Theology Archives - Page 18 of 21 -

Category: Theology (page 18 of 21)

When you mess up after messing up

A friend of mine is struggling through overcoming an addiction. It’s a tough road. Seriously, really tough.

He’s been clean now for a while. And the freedom he’s experienced after running away from his addiction, finding rest and satisfaction in Christ, has been amazing. And to tell you the truth, it’s been refreshing to me, as well. Seeing a man live in realization that Christ has broken the chains of sin reminds me of the work Christ did to rescue my heart.

And here’s what I’d like to tell you right now: He’s still clean every day. Every day gets easier and easier, and it’s as if the past years of addiction are melted away, and their power to sway is so weak it’s as if it’s nonexistent.

But that would be a lie.

Just the other day, he had to confess a breach in sobriety. And I wept for him. And with him.

And that conversation could have easily been the last of our conversations. Because many Christians say that they’re willing to walk the hard road with a struggling brother. “You need a helping hand overcoming _____? I’m there for you!” Underlying that open hand of mercy is a backhand ready to be unleashed the moment that friend takes a step backwards. It’s one of those unspoken rules. “If you fall back into that sin, my helping you is done.”

Maybe it’s because, if they fall back, it’s reflects badly on them. It used to just be the addict’s problem…now it’s the helper, too.

Maybe it’s because they want to help…as long as it’s not too difficult emotionally.

Maybe it’s because they wrongly think that an addict’s addiction is over, once and for all, the moment they ask for help. That the problem will never resurface, and that the struggle against it is, in a way, over.

Whatever the reason, it’s not a good one. Take out a pen and paper and write this down:

A breach in sobriety is not the end of the battle.

That’s what I told my friend. I reminded him that our relationship is a safe place for him to be open and honest…even if he messes up again. There will be consequences to him taking steps backwards. It could wreck his life…again. But it wouldn’t wreck my commitment to walking this through with him. I reminded him that just because he messed up again, he hadn’t lost the battle forever. That he still had work to do, but that I was still standing beside him, helping him fight. That he was going to probably mess up again, but that God’s forgiveness still covers him. That he could be honest about even the smallest breaches, and that in being honest with the small things, he’s working to fight against the Enemy, and do battle even in his failures.

My friend needs me. Your friend needs you. Especially when they’ve messed up…again.

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. -God, Deuteronomy 31:6

Have you ever had a friend mess up time and time again? What did you do?

Have you ever messed up time and time again? How were you treated by others?

Practicing from the bunker

July 22, 2010 / Ben Reed / 6 Comments

I was playing golf with a friend of mine the other day. He pulled his shot off of the 4th tee box, and it flew into the bunker in the left rough. He was pretty upset, and was dreading his next shot even before he got into the cart.

“I have no idea how to hit out of a bunker. Do you?”

“Actually, yes. It’s easy. I used to practice at it.”

Even as the words came out of my mouth, I was laughing at myself. Who practices out of a bunker? I mean, shouldn’t we all practice from the tee box and the fairway? Because if we get better and better off of the box, we’ll never be hanging out in bunkers.

Apparently, I was never good enough to steer clear of the traps.

Which means I’m just like the best players in the world.

You see, it doesn’t matter how good you are at the game of golf, you’re going to have to hit from the bunker at some point. You’re not good enough to avoid every trap.

In our small group meeting this week, we talked about our weaknesses. It wasn’t what I would call a joyous occasion. But it was really good. Some of us could easily identify areas where we’re weak. For others, it was a bit tougher. But we didn’t stop there.

Identifying your weaknesses is like saying, “I don’t know how to hit the ball from the sand,” but not planning to do anything about it. That statement needs to be followed by, “Can you help me?” Because hitting the ball from the sand is tough. And it’s an art form. And it takes somebody being patient with you and helping you figure it out. Showing you where to stand. How to stand. How to swing. And the thought process that goes into blasting one out. You don’t just innately know how to hit a sand shot. You need a patient coach.

God allows us to be weak. Because if we weren’t weak, why would we need Him? And if we could figure out this life all on our own, we’d have no need for Him and His people (the Church).

How do you grow through your weaknesses?

1. Identify your weaknesses. You have to start with this. If you’re having trouble doing this, just ask some of your friends. Or, better yet, if you’re married, ask your spouse. They’ll have no trouble identifying them for you.

2. Come up with an action plan. Write out tangible goals that will help you grow through these weaknesses. Without tangible goals, achievable goals, how will you know if you’re ever making progress?

3. Identify a person who’s strong where you’re weak. Share your weakness(es) with them, and your action plan. Let them know that you’re going to be a work-in-progress, but that you’d like them to know where you’re headed.

4. Be open and honest about who you are and ways you still fall short. You’re going to mess up. Again and again. And while that’s not okay, it puts you in company with guys like the apostle Paul. (Philippians 3:12-13)

You need to find somebody who is strong in areas where you’re weak. Lean on them. Let them into your struggles.

If you never work on your weaknesses, you’ll find yourself in the bunker one day with no idea how to get out.

Do you find it difficult to identify your weaknesses?

Or is it more difficult for you to actually do something about them?

Quit waiting

July 15, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant.

If they watch every cloud, they never harvest. (Ecclesiastes 11:4)

Change is difficult, no matter who or what you’re trying to change. We humans quickly habitualize (yep, I just made that word up), meaning that even changing things that aren’t “old and stuffy” is a big task.

Don’t find yourself noticing what needs to change, but paralyzed while you’re waiting for the “perfect” climate. Or the “perfect” new small group leader. Or having just the right amount of time. Or having enough resources. Or…well…the “perfect” anything.

And the moment you find the “perfect” situation, be ready…a storm is likely on its heels.

If you’re waiting for everything to line up perfectly, change will never happen.

Where things don’t line up “perfectly,” creativity, collaboration, and hard work more than make up the difference.

Leaders know what changes need to happen. And they go ahead and “plant.” Because if you never plant, you’ll never harvest.

What changes need to happen in your church? In your small group? In your life?

Greatness isn’t Demanded

July 12, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

Don’t demand an audience with the king
or push for a place among the great.
It’s better to wait for an invitation to the head table
than to be sent away in public disgrace. (Proverbs 25:6-7)

Anybody can force their way to the “head of the table.” But being at the head of the table doesn’t guarantee you’ll have committed followers. Or that you’re a good leader. Positional leadership doesn’t get you an “audience with the king” (influence). It may get you a seat among the court, but having the ear of his audience takes time. And trust. And respect.

Building trust takes time and effort. When you earn the respect of those you’re called to lead (and don’t simply demand that they follow you), they’re willing to go the extra mile to help accomplish the vision. They’re willing to work hard for you. And they’re willing to give you grace when you fail.

I’ve seen this deficient form of leadership with younger leaders. By God’s grace, they’re given a leadership position. And then, instead of working to build trust among their team (which is made more difficult because, often, those they’re leading are more mature), they demand compliance. “Things are going to change around here. I’m the pastor/teacher/worship pastor/small group leader, etc. What you need to decide is whether or not you are on board. If you’re not on board with the changes, then you can leave.” In their zeal for change, they overlook wisdom. And they damage relationships in the process. They’re “sent away in public disgrace.”

I’ve seen this with older leaders, too. They’ve “pushed for a place among the great” and gotten it. They’ve forced their way into leadership, so when the direction they’re headed is questioned, they see it as a personal threat (instead of a suggestion for healthy growth) and become prickly and defensive. They don’t put up with new, fresh ideas. “Who are you to question my authority?” they say. “You just don’t really know what you’re talking about. When you’ve been around as long as I have…”

Followers who are demanded aren’t really followers. They’re workers. Hired hands. Slaves. And they end up frustrated, bitter, unmotivated, and underutilized.

Build relationships with those you lead. In time, you just might get an invitation to the head of the table.

Are you a leader prone to forcing your way to the table? Have you ever found yourself demanding that people follow you?

Feeling far from Christ

July 8, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

Did you know that as soon as you pull the fruit off of the vine, it begins to die? Looking at these cucumbers above, you’d think they were healthy, right? They’re green. They’re huge. They’ve got the little prickly things on them. All evidence points to them being as healthy as any other cucumber. But notice the stem. It’s been pulled off of the vine.

Whether we pickle them or put them in a salad, these cucumbers are going to taste fantastic. They look fine and taste fine…at least for the time being. Wait a week, though, and they’ll look and taste dead. Nobody would eat them at that point. But for now, they look fine.

Since they’ve been removed from the life-giving vine, though, they’re dying. That process can be slowed by putting them in the refrigerator. Or even pickling them. But there’s no doubt that, over time, they’ll be completely dead and shriveled up. Though it’s not visible or tastable now, these cucumbers are dying because they have nothing that’s giving them life.

“I just feel like I’m not where I once was spiritually.”

Ever uttered those words? Ever felt like you’re just not as close to Christ as you once were?

Ever feel like that just came out of nowhere in your life? One day, you and Jesus were inseparable. The next, you felt like there was a wall between the two of you. One day, he seemed as real to you as the chair you’re sitting in. The next, he seemed as real to you as the 2010 pennant that the Cubs will win.

The reason you felt like it crept up on you out of nowhere is the same reason that the cucumber looks fine immediately after taking it from the vine.

It takes a while for it to look and taste dead.

Jesus said:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. -John 15:4-8

The Good News is that you can be grafted right back into that vine (Christ)! The death process doesn’t have to continue. It can end right now if you just ask (Matthew 7:7)

Have you removed yourself from the vine? When did you realize you weren’t connected?

How have you personally plugged back into the vine? What did you do that connected you back with Christ?

**you can see all of the pics of my garden on my Posterous site HERE

Don’t make it worse

June 18, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart
is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound (Proverbs 25:20)

Sometimes, our counsel can make things worse.

We feel like we’re being helpful, but in reality, we make life more painful and difficult to bear.

So next time someone you know is dealing with a lot of life, and isn’t sure how to handle it, don’t try singing a happy song. Don’t sugar coat things and tell them that it’s not that bad. Because maybe it is that bad.

Instead, try weeping with those who weep. (Romans 12:15)

Or just being quiet. (Job 2:13)

Or pointing them to the unchanging hope of life with Christ. Not to the quickly fading hope of a good and easy life on earth. (2 Corinthians 1:5)

Sin disrupts community

June 2, 2010 / Ben Reed / 1 Comment

After having looked at cows, rhinoceroses, anteaters, and sloths, God puts Adam in a deep sleep. When he wakes up, he sees Eve and immediately notices that she’s much different than anything he’s ever seen. I imagine she had that angelic light and chorus around her as Adam laid eyes on the one he would spend the rest of his life with. Adam manages to stammer out these words:

This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man. (Genesis 2.23)

Adam and Eve rapidly move from this level of relationship to one of blame-shifting, hiding, deceiving, lying, and pride. What’s the result?

Disrupted community.

Enmity. Pain. Difficulties. Frustrations. Sweat. Shame. Banishment. Broken relationships.

Sin in the OT is first a relational breach. Adam and Eve are separated from each other and from God. Things that should bring great joy would forevermore be painful and difficult. And maintaining and growing the relationships that matter most would be far from easy.

Don’t think that your sin only affects you and your relationship with God, and that, since it’s just between you and God, it won’t make a difference in the lives of others. There is a horizontal aspect to sin. It erodes community.

To think it only affects you is to think to little of sin and its consequences.

Have you ever noticed your personal mistakes having a negative impact on community?

Encourage to death

May 16, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

My son is a climber. Whether it’s onto a chair, into my lap, or onto the coffee table that he’s not supposed to be on, the boy loves the challenge.
But our couch is just a little bit too tough for him to easily climb. Maybe it’s a bit too tall. Maybe it’s the difficulty of the cushions that give when he pulls up on them. Maybe it’s the slick fabric that covers it. But nonetheless, he finds it extraordinarily difficult to climb.

But today, he did it. By himself!
Want to know the secret of how he did it?

I encouraged him.

“Great job, Rex! You’re almost there! Keep going! You can do it! Not much further…”

I saw that he was almost finished fighting. He was just about to throw in the towel and go back to climbing other, less difficult things. But when I encouraged him, I saw him smile. And try harder to make it. Instead of giving up, sliding back down the front of the couch yet again, he decided to push forward. He believed me…that he really could make it.

Laugh all you want, but I’m convinced that my encouragement helped him have the confidence that he needed to accomplish something he had never done before.

And you’re no different.

You need encouragement. Encouragement that what you’re doing matters. That all the hard work you’re doing for the Kingdom really is making a difference. That the hours you’re spending trying to be a better husband really is paying off. That the Race is worth finishing.

And those you’ve been called to lead need encouragement, too. And you’re called to encourage them. Why?

Because this life is too difficult.

It’s too dreary. Too painful. Too mind-numbing. Too long. Too short. Too lonely. Too confusing. Unrewarding. Unfulfilling. Unrelenting.

And we become hardened. Calloused. Distant. Uncaring. Unmotivated. Easily swayed. Easily angered. Depressed. Disbelieving. Drifting.

Without the encouraging words of a friend, a fellow journeyman, we’re all likely to give up.

The sin in this world is incredibly deceitful, and very quickly (the verse below seems to say that this can happen in 1 day) causes us to drift away from the God we love. It creeps in to the dark recesses of our hearts and finds a home, convincing us that fighting the fight of faith is too tough. And it’s right.

Stay strong, brothers! The fight for your heart is worth it. Hold fast to the end. Push on through. And ask for some encouragement along the way.

While you’re at it, why not give some out, too?

See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. (Hebrews 3:12-14)

Faith Does

May 14, 2010 / Ben Reed / 1 Comment

There’s something that you know God’s called you to do. You’ve been wrestling with this for a while now.

Someone he’s called you to reach out to. Somewhere you just know He wants you to go. Something He’s impressed upon you to do.

And you may be thinking, “I’ve waited this long…what’s another few days?”

Because procrastination is the enemy of doing what God wants. And procrastination often takes the form of “good” things. But don’t let even good things get in your way any longer. Don’t let distractions do what they do best…distract you. It’s just not worth it. The King has called.

Faith does.

But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. James 2.18

Tragedy & the work of God

May 5, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

If you’ve been affected by the flood in Clarksville, Grace would like to help. Just go to this site HERE and let us know what we can do.

It’s often in the midst of tragedy that God works most powerfully in a person’s life.

Life can clip along just fine for years and years. That normal, frenetic pace of life lulls us to spiritual sleep. Into a coma of sorts that makes us feel like we’re in control, that we don’t need others, and that we certainly don’t need God. Because, when you have a successful career, a nice home, a nice family, and are fulfilling the “American dream,” what else could you ask for?

But it’s suffering that helps remind us that we have very little control of our lives. No matter what you do, you can’t safeguard your life against disaster. Try as you may, suffering will find you. And you can continue to try to put up fences, sandbags, walls, and defenses against disaster…but no part of life is outside the reach of Tragedy.

The point of suffering is many-fold, and I don’t presume to know exactly what God’s up to when He allows certain things. But one thing is certain (in addition to the fact that Satan is out to steal, kill, and destroy” – John 10:10). “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:10) It’s when we recognize our position in relationship with God that we find true security. Feelings of safety and ease are just that…feelings. When “life” happens, we find that the only safe place to rest is clinging tight to the One who holds life in His hands.

May we show Christ to be our all surpassing Treasure, and not the stuff of earth that is quickly fleeting.

And may we, out of that relationship, offer hope and help to a world left stunned and confused when life falls apart.