Here’s part 2 of my interview with Randall Neighbour (here’s part 1). It’s a follow-up interview to his new book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It. I was challenged, but had some follow-up questions for Randall.
Here’s part 2 of my interview with Randall Neighbour, focusing on the dangers Randall sees with lowering the leadership bar when it comes to recruiting new leaders.
Randall Neighbour, part 2 from Ben Reed on Vimeo.
I’ve read through Randall Neighbour’s The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It. I was challenged, but had some follow-up questions for Randall.
I thought that my interview would take 3-5 minutes. 30 minutes later, we were still talking. So I’ve decided to break it up into 5 sections.
Please bear with the audio and video quality. I’m doing the best I can!
If you’d like to get a free copy of Randall’s book, I’m extending the contest giveaway until tomorrow at noon! Click HERE to enter.
1st question:
What are some of the major problems you see in most small groups systems right now?
Beware of placing such stringent restrictions on potential new leaders that you crowd out great individuals who can, and will, grow.
What are your requirement for small group leadership?
I don’t know about you, but I tend to box myself in. I find something that works, then stick with that plan 100% until I have completely run it into the ground.
And that’s not a good thing.
When it comes to serving in ministry, “boxes” are helpful, but should constantly be evaluated…and burned if necessary.
That’s why I’m offering, for free, a leadership training event called “Outside the Box.” I’ve created the event to help us think outside of the normal way of operating. To not accept mediocre. To push for excellence. And to not rely on yesterday’s ideas to accomplish today’s problems. Because yesterday’s ideas worked really well….yesterday.
In order to continue to grow as a ministry at Grace Community Church, we need to think outside the box.
Especially when it comes to the idea of being missional.
Here is the lineup of speakers:
Kenny York – Kenny is launching a new ministry in Clarksville to minister to the homeless. Instead of asking the homeless to come to a centralized location…he’s going to them, bringing hot meals to where they are. You can read more about Manna Cafe Ministries HERE.
Ryan Chappalear – Ryan is Founder/International Director of Africa for Jesus. Ryan, and the way he has led AFJ to plant churches and train local pastors in Africa, has changed the way I think about international missions. You can read about the ministry that Ryan leads HERE.
Rick Howerton – Rick is one of the premier leaders in the small-group movement. Having facilitated an untold number of small-group journeys over the last 17 years, his passion is contagious. This guy honestly believes that small groups can and will change the world! He blogs HERE.
This event is designed for our small group leaders (and volunteers) at Grace Community Church. If you lead a small group but you don’t go to Grace, we’d still love to have you! Just call the church office at 931-647-6800 and ask for Ben Reed.
Hope to see you there!
I met Randall Neighbour (you can follow him on Twitter HERE) a few weeks ago, and I would already consider him a friend. I love the way that he thinks about small groups, and the value of getting people connected in authentic, biblical, God-honoring community.
Randall’s recently released a book, The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry.
To be entered into the drawing, please do one (or all) of the following. Each is worth one entry, so feel free to “enter” as many times as you’d like…the more you enter, the more chances you have to win!
1. Tweet this (or share on Facebook): RT @benreed He could’ve done better w the title but I’ll snag a FREE copy of @rgneighbour ‘s book on small groups here: http://ow.ly/1dpRv!
2. Subscribe to Life and Theology by email HERE or RSS reader HERE
3. Leave a comment below with your suggestion of a better title for his book.
This is the front cover of Randall’s book, and the printed copy says, “The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry.” For the record, Randall’s very happy with the title, and isn’t looking to change it…but hey, I had to come up with a good reason to give these books away, right? So leave your new title as a comment below…be creative!
I will randomly pick 5 winners on March 8th and will let you know via email if you’ve won.
I’ll start us off:
My new title:
I’m a small group leader…how did this happen?
Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?
I’ve run into this question myself. A group leader approaches me and says, “Can I invite ______…he goes to another church, but…” Or a group member approaches me and says, “My good friend goes to ________ Church, but I’d love to invite her to our small group…can I?”
I’ve posted this question on Twitter HERE, The Small Groups QHub HERE, and gotten some great responses.
Todd brings up a good point
@benreed If it’s obvious their goal is to win others to their theological position, or they’re avoiding dealing with sin, i’d confront.
If their goal is to win others to their theological position, it’s time to have a conversation (though the whole “obvious” part is, in my estimation, difficult to ascertain). We see this at different points in the New Testament, where people came into the local church and, through their teaching, intentionally divided the local church (passages dealing with false teaching: Matthew 24:11; Mark 13:5-6; Galatians 1:6-10; 2 Corinthians 11:1-4; Col. 2:1-10; Peter 3:17-18; 1 John 4:1-6).
Spence says
@benreed I ask them to view their time in group as training to launch groups at their church
I love that idea (though I have a few exceptions…you’ll see what I’m talking about below).
There’s a lot that goes into answering this question. I don’t think that the answer is a simple, “Yes” or “No.”
Trying to understand another person’s intent/desire/theological bent/difficulties is not an easy task.
Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?
Instead of making a general pronouncement for or against kicking people out of your group, why not consider these things:
1. Not all churches have a discipleship structure that helps people grow in their faith. I know…I know…at some point, we need to take personal responsibility for our growth. We can’t depend on others solely for our own spiritual growth. But if we’re in such a difficult place (local church) that we can’t lean on them when life is tough (for example, how about a church plant in a place where the Gospel isn’t prevalent), then we need to be able to draw from other churches.
2. Some pastors of other churches aren’t able to be fully open and honest in their own church’s small groups. If they were completely open about their struggles with church members, it may be tough for church members to hear them preach on Sundays. *Pastors need to have people in their life to whom they can be fully transparent…but it may not be people in their congregation.
3. Not all churches truly offer grace. People’s sins sometimes preclude them from having regular fellowship with believers because their church can’t truly offer grace and forgiveness. Once others find out the nature and extent of a person’s sin, they can no longer have regular fellowship with them. It’s not that these who have sinned are trying to run from accountability…they’re longing for grace, and they get it from God, but not from His people. It’s unfortunate, but true.
4. Some people are sensing that God’s calling them to another church. Small groups are a great test of the health of a local church. Instead of walking out of their Sunday morning services immediately, they can explore what God would have for them through the small groups at your church. *I understand that there are “biblical” and “unbiblical” reasons for leaving a local church, and my intent in this post is not to address those reasons.
5. Exercise wisdom. Look at these on a case-by-case basis. Instead of making judgments against every person’s situation in a blanket fashion, work with each of these situations individually.3. Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody.
Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment. (Proverbs 18:1)
If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)
Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody. Some people hop from church to church because they don’t feel they are getting the respect they deserve, but not everybody. Some people are true false teachers, but not everybody.
At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself (or your church) what’s right. I don’t think that the Bible explicitly spells out the absolute “right” or “wrong,” “black” or “white” way to handle this issue.
May we be people quick to forgive and quick to offer grace…because we serve a God who is ready to run after the prodigal.
I had a chance to watch The Summit live, but many people didn’t have that opportunity. So, Lifeway has made the video available for you to watch. And, just like the conference, this video is FREE.
I blogged the event, including highlights from the entire week while the small group experts were in Nashville, at Rick Howerton’s new blog. Click HERE to see his blog, and my notes.
I’ve posted the video of the event below.
The Summit: A Convergence of Small Group Experts from LifeWay Productions on Vimeo.
What were your takeaways from the event? Was it worth your time?
The Tennessee Titans missed the playoffs (thereby breaking my heart) again this year for a number of reasons.
But it wasn’t because of the coach, Jeff Fisher.
Or the running back, Chris Johnson.
Or the CB, Cortland Finnegan.
Or the stadium.
Or the fans.
Or ESPN.
Or 104.5 The Zone.
Or Vince Young.
None of the above were reasons that the Titans missed the playoffs.
Equally, there are many important aspects of group life that don’t contribute to the death of a small group.
1. I’m the group leader, and my group members know more Scripture than I do. A small group leader doesn’t have to be the most spiritually mature person in the church. They do need to be increasing in their love of God, and in their love of people. (Luke 10:27) But just because they can’t reel off the reference to the time when Josiah was made king doesn’t mean that their group is going to fail. Why? Because the goal of a small group isn’t simply increasing in biblical knowledge. It’s taking steps of faith together.
2. I think we picked the “wrong” curriculum. A good group knows when to put down a bad curriculum. A good group also knows how and when to change and/or throw out unhelpful questions. If you’re a group leader, and are worried about the curriculum, don’t sweat it. Pray, ask for wisdom, then choose a curriculum. It won’t kill your group.
3. We just don’t have a big enough home. Our home is not huge. It’s ~1,200 square feet. Yet we managed to consistently pack 20 folks in for our small group meetings (which is probably too many people, but for some reason, we just kept growing throughout the life of our group). The size of your home doesn’t lead to the failure of a small group.
4. We lost 3 couples! Sometimes, people quit on you. Maybe they move away. Maybe they were offended by the Gospel. Maybe their work schedule changed. For whatever reason, though, people will leave your group. But that just gives you the opportunity to spend more time investing in the folks that are still sticking around…and also gives you room to invite new folks!
5. Our group leader has committed moral failure. Since small groups are not a top-down, pyramid structure of leadership, if the leader stumbles into sin (which I have seen happen…small group leaders are surely not immune from temptation), the group doesn’t necessarily fall apart. Since responsibilities and leadership are shared among the group members, others step right in and continue leading the group. Trust among group members has been built, so that it feels natural when another group member steps up to begin leading the discussion.
To see some factors that do lead to the death of a small group, click HERE.
Have you seen a small group survive through any of the above?
Two days ago (see post HERE), I made a “sexy” statement:
Small groups are dead.
But, like I said, I don’t believe it. I believe that small groups are alive and well in many churches in America and throughout the world.
Are small groups dead? I don’t think so.
I believe that some small groups are dead…and maybe one of those small groups is yours. But I don’t think that small groups are on their way out.
It’s like me saying, “The Cincinnati Reds had an awful season…so Major League Baseball is dead.”
Or…let’s take it a step further.
“The Cincinnati Reds are an awful franchise…so Major League Baseball is dead.”
Both conclusions are a leap. Just because the Reds are abysmal doesn’t mean that the MLB is a goner. There are many great teams, making plenty of money, winning plenty of games, and growing plenty of fans.
The Reds need to make some changes. But they, as a team, don’t discount the MLB.
However, some small groups are dead. In fact, you might be in one right now that’s dead.
1. Lack of commitment. Some people think they want to be a part of a small group. But in reality, they don’t. They’re not really ready to make the commitment necessary to truly be a part of a small group. Whether they’re not really ready to give up a night of their week, or not really ready to be open and honest, or not really ready to participate in the discussion, or not really ready to make an investment in someone else’s life…the truth is, they’re not really ready for small group. And a group with uncommitted group members quickly dries up.
2. The gap theory. When there’s too large of a gap between when a small group launches, and when they meet for the first time, vital energy is lost. When there is more than a 3 week gap, most groups will have a tough time ever getting off of the ground.
3. Relationships don’t form. I give a group 8 weeks. If after that amount of time, there’s no “gelling” going on, you can just about guarantee that the group is either going to eek along for the rest of its life or die a quick death. You can have the greatest small group leader of all time facilitating the discussion…but if the relationships don’t form, get ready to throw in the towel.
4. Time. Some groups need to start over. They’ve been together so long that the relationships are at a level of comfort that’s not conducive to growth. In our context, we’ve found that time period to be around 15-18 months. At that point, it’s time for the group to multiply and start new groups.
5. Lack of vision. If the group doesn’t know how to measure success, they will constantly feel like they’re in a state of failure. But with a healthy vision, an expectation of what a group “win” looks like, groups can aim for, and accomplish, the goal.
6. Lack of fun. If a group only studies the lesson every week, it’s going to crumble. I tell our group leaders that if they don’t actively try to make their group fun, people won’t come back. Boring groups aren’t very attractive. Just like a boring version of Christianity isn’t very attractive. Christians can, and should, have fun…what better place to do that than in a small group environment?
7. Lack of serving others. A group should focus on itself. If relationships aren’t built among group members, the group will remain shallow and fake. But if they only focus on building relationships with themselves, they get, in a sense, fat. Serving others is like spiritual exercise…putting our faith in action. I love this quote by Reid Smith
Christians on mission are sacrificial by nature. It’s why mission is important to group life & the Church!
Have you been a part of a small group failure? What led to its death?
Small groups are dead.
There. I said it. Now I’m cool.
In vogue right now is the idea that small groups are dead. They don’t work. They never really did. They don’t help anybody grow. They’re boring, lifeless, and out of step with the culture. They’re not missional. They’re not disciple-producing. And the church needs to move on to something better.
Do I believe that small groups are dead? Nope.
Your small group may be dead. But small groups as a whole are far from lifeless.
Making a blanket statement against the validity of small groups may be sexy.
But I think it’s unfair.
My small group is working. And I know of small groups around the country that are producing disciples in unprecedented numbers.
This week, I’m going to give you a few reasons why small groups fail.
Some of them may shock you.
Some of them you may have done yourself.
But knowing where the problem areas are in small groups helps us to guard against them.
And knowing is half the battle. (GI Joe fans, you’re welcome.)
What factors have you seen contribute to the failure of a small group?
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