How do you build enjoyment into your small group?

photo by iStockPhoto.com/nano

Because if you’ve ever been a part of a small group that’s boring, you know that humor, laughter, and fun don’t happen naturally. And what one person find amusing, another can find offensive. Fortunately, although the presence of humor and fun can’t be guaranteed, group leaders can help ensure there’s freedom and space to pursue it.

5 Easy Ways to make your small group fun

1. Don’t plan to start on time.

If you start right off the bat with the study questions, you show quickly that you don’t prioritize your group members as individuals. You only prioritize getting through the curriculum. Plan on a casual start to your group each week. My group builds in 30 minutes (at least) each week before we start the study.

2. Include food!

There’s something about food that seems to break down walls of resistance. Eating with your group around a table (or, if you prefer, standing up while eating snacks) helps to build a tight-knit community.

3. End on time, but don’t end on time.

When you finish with the study questions and close in prayer, make sure to be done in time for group members to hang around and enjoy each other’s company each week.

4. Plan for some fun.

Maybe your group needs to put down the book one night and just do a good old fashioned pot luck. Or game night. Or go bowling. Or go hang out at the park. Or grill out. Or have a chili cook-off. These events can lead to a much richer study time when you pick the books back up. Also, plan it during the time you normally gather for small group; this way, you can reasonably assume your group members have blocked off that time each week.

5. Plan extra-group activities.

Pick a random Friday night and have a girls’ night out. If you have children, have the dads gather to offer childcare for the night. Then switch for the next week. Or go on a camping trip. Or go to the lake. Or go out to eat on Sunday after church.

If you truly desire to build a community of people who love and care for each other, will go to bat for each other, and consistently encourage each other—find a way to have some fun. You’ll find yourself eagerly anticipating your meeting time together each week. You’ll be less likely to burn out. And your group will find a renewed energy each week.

They can thank me later.

If I haven’t yet, allow me to convince you why it’s vital for the health of your small group to incorporate “fun” into its life.  Read my thoughts HERE.

*I originally published this for smallgroups.com

 

Dear Small-Group Pastor,

I just want to take a minute to say that we’re all proud of the way you’ve done your research and found the most biblical curriculum. You’ve trained your small-group leaders to have airtight, foolproof theology. They can move from a discussion on the Nephilim to ecclesiology, then weave in a bit of distinction between Calvinism, the resurrection, and eschatology.

You’ve taught your group leaders how to facilitate a discussion, minister to the EGRs, fill the empty chair, raise up apprentice leaders, and plant new groups. You’ve helped groups become more “missional” by consistently serving their neighborhoods and communities. Group members are working to baptize and make disciples of all nations, starting with their families and neighbors.

But one thing is missing. Small groups aren’t fun. Sometimes they’re boring, actually. Sometimes people only come because they feel like they are supposed to.

So here’s my plea to you, small-group champion: incorporate fun, life, and humor into the small groups at your church.

Why to Focus on Fun

1. If it’s not fun, people won’t come back.

It’s possible to get more information in a more convenient time in a more convenient way through many other means. Podcasts, books, blogs, and forums offer information and discussion environments at any time of the day, every day of the year. What separates small groups from each of these environments is the relationship, face-to-face aspect. Make sure you maximize this!

2. If there’s no fun, it’s not reflective of real life.

If your group is intensely serious, it can drain the life right out of people. We’re only wired to take so much seriousness. And often, our work environments give us plenty of seriousness.

3. If there’s no laughter, people are missing out on great medicine.

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). Maybe what hurting people need isn’t more medicine, but a healthy small group. They need to laugh together so hard that they snort. They need to laugh at themselves. They need to laugh at a corny joke. Because God has wired us to receive healing through laughter. I’m not sure how it works, but after a difficult day at work—with the kids, with finances, with in-laws—laughing helps to melt away stress and anxiety, bringing healing to your aching bones.

4. Have you ever belly-laughed?

Seriously, there’s not much that’s more redemptive than belly-laughing with someone in your small group. If you’ve laughed that way, from your gut, you know what I mean. If you haven’t, then I sincerely weep for you. Join my small group, please—we’ll show you how to do it.

5. When we have fun together, we show others that we serve a good God.

Check this out: “Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them’” (Psalm 126:2). Did you catch that? When our mouths are filled with laughter, others are convinced that God has done great things among us. Could the flip-side be true? If our mouths aren’t filled with laughter, could people become convinced that the God we serve isn’t good? That he doesn’t take delight in loving is people? That the God we give witness to is ultimately boring, and the eternity with him that we say will be wonderful is painted as dull and lifeless?

6. Laughter builds community.

Laughing together can help your group bond in a rich way very quickly. Don’t neglect times of fun and laughing. Relish those times together. Jokes that carry from week to week, laughing at random things, and having fun together help set the stage for deep discussions, building trust among those in your group.

Convinced?

Have you ever been a part of a boring small group?

*I originally published this for smallgroups.com

 

I wouldn’t call myself an insecure child.

photo by Jason Harper

But little thoughts pop into my head, and it reminds me that I’m still human.

I’m still a sinner.

I still need encouragement.

I still need grace.

I still need Truth.

And I don’t lean in close to my King often enough.

Here are questions that pop into my head.

• Why can’t I blog like him?  He just started!
• Why can’t I speak as well as he does?  I went to school for this stuff!
• Why can’t I write a book like she did?
• Why can’t I think about systems as well as he does?
• Why can’t I work out as often as he does?
• Why can’t I be a stronger leader like him?
• Why can’t I communicate as clearly as she does?
• Why am I not as disciplined as they are?
• Why can I not read as many books as he does?
• Why can’t I be better at fixing things like he is?

See how my warped mind works?

I need to remind myself that my strengths are mine.   Your strengths are yours.   And that’s a good thing.

I need to get over the fact that I can’t be good at everything.  I need to be good at where God’s gifted me and what He’s called me to be and do.

Reminder to self:

God’s not gifted you with all of the gifts.  If He did, you’d be God.  Learn from other people and marvel at the grace and beauty of God.

Am I the only one that asks these questions?

What insecurity struggles are you facing?

 

I want an iPad 2.  And this video definitely makes me want one even more.

Check it.

Do you have an iPad?

Is it magical like this?

 

According to Strengths Finder, I’m a “Learner.”  Which means that I thrive in an environment where I get to learn and grow.

In fact, sometimes the process of learning is more exciting to me than the outcome.  Weird, I know.  Don’t judge me.

A few years back, I stepped into the role of small groups pastor at Grace Community Church.  I had never been a small groups pastor before.  I knew little to nothing about small groups.  My past experience had been primarily with Sunday School.  And my work in ministry had been primarily with people younger than me.  I was in over my head.

But the prospect of learning a new skill, a new philosophy, gave me great energy.  Maybe my process of learning, growing, and sharing can help you with your idea.

I get much more done through collaboration than working on my own.  Here’s how I do it:

Build communities–>compile ideas–>implement locally–>compile ideas–>build communities

Build communities. Reach far and wide.  Even outside of your normal circle.  Talk with people in unrelated fields.   At some level, innovation is innovation. And there’s something you can learn from Coca Cola, even if you’re in the business of selling cars.  Skip this step and you’ll box yourself in to small ideas.

Compile ideas with a smaller group. This is industry-specific. Find the leading thought generators in your industry, and start picking their brain. Learn from them. Try to understand why they do what they do. What successes are they having?   What failures have they experienced?  These people may not be implementing concepts exactly like you would…mainly because only you are in your context.  Skip this step and you’ll miss the learning from industry leaders.

Implement locally with your team. Take the ideas, principles, stories, and innovations from the entire funnel and begin integrating them into your organizational structure.  This is where the hard work begins, in my opinion. It’s no longer about just generating ideas, and operating in the clouds of thought. This is where the rubber meets the road. And if you do the hard work necessary at this level, real change begins to happen.  Skip this step and you’ll have no credibility in your industry…and you’ll have done no real work.

Compile ideas. As you implement locally, you have something to offer to others in your field.  Continue to grow, expand, and effect change.  Others within your line of work, who are trying to do what you’re doing but are having a tough time getting results like you are, will take notice.  A word of advice at this level: share generously. Give away your knowledge, your stories, and your secrets.  The new wave of marketing, sales, and online social media is built on being generous with information and insights…not with hoarding that information.  You’ll get your payback, but it may not come in traditional forms. As you share with others in your field, you may gain coveted networking opportunities or even become a leader in your industry.  Other highly touted workers in the field may begin seeking you out as a place of employment.  Tangible results?  You bet.  Immediate?  Not a chance.  Skip this step and others in your industry who need your innovation will never see it.

Build communities. As you’ve implemented your strategy at the local and industry level, others outside of your industry will begin to take notice. Because, remember, innovation is innovation. Your strategy will likely work across multiple platforms. But you’ll never make it to this stage if you haven’t generously given of yourself and your time throughout the other stages.  We need your idea. But if you don’t work to build communities, networking even with people not like you, we’re never going to hear it.  Skip this step and your ideas and principles never leave your industry.

This is how I grew from knowing nothing about an industry (small groups) to sharing ideas globally.

Is your idea worth spreading virally?

If not, find a new idea.

Have you experienced influence at the “compiling ideas” level?  How about at the “Broad community” level?

Do you desire to share ideas globally?

 

I had the chance to preach at Grace this Sunday.  It was a great experience communicating with my church family.

image via Flickr’s NotAshamed

And I learned a few things about myself through the preparation and delivery of this sermon as I reflected on it.  Things that seemed more tangible than other time I’d preached.  See if there are some here you’ve experienced if you’ve ever preached.

10 Personal Observations I learned through preaching

1. Preaching causes me to pray more.

I was on my knees more this past week than I have been in a long time.  I needed a fresh word from God, fresh insights, and a message that was True.

2. Preaching causes me to study more.

I can’t just pull a message out of thin air.  I have to study the Scriptures a lot in order to prepare a message.  It was a rich time for me.

3. Preaching humbles me.

a) Knowing I’m preaching the Scriptures and people are learning them through that preaching…that’s both humbling and intimidating.

b) Knowing I’m being prayed for…that’s humbling, too.  I can’t tell you how many people I heard from directly offering an encouraging word of prayer.  It was powerful.

4. Preaching causes me to worship more deeply.

I felt a deeper dependence on God than on normal weeks, and I consequently felt a deeper level of worship.

5. Preaching causes me to be more aware of God’s presence

As I was working to craft my message, I was processing it throughout my days.  As I went about my normal activities, I felt more aware of God’s presence as I was consistently ruminating over deep truths.

6. Preaching stretches me.

I’m used to writing blogs and articles.  A blog is typically less than a page of typed notes.  An article is 2-3.  I had 10 pages of single-spaced, typed notes, for my 30 minute sermon.

7. Preaching refines my thoughts.

I’m an external thinker.  Which means that, in order for me to make sense of my thoughts, I need to express them externally.  Typically, that clarity for me comes through writing.  Preaching is another way that I externalize, and refine, my thoughts.

8. Preaching gets me fired up.

The more I meditate on the Scriptures, and what I’ll be communicating, the more I get fired up about sharing the Truth.  I was pumped, not nervous, when I came out on stage.

9. Preaching reminds me that pastors can be lonely people.

The role of a pastor can be lonely.  I studied by myself, prepared the message by myself, and delivered the message by myself, alone on stage.  Afterwards, I criticized myself for things I should’ve done differently.  A pastor may be in the spotlight, but there has been a lot of alone time leading up to that sermon.

10. Preaching drains me.

Preaching takes a lot of energy, because not only are you spending extra time during the week preparing, you’re also pouring your heart and soul into speaking.  I put a lot of emotion…not banging the pulpit though, mind you…into my preaching.  I was exhausted last night.

Have you ever preached?

Do any of these observations resonate with your experience?

 

This is a guest post by Nikki Eidson.  Nikki is a young adult living and working in Charleston, SC.  She’s seeking community.  You can follow her on Twitter, Facebook, and both of her blogs: Crazy Asian of Charleston or Faith Overflow.

image via Ardent Cries

When I began processing my experiences with my small groups, I had the idea of writing about the importance of community for young adults (since this is the age category I fall under). But I realized this:

No matter how young we are or how old we are, we need community. Period.

Sometimes we don’t “want” it. But it’s necessary. Here are 3 reasons why I believe community is important.

The necessity of community

1. Encouragement and Prayer

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”(Hebrews 10:24-25a)

I remember my first “small group” encounter occurred in the midst of a horrible low point in my life.

I remember being scared.

I was vulnerable.

I didn’t want to be judged.

I, honestly, wanted to get through all my junk on my own.

…but had I not embraced the community, I would have missed out on experiencing friendship and encouragement

I would have missed out on understanding the meaning of unconditional love (…well, as close to “unconditional” as we can get).

I would have, ultimately, missed out on becoming the woman that God wanted me to become.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16)

As I grew in my faith, being part of a small group gave me an open forum to discuss my struggles with other believers – my FRIENDS – who I knew would be constantly praying for me. And although sometimes it’s awkward, asking for prayer is powerful and knowing that others are praying for you is immensely rewarding.

2. Fellowship

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

Life is rough, sometimes.

And we need a safe, fun-loving environment to just have fun and let go.

Some of my favorite small group memories involve game nights, going out to eat together. Just BEING together. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we need each other in times of adversity.

Life is better lived with friends.

3. Discipleship

Another reason community is necessary for young adults is to further our discipleship with Christ – to constantly be growing.

This has especially been the core of my experience with small groups in my “new home” of Charleston. We gather together to encourage, fellowship, but most importantly to GROW as devoted followers of Christ. And to not only grow in our own personal relationships, but also to encourage each other’s growth.

We are constantly studying God’s word to push us to not only become more passionate FOLLOWERS of Christ, but to become LEADERS ready and willing to step up in building up other followers.

I know I was recently asked to pray about stepping up and leading small group one night. I was definitely challeneged (and still am since I haven’t officially stepped up to say “Yes”). But I realized that it’s easy to “sit back and enjoy the ride” when you simply go and don’t have to worry about leading.

But sometimes, we need encouragement from one another to step up and to be willing to lead. Being in a small group that challenges you to never settle in your relationship with Christ is important.

As a former “I like worshiping in a big service, but small groups ‘aren’t for me’” person, I can honestly say that stepping out of my comfort zone and being willing to live life with other people has made a huge difference in my faith and relationship with Christ.

Going to a large gathering on Sunday (or Saturday – whenever you attend “BIG” church) is important in worshiping with the body of Christ, but never discount the importance of gathering together in a smaller community. We were made to be relational and to have more personal relationships with other believers. You never know what God will reveal to you in those smaller gatherings that you would never be able to hear in the larger gatherings.

Are you involved in a small group?

What has challenged you most in that community?

 

My wife and I recently went to the beach, and saw a strange sight.

There were four ladies standing in a circle, obviously together and doing something.  We, not being nosey, passed on by.

It’s blurred…don’t judge me for taking a “curious” pic

But I couldn’t help overhearing them talking.  And I couldn’t help noticing that it was another language, one that I didn’t understand.  I didn’t think anything about it.  My wife and I moseyed on, looking for sea glass as the sun rose.  But then I heard a little English.

Oh, look who’s here!  It’s _____.  Yeaaaaaaaah! (*said very loudly)

So apparently _____ is a popular person.  Then I heard this little diddy drop:

You guys ready?  Let’s speak some gibberish!

So…I figured out what that “foreign” language was that the ladies were speaking.  Gibberish.  Nonsense.  Unintelligible words.  They would speak this gibberish, and, from a distance, appeared to be having a perfectly normal conversation.  Then they would force laughter (it wasn’t natural…just trust me on that) that was heard all the way across the beach.

And you know when you hear people laughing, and it makes you want to laugh, too?  Yeah, this wasn’t that kind of laughter.  It was just weird.

Confession: I don’t know what they were doing.  They may have been practicing for improv.  They may have been just purely being silly.  They may be a strange cult.  I don’t know.  But as an outsider, it was strange.  Borderline creepy.

And I think that this is how many people view our local churches.  And when we don’t keep them in mind when we structure our Sunday morning experiences, we keep them at the edge.  Here’s what I was thinking when I saw the women, and what I believe outsiders think of our local churches.

Local Churches & The Gibberish People

The closer I get the weirder they’ll be.

I heard enough to know that I didn’t want to get any closer to this group.  Offer new folks the chance to see your church at a snapshot.  Make it easy for them to try community out.  Easy to serve.  Easy to test the waters.  You know that if they experience community, they’ll want more.  So make it easier to get close.

They’re really speaking another language I don’t understand.

In our churches, we have to be careful with the language we use.  Loading our services with “churchy” talk just makes people feel like we’re speaking another language.  Using normal, everyday language communicates that we value “outsiders.”

They don’t want me or need me.

This group was completely self-sufficient and satisfied without me.  Don’t let your church convey the same thing.  Having a system in place for them to plug into healthy community and service is huge.  Expose the holes you have on Sunday mornings.  Expose the holes you have in accomplishing your vision to reach your community.  And ask people to help plug in.  Most people want to know that they bring something to the table and can contribute.

I don’t have a need for that silliness.

Churches should be careful to articulate why we do what we do.  Cast the vision regularly for why you do small groups, take up the offering, serve your community, and sing songs.  Don’t leave it up to people’s imagination.  Help them understand why you do what you do.

They just care about themselves.

May this never be an attitude of our churches.  Ever.  We don’t exist for ourselves.  (Philippians 2:4)

It’s not wrong for these women to do what they were doing.  But it may be wrong for churches to adopt some of their practices.

Do you consciously think about “outsiders” when you enter the building on Sunday mornings?

How are you intentionally structuring things so that everyone feels welcomed?

 

Just as common sense isn’t common, neither is etiquette.  Especially in social media.

image by BioInsights

Here’s a general rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t say it in a normal conversation, don’t say it on social media.

Scratch that.

If you don’t have common sense, appealing to reason, and asking you to exercise common sense, won’t work.  Just take a look at my social media etiquette rules below.

The 15 rules of social media etiquette

1. Thank someone for ReTweet-ing you. Especially if they share one of your posts with their followers.  If you don’t, it’s the equivalent of someone saying, “Great job on that speech!” …and you glancing them in the eye, then turning and walking away.

2. Create stuff. Don’t just be a commenter.

3. Comment on stuff. Don’t just be a creator.

4. Enter the conversation regularly. Not just as a response to someone engaging you.

5. Don’t make it all about you, your book, your blog, your podcast, or your life. Even if you are that awesome, we don’t want to hear about it all of the time.

6. ReTweet, ReTweet, ReTweet. Be copious with your ReTweet-ing.

7. If you’ve got something mean to say, say it via DM. Don’t publicly say something everyone can see. Reword it to make it a constructive criticism, not just a destructive one.

8. Keep your blog posts short. If I wanted to read a book, I’d have bought a book.

9. Don’t auto-Direct Message me. Ever.

10. If I want to read your blog, I’ll read your blog. No need for you to DM me about it.  Especially when it’s already in your profile bio.

11. Give more than you receive.

12. Don’t ask me to ReTweet your post. Create better content so I’ll be compelled to ReTweet it without being asked.

13. Build relationships. It’s called “social” media for a reason.

14. Don’t vent on social media. It’s unflattering.

15. Don’t be an auto-bot. Of course, if you’re an auto-bot, you’re probably not reading this post, so this last point is unhelpful.  Sorry.

Any other social media etiquette I missed?

 

Recently, I’ve been getting this question from a lot of other pastors:

Besides the Bible, what are the best books on small groups available?

Here are the ones I think are the strongest, and most helpful, when you’re looking to launch small groups or significantly change your system.

Best books on small groups

Small Groups with Purpose by Steve Gladen

Connecting in Communities by Eddie Mosley

Creating Community: 5 Keys to Building a Small Group Culture by Andy Stanley

The 7 Deadly Sins of Small Group Ministry by Bill Donahue and Russ Robinson

Simple Small Groups by Bill Search

Sticky Church by Larry Osborne

MissioRelate: Becoming a Church of Missional Small Groups by Scott Boren (confession: I haven’t read this one yet…but it’s next on my list, and I’ve talked with Scott about the book)

Leading Life-Changing Small Groups by Bill Donahue (and the 2nd book, Coaching Life-Changing Small Group Leaders)

Seeker Small Groups by Gary Poole