep” Bible study? What goes into making small group time a “deep” Bible study?

I’ll post my thoughts later. But for now, I’d like your input.

Outside the Box, Rick Howerton

April 26, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

Earlier this month, we put on a missions conference for small group leaders at Grace, and other churches in the Clarksville, TN community. It was a success, for sure. The video below is fairly long, but I think it’s worth your time. It’s Rick Howerton speaking on missional small groups.

Outside the Box, Rick Howerton from Ben Reed on Vimeo.

A Healthy Small Group…

March 30, 2010 / Ben Reed / 4 Comments

I recently said this on Twitter:

So many problems in life could be solved by a healthy small group.

The responses I received really made me think about what components go into producing a “healthy” small group.

A “healthy” small group is one that accomplishes “the win” for your system. Which means that a healthy group at our church may look a little different than the one at your church. And that’s ok. Step 1 is defining “the win.”

But there are certain things that “winning groups” do, right? Do you encourage those things?

Here are a few that I’ve come up with for our system.

A healthy small group…

…stirs your heart to action.

…helps remind you who you are in Christ.

…helps you realize the all-encompassing nature of the Gospel.

…pursues unity.

…is full of people taking steps of faith…together.

…helps you realize the fullness of Grace.

…helps remind you that the troubles in this life will one day be over.

…doesn’t wait until the group meeting to speak encouragement to one another.

…shares group responsibilities with each other.

…relies on each other when needs arise.

…isn’t satisfied with surface-level prayer requests.

…serves others.

…serves each other.

…has fun together.

…laughs together.

…gives people safe space to explore their faith.

…is a safe space for non-believers.

What would you add to the list?

The power of your story

March 18, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

You have a story.

It may be ugly and offensive.

It may be neat and pretty.

It may be rough and unfinished.

And you’re probably scared to share it, because of what people will think when they hear it.

But sharing your story within community is one of the most powerful things you can do to build community.

I recently shared my story with my small group.

And let me tell you…it felt great.

To have people intently listening to my life story, nod their head in understanding, ask probing questions, and affirm God’s work in my life felt so freeing.

And confirmed to me the value of my story.

You have a story.

And the beautiful part is that God’s still working on you.

Will you consider building community around sharing your story and listening to others’ stories?

Should I kick them out of my group?

March 1, 2010 / Ben Reed / 11 Comments

Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?

I’ve run into this question myself. A group leader approaches me and says, “Can I invite ______…he goes to another church, but…” Or a group member approaches me and says, “My good friend goes to ________ Church, but I’d love to invite her to our small group…can I?”

I’ve posted this question on Twitter HERE, The Small Groups QHub HERE, and gotten some great responses.

Todd brings up a good point

@benreed If it’s obvious their goal is to win others to their theological position, or they’re avoiding dealing with sin, i’d confront.

If their goal is to win others to their theological position, it’s time to have a conversation (though the whole “obvious” part is, in my estimation, difficult to ascertain). We see this at different points in the New Testament, where people came into the local church and, through their teaching, intentionally divided the local church (passages dealing with false teaching: Matthew 24:11; Mark 13:5-6; Galatians 1:6-10; 2 Corinthians 11:1-4; Col. 2:1-10; Peter 3:17-18; 1 John 4:1-6).

Spence says

@benreed I ask them to view their time in group as training to launch groups at their church

I love that idea (though I have a few exceptions…you’ll see what I’m talking about below).

There’s a lot that goes into answering this question. I don’t think that the answer is a simple, “Yes” or “No.”

Trying to understand another person’s intent/desire/theological bent/difficulties is not an easy task.

Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?

Instead of making a general pronouncement for or against kicking people out of your group, why not consider these things:

Should I kick them out?

1. Not all churches have a discipleship structure that helps people grow in their faith. I know…I know…at some point, we need to take personal responsibility for our growth. We can’t depend on others solely for our own spiritual growth. But if we’re in such a difficult place (local church) that we can’t lean on them when life is tough (for example, how about a church plant in a place where the Gospel isn’t prevalent), then we need to be able to draw from other churches.

2. Some pastors of other churches aren’t able to be fully open and honest in their own church’s small groups. If they were completely open about their struggles with church members, it may be tough for church members to hear them preach on Sundays. *Pastors need to have people in their life to whom they can be fully transparent…but it may not be people in their congregation.

3. Not all churches truly offer grace. People’s sins sometimes preclude them from having regular fellowship with believers because their church can’t truly offer grace and forgiveness. Once others find out the nature and extent of a person’s sin, they can no longer have regular fellowship with them. It’s not that these who have sinned are trying to run from accountability…they’re longing for grace, and they get it from God, but not from His people. It’s unfortunate, but true.

4. Some people are sensing that God’s calling them to another church. Small groups are a great test of the health of a local church. Instead of walking out of their Sunday morning services immediately, they can explore what God would have for them through the small groups at your church. *I understand that there are “biblical” and “unbiblical” reasons for leaving a local church, and my intent in this post is not to address those reasons.

5. Exercise wisdom. Look at these on a case-by-case basis. Instead of making judgments against every person’s situation in a blanket fashion, work with each of these situations individually.3. Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody.

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment. (Proverbs 18:1)

If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)

Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody. Some people hop from church to church because they don’t feel they are getting the respect they deserve, but not everybody. Some people are true false teachers, but not everybody.

At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself (or your church) what’s right. I don’t think that the Bible explicitly spells out the absolute “right” or “wrong,” “black” or “white” way to handle this issue.

May we be people quick to forgive and quick to offer grace…because we serve a God who is ready to run after the prodigal.

Reasons people think their small group failed

February 25, 2010 / Ben Reed / 2 Comments

The Tennessee Titans missed the playoffs (thereby breaking my heart) again this year for a number of reasons.

But it wasn’t because of the coach, Jeff Fisher.

Or the running back, Chris Johnson.

Or the CB, Cortland Finnegan.

Or the stadium.

Or the fans.

Or ESPN.

Or 104.5 The Zone.

Or Vince Young.

None of the above were reasons that the Titans missed the playoffs.

Equally, there are many important aspects of group life that don’t contribute to the death of a small group.

5 problems that don’t necessarily lead to the demise of a small group:

1. I’m the group leader, and my group members know more Scripture than I do. A small group leader doesn’t have to be the most spiritually mature person in the church. They do need to be increasing in their love of God, and in their love of people. (Luke 10:27) But just because they can’t reel off the reference to the time when Josiah was made king doesn’t mean that their group is going to fail. Why? Because the goal of a small group isn’t simply increasing in biblical knowledge. It’s taking steps of faith together.

2. I think we picked the “wrong” curriculum. A good group knows when to put down a bad curriculum. A good group also knows how and when to change and/or throw out unhelpful questions. If you’re a group leader, and are worried about the curriculum, don’t sweat it. Pray, ask for wisdom, then choose a curriculum. It won’t kill your group.

3. We just don’t have a big enough home. Our home is not huge. It’s ~1,200 square feet. Yet we managed to consistently pack 20 folks in for our small group meetings (which is probably too many people, but for some reason, we just kept growing throughout the life of our group). The size of your home doesn’t lead to the failure of a small group.

4. We lost 3 couples! Sometimes, people quit on you. Maybe they move away. Maybe they were offended by the Gospel. Maybe their work schedule changed. For whatever reason, though, people will leave your group. But that just gives you the opportunity to spend more time investing in the folks that are still sticking around…and also gives you room to invite new folks!

5. Our group leader has committed moral failure. Since small groups are not a top-down, pyramid structure of leadership, if the leader stumbles into sin (which I have seen happen…small group leaders are surely not immune from temptation), the group doesn’t necessarily fall apart. Since responsibilities and leadership are shared among the group members, others step right in and continue leading the group. Trust among group members has been built, so that it feels natural when another group member steps up to begin leading the discussion.

To see some factors that do lead to the death of a small group, click HERE.

Have you seen a small group survive through any of the above?

Small Groups are Dead

February 22, 2010 / Ben Reed / 5 Comments

Small groups are dead.

There. I said it. Now I’m cool.

In vogue right now is the idea that small groups are dead. They don’t work. They never really did. They don’t help anybody grow. They’re boring, lifeless, and out of step with the culture. They’re not missional. They’re not disciple-producing. And the church needs to move on to something better.

Do I believe that small groups are dead? Nope.

Your small group may be dead. But small groups as a whole are far from lifeless.

Making a blanket statement against the validity of small groups may be sexy.

But I think it’s unfair.

My small group is working. And I know of small groups around the country that are producing disciples in unprecedented numbers.

This week, I’m going to give you a few reasons why small groups fail.

Some of them may shock you.

Some of them you may have done yourself.

But knowing where the problem areas are in small groups helps us to guard against them.

And knowing is half the battle. (GI Joe fans, you’re welcome.)

What factors have you seen contribute to the failure of a small group?