Category: SmallGroups (page 13 of 20)

Holy Vocabulary, a giveaway

July 30, 2010 / / 22 Comments

I wrote a review of Michael Kelley’s latest release from Threads Media, called Holy Vocabulary, for Ron Edmondson’s blog.  Make sure you hop over and read it HERE.

If you’d like a free copy of the book, I’m giving away 1 leader’s pack and 2 individual books!  All you have to do is:

1. Retweet this post on Twitter. You can say something like “Win Michael Kelley’s book Holy Vocabulary on @BenReed ‘s post today: http://ow.ly/2iKXp”
2. Comment on this post with your email address or Twitter name.

I’ll randomly choose 3 winners tomorrow morning at 8:00 am.

In the meantime, check out this promo video from Threads Media.

Holy Vocabulary Promo from Threads on Vimeo.

 

Practicing from the bunker

July 22, 2010 / / 6 Comments

I was playing golf with a friend of mine the other day.  He pulled his shot off of the 4th tee box, and it flew into the bunker in the left rough.  He was pretty upset, and was dreading his next shot even before he got into the cart.

“I have no idea how to hit out of a bunker.  Do you?”

“Actually, yes.  It’s easy.  I used to practice at it.”

Even as the words came out of my mouth, I was laughing at myself.  Who practices out of a bunker? I mean, shouldn’t we all practice from the tee box and the fairway?  Because if we get better and better off of the box, we’ll never be hanging out in bunkers.

Apparently, I was never good enough to steer clear of the traps.

Which means I’m just like the best players in the world.

You see, it doesn’t matter how good you are at the game of golf, you’re going to have to hit from the bunker at some point.  You’re not good enough to avoid every trap.

In our small group meeting this week, we talked about our weaknesses.  It wasn’t what I would call a joyous occasion.  But it was really good.  Some of us could easily identify areas where we’re weak.  For others, it was a bit tougher.  But we didn’t stop there.

Identifying your weaknesses is like saying, “I don’t know how to hit the ball from the sand,” but not planning to do anything about it.  That statement needs to be followed by, “Can you help me?”  Because hitting the ball from the sand is tough.  And it’s an art form.  And it takes somebody being patient with you and helping you figure it out.  Showing you where to stand.  How to stand.  How to swing.  And the thought process that goes into blasting one out.  You don’t just innately know how to hit a sand shot.  You need a patient coach.

God allows us to be weak.  Because if we weren’t weak, why would we need Him?  And if we could figure out this life all on our own, we’d have no need for Him and His people (the Church).

How do you grow through your weaknesses?

1. Identify your weaknesses. You have to start with this.  If you’re having trouble doing this, just ask some of your friends.  Or, better yet, if you’re married, ask your spouse.  They’ll have no trouble identifying them for you.

2. Come up with an action plan. Write out tangible goals that will help you grow through these weaknesses.  Without tangible goals, achievable goals, how will you know if you’re ever making progress?

3. Identify a person who’s strong where you’re weak. Share your weakness(es) with them, and your action plan.  Let them know that you’re going to be a work-in-progress, but that you’d like them to know where you’re headed.

4. Be open and honest about who you are and ways you still fall short. You’re going to mess up.  Again and again.  And while that’s not okay, it puts you in company with guys like the apostle Paul.  (Philippians 3:12-13)

You need to find somebody who is strong in areas where you’re weak.  Lean on them.  Let them into your struggles.

If you never work on your weaknesses, you’ll find yourself in the bunker one day with no idea how to get out.

Do you find it difficult to identify your weaknesses?

Or is it more difficult for you to actually do something about them?

 

Matt Chandler & Philippians

July 20, 2010 / / 1 Comment

I’ve recently picked up a copy of Matt Chandler’s new small group study on the book of Philippians.  It’s published by The Hub (formerly song of solomon).

I have to admit: I’m a Matt Chandler fan.  I stumbled onto his podcast a few years back, and have really connected with his preaching.  He’s easy to follow, funny, and engaging.  And to top it all off…his sermons are biblically saturated.  He preaches expositionally in a way that isn’t boring, and if you’ve spent much time under an expository preacher, you know that I’ve just given a huge compliment to Chandler.  For some reason, I feel like I connect with Matt’s style better than I do other big-name preachers.  Needless to say, I was intrigued by this study.

But great sermons and great preachers don’t always translate well into small groups.

Positives:

1. Chandler uses the same style of preaching in this video as he does on Sunday mornings. Like I said above, I have found it easy to connect with his preaching style.

2. There are very few questions. One of my critiques of Abide was that there were too many questions.  It’s easy to throw a plethora of questions into each week’s discussion.  The difficult part for writers (and editors) is choosing the best questions that draw out the most thoughtful, heart-searching answers.  They have limited themselves to a 10-question max, and the questions that they’ve presented are really on-point.

3. There’s very little required homework. I try to consistently encourage those in my small group to spend time daily with the Lord.  This curriculum gives them a natural place to start each day.  But the next week’s questions aren’t built upon the prior week’s homework…and that’s a good thing.  If you happen to miss a week, or get busy and don’t have time to look over the Scripture passage, you can just show up and immediately jump into the discussion.

4. “Diving deeper.” There’s a section each week that gives people the opportunity to go “deeper” in their own personal study of the passage.  I like when a curriculum gives flexibility to differing levels of spiritual maturity.

5. The memory verse. I’m not great at memorizing Scripture.  Ok…that’s a lie…let me try again.  I don’t try very hard to memorize Scripture.  But this study takes a verse from the passage that Chandler is preaching about, and encourages the group to memorize it.  I love how this study integrates the discipline of Scripture memory.

6. The Scripture passages are right there in the book. I like to take notes when I hear sermons, and having the Scripture passages right there in the book allows me to take notes right alongside the discussion questions that the group will be talking about.

Negatives:

1. The sermons are 30 minutes long. I’m not opposed to 30 minute sermons, but the problem that groups run into is that sermons of this length can eat into discussion times.

2. This curriculum is 12 weeks long. In my opinion, that’s too long.  If it doesn’t connect with your group, you could be stuck with it for quite a while.  But wait, you say…if my group doesn’t like it, couldn’t we just tank it and pick up another study??  Well… (see below)

3. It’s really expensive. The DVD set alone (3 DVDs) is $149.95.  That’s Beth-Moore-expensive.  I get it…Chandler and the team put a lot of time and effort into this series.  And it’s probably worth every penny.  But this price point keeps it out of a lot of people’s hands.

All-in-all, this is a great study.  I’ve gone back and read (in my personal study time) the book of Philippians, and have found a greater depth and richness to my study after having gone through this series.  This is really a 12-week immersion in the Bible.  You hear it preached.  You read it.  You memorize it.  You learn how to interpret/understand it a little better.  You discuss it.  You’re challenged to live it out.

Your small group needs to pick this study up.

 

Fixers

July 6, 2010 / / 4 Comments

I was running the other afternoon.  In southern GA.  Along the beach.  I’ve got my headphones in, and I’ve been running for ~1 mile.  I passed somebody who was walking the other direction on the sidewalk, and she started trying to have a conversation with me.  All I picked up was, “Did you know it’s hot out here?”

Nope.  Had no idea.

I’ve had people ask me if I knew I had a sunburn.  “You should put more sunscreen on.”

I’ve had people tell me that my child is hungry.  Tired.  Cold.  Hot.  Ready to go.  Wants to stay.  Isn’t happy.

I’ve met with other leaders who, the moment we sit down, want to try to diagnose my leadership woes…even though we’ve never spoken before.

Ever met those people who try to fix everything?  I do.

It happens in small group, too.  You know the person I’m talking about. When a request is shared, they’re they first to offer a solution…not necessarily the first to offer to pray.

And for a long time, that bothered me.

But I’ve got a different perspective to offer.  I now see this “fixer” mentality as an extension of the cultural mandate (or creation mandate) given in Genesis 1:28:

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.  Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

In addition to God creating the earth, He gave man a directive: fill the earth and subdue it (this is what theologians refer to as the cultural mandate).  Rule over the earth on God’s behalf.  Bear the image of God by exercising dominion over the earth (just as God himself does).  This involves protecting, preserving, repairing, and promoting the health and wellbeing of living things here.  In short: make sure things work.

So when something is broken, it should bother us.  Whether that’s our house, our pet, our landscaping, the system of government that we find ourselves in, the systems of our organizations, or relationships with others, it should grate against something innate within us when we see brokenness.  Because it grates something within God himself.  And we are His image-bearers.  Which means that when we’re bothered by brokenness, our hearts are in alignment with our Creator.

The small group “fixer” has a heart that is beating like his Creator’s.  He sees something that’s not right, and immediately says, “I don’t like that this is broken.  Let’s fix it!”  Maybe she doesn’t go about it the right way.  Maybe he’s too brash in his desire to repair.  Maybe she comes across as offensive and unhelpful.  Probably their eagerness needs to be tempered with wisdom.  Probably they need to exercise grace.  Probably they need to be quicker to offer up prayers.  Probably they should be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19).

But their hearts are in the right place.  And we would do well to remember this.

Ever met a “fixer”?  Are you a “fixer”?

 

Blog-iversary

June 24, 2010 / / 1 Comment

Today marks 2 years for my blog!

If you’ve just gotten on board, welcome!  Here’s a snapshot of what goes on here at Life and Theology:

If you’d like to get updated every time a new post goes live, click HERE to receive it by email, and HERE if you use an RSS reader.

 

Small Group Diversity

June 23, 2010 / / 0 Comments

I have a diverse group of folks in my small group.  And by diverse I mean:

  • single
  • dating
  • married
  • newly divorced
  • engaged
  • in college
  • doctorate degree(s)
  • masters degree
  • jobless
  • no church background
  • legalistic church background
  • mature in their faith
  • not a follower of Christ yet
  • young
  • old
  • past (recent) addiction to drugs
  • soldiers
  • spouses of deployed husbands
  • spouses of church staff (that’s my wife)
  • poor
  • wealthy
  • business-savvy
  • relationally gifted
  • extroverted
  • introverted
  • white
  • black
  • well-connected
  • struggling to know anybody in the community
  • parents
  • grandparents
  • childless

I absolutely love my small group and the diversity of life that we represent.  I’m able to learn from people who are further along in life than me…and from those who are a few stages behind me.  I benefit from the life experiences of folks from both ends of the spectrum.

But I don’t think it’s a right/wrong thing if you don’t have a “diverse” group.  Maybe your group is comprised of all married couples.  Or everybody who likes to ride bikes.  Or parents of young children.  Or older people.  Or people who are divorced.  Or widowed.  Or single.  Or mature in their faith.

Maybe you do life together with those who are similar to you.  They look like you.  They make as much money as you.  They talk like you.  They live like you.  They think like you.  They go to the same soccer tournaments as you.

To me, that’s pretty vanilla.  But maybe that’s what you’re looking for.

Regardless, you need diversity in your life.  Read this:

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. (Titus 2:3-8)

Though we may be drawn to people like us, we need influence from people not like us.  The early church recognized this.  They saw the need for older women’s influence on younger women.  Older women have worked through the issues that younger women are drowning in.  And if older women don’t step up to the plate and begin investing in younger women, the younger will drown.  We young men need to see older men living a godly life.  We need to hear sound teaching.  We need to be shown how a God-fearing man should honor his wife.  And raise his children.  And be self-controlled in the whole process.

Whether or not it happens in small group is of little consequence: you must build it into your life.  Because we tend to be blind to our own shortfalls.

What’s your small group like?  Is it diverse?  Or are you a bunch of clones?

In small groups, do you prefer a diverse group of people or ones who are in the same life stages?

 

Triple Threat Leadership

June 21, 2010 / / 2 Comments

A friend of mine, Alan Danielson (on Twitter HERE), has recently released a self-published book, Triple Threat Leadership (to read all of his posts on Triple Threat Leadership from his blog, click HERE).

Triple-Threat Leadership is written to help you understand and developing the three skills that are absolutely necessary for you to be an effective leader: casting vision, creating strategy and fostering relationships.   Alan does a great job unpacking each of these leadership qualities, and works to help you implement them in your leadership roles.  Included in the book is an assessment that you fill out that will help diagnose your leadership strengths and show you the weak areas you need to work on.

Instead of me giving you a rundown of the highlights of the book, I thought I’d let Alan convince you why you need to read it.

What was your driving inspiration/catalyst for this project?

Triple-Threat Leadership is a concept that’s been growing in me for many years. In my 20 years experience leading churches I’ve seen the Triple-Threat principles surface repeatedly, and over time I began to articulate what I was observing. In a sentence, Triple-Threat Leadership is based on the belief that good leaders do three things well: cast vision, create strategy, and foster relationships. I found these observations to be universal truths that applied to all leadership situations, and whenever I’ve utilized and/or shared the principles people have whole-heartedly agreed with my findings. I have a passion to help people in any and all kinds of leadership roles, so I put my thoughts on paper, created a workshop and began sharing it with clients. Finally, I’ve written the book at the urging of my friends, and clients who have learned these principles and seen them in action.

I’m sure that the readers here have lots of books on their shelf right now to read. Why should yours be the one they pick up next?

First, because everyone’s followed a bad leader at some point and hated it. No one wants to be a bad boss, manager, or volunteer leader and this book will help them avoid the pitfalls they’ve seen others fall into. Second, because it’s a concise, easy read that will affirm what people already believe about leadership, while at the same time challenging them to become even more effective leaders. Third, because it gives leaders a common vocabulary that will help them simply and accurately discuss their leadership successes and challenges. Lastly, because it will clearly expose people’s blind spots and help them know how to dramatically improve their leadership ability.

What value do you think this book has for small group pastors/leaders?

The Triple-Threat principles apply across the board, so small group pastors and leaders will immediately see how it can impact their own leadership settings. The book is not just for CEOs or Senior Pastors. It’s for anyone who is in leadership.

Some people say that, in leadership, you should work on what you’re good at, and the stuff you’re weak on…just find somebody else to do that. Yet you encourage readers to work on their weak spots, too. Why?

Great question! This book is not about shoring up all of your weak spots. This book is not about being good at all leadership skills. This book is about being good at the three most important leadership skills. Regardless of your leadership talent or personality type, all leaders need the three skills outlined in Triple-Threat Leadership. Leaders lacking one or two of the skills detailed in this book will be able to lead, to a point, but they will never reach their fullest potential.

If you’d like the chance to win a free copy of Alan’s book, either:

1. Leave a comment on this blog telling me what your favorite color is.

2. Tweet this: Check out @benreed ‘s interview w @alandanielson & his take on leadership here: http://ow.ly/219×3

If you’re not a winner, or you don’t have a favorite color, you can still get a 10% discount by using this coupon code at checkout: benreed

 

Small Groups & Communion

June 17, 2010 / / 4 Comments

Eating the equivalent of a savory version of Listerine Breath Strip and drinking half of an espresso shot of wine (or grape juice, for us Baptists) is a huge deal in the Church today.

For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. (1 Corinthians 11:26)

The weight a local church places on communion (a.k.a., the Lord’s Supper, the Eucharist), the frequency it’s practiced, who administers it, how it is administered, whether it’s fresh bread or stale, the effect (or affect…I never know which to use) it has on a person’s life (the removal of sin, a dispensation of grace, a memorialization, etc.), what happens in the bread and wine (does it change from its visible form to the actual body and blood of Christ?), among other debates points to the significance of this symbolic post-breakfast, incredibly light and untasty, snack.

One thing I’m working through at Grace is the idea of small groups holding communion with their group.  I know that many people will throw up red flags at the very thought of communion happening outside of the walls of a church building, administered by someone not on a church staff.  But hear me out.

It seems to make sense for a few reasons.

Why it makes sense to encourage communion in small groups:

1. It’s difficult to do on Sunday mornings because of the way our theater is set up.  Holding services in a school has its limitations, and the logistics of pulling off the Lord’s Supper is a difficult one.  We’ve tried many different ways, and to be honest, none has worked exceedingly well.

2. It doesn’t feel intimate.  It loses its relational edge in a Sunday morning gathering environment.

3. Our services are 1 hour long.  In order to do communion “right” (giving it its proper place, explaining its significance, giving people space to process, celebrating, etc.), it takes some time.  And in a 1 hour service, either everything is rushed or various parts are cut out, neither of which is desirable.  Small groups afford much more time.

4. We don’t hold communion with great frequency.  Why not?  See above reasons.

5. We ask our small group leaders to act as shepherd leaders.  It makes great sense for them to administer this with their groups.

6. Life change is happening at the small group level.  One beautiful way of acknowledging and celebrating the change that Christ is making, and has made, in a person’s life, is through celebrating the death, burial, and resurrection (communion) together.

7. Small groups can practice communion as often as they would like.

8. The relational aspect of the Lord’s Supper can really happen in a small group environment.  In a large group setting (Sunday mornings), often the relational side of communing together just can’t happen.

Some concerns that will be brought up:

1. We’ve never done it this way before.  It’s not what we’re used to.

2. In a small group, it’s outside of the direct oversight of the church leadership/elders.

3. It could get really messy really quickly.  If you have small group leaders who don’t know what they’re doing, they could wrongly administer the Lord’s Supper. (see 1 Corinthians 11:27-32)

4. It’s not biblical.

I’ll follow up this post with my thoughts concerning each of the above objections.

What do you think?  Is it right (and good) for small groups to administer the Lord’s Supper?  Or is a dangerous, non-biblical slope you’re not willing to go down?

 

Google Reader

June 14, 2010 / / 0 Comments

Before the invention of newspaper deliver services, if you wanted the daily news, you had to visit a newsstand.  And if you wanted more than one newspaper, you were having to go to more than one newsstand every morning to purchase the papers (in hopes that they were still available by the time you arrived).

But then things changed.  Enter the newspaper subscription service.

Wake up.  Walk to your front porch.  Bam…you’ve got your newspapers waiting on you every day.  Genius.

Convenience for you.  Guaranteed service for you.  Guaranteed sales for the newspaper industry.

But when news began to be offered increasingly online (through media outlets and blogs), we as a consumer industry fell right back into the days of walking to multiple newsstands.  We would peruse multiple sites, visit countless blogs, and still not get all of the great news that was available.  Because for every site you checked, there were 1,000 others you didn’t check.  And it just wasn’t feasible to keep up with all of the blogs you found helpful, because you would forget to check them for a few days (or a few weeks), and when you finally remembered, you were way behind.

It’s time to make the internet work for us.

Google Reader

Enter the automated delivery service for digital media: RSS (Really Simple Syndication).  Google Reader is my feed reader of choice.  It gathers all of the new content from the blogs and sites that I visit, and keeps me from having to visit each of those sites individually.  And I can read this content on any computer or mobile phone by simply logging into my account.  Here’s how to get started:

1. Register for a Google Reader account.

2. Come back to my site and click the “RSS” link.

The next step is to visit the sites you love, and look for this symbol: Just click on that button (to the right), and it will prompt you to subscribe to their content.  Simple.

Here are some of the small group sites (some not solely focused on group life) that I have on my Google Reader:

Google Reader is free.  And it keeps you from having to visit multiple newsstands every day.

Did I miss any blogs that are small groups-related?


 

Starbucks, Consistency, and Small groups

June 10, 2010 / / 1 Comment

I have a Starbucks “Black Card.”  It’s supposed to give various perks, one of which, from day 1, was free refills.  Until today.  I asked for a refill, gave the card to the cashier, and she said, “Do you have money loaded on this card?”  I said, “I don’t need money loaded on it…the refill should be free.”  She said, “Nope.  Not on this card it’s not.  You need a different card for the refill to be free.”

Starbucks is supposed to be the king of consistency.  A Hazelnut latte should taste the same in Belgium as it does in coffee mecca (Seattle).  They should look and feel the same wherever you are.  Consistency, and brand management, help people to feel “at home” when they go to a Starbucks that’s not their regular shop.  But when that consistency is broken, and that which used to go along with the Black Card changes, things no longer seem as…well…consistent.

A while back, we had a small group that was really struggling getting people to show up.  They had been meeting for 6 months, and had moved from 18 folks to 8.  The leader and his wife were incredibly gracious hosts, gifted in ministry, lovable, and fully bought into the mission and vision of Grace (our church).  I sat down with the leader to try to troubleshoot.  As I talked with the leader, and other group members, we came to the same conclusion.  Here’s what was happening.

The group leader was gifted in teaching, and had great ease in front of people.  He was also incredibly busy with work.  That deadly combination led him to not work on (or lead his group through) any kind of curriculum (not that every group needs to have a curriculum, but every group should have a plan).  In short, from week to week and month to month, he wasn’t taking his people anywhere.  Instead, he would show up each week and just start throwing out thoughts and questions randomly, relying on his gift of gab and natural ease in leading people.  This led to frustration as the group members never knew how to prepare for their small group time.  They didn’t know what to think through, what to read, or what questions to be prepared to answer.  The group members never knew what to expect, and never knew where the group was headed.  Trust was never built, and the group fizzled out.

While it’s not vital that your group utilize a curriculum, it is vital that you take your group somewhere.  With no understood goal, it’s impossible to know whether you’re “winning” as a small group or not.  If you have no idea where you’re taking your group, now’s the time to figure that out.  Don’t wait another day.  Begin praying now, and talking with your group through it.  Then consistently work to accomplish that goal.

Without consistency, people don’t know what to expect.  Consistency allows trust to be build.  Trust encourages the group to speak truth into each others’ lives.  Speaking truth into each others’ lives spurs growth in godliness.  And a group growing in godliness is a healthy group.

How are you building consistency into your group time, without allowing things to grow stale?

 
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