image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

Yesterday, I compiled a list of 50 things you should never tell your child. Ever.

But that’s only half of the story. While there are plenty of things you should not say to your child, there are also plenty of things you should tell them on a habitual basis. I’d be remiss to leave out that part of the story.

Most of these are applicable no matter what the age. Whether your children are 2 or 60, you can and should speak them.

Some of them may need to be uniquely suited if your children are older than 2, though. And some (like #19) may not work if you’re a single parent.

50 things you should tell your children

1. I love you.

2. I will always love you.

3. No matter what you do, you’ll always be my child.

4. I love you, but I’m still going to punish you.

5. Yes, I’ll forgive you.

6. Will you forgive me? I messed up.

7. You’re so valuable to me.

8. Let’s go to church.

9. Yes, I’ll drop what I’m doing to play.

10. No, I’m not too busy.

11. You drew that?!? Amazing!

12. I’m proud of you.

13. You slipped up, but you’re still precious to me.

14. Can we talk?

15. Let’s hang out.

16. You don’t have a choice here. You’re 2 years old.

17. You’re safe with me.

18. Yes, I’ll help.

19. You’re not the most important person in my life…your mom (my wife) (or your dad (my husband)) is.

20. Honoring God is always the right choice.

21. Learning to obey mommy and daddy is important.

22. Let’s pray.

23. Let’s go on a date! (dad to daughter, or mom to son)

24. To boys specifically: Never treat your mother with disrespect. Never.

25. To boys specifically: stand up for yourself.

26. To boys specifically: it’s okay to cry.

27. To boys specifically: it’s okay to be dangerous.

28. To boys specifically: being dangerous can leave you hurt. But playing it safe isn’t what men are called to do.

29. To boys specifically: fight for things that are eternally valuable.

30. To boys specifically: stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

31. To girls specifically: You’re worth far more than rubies.

32. To girls specifically: you’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not.

33. To girls specifically: you’re my princess, and you always will be.

34. Love those that nobody else loves.

35. Love others more than you love yourself.

36. Love and respect those who don’t love or respect you.

37. Serve others like your life depended on it.

38. Learn to respect those in authority over you. Life will be much easier if you do.

39. There is no problem so big that you can’t come to me.

40. You’ll never do anything to lose my love.

41. You have so many gifts. Can I help you use them?

42. I will always want what is best for you.

43. It’s okay if you mess up. I mess up, too.

44. No matter where you are or what you’ve done, if something’s wrong, call me. I’ll come running.

45. I don’t care if your friends get to do that. I’m your parent, not theirs.

46. Be a good friend. Others will love you for it.

47. It’s okay to be upset.

48. You can never do anything so bad that God would desert you.

49. You’re a ____ (insert your last name), and ____s (insert your last name again) don’t back down from our convictions.

50. Your mom and dad aren’t perfect. But we love you unconditionally.

Question: 

Anything you’d add?

* image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

 

image credit: CreationSwap user Marian Trinidad

I’m not a perfect parent. In fact, I’m far from it. I say the wrong things, do the wrong things, and am learning more and more every day.

And I’m not one to judge.

But I heard a mother say something the other day, and it made every bone in my body cringe. She was walking up to the door of a building, texting on her phone, while her young son walked in front of her. I noticed that they stood at the door for 15-20 seconds, and the son hadn’t opened the door yet. He was staring around, noticing the nice day, looking into the building, and…well, not opening the door. Apparently, his mother expected he would have already opened it. So she blurted out, loud enough for everyone to hear,

What is wrong with you?!?

He was stunned. He didn’t cry or yell back or stomp his feet because he was angry. He just stood there and looked up at his mom. Obviously thinking it was ok just to take in the scenery and move at a slower pace, it took him aback when his mom, who was distracted by something on her phone, snapped at him and degraded his very existence. I’m sure that what he heard was

There is something wrong with you…otherwise, you would’ve opened the door already for me!!

And in that moment, I realized that knowing what not to say to your children doesn’t automatically come to you when you have a child. I guess I thought it did.

So I thought I’d put a list together of things you should never say to your child. Even in jest, these can be damaging to a young mind.

50 Things to Never Say to your Children

1. What’s wrong with you?!?

2. You’ll never amount to anything.

3. I don’t really like you.

4. You’re worthless to me.

5. You’re stupid.

6. I wish you’d never been born.

7. I wish you were more like ____.

8. If you’d just shut up…

9. Stop being loud so I can work…

10. It’s okay to lie a little bit

11. You’re such a disappointment.

12. If you do that again, I’ll hit you.

13. YOU made me this way.

14. YOU caused the problems between your mother and I.

15. You’re dead to me.

16. I don’t love you right now.

17. You’re an idiot.

18. Hard work will never get you anywhere.

19. I hate you.

20. I don’t have time for you.

21. Quit bothering me.

22. Until you fix this problem, I don’t love you.

23. Left up to me, I’d never see you again.

24. You’re not important to me right now.

25. I hate coming to your games.

26. Quit dreaming, that’s never possible.

27. This is your art? It’s awful…

28. Quit being so creative. That’ll never get you anywhere.

29. When you grow up, I hope you’ll be more like your brother/sister.

30. Quit acting like your mother.

31. Your father was a loser, too.

32. If you keep acting like this, your mom and dad might get a divorce.

33. From mother: Don’t listen to your daddy.

34. From dad: Don’t listen to your mother.

35. If you do that again, you’re going to make God not love you anymore.

36. Was it your birthday yesterday?

37. I don’t think I can ever forgive you for what you just did.

38. If you choose to do that, our relationship is over.

39. I’m ashamed to call you my child.

40. Do as I say, not as I do.

41. I know I’m right. There’s nothing you can do or say to convince me otherwise.

42. No, I won’t listen to you.

43. God loves you because you’re good.

44. Go talk to someone else. I’m too busy with work right now.

45. No, I won’t read to you.

46. To boys: real men don’t cry.

47. To girls: don’t cry.

48. You better stop, or I’ll give you something to cry about.

49. Quit being such a little baby.

50. Do what you want, I don’t care.

Question:

Anything you’d add?

* image credit: CreationSwap user Marian Trinidad

 

I know this is random, but I thought you’d enjoy the laugh.

(HT: 22 Words)

 

Ever read a book from the series, Curious George?

image via Zap 2 It

I’ve got a 2 year old son, and we read a lot to him. Curious George is one of those books he likes. “Monkey book!” he says.

And I’m a critic. I read and listen to things with a critical eye. Sometimes, that’s really helpful. But many times, it’s just annoying.   I wish I could just read and flip that little switch off in my brain…because I’m sure that the author producer wasn’t trying to communicate the strange things that are now running through my head about his book…but I can’t help myself.

Curious George is a great children’s series…but when I read it, here’s what I see.

5 Bad Parenting Lessons from Curious George

• Don’t worry about listening to your Dad. Everything will be okay. Even if you do what he would never want you to do, within 20 minutes, he’ll be laughing with you.
• Don’t worry about listening to your Dad.  You’ll have more fun that way.  Especially if ice cream is involved.  And at the end of the day, the disaster you caused means everybody wins…except the ice cream shop.
• Don’t worry about listening to your Dad. In the end, it doesn’t matter. Everybody will love you more.  The more trouble you cause, the more people will end up liking you.  Ignore the rules!
• Don’t worry about listening to your Dad.  You won’t ever get punished. (The man in the yellow hat never dolls out any consequences).  That chocolate factory that you nearly destroyed…ahh…don’t worry about it, little guy!  Just laugh about them losing thousands of dollars of chocolate!
• Your poor decisions don’t ever cause any real trouble. You may wreck the local library, let all of the animals out of the zoo, and ruin everything of value in your friend’s new restaurant, but just give it a few minutes…everything will be even better because of your mischief.  In fact, thank you for your bad decisions.

Question:

Ever read Curious George?  Am I the only one who sees these things?

 

image via Naima Williams

At night, the last thing my wife and I do with our son is pray for, and with, him. One thing we always do is ask him who he’d like to pray for, because we want to get him in the habit of praying for people that he knows and loves. And he’s gotten pretty good at remembering people.

It’s a cool thing to be able to tell our friends and family, “Hey, Rex prayed for you by name last night.”

But lately, I think he’s picked up on the fact that the more names he suggests, the longer that “bedtime” is prolonged.

The more names he suggests, the longer mom and dad stay in my room.

The more names he suggest, the longer the light stays on.

He’s even begun naming, and praying for, things like his Mac Truck, the light (which he immediately reminds us that “Daddy” and “Poppy” fixed), his “Chloe” (a stuffed animal dog he likes to sleep with), his trains, and our family car. He’s prayed for fireworks, monkeys (jury’s still out on why he wants to pray for monkeys…), and lightning bugs. He’s prayed for his hat(s), his sucker, and himself. He’ll pray for my truck, “work,” and church.

And after a couple of these “extras,” I always say, “Ok, Rex, that’s enough. It’s time to go to sleep.” And I kiss him on the forehead, turn off the light, and close his door.

Faith like a child

But I wonder…is this really a ploy by my son to become more manipulative? Or is it a great example of the faith of a child?  Faith that says, “God’s provided these people in our lives…hasn’t He also provided these ‘things’ for our enjoyment and benefit?”

It’s reminded me to slow down. Because I don’t pray for the things he’s praying for. When was the last time I thanked God for my truck? Or for the lights in our home? Or for the beauty and wonder of lightning bugs?

When did I thank him for the simple joys of fireworks and…ahem…monkeys?

Have I ever thanked God for fun things like toys?

Or suckers?

I’ve got a lot of growing up to do. Never thought I’d learn that lesson from my 2 year old.

Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” – Luke 18:17

 

I asked this question recently on Twitter and Facebook:

What is the most difficult part of parenting?

I got some fantastic responses…so great, in fact, that I thought I’d share them with you.  I think some of them will resonate with you.

The most difficult part of parenting:

My answers (thought I’d throw my own thoughts in, too):

• Consistent discipline
• There are no step-by-step instruction books on parenting.
• My child has a will and so do I
• So much of who you are comes out in their personality
• You don’t get a break. Even when you’re apart, you think about them.
• It can be embarrassing.
• $$$$
• Getting them to eat (my son is 2.5)
• Helping them understand why they should do the right thing.

Your answers

• Having to deal with kids! FROCPastor

• Putting my kids’ needs before my own. BradHuebert
• The most difficult part of parenting is having kids.  It would be much easier without them! Jeremy_Riggs
• Not being perfect myself. JCWert
• Discipline with consistency. Lori Prine Clayton
• The children. Justin Henne
• The other parent. Elizabeth Clark
• Being stern, with them knowing it’s in love. Brenda Taylor
• Being constantly humbled by my sinfulness. It’s a very real picture into my idolatry of myself.  Courtney Shelton
• Discipline and tough love.  Sarah McAfee
• Guilt. Bonnie Bowers
• Letting the poop slide right off of you…literally and figuratively.  Theresa Milton
• Patience.  Joseph Smith
• Not having kids to practice on…thanks for rubbing it in, Ben.  Tyler Aman
• Letting them go to grow.  It is natural for us to want to shelter and protect them.  It is difficult to step back, even when it is good for them.  Keith Davis
• Letting them go when they are grown, letting them be who they want to be without question, I really can’t answer this fully, wow!  And I have raised 3 kids already, on the 4th and last!  Jackie Olvis
• I just wish my children were still at home!!!  (I also mean when they were younger and I was younger too!)  Mary Jane Ross
• When someone hurts them and you can’t do anything to stop it.  Hazel Tindle
• Different at every stage.  There are changes I welcome joyfully and those that pass with sadness.  I do agree that letting go is hard and has been present and progressive at every stage.  Camie Green
• Letting go when they are adults.  Beth Bunch
• Not giving them so much attention that gets them looking at themselves instead of God.  Granny Piper

What do you think the most difficult part of parenting is?

 

I’m a father.  I have a 2 year old son that I love dearly.

And I’m often thinking about the future for him, and how I can raise him so that he becomes a great man who loves God, loves his family, and ministers the Gospel well.

I love that I get to be around him so much, and get to play a huge role in his life.  I don’t take that for granted at all.  I mean, we eat dinner as a family every night of the week…how awesome is that?!?

But when I read THIS STORY, I was immediately convicted, and began thinking about what I would do if I were to die young.

What am I doing to pave the way for the future growth of my family?

What if I die in the next couple of years…is my family prepared for something like that?

Have I invested my time in the things that matter most?

Check this video out.  And think through your own life and family, the way you spend your time, and the preparation you’ve done for the future.

(HT: @BenArment)

 

(Rex on his 4-wheeler, 2-20-2011)

On Sunday, my son ran up and down the halls of our church building (a high school, in fact) yelling, “Pee pee!!  Pee pee!!”

Obviously, we’re in the middle (well, that’s probably a stretch.  We’re probably closer to the beginning of this stage) of potty training.

I could’ve gotten frustrated.  Embarrassed.  Angry.  Or indifferent.  But I was none of that.

I chose to laugh.  Why?

Because it’s funny!  My 2 year old son is telling the whole world that he just peed in the toilet, not his pants.

Was it embarrassing?  Yep.

Was it frustrating, especially because he also peed in his diaper?  Yep.

But in that moment, I chose not to focus on the growth that still needed to happen.  I chose to celebrate with my son.

And we’d do well to remind ourselves that our Father rejoices over even a small step of faith.  Good fathers don’t punish their children when they pee in their diaper, even though they’re learning not to.  I don’t scold my son, even though I’ve told him countless times that he’s supposed to pee in the toilet.

Because I have the future in mind. I know that, at some point, the battle with this will be over.  We’ll work through this.  This is just a step in his journey towards maturity.  He’ll mature out of this, and in the meantime, I’m going to celebrate small steps in the right direction.

And I can’t help but think that God has the future in mind with us, too.  He has the bigger picture of our growth and maturity in mind at all times.  And yes, at times, we need discipline.  But He celebrates small steps in the right direction because He can see what we cannot.  And while we’re sitting in our own guilt and shame, God’s seeing the future, and is ready to offer us grace if we’ll just step towards Him.

But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found. (Luke 15:32)

Do you need to remind yourself that a step in the right direction is worth celebrating?

Do you need to remind someone else of that?

 

To me, family devotions are kind of cheesy.

I mean, I like the concept of sitting down as a family and talking through the truths of the Bible together.  But when it comes to sitting down and actually doing it, in my head it just comes off being silly.  I keep imagining a family all cozy in their den, with the children in the pajamas, sitting around a fire.  Dad gets out his guitar, and they sing a song together.  The children are gleaming as mom and dad, in their footed pajamas, talk about how God changed their soul…at breakfast that morning.

Weird, no?

This Christmas season, though, I’ve found a new resource I’m going to try.  And I won’t be wearing any footed pajamas when I read it.

Because I really want my son to understand the beauty of the Christmas season.  Why we give gifts.  Why we decorate our house.  Why we visit family.

Because in all of the hustle and bustle of getting ready, it’s incredibly easy to forget to instill in my son the values that are driving our generosity.  I want to raise a son that understands our traditions, and celebrates them with as much life and vigor as we do.  And not just because he’s excited about getting gifts from a fat man whose belly jiggles.

Here’s the new ebook, called Christmas Reboot, written by a good friend of mine, Alan Danielson.  You should pick up a copy.  It’s only $8.

My family and I are going to be working through this throughout the holidays.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  I’m pretty stoked about it.

Will you join us?

 

I ended up buying a card for my dad for Father’s Day, but felt lame doing it.  I think that most of that canned stuff is lame…I didn’t write it, but I’ll sign my name to it as if I did!  Anybody else feel like that?  Basically, in getting a card, I feel like I’m saying, “How can I be heartfelt and lazy at the same time?”  Can those two even go together?

I’ve been ruminating a lot about my relationship with my dad and my new relationship with my son (he’s 8 months old this week!).  In honor of him, and of his day yesterday, here’s what I’ve got going through my head.

If you don’t know my dad, I wish you did.

Dad,

Thanks for taking time to show me

how to swing a club and sink a putt,

kick, shoot, throw, and catch a ball,

run, jump, and practice,

drive a stick shift and start a mower,

dig a hole and cut the grass.

You’ve modeled for me

how to be a good dad to my son

and a good husband to my wife,

how to read my Bible

and memorize a verse

and live out my faith.

You’ve shown me

that it’s important to work hard at everything

and strive for excellence in all I do

but that work is never more important than being with family.

I’ve seen you laugh, cry, teach, coach, love, serve, grow, succeed,

invest in church, community, your work, and your family.

You’ve gone out of your way to show me how to be a man.

A Christ-follower.

A leader.

A servant.

A friend.

A husband.

A father.

You’ll probably never see the full fruits of your investment.

But it’s worth all of your effort.

Thanks for 27 years of being a great dad.