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Sometimes traditions should change

December 16, 2010 / / 2 Comments

My traditions are changing this year.

And I’m thrilled.

(Photo by Karen Long)

When I was a kid, on Christmas Eve night, we’d head over to my Aunt and Uncle’s house, eat homemade lasagna with the whole family, then come back home in time to go to sleep.  We’d wake up early on Christmas morning, open gifts with my parents, eat homemade donuts my dad made, then spend the afternoon at my Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  That was our tradition.

When I got married, my traditions changed.  Nothing went away…but lots of traditions were added.  On Christmas Eve night, we’d go to a traditional candlelight service in Winchester, TN, then head to my wife’s grandma’s house to eat and exchange gifts.  We’d get back to Clarksville about midnight, wake up and head to my parent’s house to eat homemade donuts made by my dad, then spend the afternoon at my Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Then we’d head to my wife’s Grandma and Grandpa’s house to finish the day thoroughly exhausted.  Christmas was special…but often felt rushed and hectic.

This year, our traditions are changing again.  In a big way.  Our son is getting to the age where we want to begin crafting his Christmas traditions.  We’re treating Christmas Eve morning as our Christmas morning.  And if our family wants to see Rex (which is the only person they care about in our family, if we were truly honest with each other), they have to come to us.  Christmas Eve night, I’m thrilled to be worshipping for the first time on Christmas Eve with my church family (details HERE).  Christmas will be much more relaxed, yet we’ll still be able to spend time with all of our family.  It’ll just be spread out over a few days.

Traditions change. And that’s okay.  When we’re unwilling to change, it’s easy to work ourselves into a rut.  In that rut, we forget why we do what we do.  And we begin doing things simply because we’ve always done them…getting frustrated with anyone who questions or challenges our traditions.

Traditions change. And they should.  Because we change.  Life doesn’t stay the same.  It takes us through many different roads.  People are added.  Taken away.  And that changes the flavor of our families.

Traditions change. And if you stick so closely to your traditions, you’ll alienate many newcomers.  Take, for instance, my son.  If we were unbending in our holiday routines, he’d always view Christmas as a rushed, tiring, hectic, gifts-focused time.  I don’t want that.

So this holiday season, evaluate why you do what you do.  What is it that you, as a family, value? Don’t just continue the same traditions because you’ve always done them. Because if you’re not careful, your traditions can block you from that which you value.

What is your favorite Christmastime tradition?

Is there something new you’re doing this year?

How do you handle change?

 

A word for young pastors

December 13, 2010 / / 1 Comment

Rick Howerton is a good friend of mine.  What I love about Rick is the wisdom that he has…and shares generously.  He has recently transitioned to a new position with NavPress, where he’s overseeing small group life.  In my opinion, Rick is the foremost small group expert in the country.  You can follow him on Twitter HERE.  His blog is currently being redone, and will launch again in January.  When it launches, it’ll be a must-read for small group pastors and leaders.

When I spend time around people who have been leading in the church for longer than I’ve been alive, I love to soak up as much wisdom from them as I can.  I want to know what I should be thinking, reading, doing, and being…now…so I can grow into the husband, father, pastor, and leader God intends.  I asked Rick to share some wisdom for young pastors.  Because none of us wants to waste the influence God’s given us.

A word for young pastors

What you interpret as your “instincts” may be the whisperings of the Holy Spirit. Throughout my ministry life I have found myself instinctively making leadership decisions. For many years I followed those instincts and saw God’s blessing. As I grew older and learned the Scripture I realized those instincts were actually the whispers of the Holy Spirit guiding me down biblical paths. Today, when I have an instinctive moment, I check it with the Word of God. Bottom line… do not ignore what may seem instinctive, check it with God’s Word then move forward if you’re on the same page as God.

Make your family the people you are most passionate about discipling. We seem to be embracing discipleship like we never have before. I’m noticing that, in our mind’s eye, discipleship is finding a few other people of the same gender and giving our time, attention, and discipleship energies to them. We should do this but not at the expense of the discipling of our own children. Remember this… God created in your child a longing to know the love of and to have the knowledge of the dad and mom that God gave them. You were appropriately chosen by God to disciple your kids.

Never believe the lie that new ideas are the only right ideas. It seems that every generation of church leaders chooses to set aside anything that was birthed through the generation that came before them. In so doing, we oftentimes move away from biblical church to generational and cultural church. Cling to biblical church while allowing new methods to be played out, but don’t play out new methods if they demand you delete the parts of the Bible that aren’t cool or sexy… today.

Don’t give too much of your attention to the great theological debates. If you do they will…

  1. redirect your energies from the transformation of hearts to theological treatises and coalitions that, in the end, will begin to shape a politician, not a pastor.
  2. lead you into ecclesiastical elitism… believing that those evangelicals whose theological perspective is different than yours are not as theologically astute as yourself or that the interpretations they espouse are heretical when in fact, both sides of the debate may simply be demanding a final word on what God is keeping a mystery (Deut. 29:29).
  3. force you into a pigeon-hole that will limit your ministry. Most of us want to affect the world in the name of Jesus Christ. Many have chosen to battle for a theological perspective which has limited the churches and movements they are welcomed into.
  4. become idols, taking the place of the Christ. You will know if this is true if your reputation is built on a theological perspective rather than Jesus Christ. Remember these things… What you speak of most passionately you will be known for. What you’re willing to go to battle for you will be known for. What we are to speak of most often and go to battle for is the person of Jesus Christ.

______________________

If you’re a young pastor or leader, I’d love to connect with you!  Please find me on Twitter, Facebook, or follow along HERE on the blog.  Learn along with me, from guys like Rick.

 

Customer Service Matters

December 13, 2010 / / 5 Comments

I was out Christmas shopping the other day, and the experiences I had at two different stores was polarizing.

I started off going to store (which will remain nameless) where you ship packages.  When I pulled up, I quickly realized it was going to be “one of those” visits.  The line was out to the second, outer door, and wrapping back deeper and deeper in the store, and I could tell the customers were frustrated.  I had to get some stuff dropped off, so I didn’t have the option of turning around and coming back later.  I began waiting.

As I got a little closer to the register, I realized that there was only one worker, and he was burned out.  The only other worker in the store was running around taking care of other things.  I heard him announce, “We’re locking up!  If anybody comes to the door and tries to get in, please tell them that we’re closed.  If they don’t believe you, please call me and I’ll take care of it.”  I didn’t feel valued as a customer in the least.

Next, I went to our local mall, to one of the clothing stores there (which will also remain nameless).  As soon as I walked in, I was greeted by a smiling worker who offered me a shopping bag.  As I went throughout, the workers were pleasant, and looking to serve me.  When I walked to the front to checkout, the line had begun to back up.  At that moment, another worker announced, “If you are able to pay by credit card, we can take care of you right now!”  There were multiple “cashiers” setup with iPod touches that could scan your card and process your payment right there on the spot, without you having to wait in the long lines.  

I felt like each worker, and thus the whole company itself, truly cared that I was there.  That wanted me to have the most pleasant experience possible from the moment I walked in to the moment I left.  Every detail mattered.  And in the process, they’ve created a raving fan out of me.

Don’t doubt that customer service matters.  It will create raving fans who will tell others about your organization.  Bad customer service creates raving fans as quickly as good customer service does.  Especially in our churches.

People talk about your church after they visit.  I guarantee it.

What do you think they’re saying?

Did they feel warm, welcomed, and valued?  Or did they feel like you didn’t care for them?

You know that there are plenty of theological, philosophical, practical, and past hurts that keep people from experiencing God’s love, grace, and forgiveness.  Let’s not let their rejection be based on poor customer service.  How easy is it to offer a warm smile?  A hearty handshake?  A good cup of coffee?  An umbrella on a rainy day?

Have you had a customer service experience you’ve talked with someone else about lately?

Does your church focus on customer service issues?  Should you help start the focus?

 

Customizing your Posterous blog

December 7, 2010 / / 2 Comments

Although content may be king, design is incredibly important.  It’s what attracts people to your product.  It’s what shows people that you care about your product.  It shows your eye for creativity.  And it’s what separates you from everybody else.

Which explains why there is so much out there on blog and website design.  And why it’s so expensive to have a professional customize your site.

And though you can spend lots of money designing your blog, much of the new blogging platforms are easily customizable…as long as you have a little know-how.

I have two blogs, one on WordPress (HERE) and one on Posterous (HERE). I’m often asked how I’ve designed my site, and I make it quickly known that I’m not a designer.  I am, though, a learner.  I’ve figured out how to manipulate my blogs to make them look how I want them to look.  And I’d like to help you out.

If you don’t use Posterous, this isn’t going to help you…go ahead and move on.  Or start a Posterous account and keep reading.

Here’s what my Posterous site looks like:

Here’s how I customized it to make it look like what you see.

Customizing your Posterous site

1. Login to your posterous account, and make sure you’re on the “Manage” page (you should see the “manage” tab at the top).

2. Scroll to the bottom of the screen and click on “Theme my site.”

3. On the top row, you’ll see a list (via screenshots) of the various themes you can use with Posterous.  I have “MyList by Obox” applied.

4. You can click on “Customize” and find the options to change the colors, header image, and number of posts per page.

5. If you want to go crazy, you can customize the CSS and get a fully custom site.  I found enough functionality in the out-of-the-box themes posterous provided.


 6. Go back to your “Manage” page (see #1 above).  Immediately under the main header that says “Manage”, you should see 4 different folder options: Posts, Pages, People, and Autopost.  Click on “Pages.” (see screenshot below)

7. On the line that says, “Navigation,” Click “Link.”

8. Add the link where you want to point to, and make sure you indicate “Label,” because this is what the tab on your site will look like.

Do you have a Posterous site?  Or maybe a Tumblr blog?

Have you customized your blog?

 

Mass Market churches

December 6, 2010 / / 2 Comments

Companies that are built around mass marketing develop their products accordingly.  These companies round the edges, smooth out the differentiating features, and try to make products that are bland enough for the masses.  These companies make spicy foods less spicy, and they make insanely great service a little less great (and a little cheaper). – Seth Godin, Purple Cow, 55

Seth Godin, above, is looking at businesses that are trying to have mass appeal.  The way that companies have tried to achieve their mass appeal is by trying to make their products (and services) appeal to everybody.

And in the process, they’ve made their products (and services) appeal to nobody.

And the same things can happen in our churches.  We can try to please more and more people, changing and adding each time another group of people comes along.  Accommodating more and more desires, saying, “Yes” to more and more ideas, and spreading the church staff and church body so thin that effectiveness and excellency go right out the door.  The more you juggle, the more likely you are to drop a ball.  Or all of them.

Instead of that, figure out what God’s calling you as a church to do and be…and go do that.  You can’t accommodate all styles of worship.  Or all styles of small groups (community groups, cell groups, Sunday School, discipleship classes, etc.).  Or all styles of teaching.  Or all of the truly good ideas that come along.

Simplifying is one of the most difficult tasks that an organization can do.  And it’s also one of the most important.

People want to be led.  And God’s called you to do just that.  Figure out what you, as a church, value the most, and start doing that.

 

Good small groups…

December 4, 2010 / / 1 Comment

I haven’t run into many people who say, “I want my small group to tank.  I want to lead my folks off of a spiritual cliff so that they’re further from God than they were before they even met me.”

Quite the contrary.

Most people want their group to succeed.  They want to grow spiritually, and help others grow as well.  They want to have vibrant meetings that challenge people’s faith and encourage them to love God and others more.  They want to help foster healthy marriages and strong, God-honoring parenting.  They don’t want the group meeting to be a drag on anyone.  Rather, they long for everyone in the group to look forward to the meeting because they’re building healthy relationships with those in the group.

These people are willing to do what it takes to craft a successful group…they’re just not always sure what they should be doing to make that happen.

This week on Twitter and Facebook, I’ve been talking about what good small groups (and good small group leaders) should be in the business of doing.  Here are my thoughts.

Good small groups

  • Communicate with each other more than once/week
  • Are filled with admittedly broken people
  • Embrace those far from Christ
  • Don’t just talk about the Gospel.  They apply it.
  • Serve their community as much as they serve one another.
  • Don’t avoid difficult relational issues. They work through them.
  • Looks a lot like a healthy church.

Good small group leaders

  • Embrace the messiness of relationships
  • Are quick to offer grace because they’ve been given so much [grace]
  • Ask for help
  • Look a lot like good pastors.
  • Are patient with group members who are difficult to love.

What else do you think good small groups should be doing?

What else do you think good small group leaders should be doing?

 

Somebody’s getting fired

December 1, 2010 / / 26 Comments

When you get a call from somebody telling you they want to be a small group leader…

be worried.

When you get a call like this…

quit your job.

Here’s the voicemail that was left on my office phone today: click HERE to listen.

*I’ve got my suspicions on who the mystery caller is.  And I’m working to get him fired right now.

UPDATE

Estavon Williams left another voicemail today.  Looks like I may be out of a job now.

Click HERE to listen to the second voicemail.

 

Family Devotionals

November 29, 2010 / / 1 Comment

To me, family devotions are kind of cheesy.

I mean, I like the concept of sitting down as a family and talking through the truths of the Bible together.  But when it comes to sitting down and actually doing it, in my head it just comes off being silly.  I keep imagining a family all cozy in their den, with the children in the pajamas, sitting around a fire.  Dad gets out his guitar, and they sing a song together.  The children are gleaming as mom and dad, in their footed pajamas, talk about how God changed their soul…at breakfast that morning.

Weird, no?

This Christmas season, though, I’ve found a new resource I’m going to try.  And I won’t be wearing any footed pajamas when I read it.

Because I really want my son to understand the beauty of the Christmas season.  Why we give gifts.  Why we decorate our house.  Why we visit family.

Because in all of the hustle and bustle of getting ready, it’s incredibly easy to forget to instill in my son the values that are driving our generosity.  I want to raise a son that understands our traditions, and celebrates them with as much life and vigor as we do.  And not just because he’s excited about getting gifts from a fat man whose belly jiggles.

Here’s the new ebook, called Christmas Reboot, written by a good friend of mine, Alan Danielson.  You should pick up a copy.  It’s only $8.

My family and I are going to be working through this throughout the holidays.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  I’m pretty stoked about it.

Will you join us?

 

Reinterpreting the Lord’s Supper

November 29, 2010 / / 4 Comments

I was brought up to see the Lord’s Supper as a solemn time.  Incredibly solemn.

And painfully introspective.

Were you brought up in this tradition?

I almost came to dread taking the Lord’s Supper (communion).  Because I knew that, for the following 10-15 minutes, somebody was going to be reminding me, “You need to get your heart right with God.”  And then they were going to read something terrifying like this

So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.  Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup.  For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves.  That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgment. (1 Corinthians 11:27-31, emphasis mine…and whoever was reading the text for that Sunday morning we took communion)

I was going to have to beat myself up, cry my heart out to God for sins that I’d committed, and make sure there wasn’t anything that I had done (or not done) that was even remotely sinful.  I definitely didn’t want to “eat and drink judgment” on myself.  Who wants to do that?

I wonder if “fear” is what Jesus intended when he encouraged his disciples to eat the bread and drink the cup? (Luke 22:19-20)  Somehow, I doubt it.

At first glance, though, the above text (1 Corinthians 11:27-30) seems to be a terror-inducing statement.  If you’re not careful, and if your heart’s not in the right place, you may die when you take communion.  Some in the early church surely did.

But at second glance, this text isn’t encouraging morbid introspection.  It’s speaking to an entirely different matter that was going on.

What was happening in the Corinthian church was that some people were arriving for communion, and making a meal out of the bread and wine.  They would eat the bread (and the rest of the meal) before those who were hungry arrived.  Not only would they top off all of the wine, but they would drink so much that they would get drunk…right there in the middle of the church gathering! (verses 20-21)  And I don’t know about your church, but at mine, you’d have to eat a lot of wafers to make a meal out of that bread.

What! Do you not have houses to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God and humiliate those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I commend you in this? No, I will not.  When you come together to eat, wait for one another – if anyone is hungry, let him eat at home. (1 Corinthians 11:22; 33)

So drinking the cup and eating the bread in an “unworthy” manner has much less to do with fear, and much more to do with selfishness.  Paul was condemning the Corinthians because they neglected the communal aspect of the Lord’s Supper,

  1. …eating and drinking before others arrived.
  2. …eating and drinking so much that others didn’t have any.
  3. …drinking so much they became drunk.
  4. …humiliating those who had nothing.

So the next time your church administers the Lord’s Supper, don’t sweat it so much, like I used to.  And if you’re a pastor, try not to strike panic in the hearts of your people.  Let it be a time of celebration and worship, of remembering what Christ has done for you (both individually and corporately).

And don’t make a meal out of the stale wafers.

 

Essential reading tools

November 24, 2010 / / 5 Comments

I read incessantly.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that, according to Strengths Finder, I’m a “learner.”  I enjoy the process of getting more information, uncovering new concepts, and learning from others.

And I do a lot of reading over the holidays as I’m sitting around, relaxing with family.

And when I read, I have to have certain things with me.

Essentials when I read

  1. Pen and paper. If I read, I’ve got to take notes.  90% of what I read is non-fiction, and I feel like I’m wasting my time if I don’t capture my thoughts through the book.  And what I love about the Kindle is that I can take notes right on the device, and view them later at my personal Kindle page.  (you can set yours up HERE)
  2. My computer. Not so that I can check emails and process my Excel spreadsheets…but because I want to interact with others as I read.  I don’t have it open the whole time, but I like to have it handy so that I can process things out loud with a broader community, and read reactions from others who have read the book as well.  If I don’t have my computer, my iPhone works well.
  3. Background noise. I can’t listen to music while I read (because my mind starts singing along), but I don’t like to read in a room all by myself.  I like to have a bit of noise, of some sorts, in the background.
  4. Natural light. I much prefer natural to artificial light…which makes me just like 99% of humanity.  Sitting outside, or by a window, is a prime reading spot for me.
  5. Coffee. This doesn’t even need an explanation.

The only problem I’ve got right now is that I’m reading so many books at once.  Currently, here’s what’s on my Kindle and active:

  1. The Purple Cow, by Seth Godin
  2. The Next Christians, by Gabe Lyons
  3. The Me I Want to Be, by John Ortberg
  4. E-Myth Revisited, by Michael Gerber
  5. The Barbarian Way, by Erwin McManus

What are you reading right now?

What are your reading essentials?

Are the holidays a good time for you to read?

 
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