Yesterday, I talked about an offending experience I had with my digi-Bible. I was directly offended, being the only person in the audience with an iPad…hearing the pastor theologically hammer my iPad as an illegitimate Bible.

This time, from a different preacher, I found myself offended in a different way.

In fact, I wasn’t personally offended. I was offended on behalf of someone else.

I guess you could say I was proxy offended. (or I was proxily offended? Can I get away with that grammatically? Is proxily even a word?)

image via Creation Swap user Daniel Romero

During his sermon, the pastor made an off-handed remark. Though off-handed, it had the desired effect.

It went like this:

The way we do things is…umm…not like other churches here in our community do things…”

He said this while rolling his eyes and shaking his head from side to side, pausing between the words “other” and “churches” for emphasis.

Everybody in the audience knew exactly which other church he was referring to. A handful chuckled. I winced in pain. The guy beside me whispered, “Are they talking about _____?”

He was pointing out a way of doing church services that he didn’t like. A personal preference that he didn’t care for. A programming difference that he had decided not to do in his context.

Instead of simply advocating for his method, he chose to rake another church (and their pastor) through the mud for a quick laugh and a longer-lasting insult.

Truth: It’s never okay to publicly criticize another ministry over a gray area. Never. (I even struggle with the idea of publicly criticizing another church over black-and-white issues. Seems like Matthew 18 would, instead, prompt me to have a redemption-minded conversation with them instead of public condemnation)

Not from the stage. Not in staff meeting. Not in a blog post.

Just because you can say something doesn’t mean you should.

Do what you’re called to do. Do it well. And when you have an opinion about another church…stuff it. Let it motivate you to do what you do even better.

You’d rather not be as “flashy”? Then don’t.

You’d rather not have as many programs? Then don’t.

You’d rather not have a keytar? Then don’t.

You’d rather focus more heavily on the homeless community? Then do.

You’d rather preach for 75 minutes? Then do.

You’d rather sing from hymnals? Then do.

When it’s a gray issue, leave it between that local congregation and God. Public condemnation tears the Kingdom apart.

Question: have you ever heard a pastor publicly criticize another local church?

 

I was visiting a church recently (which I encourage anyone on a church staff to do periodically…you’ll learn so much), and I got called out from stage.

I was minding my own business, when the theological hammer came crashing down on my head.

Let me state this first: I’m a pro-Bible guy. I’m for it. I read it. I glean wisdom and life from it. I’m convinced that it’s the very Word of God.

But I’m not convinced that it has to be printed on a page to be the Bible.

image credit: Creative Commons user BigD

The service started out like 99% of every other service in America…a few songs, announcements, prayer, another song, then the sermon.

Here’s how it started, “Please get out your Bibles and turn to ______. If you don’t have your Bible, we have them available at the back…”

Normal, right? Nothing odd yet.

“And when I say Bible, I don’t mean your iPhone or your iPad or your digital device. I mean your physical Bible.” (he was shaking his Bible high in the air by now) He was peering over his invisible reading glasses…right at me and my iPad.

“THIS (he holds his Bible higher and shakes it more ferociously) is how Jesus had his. I think that’s good enough for us, too.”

I wanted to say, “Well, actually, Jesus opened the scroll in the temple, and it didn’t look like that neat, leather-bound, small book you’ve got above your head…” but I didn’t. At least not out loud.

I looked around me, to the people sitting close by. I was the only one with a digi-Bible.

Uh oh. I knew I was in for a long service.

Shades of Gray

There’s nothing wrong with holding convictions about gray areas. Things like watching TV, sending your kids to public school, listening to secular music, or drinking alcohol.

Scripture doesn’t say anything specific about any of these actions. It neither forbids nor condones these actions. Scripture may speak in principles, and how we should operate with respect to our freedoms, but with each of these areas, it’s relatively silent. (to these areas, I’d counsel someone to chase hard after wisdom.)

Turns out that the Bible also doesn’t say that, for a “Bible” to be legitimate, it has to be in print form.

Does God’s Word cease to be God’s Word when it’s on a digital screen? When it’s spoken aloud? When it’s written on a banner at a ball game?

Pastor: when you hold up “gray” areas as if they’re black-and-white, right-or-wrong issues, you needlessly alienate people.

The offense of the Gospel

If you’re going to offend someone, offend them with love. So overwhelm them with love and grace that they’re disgusted by it. Preach the Gospel so clearly and winsomely that they’re turned off by a God who loves and cares for them that much. Offend them with a community that loves and accepts them for who they are…people made in God’s image. Offend them with radical forgiveness. Offend them with scandalous grace.

But don’t offend them over what type of media they use to access God’s Word.

They’re accessing God’s Word…let’s rejoice!

Don’t raise gray issues to the level of black-and-white. When you do, you’re speaking authoritatively where God has chosen to be silent. Which is not ground on which I want to find myself.

Question:

Have you ever heard a pastor speak authoritatively on “gray” issues?

* image credit: creative commons user BigD

 

image via Creative Commons user Rosino

Ever get tired during a church service?

Don’t lie. You do.

Ever doze off? Ever act like you didn’t doze off, and think you fooled your friends?

Don’t lie.

I was speaking recently, and noticed a couple of guys in the back nodding off. I’m sure they had had a tough week. Probably had packed their day too full to worry with staying awake. I get it. I’m a young guy who’s got nothing to say to them, right? Nothing that they need to hear more than they need a quick shut-eye.

But there are a few things you can do when you get tired in church. Some preventative measures. Soem ninja-like moves that’ll fool the best of speakers. And some that reflect just how busy your life is.

If you ever have a tendency to get tired during a church service, I’ve got your answer.

What to do when you get tired in church

1. Get a cup of coffee. I call this the pre-emptive strike. You know you’re not going to make it, so you wisely load up on the caffeine.

2. ‘Pray’. Make a fist with both hands and put your forehead on it. You’ll look regal and holy, as if you’re under such great conviction and duress that all you can do is pray.

3. Shake your head up and down deeply. This is especially helpful if you actually doze off. This one just needs to be in your back pocket. It looks like you heartily agree with whatever was just said. Little do your neighbors know, you have no idea what was just said.

4. Start dancing in the aisles. That’ll get the blood going. Shout, scream, and let the Spirit take over. Not the one that causes you to fall asleep, though.

5. Ask your pastor to not preach boring sermons. That’s a joke. Kind of.

6. Two words: smelling salts. If you want to wake up, this will do the trick. Immediately.

7. Shout a loud, “Amen!” The moment your head bobs, let it rip. If the context works, you’re amazing. If it doesn’t, you’re mysterious, and people will wonder how you’re so holy that you found conviction in the sentence, “Turn your Bibles to _____.”

8. “Reach down to get something under your seat.” When you doze and your head falls down, act natural…you were only reaching down to pick something up off of the floor, right?

9. Play on your phone, and loudly whisper, “I’m using YouVersion.” If you don’t have a smartphone, this is a bit more difficult to pull off. Not a reason to not try it, though. Playing on your phone will keep you bright and alert.

10. Embrace it. Bring a neck pillow. Start to drool. Claim Sunday as a Sabbath and drink in a good nap.

Now you know what to do when you get tired in church.

No reason to go to bed earlier on a Saturday night.

No reason to try to engage more so you don’t doze off.

No reason to ask God to give you energy because you know you need to worship.

No, not you.

You’ve got a bag full of excuses.

And your time is too valuable to stay awake during a church service.

* image via Creative Commons user Rosino

 

image credit: Creation Swap user David Lindner

Social media junkie,

It’s okay that I didn’t read your latest status. Really, it is. I’m not offended that you’ve written it…but don’t assume that I read it.

There’s so much information available today, I’m a bit overwhelmed. I’d love to say I have time to read everyone’s updates, but I don’t. And I think that’s okay. Even though you’re my friend. My good friend. Most of what you write I genuinely care about.

But it’s okay that I didn’t read your latest status update.

Because I didn’t read your latest status:

• I can be genuinely surprised about the news in your life next time I see you.
• We can have a conversation about the little things, and the big things, in your life.
• We can laugh together, until we cry, over something hilarious your kid just did.
• I can look you in the eye and tell you I appreciate you, rather than clicking “like” or ReTweeting your update.
• Not reading your update allowed me to be engaged in playing Legos with my son.
• Unless you’re going to offer me a bite of that burger, I don’t want to hear about it.

Keep posting on Facebook and Twitter. This is no indictment. Just don’t assume I, or anyone for that matter, read it all.

Signed,

Ben

 

Culture tells us that it’s not polite to talk about politics or religion at the dinner table.

Either of those topics brings about so much heat that people can too easily get offended to enjoy dinner. But you know what brings up even more heat than politics or religion?

Not “how’s your sex life?”

Not “How’s your present life?”

Not even, “I need some help.”

The question that brings up more heat is, “How are you spending your money?”

image credit: Creation Swap user Filip Ologeanu

You want to put someone on the hot seat, ask them this.

Ask them why they’ve decided to buy a new car, even though they don’t have any financial plan in place for a rainy day.

Ask them how many credit cards they currently have, and have maxed out.

Ask them why they feel ok buying their child every little thing they ask for, but have no sense of being generous to others.

Ask them how they’re doing at tithing.

Ask them how they’re stewarding the resources God’s given them.

When you ask any of these questions, be ready for someone to squirm.

Or punch you in the throat.

But these questions are so important. Not to be asked publicly, because that could cause enough embarrassment to sever a relationship. These are questions to be asked of someone that you have built trust with. Maybe someone you’re investing in spiritually. Definitely someone who trusts you with important things in life. This question is off limits in casual relationships…this question is evidence of a deeper, richer community.

Yes, these questions are awkward, but the way you handle your money says much about what you believe about God. Jesus says, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” (Matthew 6:24) The way you handle your money reflects your belief.

It’s unbelievably easy for money to become an idol in our lives. And the more secretive we operate, the stronger our idol becomes.

Idols lose their power when they’re brought into the light.

Get ready to cause a little heat with this one. But dealing with heat now will help keep from flames later.

This is awkward, but…how are you spending your money?

 

Mike Foster is the cofounder of People of hte Second Chance as well as working with Plain Joe Studio. He most recently wrote Gracenomics.

5 Super Simple Keys to Changing the World:

1. The fuel for world change is a truthful and trustful you.

So often in our own passions and dreams, we’re not honoest with those. We get boxed in with expectations and what we should be about. Only you can bring what only you can bring. Our callings are different from each other. Reinventing comes from a place of truth, from who and where we are…good things, and things that we’ve failed at.

The greatest gift you can give the world is becoming the person you were uniquely meant to be. (You’re not meant to be anyone except who God created you to be.)

Freedom is found when we let go of who we think we’re supposed to be…and embracing who we really are. When you’re doing someone else’s calling, you’ll be frustrated and tired.

There is nothing holy, godly, or admirable about a “calling” that leaves you drained, empty and exhausted. When that’s you, you may be in the wrong role/place. Numbers can become an idol to us.

“I have done my best” is a great philosophy for life and for your mission.

2. Courage is required. Safety is deadly.

Our world is in a constant deficit of courage…and is drowning in fear. Our culture often limps along because so few people act courageously.

POTSC definition of courage: to truthfully live your story, being who you really are, unashamed and with all your heart.

Quit preaching and teaching safety…that’s anti-Jesus and anti-faith!

3. A pound of doing is better than a ton of promising

World change requires you to be action biased. Grow to hate meetings…instead, love doing things.Most everyhting is a crap-shoot anyway. Get out there and start practicing it.

God is in the “yes” business.

If you’re 100% sure, then your strategy is a 100% wrong. The military works on an 80% rule…they ahve to be 80% sure before they move. Don’t wait on 100% certainty!

Grow a backbone, not a wishbone. Don’t have another meeting…do it!

4. Don’t fix problems that are not really problems.

We’re guilty of dealing with sysmptoms rather than core problems.

Target the 51. Don’t just target the top 50…target the people who are on the outside. We all come across people who are overlooked, marginalized and minimalized. Go for the people everybody else is passing by.

Be a friend to those who others leave behind.

5. Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of yours

Never be the critic and cynic that steals dreams.

Those who can do. Those who can’t teach. Those who won’t can only criticize.

“You can’t beat the person who refuses to give up.” – Babe Ruth

Question: What’s your world-changing idea? What’s stopping you from going after that?

 

Speaker and author Jon Acuff (StuffChristiansLike & JonAcuff.com) opened Catalyst West 2012, speaking to this year’s theme, “Be Present.”

Sometimes in your life, it’s easy to focus on what’s “next” to be disconnected from what’s “right now.”

At these points, we can hear family and friends tell us, “I wish you were here.” Instead of being present, we find ourselves distracted, seeking to please others rather than enjoying the people in front of us.

3 Ways to be Sure you Remain Present

1. Don’t get lost in the comparison game.

This is hard. You see this at events, when you hear what other people and organizations are doing, and you wish you could be more like them. You never do “fair” comparisons, either. You compare yourself to the best of the best. What we often do is compare our “beginning” to someone else’s “middle.” The Enemy loves when we get lost in this comparison game, making us feel “entitled” and “deserving.”

2. Be smart about social media.

In some ways, we’re all becoming reality TV stars in our own little world. When Jon went on vacation, he disengaged from social media. And in the process, he was able to be present for the vacation, rather than just a documenter. It’s time to be present…not time for everybody around you to say, “Please pay attention.”

3. Quit listening to the voices.

Nobody’s internal voices are ever positive. You think they’re your friends, but voices of fear and doubt are foes. Voices of fear and doubt want to take us away from being “present.” 90% perfect and published is always better than 100% perfect and stuck in your head.

“Who are you to do that?” is often a voice we hear. One of fear’s greatest goals is isolation. Fear fears community.

What if the reason that God is silent is because He’s planning your party? (Re: Prodigal Son)

Jesus was always present

1. He was available.

He had long, slow dinners with people though he could’ve been teaching tens of thousands every evening.

2. He rested.

Jesus rested, so why do we think we don’t have to? Isaiah 30:15: “In repentance and rest is your salvation. Quietness and trust is your strength.” We’ve rewritten this, because it’s hard to yell this at people. We’ve rewritten this to say, “Efficienty and repentance” or “productivity and repentance” instead of “rest and repentance.”

3. He knew his role.

We often get confused about out roles. We put too much pressure on ourselves…pressure that God doesn’t even put on yourself. God’s not surprised or disappointed by the size of our ministry. Proverbs 21:1: The king’s heart is in the hands of the Lord.” Some days, water moves rapidly. Some times itit slows down to go deeper. And water doesn’t ever get to talk back to the water maker and give suggestions. It just gets to be water.

Question: What is your biggest source of distraction right now?

 

I started working out at the gym a couple of months ago. CrossFit is my deal. I find it much more enjoyable…ahem…as *enjoyable* as lifting weights can be.

It’s a combination of lifting weights, aerobic activities (running, rowing, etc.), jumping/climbing, and gymnastics-type moves. Whereas normal weight-lifting can get boring through repetitive movements, I’ve never once been bored.

I’ve also never once gone home not sore.

As I was finishing up one of my runs just the other day, rounding the last corner before the mile run was over, I was about to go into cruise control. The last 400 meters were going to be easy, I thought. I was a sizable distance behind the next runner, and…who cares? It’s just a run…I don’t have to win this.

image credit: Creative Commons, user ConvergingPhoto

Until one of the coaches barked a word of encouragement my way.

I didn’t see it coming. I had already pushed the cruise button. I had taken my foot off the gas and was ready to coast. But the coach jarred me back to the grind. When I was tempted to coast, I was reminded to work even harder.

There have been a number of times where I’ve been directly encouraged. Sometimes it’s been in a cheerleading-type, “Way to go!” way. Other times it’s been a more constructive, “If you’ll just change ____, things will be easier” way.

In the process, I’ve learned much about how encouragement works.

7 truths about encouragement

1. Encouragement speaks things into existence that are not yet.

Am I good at working out? I don’t know…ask my stick arms. But they won’t be stick arms forever. Encouragement sees things that will be, based on trajectory instead of current circumstances. It focuses on potential, not only current reality.

2. Encouragement breeds hope.

When I’m ready to quit, a word of encouragement gives me a burst of energy. It breathes a bit of life into my fatiguing body. Encouragement is the breeding ground for hope, where none currently exists.

3. Encouragement builds relationships.

I feel a closer connection with those that have given me a timely encouragement. I feel like they believe in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. And I’m convinced that relationships are an under-valued key in so many areas of life. Especially decision-making.

4. Encouragement propels you further, faster.

I felt a surge of adrenaline when I heard, “You can do it, Ben!” When you encourage someone, your words help carry someone a little further. Even when you’re trying to climb a couch.

5. Encouragement tells you what can be.

Encouragement tells me that I could be better than I am right now. That I could run a bit faster. Lift a bit more. And not give up. Encouragement helps close the gap between the deficiencies you see in yourself right now and the picture of who you could be in the future.

6. Encouragement communicates, “I believe in you.”

Everyone needs to hear this. You need to know that someone else sees the same vision you do. Someone else believes you can close that gap. Someone else believes you can produce more, and become the better version of you that God intended.

7. I don’t always want encouragement.

Strange and twisted, no? Sometimes, I just want to give up. My body’s tired and my mind is mush. I’d rather throw in the towel for the day. But when I press through, I find potential that I didn’t know existed. “When you feel like you’ve used every ounce of energy you possess, you’ve still got extra reserve you can draw on,” my friend told me. Turns out he was right. And I hated him for it.

You’re an influencer of someone. Maybe you’re a pastor. Or a banker. Or a small group leader. Or a dad. Or a coach.

Those you lead can’t continue to do what God’s called them to do without a timely word of encouragement. Daily.

You’re also influenced by someone. Maybe your pastor. Or your banker. Or your small group leader. Or your dad. Or your coach.

Those who lead you can’t continue to do what God’s called them to do without a timely word of encouragement. Daily.

Time to put this on your to-do list.

Genuine encouragement is a gift you can give.

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. – Hebrews 3:13

Question:

Who needs your encouragement today?

 

When people are talking about what next step they should take, whether they should take a new job, buy a new house, or start a new relationship, they often talk about ‘open’ or ‘closed’ doors.

“I was going to get married to _____, but God closed that door.”

“I didn’t know what school I was going to go to, but God just kept opening doors to _____, so I just kept walking through them.”

Ever heard a statement like that?

image credit: Creative Commons user Documentarist

If the door is metaphorically closed, it’s like trying to get into Ft. Knox. Or like trying to get your cable guy to shrink the time frame of when he’ll show up to fix your problem. Forget it. You’re not getting through.

If the door is metaphorically open, it’s like a magical door opened with the help of magical elves. And if you walk through it, everything smells like a fresh rainbow.

There’s a problem that exists with the swinging door. And I’d like to propose a better way to know what your next step should be.

Here’s the problem: you’re depending on something that could just as easily be the work of the Devil himself as the work of God.

An open door doesn’t always mean you need to walk through it. Likewise, a closed door doesn’t always mean you need to stop. If the apostle Paul used this theory, he would’ve given up on the Galatians. And he would’ve never gone to Spain.

If Jesus would’ve relied on the “open door” to follow God’s will, he wouldn’t have gone to the cross. He walked through a “closed door” with confidence. (Luke 22:42-44)

Don’t depend on swinging doors in trying to determine your next step.

3 Things to Depend on in Decision-Making

Depend on God’s Word.

This is the one thing that we can depend on every time. If the Bible clearly instructs us on something, we should follow its teachings. If you’re trying to decide whether to murder someone or not, I’d say not…Exodus 20:13. If you’re trying to decide whether to take a job that will keep you from your family, think again. The Bible instructs us to make a priority out of our home. If the Bible has clearly instructed, you’ve found your first answer. Sometimes the Bible guides by specific directives…other times it’s by principles. But it’s always to be trusted.

Depend on prayer.

I’ve never prayed and, as a result, seen the heavens open up and drop me a note with the answer I was looking for. But I often get much clarity through prayer. That’s a great gift God gives through the Spirit when we depend on Him. When you depend on God, He honors that. And not necessarily in giving you the answer you want to hear. Often, His answer is, “Keep trusting me. I’ll reveal the next step you should take.” Depending on prayer is important, too, because we see that the heart of God is moved when we pray. Last time I checked, that was a big deal. (Exodus 32:11-14)

Depend on people who know and love you.

Don’t make decisions by yourself. Ultimately, the decision may be yours to make and yours to deal with the consequences, but it’s foolish to operate alone. You may have your best interest at heart, but it’s hard to see the best course of action to take because you’re zoomed in too closely to your own situation. Find a group of people (I believe these people are often found in small groups) who have your back, have your best interest at heart, and will encourage you to seek God’s best.

Don’t depend on your circumstances, though they inform. Don’t depend on past decisions, though they also inform. Don’t depend on open or closed doors, though they may help sway.

There are 3 things you should depend on: The Bible. Prayer. And people who love you.

Question:

Ever heard people use “open doors” as the primary way they decide what course of action to take?

 

Parenting is tough. And I hear it never gets any easier.

image credit mine

It’s easy to feel like a failure, too. Like all of the effort you pour into the work, all of the love you give, all of the consistency in discipline, all of the enforcing bedtimes and pointing your children to God is worthless. Especially when you have friends over and your child is the heathen child of the bunch that runs his Power Wheels into the back of another, smaller kid’s Power Wheels…twice.

But just last week, we opened fortune cookies together after a particularly delicious meal at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants. He hadn’t eaten a huge dinner, but of course, he had room for a fortune cookie (or two). I asked him to read his to me. (bear in mind…he’s 3. Which makes “fortune cookie time” rather interesting.) What he “read” I’ll never forget.

“What does yours say, Rex?”

“It says, ‘We have to go to church and to small group.” Before you jump to conclusions that I’ve raised a legalistic Pharisee, let me translate that for you: “I like to go to church on Sundays, and I like mommy and daddy’s small group. Can we go to either one now?”

That’s one of my prayers for him. That my son would grow up enjoying Sunday mornings. That being the son of a pastor wouldn’t burn him. That he wouldn’t look back with disdain on the evenings when my wife and I attended small group. That he would catch just how vital relationships are to his spiritual growth. That ministering and serving and worshipping on Sunday mornings would be a well of joy in his life.

Did he say all of that in his “reading” of the fortune cookie. Probably not. But don’t ruin it for me. Let me think that’s what he meant.

That’s one of those moments I’m going to tuck away in my back pocket on the days when my parenting seems to be a flop. On the days when I look at other parents and wish I were more like them. On the days when my child is the heathen, I’ll lock back in to this fortune cookie.

Fortune cookie moments are rare in any parenting’s life. But they’re a diamond worth holding on to.

What “fortune cookie” do you hold on to in parenting?