Category: Church (page 18 of 28)

10 keys to a successful marriage ceremony

July 11, 2011 / / 6 Comments

You may have never performed a marriage ceremony.  But you’ve attended plenty, I’m sure.

Some were probably good, and fun, and exciting.  Most, though, if your experience has been like mine, have been boring.

image via NotaryPublicParalegal

I remember the first ceremony I performed. To call it a disaster wouldn’t be fair, but whatever word is just short of “disaster” would aptly describe the experience.  Since then, through countless ceremonies I’ve done, I’ve learned a lot.

You’ve got to know one thing about me: I’m not all that traditional.  And my ceremonies reflect that.  If you’re a traditional person, though, I think that you can still incorporate these principles the next time you’re given the opportunity.

10 keys to a successful marriage ceremony

1. Insert some humor.

The bride and the groom are nervous and emotional and ripe with anticipation. Which makes everyone else nervous and emotional, too. A little humor eases a lot of tension. If you can get even a chuckle out of people, you’ll feel the weight lift in the room. Trust me…I can sense it every time.

2. Make it personal.

Every single line doesn’t have to be a personal, inside joke between the three of you. But sharing stories and quotes from the bride and groom helps everyone present feel like they know the soon-to-be-weds. My intro before I seat the parents, and before I get into my mini-sermon, is full of stories from the bride and groom.

3. Share favorite Bible verses/songs/quotes.

I’m not putting these on par as equals. I believe that Scripture is crucial in a marriage ceremony (see below), but in preparation for the ceremony (in meetings with the bride and groom), listen for clues. If they mention a favorite author, song, painting, or Bible verse, jot it down. You can use this to weave the truth about marriage into your ceremony.

4. Reflect on your own marriage.

Personal reflection can lead to beautiful, powerful, rich ceremonies.  Pull truth from your own experience in marriage, but don’t include your own stories. Use these as the background and motivation as you’re preparing, but leave out anthing that starts with, “When my wife and I…” or “On our wedding day…” or “One time, my spouse…” Hogging the spotlight is not cool…leave the spotlight on the bride and groom.

5. Craft your message for the bride and groom.

It’s their ceremony, right? Make sure you spend time speaking to them. There’s a great portion of my message where I’m speaking to the bride and groom by name. In a sense, I’m glad that the congregation is there to witness it, but that portion of the message isn’t for them specifically.

6. Craft your message for the congregation.

Don’t forget that you’ve got husbands, wives, and future husbands and wives in the congregation. As you prepare, think through how your message will land with them, and how you can even challenge them to love their spouse in a bigger, more self-sacrificial way.

7. Challenge the bride and groom.

Push them a little bit. They’re ready to make the biggest commitment of their life on earth…this is a huge deal! Push them to love more deeply, to be willing to weather the storms, to be willing to love through the pain, heartaches, and challenges of life. Challenge them now, and pray they take you up on it!

8. Don’t box yourself in.

Don’t make every ceremony have to look the same. Be willing to be flexible on the details. You don’t have to be flexible on the truth you’ll share…but remember, this isn’t your ceremony. It’s the bride’s and groom’s. If they want to do some non-traditional stuff, make it happen. (I once helped with a Mexican Lazzo ceremony. It was strange for me, but incredibly meaningful for the bride and groom.)

9. Link marriage with the Gospel.

For me, this is a must. It’s the one thing that I tell couples I can’t bend on. I don’t have an altar-call at the end of the ceremony, but I weave the Truth of the Gospel, the roles of the husband and wife in marriage, and the role of Christ and his bride (the Church) throughout the message.

10. Keep things short.

Nobody likes a long ceremony. Nobody likes a long ceremony. Nobody likes a long ceremony.

(experts say you need to hear something 3 times in order to best remember the idea. You’re welcome) If your portion of the ceremony goes over 30 minutes, you’ve probably lost everybody in the room, including the bride and groom. Here’s an important truth to remember: people didn’t come to hear you talk. They came to see the bride and groom get married.

Have you ever experienced a boring marriage ceremony?

What was the longest ceremony you ever attended?

 

 

 

The most powerful way to encourage attendance

July 8, 2011 / / 1 Comment

I recently got an invitation to attend a lunch with other like-minded leaders in Nashville. I was invited by the organizer of the event, because apparently “this is an event you’ll like.”

And I said, “I’ll be there.”

Was the exact same DM (that’s twitter shorthand for a message sent directly to you) sent to (probably) hundreds of other guys?  Yep.

Was it really just a way of getting a bunch of leaders in the same room to promote what they wanted to talk about?  Yeah. (I know, I know…you told us it wasn’t…but be honest)

If I’d gotten the exact same DM from the sponsoring company, would I have gone? Not a chance. *(this is an important marketing tip for churches and businesses.  If I receive an invitation from your corporate account, 99 times out of 100 I’ll ignore it.  Send it from  your personal account and it’ll get at least a second look)

But do you know why I went?

Because I got a personal invite from a real person.

I felt needed. I felt valued.  I felt that this event would be worth my time and effort to attend.

If the parent company had sent the DM, it would’ve felt pushy.  But coming from the person, it felt…personal.

The takeaway

Instead of sending out fliers for your next church event, encourage people to personally ask their friends.

Instead of buying a spot on a billboard to promote your event, encourage word-of-mouth.

Instead of blasting a mass email, encourage people to invite a few of their closest friends on Facebook.

“Personal” is a stronger, more meaningful “ask” than the mass appeal.

Question: Would you be more likely to attend an event if personally invited by someone you trust?

 

 

5 Easy Ways to Pursue Excellence as a church

July 7, 2011 / / 13 Comments

Excellence doesn’t have to be expensive.

image via TypeInspire

A common misconception is that excellence is expensive. That you’re going to have to expand your budget, buy new “toys,” and constantly be on the cutting edge to have a service that is accomplished with excellence.

Thinking that excellence is tied with money is crippling. If you have the money, you’ll begin to rely on the money to do the work of excellence for you…that’s called laziness. If you don’t have the money, you’ll begin using the excuse, “We can’t do it as well as _____ because we just don’t have the resources.” Bologna. That’s a lack of utilization and equipping.

In the church world, where I spend my time and energy, I’ve seen plenty of leaders let excellence slide because they don’t have financial resources to pour into gadgets, lights, sound equipment, video equipment, new mics, and flashy “stuff.” And while that “stuff” looks nice, it doesn’t, in any way, guarantee excellence.

Want to pursue excellence as a local church? Here’s how you do it.

5 Easy Ways to Pursue Excellence

Execute your order of worship relentlessly.

I was recently a part of a service that was not planned well.  The worship leader didn’t know the lyrics well, and there were lots of gaps between songs, announcements, and the sermon.  Planning the order in advance so that everyone involved can see all of the details is crucial.  Running a rehearsal, including announcements, any videos, and any other elements are seen by everybody involved (before the live service) helps ensure major mistakes don’t happen.

Simplify.

The more programs you offer, the more diluted each becomes. And the less “excellent” each is, because each takes significant amounts of resources (time, energy, volunteers, money) to do well.  The simpler, more focused your church is, the more excellent you will be in each area.

Take pride in what you do.

Look around you. Take note of the little things. It’s often the small, seemingly insignificant gestures that go miles in promoting excellence. Here are a few things we do at Grace:

  • pick up stray trash
  • staff every door on Sundays with a welcoming person
  • keep printed material up-to-date
  • keep volunteers in the loop on information that new-comers will ask about
  • offer good coffee
  • set up an area on Sundays for moms with crying babies to still hear the service and not disturb others
  • keep your website updated
  • respond to emails promptly

Evaluate and improve constantly.

If an aspect of your church isn’t working, it’s time to change things up. Allowing a program to hang around because “we’ve always done it…” pushes excellence right out the window.  Evaluating, improving, and constantly being willing to change things that are broken encourages excellence across the board.

Celebrate.

If you feed something, it lives.  If you don’t, it dies.  Feed those actions, those habits, those strategical and forward-thinking moves that staff members and volunteers take.  When you feed those actions, they (and those they lead) will notice what your church values.  Thank them publicly.  Send them a note.  Throw them a party.  Celebrate steps in the right direction.

Pursuing excellence isn’t about money. It’s about the details. If what you’re offering (the Gospel) is valuable to your congregation, then casting it in the best light is vital.  Pursuing excellence does just that.

Are you serving in a church that pursues excellence?  What steps have you taken to get there?

 

 

 

The Dad Life

June 20, 2011 / / 1 Comment

We showed this video yesterday at Grace.

You may have seen it before, and if so, forgive me.  If not…you’re welcome.

 

 

 

What are you good at?

June 15, 2011 / / 3 Comments

Everybody’s good at something. How do I know?

We serve a God who gifts people. (check out Exodus 35:30-35)

And your gift was given to you to benefit yourself others.

You’re talented at something. There’s something that, when you do it, you just come alive. And when you use that gift, it feels as if you’re doing what you were created to do.

And when you use those gifts well, folks stop and stare. They’re in awe of your gift…because it’s awesome!

 

Here are some things I’m good at:

  • Learning
  • Writing
  • Discipline/working hard
  • Focus

So…brag on God. Tell us what you’re good at! (*leave a comment below)

 

 

 

 

The best evaluation question to ask

June 15, 2011 / / 0 Comments

If you’re a leader, you evaluate.

Well…ahem…let me rephrase that.

If you’re a good leader, you evaluate.  And there are plenty of activities, events, and procedures that you can and should evaluate regularly

  • Trainings
  • Meetings
  • Outings
  • New hires
  • New fires
  • System changes
  • New initiatives
  • Outreach events
  • Sermon series
  • New ideas
  • Old ideas
  • Development days
  • Financial spending
  • Outputs

…and that’s just to name a few.

Evaluation should happen across the board on a consistent basis.  Here are the two questions I hear asked most often:

1. What worked?

2. What didn’t work?

They’re not bad questions.  And, hopefully, changes will be made based on the answers to those questions.  But more often than not, the ball stops rolling.  Those two questions are momentum killers.  Because most people can quickly tell you what worked.  And what didn’t work?  Well, let’s find someone or something to blame. OR let’s spin our wheels feeling sorry for ourselves and the money and time we wasted. *insert screeching brakes sound*

Here’s a better question:

What did you learn?

I know that seems like a subtle shift, but I think it’s an important one.  Instead of just blindly evaluating what worked and what didn’t…and instead of just throwing your opinion into the ring of ideas as to who or what the culprit is for the flopping of an event, this keeps the ball moving forward.

It keeps you focused on the positives and the negatives. It helps you see that, even within the parts of an event that worked, there are things that you learned.  And those things that you learned can help improve for next time.  It also helps you really zone in on what you learned from the side of an idea that flopped.  Instead of wallowing in your fail whale, you focus on what you can learn.

My pastor, Ron Edmondson, and I sat down after a leadership training event to evaluate.  Let me be honest: it was an event that flopped.  We had very little participation, very little feedback, very little growth because of the event, and to top it all off…it was expensive.

When we evaluated, we jumped right into the question: What did you learn? I had learned plenty.  This question helped get the momentum moving in the right direction after progress had screeched to a halt.

Any initiative can improve if you’re willing to learn.  Even the best ones.

Any failure can be a step forward if you learn from your missteps.

The question for you is this:

Are you willing to learn?

Have you learned from a flopped idea?

 

 

The #1 way a young leader can gain influence

June 14, 2011 / / 9 Comments

Young leaders often feel behind the curve.

Every meeting they attend, every team they lead, every trip they plan…they’re the youngest and least experienced.  And, in my case, I’ve been in the room where everybody present had children older than me.

I can’t tell you how many looks I was flashed that said, “How cute…he’s trying to lead us…isn’t that neat?!?” As a leader, that’s frustrating.

When I started in my current role, I was the youngest on staff.

When I started in my current role, I was the younger than every one of the small group leaders at Grace.

But over time, I’ve been able to grow some level of influence.  And here’s one principle I’ve learned:

Be faithful in the little things.

If I was given a task, even if it didn’t directly relate to my area of leadership, I worked to make sure I completed the task well.  Not just half-heartedly, but with excellence.

If I took on a new responsibility, I made sure that I was 100% faithful, to the best of my abilities and even more so, to exceed expectations.

And this principle is biblical:

One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much… – Luke 16:10

It’s the little things, the smaller responsibilities, that are the greatest test of character, not the bigger ones.  Letting the ball drop on the “little things” is a symptom of a heart that’s not ready for bigger, weightier things.

If you’re given smaller, less significant assignments and you fail to meet and exceed expectations, why would those who are in leadership over you trust you to meet and exceed expectations in more significant roles?

The insignificant tasks you take on early in leadership may be just that…insignificant.  Except for one thing: they show your character.  And if you want to gain influence, character (even more than age and experience) is key.

A certain level of trust must be granted to you because you’re young.  But a deeper, more substantial level of trust, the one you’re looking for, is earned.

Trust is earned one faithful step at a time.

Be faithful in the small steps.  It’ll pay off in time.

Have you ever dropped the ball on a small responsibility?

Did you see that affect your influence?

 

6 vital reasons to incorporate fun into your small groups

June 9, 2011 / / 5 Comments

Dear Small-Group Pastor,

I just want to take a minute to say that we’re all proud of the way you’ve done your research and found the most biblical curriculum. You’ve trained your small-group leaders to have airtight, foolproof theology. They can move from a discussion on the Nephilim to ecclesiology, then weave in a bit of distinction between Calvinism, the resurrection, and eschatology.

You’ve taught your group leaders how to facilitate a discussion, minister to the EGRs, fill the empty chair, raise up apprentice leaders, and plant new groups. You’ve helped groups become more “missional” by consistently serving their neighborhoods and communities. Group members are working to baptize and make disciples of all nations, starting with their families and neighbors.

But one thing is missing. Small groups aren’t fun. Sometimes they’re boring, actually. Sometimes people only come because they feel like they are supposed to.

So here’s my plea to you, small-group champion: incorporate fun, life, and humor into the small groups at your church.

Why to Focus on Fun

1. If it’s not fun, people won’t come back.

It’s possible to get more information in a more convenient time in a more convenient way through many other means. Podcasts, books, blogs, and forums offer information and discussion environments at any time of the day, every day of the year. What separates small groups from each of these environments is the relationship, face-to-face aspect. Make sure you maximize this!

2. If there’s no fun, it’s not reflective of real life.

If your group is intensely serious, it can drain the life right out of people. We’re only wired to take so much seriousness. And often, our work environments give us plenty of seriousness.

3. If there’s no laughter, people are missing out on great medicine.

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). Maybe what hurting people need isn’t more medicine, but a healthy small group. They need to laugh together so hard that they snort. They need to laugh at themselves. They need to laugh at a corny joke. Because God has wired us to receive healing through laughter. I’m not sure how it works, but after a difficult day at work—with the kids, with finances, with in-laws—laughing helps to melt away stress and anxiety, bringing healing to your aching bones.

4. Have you ever belly-laughed?

Seriously, there’s not much that’s more redemptive than belly-laughing with someone in your small group. If you’ve laughed that way, from your gut, you know what I mean. If you haven’t, then I sincerely weep for you. Join my small group, please—we’ll show you how to do it.

5. When we have fun together, we show others that we serve a good God.

Check this out: “Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them'” (Psalm 126:2). Did you catch that? When our mouths are filled with laughter, others are convinced that God has done great things among us. Could the flip-side be true? If our mouths aren’t filled with laughter, could people become convinced that the God we serve isn’t good? That he doesn’t take delight in loving is people? That the God we give witness to is ultimately boring, and the eternity with him that we say will be wonderful is painted as dull and lifeless?

6. Laughter builds community.

Laughing together can help your group bond in a rich way very quickly. Don’t neglect times of fun and laughing. Relish those times together. Jokes that carry from week to week, laughing at random things, and having fun together help set the stage for deep discussions, building trust among those in your group.

Convinced?

Have you ever been a part of a boring small group?

*I originally published this for smallgroups.com

 

10 Personal Observations I learned through preaching

June 6, 2011 / / 28 Comments

I had the chance to preach at Grace this Sunday.  It was a great experience communicating with my church family.

image via Flickr’s NotAshamed

And I learned a few things about myself through the preparation and delivery of this sermon as I reflected on it.  Things that seemed more tangible than other time I’d preached.  See if there are some here you’ve experienced if you’ve ever preached.

10 Personal Observations I learned through preaching

 

1. Preaching causes me to pray more.

I was on my knees more this past week than I have been in a long time.  I needed a fresh word from God, fresh insights, and a message that was True.

2. Preaching causes me to study more.

I can’t just pull a message out of thin air.  I have to study the Scriptures a lot in order to prepare a message.  It was a rich time for me.

3. Preaching humbles me.

a) Knowing I’m preaching the Scriptures and people are learning them through that preaching…that’s both humbling and intimidating.

b) Knowing I’m being prayed for…that’s humbling, too.  I can’t tell you how many people I heard from directly offering an encouraging word of prayer.  It was powerful.

4. Preaching causes me to worship more deeply.

I felt a deeper dependence on God than on normal weeks, and I consequently felt a deeper level of worship.

5. Preaching causes me to be more aware of God’s presence

As I was working to craft my message, I was processing it throughout my days.  As I went about my normal activities, I felt more aware of God’s presence as I was consistently ruminating over deep truths.

6. Preaching stretches me.

I’m used to writing blogs and articles.  A blog is typically less than a page of typed notes.  An article is 2-3.  I had 10 pages of single-spaced, typed notes, for my 30 minute sermon.

7. Preaching refines my thoughts.

I’m an external thinker.  Which means that, in order for me to make sense of my thoughts, I need to express them externally.  Typically, that clarity for me comes through writing.  Preaching is another way that I externalize, and refine, my thoughts.

8. Preaching gets me fired up.

The more I meditate on the Scriptures, and what I’ll be communicating, the more I get fired up about sharing the Truth.  I was pumped, not nervous, when I came out on stage.

9. Preaching reminds me that pastors can be lonely people.

The role of a pastor can be lonely.  I studied by myself, prepared the message by myself, and delivered the message by myself, alone on stage.  Afterwards, I criticized myself for things I should’ve done differently.  A pastor may be in the spotlight, but there has been a lot of alone time leading up to that sermon.

10. Preaching drains me.

Preaching takes a lot of energy, because not only are you spending extra time during the week preparing, you’re also pouring your heart and soul into speaking.  I put a lot of emotion…not banging the pulpit though, mind you…into my preaching.  I was exhausted last night.

Have you ever preached?

Do any of these observations resonate with your experience?

 

 

 

Let’s speak Gibberish

June 1, 2011 / / 5 Comments

My wife and I recently went to the beach, and saw a strange sight.

There were four ladies standing in a circle, obviously together and doing something.  We, not being nosey, passed on by.

It’s blurred…don’t judge me for taking a “curious” pic

But I couldn’t help overhearing them talking.  And I couldn’t help noticing that it was another language, one that I didn’t understand.  I didn’t think anything about it.  My wife and I moseyed on, looking for sea glass as the sun rose.  But then I heard a little English.

Oh, look who’s here!  It’s _____.  Yeaaaaaaaah! (*said very loudly)

So apparently _____ is a popular person.  Then I heard this little diddy drop:

You guys ready?  Let’s speak some gibberish!

So…I figured out what that “foreign” language was that the ladies were speaking.  Gibberish.  Nonsense.  Unintelligible words.  They would speak this gibberish, and, from a distance, appeared to be having a perfectly normal conversation.  Then they would force laughter (it wasn’t natural…just trust me on that) that was heard all the way across the beach.

And you know when you hear people laughing, and it makes you want to laugh, too?  Yeah, this wasn’t that kind of laughter.  It was just weird.

Confession: I don’t know what they were doing.  They may have been practicing for improv.  They may have been just purely being silly.  They may be a strange cult.  I don’t know.  But as an outsider, it was strange.  Borderline creepy.

And I think that this is how many people view our local churches.  And when we don’t keep them in mind when we structure our Sunday morning experiences, we keep them at the edge.  Here’s what I was thinking when I saw the women, and what I believe outsiders think of our local churches.

Local Churches & The Gibberish People

The closer I get the weirder they’ll be.

I heard enough to know that I didn’t want to get any closer to this group.  Offer new folks the chance to see your church at a snapshot.  Make it easy for them to try community out.  Easy to serve.  Easy to test the waters.  You know that if they experience community, they’ll want more.  So make it easier to get close.

They’re really speaking another language I don’t understand.

In our churches, we have to be careful with the language we use.  Loading our services with “churchy” talk just makes people feel like we’re speaking another language.  Using normal, everyday language communicates that we value “outsiders.”

They don’t want me or need me.

This group was completely self-sufficient and satisfied without me.  Don’t let your church convey the same thing.  Having a system in place for them to plug into healthy community and service is huge.  Expose the holes you have on Sunday mornings.  Expose the holes you have in accomplishing your vision to reach your community.  And ask people to help plug in.  Most people want to know that they bring something to the table and can contribute.

I don’t have a need for that silliness.

Churches should be careful to articulate why we do what we do.  Cast the vision regularly for why you do small groups, take up the offering, serve your community, and sing songs.  Don’t leave it up to people’s imagination.  Help them understand why you do what you do.

They just care about themselves.

May this never be an attitude of our churches.  Ever.  We don’t exist for ourselves.  (Philippians 2:4)

It’s not wrong for these women to do what they were doing.  But it may be wrong for churches to adopt some of their practices.

Do you consciously think about “outsiders” when you enter the building on Sunday mornings?

How are you intentionally structuring things so that everyone feels welcomed?

 

 
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