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Category: Church (page 15 of 28)

How to Overcome Perceptions

image credit: CreationSwap user Rich Aguilar

Just the other day, I had someone tell me that all of my posts on Facebook are about food and parenting. “You must really love your food…and your son!”

Well, she’s right about me loving my food…and my son.

But she’s wrong about all of my posts being about those two topics. And I could’ve corrected her, but thank you very much Dale Carnegie, I just smiled and continued the conversation. Correcting her would’ve done no good. Why?

Perception is everything.

People can perceive you to be all sorts of things that you’re not. I’ve been perceived

Naive
Un-thoughtful
Forgetful
Unwise
Small-minded
Forgetful
Lazy
Unmotivated
Wasteful
Greedy
Self-serving

And in each of those cases, I could verbally tell you why I’m not that. Explain to you how I’m not lazy. Map out for you how I’m really not small-minded. Draw a diagram on the back of a napkin to show you how I’m not self-serving.

And in each of those cases, I would watch you walk away shaking your head in disagreement, firmly planted and confirmed in your ideas about me.

Perceptions aren’t often logical. They’re feelings-based. And feelings-based ideas aren’t overcome by logic and reason. They’re overcome by another feeling.

Instead of telling you how I’m not lazy, I need to show you that I hustle every day.

Instead of telling you how I’m not forgetful, I need to remember your name.

Instead of telling you how I’m not greedy, I need to demonstrate for you generosity.

Instead of telling you that I’m not self-serving, I need to show you what it looks like to serve others.

Perceptions of the Church

I know that, because of what we’ve stood against and how we’ve lived in this world, others have certain perceptions of the Church. Certain perceptions that aren’t necessarily true. Perceptions that, because of our history, people have come to believe. They perceive that we’re

Naive
Small-minded
Bigots
Deceived
Foolish
Stubborn
Boring
Lazy
Uncaring
Weak

I’m ashamed of the perceptions that the Church has gained. And I could lay out for you how our church is different. I could logically walk you through what we do differently. But most of the time, that’s not going to work. Perceptions aren’t logical. They’re rooted in feelings and emotions.

So I’m just going to show you. I’m going to let you see the Church in action through me. I’m going to serve and love and give and go and never expect anything in return. I’m going to be the Church and live the Church. Instead of just talking, I’m going to serve. Instead of just debating, I’m going to love. Instead of arguing, I’m going to give.

That’s what the Church does.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. – Jesus, from John 13:34-35

*Image credit: CreationSwap user Rich Aguilar

Out-dreaming Those You Lead

October 26, 2011 / Ben Reed / 4 Comments

Leaders should dream, because without dreaming there’s no forward momentum.

But dreaming without leading can leave you out-dreaming your team.

Photo Credit: Creation Swap User Rob Gros

A good friend of mine has a boss that lives in her dream world. Her boss is living out her dream of owning her own small business…this is what she’s wanted to do her whole life. And she gets frustrated when those she’s hired don’t have hearts that beat for the business like hers does, and when her employees aren’t as personally invested in her dream as she is. Though she has great employees (case-in-point, my friend), they feel like they can never measure up to the standard that their boss sets as a pace for the organization, even when they’ve accomplished their job well.

I’d love to say that this only happens in the secular world, but I’d venture to reason that you’ve seen this dynamic on Sunday mornings at church. Maybe you’ve even fallen into this trap.

Ever have a volunteer you’re responsible for not show up? Ever been frustrated by that?

When church leaders grow frustrated because they’re out-dreaming those they’re leading, they often heap guilt on others. Here’s a scenario for you:

Sorry, I can’t make it this Sunday…it’s been a crazy week…I’m tired, my kids are tired, and I’m just not going to be able to make it to volunteer in the parking ministry…

Sorry I can’t make it this Sunday, we’re going out of town next week and I need to get things ready…

Sorry I can’t make it this Sunday, I’m going to the _____ game Sunday afternoon…

To which every church staffer thinks

I’ve had a hard week too…I’m tired…and I want to go to that game!!

And the follow-up thought, if you’ll be honest with yourself right now, is this:

Do they really love Jesus? Because if they did…

Confession Time

I’ve fallen into the trap of out-dreaming those on my team. See, I’m living my dream right now. I absolutely love what I do. I love my church, the team I get to work with, and what I get to do within it. And sometimes…*shocker*…I have some volunteers that aren’t as committed to leading their small group as I am to leading this ministry.

I find a part of me growing frustrated that they’re not as invested in this as I am. Frustrated that I put long, hard hours into leading the ministry, while they have other dreams they’re pursuing (which, in the moment, I’d call less important). I’ve even thought, “If it were me, I’d give up _____ so I could lead my small group.” Or, “If I were them, I’d not let my kids do _____ so that I could love people and lead my small group well…” Those are some low moments for me.

In those moments, I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that this is my dream, not theirs.

Leaders: your dream is your dream. Don’t expect that everybody is going to be invested in it like you are.

Sure, you cast vision well. Sure, you recruit leaders well. Sure, you sell the mission well. But at the end of the day

It’s your vision, not theirs.
It’s your job, not theirs.
It’s your passion, not (necessarily) theirs.
You live for this, they don’t.
They have other dreams, you don’t.

This shouldn’t discourage you from dreaming. But if you’re going to dream, dream well.

Leaders that Dream Well

Allow people to dream with them. Maybe you’re dreaming too small. If you’re going to accomplish your dream, you’ve got to have other people on board. More people = more laborers = more ideas = more solutions = bigger, more effective dreams.
Allow flexibility in their dream. In this, you may have to actually give up part of your dream, but in the process, your give your dream the chance to go further. Allowing flexibility means you work from a modified, but unified dream. More flexibility = more buy-in = more unified vision = bigger, more effective dreams.
Equip people, but don’t leave them hanging. It’s not their job, after all, to make sure your dream is accomplished. Equip them to work well, but don’t send them out to do a job because you don’t want to do it. Help them accomplish the vision you’ve given them, don’t simply heap a burden on them. More support = more effective work = less burnout = bigger, more effective dreams.
Lead well. Lead people to adopt your vision. Don’t look at this from the “You’re either all-in or all-out” vantage point. Lead people to buy in to your vision. Cast vision well, love well, and be patient. After all, how long did it take before you fully followed what God was calling you to do? More leadership = more leaders involved (leaders attract leaders) = more followers involved (leaders also attract followers) = bigger, more effective dreams.

Have you ever out-dreamed your team?

Have you ever been expected to adopt someone else’s dream that wasn’t your own?

Family Values

October 14, 2011 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

As a church (Grace Community Church), we say that we value the family. Now I can personally vouch that we do.

I know that older generations accuse my generation of not working hard. But if you spend much time around me, you’ll realize that I don’t fit that mold. (and, in fact, I’d submit that my generation isn’t lazy…we just work differently)

I really enjoy hard work. And when I have to be out of the office for an extended amount of time, it drives me nuts. Not because I’m being pressured from other team members or not living up to perceived expectations. It’s simply because I love what I do, and I love working hard at it.

When Family Calls

So when I had to be out of the office for 10 days, it was tough…

Read the rest of my guest post for Ron Edmondson’s blog HERE.

Scott Boren & missional communities

October 14, 2011 / Ben Reed / 5 Comments

Scott Boren (Twitter, Facebook, blog) has written an incredible book…one you should read. In fact, you can read it for free…just keep reading to see how!

Scott wrote MissioRelate as a way of prodding small group systems to move towards life-changing, relational experiences that draw people into missional group life.

The word ‘missional’ seems to be abuzz acros the landscape of the American church. It’s ‘hip’ to be ‘missional’ right now. What I love about Scott’s work is that he plainly lays out the foundations of what it takes for small groups to be truly missional, both theologically and practically. This book just might change the way you think about small groups…in a very good way.

Check out this interview I did with Scott (sorry…for some reason, my video froze. I’ll figure out the whole recording thing soon enough!).

Here are the questions Scott answers:

1. You talk a lot about rhythms in your book…why are rhythms so important to group life?

2. You’re pretty critical of current small groups systems. What churches are doing it ‘right’ now?

3. How do you see the typical American mindset influencing church life these days?

5. Give us a couple of practical steps that a small group could take to really draw people in to missional group life.

Scott mentions a few resources in the video. You can see those HERE.

I’m giving away 2 copies of Scott’s book! To enter, just do one of the following:

1. Tweet a link back to this post. You can use this if you’d like: Check out a great new book on missional small groups from @mscottboren: http://ow.ly/6Xery

2. Facebook a link back to this post. You can use this if you’d like: Check out a great new book on missional small groups from Scott Boren: http://ow.ly/6Xery // (make sure you tag me so I can enter you into the drawing)

3. Leave a comment telling us whether you think that ‘missional small groups’ are a good idea or not.

In your comment, please be sure to leave your email address so I can contact the winners!

I’ll complete the drawing on Saturday evening, October 15th, at 8:00 pm.

But even if you don’t win, you can pick up a copy of the book HERE.

7 Steps to Prepare & Deliver a Funeral Sermon

October 12, 2011 / Ben Reed / 10 Comments

Photo credit: Creation Swap user Krist Adams

I realize that some of you have never delivered a funeral sermon, and perhaps you never will.

But I also know that, at just the thought of delivering a funeral sermon, others of you will begin to get the sweaty-palm. Your heart beats a little faster at the thought of having to stand in front of a casket to deliver words that convey hope and life in a room full of death. And though you may not be able to envision ever having to preach a funeral sermon, I can almost guarantee you that you’ll have the opportunity at some point in your life.

In my short tenure as a pastor, I’ve unfortunately been asked to preach many funeral sermons. I say “unfortunately” because I don’t thoroughly enjoy the heaviness. Even so,through meeting with families, weeping with them, getting to know somebody that I will never physically know, and communicating hope in the midst of pain, I’ve learned a lot about preparing and delivering a funeral sermon.

Having a system in place is incredibly important. Without a system, you won’t know the next step to take when you get the call that says, “____ has just passed away, and I want you to preach at the funeral…”

Preparing and Delivering a Funeral Sermon

Meet with the family.

Weep with them. Ask questions that help them recall the good memories. In the process, take note of stories and defining marks in their lives. Try this question:

If you could describe _____ in one word, what would it be?

Capture stories.

As the family is describing their loved one, feverishly take notes. Capture details from stories so you can better understand the life and legacy of the loved one.

Use this as a guiding question: What did _____ do as a hobby/for fun?

Find humor.

Listen for funny stories. If the family doesn’t offer any, ask for some. Likely, the family is sitting on them, not sure if they really have the freedom to share something funny in a setting like this. Humor (that maintains dignity and honor for the deceased) helps break the heavy tension of the service.

Try these guiding questions: Do you have any funny stories from ______’s life? What were some of _______’s nicknames?

As much as you can, incorporate the family’s wishes into the service.

I say “as much as you can,” because it could be that the family asks you to do something that contradicts your value system. But consider asking this:

Is there a verse, a quote, or a song that you would like incorporated into the service?

During the service, connect positive characteristics with a story from the person’s life.

Pick three or four defining positive characteristics of the loved one that you gathered from your conversation with the family and present them each with a story (or two). This helps paint a picture of a person’s life for those who didn’t know them as well, and it reminds family and friends of the good times.

Be honest, but not hard.

It’s okay to be honest in your sermon, but don’t use it as a time to bash the deceased, even if the family relationships were difficult or the person was an unbeliever. First of all, it’s not your place. Secondly, it’s not becoming. Ever.

Give hope.

Everybody in the room is focused on death, so utilize this as a time to connect people with the truth that this life is short, and the Gospel is the only hope of eternity with Jesus. If you don’t land here, you’ll leave people dry and miss out on a great opportunity to share true hope with hurting people.

Question: Have you ever had to give a funeral sermon? What did I leave out?

*I’ve also mapped out how I go about laying out a marriage sermon HERE.

* Photo credit: Creation Swap user Krist Adams

The End of Global Poverty

October 11, 2011 / Ben Reed / 8 Comments

A friend of mine, Aaron Armstrong (Twitter, Facebook, and blog) has just released a new book entitled Awaiting a Savior: The Gospel, the New Creation, and the End of Poverty.

This post is completely unsolicited…I think it’s such a helpful resource that I wanted to sit down with Aaron and have him answer a few questions so that you’d be encouraged to pick up a copy. In fact, they’re really cheap right now…$8.45 for a hard copy, and just $5.45 for a digital copy!

Instead of having you read the interview, I decided to record it. *sorry that I cut the top portion of my video off…I’m still learning.

Aaron Armstrong Interview from Ben Reed on Vimeo.

Priscilla Shirer, Catalyst 2011

October 8, 2011 / Ben Reed / 2 Comments

Priscilla Shirer spoke at Catalyst 2011 in Atlanta. She leads Going Beyond Ministries. She spoke on the danger of “sleeping” through life and wishing it away.

Her mom and dad once said to her, “You don’t live here anymore, but your stuff is still here. You need to get what you want by December 9th. On the 10th, we’re getting rid of it.”

This exercise ended up being a lot of fun to her.

There was a box full of old journals, and it was fun to interact with herself…the Priscilla from a decade ago.

As she read through her journals, she realized that she had effectually slept through long seasons of life, as she noticed that she had wished away and raced through so many years of her life.

Her life seemed to be marked by the statement, “I cannot wait until…”

“If I’m not careful, I will never be fully present and engaged in where I am right now because you’ll keep wanting what’s yet to come. I’d been sleepwalking through whole seasons of life.”

In Scripture, so many times people have been derailed from the plan that God has from them right now, and that God’s not left even though there are many interruptions.

“I don’t want to wake up one day and say, ‘Surely the Lord was there with me, but I missed him.'”

Secrets for Sleepwalkers

1. Our eyes can be open to God’s activities even in the midst of discouragement.

Luke 24:13-35, we see that a couple of guys have just had their plans interrupted. Jesus is the guy that they’re hanging their hopes on, and he’s just been crucified. They’re’ not sure that the rumors about Jesus being raised from the dead are true.

But then we read, “And behold…” This word “behold” calls attention to a specific point. It emphasizes an idea and calls attention to a detail. These guys were in the midst of a “behold” moment, even though they were frustrated by their circumstances.

Your story might be about to change, but you don’t even know it.

Beholding is knowing something and seeing it with spiritual eyes even when others can’t.

“My sons love to swim, and we bought them goggles. But when they went underwater, they kept their eyes closed. They didn’t’ know that they had the equipment to see under water. And the same is true for us, because we have Jesus Christ.”

2. There’s a secret in going home.

Some of us believe that the pinnacle of our Christian experience is to be had in large gatherings and taught from the platform. But the pinnacle should be when you take what you learn in the pew and it makes a difference on the sidewalk in your community.

3. There’s a secret of silence, of controlling the words that come out of your mouth (v. 14-16).

In this passage, there are 7-8 verses where the disciples are just talking. Something is wrong when you’re with God and you’re the only one talking.

There’s probably a part of your life that you don’t really care for and in which you’re being interrupted. But in those frustrations, listen for God’s voice and experience His power.

Are you ready to hear from God?

Mark Driscoll, Catalyst 2011

October 8, 2011 / Ben Reed / 2 Comments

Mark Driscoll founded Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington. He also founded the Acts 29 Church Planting network, as well as The Resurgence.

Mark spoke on fear.

In dealing with fear, the first question to ask is this:

What are you afraid of?

Heights? Widths? Mice? Bugs? Snakes? Spiders? Clowns?

Conflict? Failure? Criticism? Embarrassment?

Fear in the mind causes stress in the body.

It’s invariable that leaders have fear. Your body starts to manifest the fear. Maybe that’s a nervous eye twitch. Maybe that’s canker sores.

Then you start eating badly or drinking too much.

You start getting sinus problems and headaches. Some of you just start reading a lot of books on the rapture, wanting this life to just be over.

Mark was afraid when he started Mars Hill: what if this doesn’t work?

Then people came, and his fear was: what if they stay?

Luke 12:25 says, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

Fear is not always a sin, but it is always an opportunity

In dealing with fear, the second question to ask is this:

Who are you afraid of?

This is one of the most important question a leader can ask. Because someone other than God is taking the place that only God should have in our lives. We feel like we need someone to feed us, praise us, and not oppose us…we begin to need them for life. We place people in positions of fear, then we worship them as functional gods.

When you fear someone, you cannot love them. Because to love someone is to give to them, but to fear them is to take from them.

The key of all idolatry is that we trade the creator God for created things…and other people are the likely candidates for this.

Proverbs 29:25 shows us that the fear of man is a trap. It may be that you’re afraid of someone, or that you’re in awe of a person, giving them too much influence on your spiritual, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

The fear of man is fearing others instead of God. At a young age, it’s called peer pressure. As adults, it’s called co-dependency or people pleasing.

Do you have a fear of man problem?

Whose opinion matters way too much to you?
Is your appetite for praise too healthy?
Are you overly devastated by criticism? Criticism may hurt…but it shouldn’t devastate. Criticism is constant, instant, permanent, and global. (Rick Warren)
Are you committed to things and people that God did not call you to? Don’t follow other people’s calling on your life…follow God’s.

What is fear?

1. Fear is vision without hope.

Fear means that we see vision in the worst possible scenario, and we freak out. Fear sees the future, and says that it’s going to be painful and so it drives you to stress and fear.

2. Fear isn’t always rational, but it is always powerful.

3. Fear is about not getting what we want

…or getting what we want and losing it…or getting what we don’t want.

4. Fear preaches a false Gospel.

It says, “There is a potential Hell awaiting you, and you could have an alternative heaven on earth, so you need a functional savior.” It gives us a false hell, a false heaven, and a false savior. It’s a savior that we, through fear, have created in our imagination.

5. Fear turns us all into false prophets.

Ever been afraid of a future event, then when you got there, it wasn’t just like you thought it would be?

What is the solution to fear?

The Bible says, “Fear not.” Which is the most frequently listed commandment in the whole book.

But the Bible says that it’s not just about facing your fears…it’s about being with God.

The Bible on Fear

Adam, our first father, as we see in Genesis 3, is afraid after he sins. He’s hiding, and God comes to him and answers his fear by being present with Adam. He pursues Adam in the midst of his fear.
Abraham, in Genesis 15:1, is told to fear not because God is his shield.
Isaac, in Genesis 26:24, is told to fear not because God is with him. He’s told to remember he’s not alone.
Genesis 28:15: “I am with you.”
Exodus 33:14, Moses is told that God’s presence will go with him. “how can I lead these people? I don’t know where we’re going, but I’ve got to lead them!” God’s answer isn’t “here’s a map,” but it’s “here I am.”
Elijah, on the battlefield, in 2 Kings 1:15, “Fear not!” (on the brink of war)
David: Psalm 23 says, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear, because God is with me.” Things may not be ok, but I’m ok because God is with me.
Isaiah 41:14: “Do not fear, you worm of Jacob.” Can you think of anything more defenseless than a worm? Little girls pick them up and mock them. “Little Israel, fear not, for I myself will help you.” Though the fears are real, the lack of resources is real…fear not, I bring resources.
Jeremiah 1:8 – fear not, for I am with you.” Jeremiah has lots to be afraid of. He smote sad that indie rockers. He’s the “weeping prophet.” “Why did I get out of my mother’s womb? Cursed is the man who brought my mother the news that I was going to be a boy.” He couldn’t’ even get married. He was depressed, by himself, an indie rocker poet.
Daniel 10:12: fear not, Daniel, for I have come.”
Haggai 2:4-5: be strong, be strong, be strong.” Be strong because God is with him.
What did God tell Mary through the angel? Fear not, teenage girl. God will be with you.
Matthew 28:20 – “I will be with you.”

You know what we have to fear more than anything? DEATH.

But the worst thing that can happen to you is that you die and go to be with Jesus. We need to reset our worst-case scenario. The worst-case scenario is that you go to be with Jesus sooner rather than later…that’s not so bad!

When times are at the hardest, and your grief goes the deepest, remember, “Fear not, God is with you.”

Everything may not be ok, but if God is with you, you’re ok.

Dave Ramsey, Catalyst 2011

October 6, 2011 / Ben Reed / 3 Comments

Dave Ramsey, author, radio host and TV host, started his talk at Catalyst 2011 with the question:

What does it really mean to be present as you’re engaging in leadership?

He has decided he’s going to run his business God’s way.

Leadership matters.

5 things about leadership that matter:

1. In order to be present, you’ve got to understand that people matter.

The #1 correlation between your success and failure is your relational IQ.
When you’re having an interaction with someone, listen for their story.

2. An incredible team and a culture of excellence matters.

If we’re not careful, we’ll be surrounded by people who need more help that they can give.
You can’t win the Kentucky Derby if you’ve got a donkey.
When you put someone in the wrong seat on a bus, the whole organization suffers.
Spend time on the staffing/interview process.
Don’t intentionally bring ‘crazy’ into the building.

3. Slow and steady matters.

Don’t let your ministry, workplace, and life go faster than your resources.
When you’re growing faster than you’ve got money, you’re about to have problems.

4. Financial principles matter.

Stay out of debt
Save.
Have a plan.
Spend less than you make.
Learn to be generous.

5. A higher calling matters.

Do your work as unto the Lord.
Opportunity will be attracted to excellence.

Care about the “why” not just the “what.”

The “why” is the most important part. Readdress your higher calling each and every day.

Do you see leadership as essential?

Andy Stanley, Catalyst 2011

October 6, 2011 / Ben Reed / 1 Comment

Andy Stanley, pastor at North Point Community Church, opened the main sessions at Catalyst 2011.

He challenged those at the conference with these statements as they related to the theme, “Be Present.”

The more successful you are, the less accessible you will become.

For many this is frustrating. For others, this is liberating. But this is simply a leadership truth. And it’s not a bad thing.

There’s part of us that reads this and says, “Not me. I’ll always be accessible.”

Refuse to face this reality and burn out by trying to be accessible to everyone.

You get stretched really thin if you ignore this principle. You can only be really, truly accessible to very few people. Over time, your body is in many different locations, and your mind goes with it.

Some people use success as an excuse to become more inaccessible than necessary.

We see people using success as an excuse. Over time, the one who spreads himself too thin is no longer “present.”

Some people like to live with the mantra:

Unawareness is bliss.

The more aware you are of the needs around you, the more you often feel helpless and put-upon. Because no problem is fixed in 30 minutes, is it?

Being aware of the problems around us wears us out.

The Apostle Paul helps us with this.

Let us not become weary in coing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Galatians 6:9-10

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

You have limited time and opportunity, but as you have time and opportunity…

Here’s the truth from this passage:

You can’t shut it all out.
You can’t hide in your office from people.
You can’t take it all on.

In ministry, this is one of the primary tensions you have to manage. There is no solution for this. If you ever solve this problem, your heart is hard towards people.

This is the phrase that Andy lives by, and the one he lives out with his family all of the time:

Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.

In school, when people asked the lunch lady, “Can I have an extra cookie?” she’d respond with, “If I give it to you, I have to give it to everyone.” To which you reply, “No you don’t…you can just give it to me!”

Fairness ended in the garden of Eden.

Nothing has been fair since. Fair is nothing to shoot for.

Don’t be fair. Be engaged.

3 tips to be engaged:

Go deep rather than wide.
Get involved with an individual couple.
Go long-term rather than short-term

If you give every single one of your leaders who’s struggling an hour…you’ll be burned out. You’d be better off giving one couple 20 or 30 hours. If you don’t, it’ll rob your joy.

This is a challenge for me, personally. I would like to be able to “fix” everything. I’m grateful for Andy’s wisdom here. I needed it for sure.

Are you tempted to “fix” everything and everyone?