Here is the 5th, and final, installment of my interview with Randall Neighbour (on Twitter HERE), as a follow-up to his book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It. You can see part 1 HERE, part 2 HERE, part 3 HERE, and part 4 HERE.
My final question for Randall: What is the best way to launch a small groups system?
Here’s part 4 of my interview with Randall (on Twitter HERE), as a follow-up to his book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It. You can see part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE and part 3 HERE.
My question for Randall: How do discipleship and mentoring play into small groups?
Would you ever ban somebody from being a part of your small group?
That question has been going through my mind after I read an article about some American pastors who went to Uganda to speak against homosexuality. They preached in support of a bill that
…creates a new category of crime called “Aggravated Homosexuality,” which calls for death by hanging for gays or lesbians who have sex with anyone under 18 and for so-called “serial offenders.”
The bill also calls for seven years in prison for “attempt to commit homosexuality,” five years for landlords who knowingly house gays, three years for anyone, including parents, who fail to hand gay children over to the police within 24 hours and the extradition of gay Ugandans living abroad. ABC News article
So these American pastors are encouraging people to hunt down homosexuals because homosexuality is wrong and destroys the family. They have also met with the Ugandan government and preached their message to them.
Is this the way the church should treat lost and broken people?
NO!
Even if you agree that homosexuality is a sin, and destroys the family, inciting a manhunt is not what God would have us do.
Here are a couple of tips on dealing with the lost and broken when they’re in our small group. Though the sin of homosexuality may make you uncomfortable to talk about, I encourage you, for the sake of those who need your grace and love, to consider the following:
1. Remember that Christ didn’t die for you because you were good. He died for you while you were still his enemy.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8
2. Remember that sanctification doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process. And processes take a lot of time to finish. In fact, the process of sanctification won’t be complete in this lifetime.
3. Remember that God hates your sin. He hates it so much that He would deny you a relationship with Him, if it weren’t for Christ.
4. Listen. People appreciate when you ask them to share their story. But they feel loved and valued when you actually listen and engage them while they’re sharing.
5. Speak the truth in love. Speaking the truth is good. But truth without love is abrasive. And hurtful. And unhelpful. It doesn’t have the other’s best interest at heart. It’s self-serving and self-focused. It’s un-Godlike.
6. Be open and honest about your own struggles. This helps you to fight against pride, and makes others feel more comfortable in being honest about their struggles.
7. Invite an open dialog. Instead of condemning the lost and broken, ask if they’d be open to thinking through what the Bible has to say. And don’t let the conversation drift into a discussion that slams one sin, and minimizes another. It’s easy to condemn the sins that we don’t struggle with. It makes us feel better about the sins we constantly have to battle. Don’t fall into that trap.
8. Be quick to forgive. Those quick to forgive understand the true nature of their sin against God. Those not quick to forgive don’t truly understand the nature of their own sin, and the loving mercy of God.
9. Offer prayer and further pastoral care and counseling to those open to it.
Notice that I didn’t say, “Ask them to leave.” OR, “Point out every passage in the Bible that condemns their sin.” OR, “Petition the government to hang them.” (see article above that does just that)
Those who are broken and lost don’t need our heaping condemnation. They need our pursuing, relentless love. Jesus, to an adulterous woman, said these words:
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”John 8:9-11
A sin is a sin, no matter how small.
Do you treat some sins as worse (in God’s eyes) than others?
How important is it to have your lead pastor’s buy-in? Can a small group ministry thrive in an environment where the pastor isn’t living life with others in biblical community?
Randall Neighbour doesn’t think so.
Here’s part 3 of my interview with him, as a follow-up to his book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It. You can see part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE.
Does your pastor buy in to small groups? What kind of an effect has that had on your small group system?
Here’s part 2 of my interview with Randall Neighbour (here’s part 1). It’s a follow-up interview to his new book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It. I was challenged, but had some follow-up questions for Randall.
Here’s part 2 of my interview with Randall Neighbour, focusing on the dangers Randall sees with lowering the leadership bar when it comes to recruiting new leaders.
Randall Neighbour, part 2 from Ben Reed on Vimeo.
Beware of placing such stringent restrictions on potential new leaders that you crowd out great individuals who can, and will, grow.
What are your requirement for small group leadership?
Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?
I’ve run into this question myself. A group leader approaches me and says, “Can I invite ______…he goes to another church, but…” Or a group member approaches me and says, “My good friend goes to ________ Church, but I’d love to invite her to our small group…can I?”
I’ve posted this question on Twitter HERE, The Small Groups QHub HERE, and gotten some great responses.
Todd brings up a good point
@benreed If it’s obvious their goal is to win others to their theological position, or they’re avoiding dealing with sin, i’d confront.
If their goal is to win others to their theological position, it’s time to have a conversation (though the whole “obvious” part is, in my estimation, difficult to ascertain). We see this at different points in the New Testament, where people came into the local church and, through their teaching, intentionally divided the local church (passages dealing with false teaching: Matthew 24:11; Mark 13:5-6; Galatians 1:6-10; 2 Corinthians 11:1-4; Col. 2:1-10; Peter 3:17-18; 1 John 4:1-6).
Spence says
@benreed I ask them to view their time in group as training to launch groups at their church
I love that idea (though I have a few exceptions…you’ll see what I’m talking about below).
There’s a lot that goes into answering this question. I don’t think that the answer is a simple, “Yes” or “No.”
Trying to understand another person’s intent/desire/theological bent/difficulties is not an easy task.
Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?
Instead of making a general pronouncement for or against kicking people out of your group, why not consider these things:
1. Not all churches have a discipleship structure that helps people grow in their faith. I know…I know…at some point, we need to take personal responsibility for our growth. We can’t depend on others solely for our own spiritual growth. But if we’re in such a difficult place (local church) that we can’t lean on them when life is tough (for example, how about a church plant in a place where the Gospel isn’t prevalent), then we need to be able to draw from other churches.
2. Some pastors of other churches aren’t able to be fully open and honest in their own church’s small groups. If they were completely open about their struggles with church members, it may be tough for church members to hear them preach on Sundays. *Pastors need to have people in their life to whom they can be fully transparent…but it may not be people in their congregation.
3. Not all churches truly offer grace. People’s sins sometimes preclude them from having regular fellowship with believers because their church can’t truly offer grace and forgiveness. Once others find out the nature and extent of a person’s sin, they can no longer have regular fellowship with them. It’s not that these who have sinned are trying to run from accountability…they’re longing for grace, and they get it from God, but not from His people. It’s unfortunate, but true.
4. Some people are sensing that God’s calling them to another church. Small groups are a great test of the health of a local church. Instead of walking out of their Sunday morning services immediately, they can explore what God would have for them through the small groups at your church. *I understand that there are “biblical” and “unbiblical” reasons for leaving a local church, and my intent in this post is not to address those reasons.
5. Exercise wisdom. Look at these on a case-by-case basis. Instead of making judgments against every person’s situation in a blanket fashion, work with each of these situations individually.3. Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody.
Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment. (Proverbs 18:1)
If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)
Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody. Some people hop from church to church because they don’t feel they are getting the respect they deserve, but not everybody. Some people are true false teachers, but not everybody.
At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself (or your church) what’s right. I don’t think that the Bible explicitly spells out the absolute “right” or “wrong,” “black” or “white” way to handle this issue.
May we be people quick to forgive and quick to offer grace…because we serve a God who is ready to run after the prodigal.
Perform a Google Search for “How to Increase your Twitter Follwers” and you get plenty of websites/services to follow.
Many of these are services, where you opt in to following 10 people then auto-following everybody else back, guarantee that you’ll have 20,000 Twitter followers in 30 days.
Others give ways to buy Twitter followers. I’m not kidding. For only $87, this site will get you 1,000 new followers.
Other sites tell you things you need to do with your Twitter account, such as making sure to fill out your bio section, learning the language of Twitter (Reply, Retweet, Direct Message, hashtags, etc.), and following the people who update about things you want to read. (these are all good things, and should be done, but they’re not what I’m focusing on in this post)
But my goal in using Twitter isn’t to have more and more followers.
I would much rather have influence than followers. Because followers often represent people who aren’t listening, but are merely speaking. They don’t care anything about what you have to say…they just use Twitter as a platform to get the word out about their business/life/hobby.
If you want to increase your followers quickly, it will cost you $87.
If you want to build your influence, it’s a little tougher and takes longer.
(If you need a refresher on the language of Twitter, read my post HERE. If you need some reasons to start Twittering, click HERE. If you have no idea what Twitter is, click HERE.)
1. Be authentic. Give people a snapshot into who you are. What makes you tick? What do you enjoy? What unique angle/wisdom can you give on an event that you’re attending? A book that you’re reading? A blog that you follow?
2. Share helpful content. If your posts only benefit you and your dog, people probably will tune out after a short period. For example, I’m a small groups pastor, so I try to post content that applies in my field. I try to be authentic, but I make sure the content is broadly applicable whether you live in Tennessee or California. Whether you’re young or old. Whether you go to my church or meet in a house church.
3. Invite conversation. Try to phrase some of your updates in a way that invites others to join in the conversation. Pose a question. Leave your update open where others can share their thoughts, opinions, and disagreements. If it’s broadly applicable, helpful, and uniquely you, others will want to join in.
4. Post consistently. If you only post occasionally, people will tune out. If you only post once/week, you’ll never show up in your follower’s timelines (because they’re based on the latest posts), and people will never see your updates.
5. Create conversation with others. I’m making a distinction here from #3, above. Creating conversation means that you reply to others. Retweet things you find important, inspirational, helpful. Continue the dialog with others.
6. Don’t post only facts. When you have a conversation with someone, do you merely share facts with one another? If you do, your friendship will quickly dry up.
7. Respond timely. If you’re consistently putting helpful information out there in a way that invites conversation, you will inevitably receive replies to your updates. Make sure to thank those who are spreading your ideas. And do it in a timely manner. Also, if someone sends you a Direct Message, try as much as possible to respond in a timely manner (I use the 24-hour rule on any email sent to my inbox).
8. Give some link love. If you read an article, or a blog post, that you think may be of interest to others, share a link and give credit to the person that wrote it (by using their Twitter handle). You may not see this as a way to boost your influence, but trust me…sharing links gives encouragement to others, and helps to give you credibility among those who follow you.
9. Be careful what you post. A tweet is forever. What you post today will be visible for years to come. Influencers have the future in mind with the things that they say and do.
Isn’t it the same in all of life? Gaining influence is much more difficult than merely having a platform for your opinions. You can go to the local mall and scream out your thoughts…but likely nobody will listen.
Working to gain the respect and trust of people is a much harder, and longer, process.
But in the end, I think it’s worth it.
Is your church looking to hire a lead pastor?
Do you know of a church looking to hire one?
I’m doing some legwork for you (or them). Here is an interview with a friend of mine, Alan Danielson.
Ever felt like God called you and equipped you to do something…yet the opportunity to express those gifts didn’t quickly come to fruition? Friends of my blog: meet Alan. Alan, meet the friends of my blog.
I “met” Alan about a year ago through his blog. I thoroughly enjoyed his updates that got my mind stirred about ministry. Then, I had the privilege of being in a small group with Alan via Tokbox. I loved hearing his heart, and seeing him offer sound, biblical wisdom to those in the group who were hurting and needed pastoring. Unfortunately, because of scheduling conflicts, I had to pull out of the group, but Alan and I have maintained contact.
Here’s my official, unsolicited endorsement of Alan: Alan is a leader. A pioneer. He thrives on shepherding a team of folks to accomplish the mission and vision of a congregation. Alan is creative. He would bring great enthusiasm and wisdom (a rare combination) to any team he were a part of. He has expertise in preaching/teaching, small groups, online ministry, and writing. He’s spoken (and been on staff at) mega-churches, small churches, conferences, and home-based small groups. But maybe the thing that has impressed me the most about Alan is hearing him pray. The way that a person prays says a lot about their spiritual maturity. Alan prays as one whose heart beats after God.
In order to give you a snapshot of Alan, and not just my words about him, I put together some questions that a typical “search committee” (or whatever form of a team a church body would assemble in order to find the person God has especially called to lead that local congregation)
I asked Alan to keep his responses brief, so to see his resume, preaching/teaching videos, recommendations, family pictures, blog, and more, you can find him at http://www.alandanielson.tv.
When it comes to ministry, what thing(s)/areas of ministry are you most passionate about?
I’m most passionate about mission and evangelism that results in discipling relationships.
Besides ministry, what things are important to you?
My relationship with God, my family, and Star Wars!
What do you do for fun?
I collect Star Wars memorabilia and create hand-made lightsaber replicas.
How has the Lord gifted you for full-time vocational ministry?
I’m a relational leader and an effective communicator.
How do you know you’re called to ministry?
I’ve been in vocational ministry since I graduated high school in 1990 and led literally thousands of people. God has chosen to use me and that constantly affirms my call.
What is it about doing full-time ministry that gets you going in the morning?
Personally connecting with people and helping them discover the ways they can grow to become like Jesus!
What strengths do you bring to the table?
Relational ability, communication, activating people to action, developing/implementing strategy, and faith.
What are your weaknesses?
Organization, spreading myself too thin, balancing work and health, and cheese burgers.
What kinds of things do you look for in a church where you would serve?
Cultural relevance, unapologetic evangelism, great family ministry, and good theology.
What makes a healthy church?
Unity, clear vision, passionate leadership, articulate leadership, and simple strategy.
What is the purpose of church?
Joining with others to fulfill Christ’s Mission through which we experience radical spiritual Formation and unbreakable relational Connection
How important is “teamwork” to you? Does it matter to you who you serve with?
Prime importance! Chemistry is the biggest factor in determining a team’s success, so yes, it definitely matters who I serve with. If the right chemistry isn’t there, disappointment will surely follow.
What is your Myers-Briggs score?
ENFP, so I’m in need of professional help!
Orange carpet or brown?
Orange, because my wife is an Oklahoma State University fan. Hey, if momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.
To read more, and connect with, Alan, you can find him HERE.
Though I could write for days and days on the University of Tennessee Volunteers, that’s not what this post is about.
I’m writing this post to thank the great volunteers that we have at Grace Community Church.
You see, each and every week, we have to set up and tear down our entire audio equipment. And video equipment. The entire stage. And preschool areas. And preschool stage. And their computer check-in stations…which so often don’t work. And children’s areas. And their stage. And their audio. And their video. And their computer check-in stations…which so often don’t work. The hallway, with the banners and the tables and the countless handout cards. The coffee. The welcome areas. Volunteer central. Information central.
We couldn’t do what we do without our amazing volunteers.
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