Author: Ben Reed (page 39 of 86)

The thing about cloth diapers

July 25, 2011 / / 8 Comments

Did you know that studies show that toddlers who wear cloth underwear tend to potty train faster than those that wear disposable pull-ups?

I have a two year-old now, and we’re in the middle of potty training. And 9 times out of 10, we have cloth on him. Because we’re ready to be done with this stage!

Do you know why children who wear cloth underwear train so much faster?

Because when they go to the bathroom, they feel the discomfort. It’s not immediately wicked away by a disposable diaper.  They feel the same discomfort you’d feel if you wet your pants right now.

It’s not a pleasant feeling.

Discomfort is a great motivator

Discomfort is a great motivator for a child to not pee their pants. Because they instantly feel the discomfort, and until someone changes their pants, they remain in that discomfort.

It’s as if part of their growth comes through pain.  And part of their immaturity is allowed to hang around if they are never exposed to that difficulty.  In other words, their difficulty is wasted (no pun intended) because they don’t feel it.

Don’t Waste the Pain

The exact same thing can happen in our lives.

Difficulties have the chance to grow us.  To help us take steps of faith towards God.  Or, we can move so quickly past them that we waste them.

If you never feel the sting of defeat, the pain of losing someone you love, the failure of your plans, the loss of a job, a bad decision, rejection, heartache, or just the dark side of the soul…then you can’t grow through the pain.  Difficulty incubates growth.

Some of the greatest times of growth in my life have come on the heels of great failure.

I don’t know what you’re going through right now.  But I know something about your struggles.  You can act like the pain’s not there.

Or you can acknowledge it, feel it, invite others into it, and grow through it.

God allows difficulties to fall on us because He’s interested in our growth.  Because without pain, growth ekes.

Don’t waste pain.  Let God use it for good.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

 

 

 

Steve Nash: What Happens After Practice

July 22, 2011 / / 0 Comments

Love this video. Keep practicing!

(HT: Z)

 

5 Foolproof ways to avoid the “When is this over?” glance

July 21, 2011 / / 4 Comments

How, during a meeting, do you check what time it is without the other person thinking you’re bored?

image via Fotolia

That’s got to be the most awkward glance ever.  Even more awkward than the, ‘Was that you?‘ glance you get in an elevator.

If you glance down during a meeting, it’s as if you’re saying, “Why are you so boring?  Why am I here?  Why are you here?  I can’t even stand to listen to you.”

You can try to cover it up with the classic, “I have another meeting…” OR, “Wow!  The time has flown!’

But there’s no real recovery. Especially when you’re only 10 minutes in to an hour-long meeting.  The damage is done.  Irreparable.  Any good you hoped would come out of that meeting left with the glance.

The Damaging Downward Glance

The glance at your watch is damaging because you’ve devalued the person. And nobody wants to be devalued or criticized or condemned.  Everybody wants to feel important, that they bring some value to the table beyond filling the space before your next meeting.

But the reality is that you may another commitment.  And your current cup of coffee can’t go on forever.  So how do you avoid the awkwardness?

5 Ways to avoid the “When Is This Over?” Glance

1. Check the other person’s watch.

I’ve done this.  It works.  Because you never have to move your head…just your eyes.

2. Always wear dark-colored sunglasses.

Then nobody knows where you’re looking.

3. Drop your pen and sneak a peak.

4. Drop the line, “My phone is blowing up today!” …and sneak a peak.

5. Have predetermined starting and stopping points.

Then everyone is clear right off the bay what the expectations are. Let them know that you have another meeting to attend as soon as yours is over.  Acknowledge the awkwardness before it hits.  Honesty is the best policy. ‘I hate to be that guy, but…I’ve got a meeting right after this.”  Or you could say, “I don’t want to cut things short, but I’ve got to be done here by _:00.”

 

 

Create Next

July 20, 2011 / / 9 Comments

What’s next is what you create.

It’s time for you to

Dream.

Create.

Scheme.

Plan.

Try.

Fail.

Try.

Execute.

Instead of waiting, watching, and spending time trying to find what’s next, create next.

And you’ll find everyone else is looking to you.

Question: What are you creating now?

 

Good leaders are good listeners

July 19, 2011 / / 1 Comment

My son is piecing lots of words and thoughts and phrases together.  It’s quite hilarious, actually.  Here are a few he’s said recently.

Right there!  Daddy…Poppy…eat…hot!

Translation: “I ate dinner there with Poppy one night, and his plate was so hot it burned me.”

Oh no! Wait…Daddy…church…right there!

Translation: “We just drove by the road that we turn down to go to church…turn around!”

Me…Daddy…play…school

Translation: “Daddy and I played on the playground at that school and it was fun!”

Daddy…outside…work…help…me

Translation: ‘I helped Daddy work outside.’ (see picture below for when he said that)

Daddy…back…hat?

Translation: “Daddy, would you turn your hat around backwards?”

Daddy…yucky

Translation: “Daddy, you smell bad.”  (I get that one a lot…)

But this is the one that takes the cake:

Daddy die!

Out of context, this statement from my son seems oddly dark and twisted.  In context it makes perfect sense.  I promise you my son is not a weirdo.

See, if you’d been there in the moment, you wouldn’t have thought anything was out of place.  He was riding his four-wheeler, and right in the middle of the yard, the battery died.  All he was doing was letting me know that, so that I’d go plug it back in and charge it up.  Not weird at all.

And that’s what building a relationship does.  It helps put things into context.  It helps make sense of a person.  Learning their story, understanding their struggles, their heartaches, their missed opportunities, their hopes and dreams takes them from being an “outsider” to being someone you relate with and that you can serve with.  All of a sudden, they’re not so un-relatable…you begin to see how your stories at some level mesh, and how you can speak truth into that person’s life.

Relationships are difficult, no doubt.  And they’re messy and frustrating and will test your patience and your life’s calling.  But taking the time to hear someone’s story, helping them pull out the bright spots, shining light in the dark places, will make you a better leader.  Because through truly getting to know people, not just brushing them off and casting them to the side, you’ll grow to love them more.

People aren’t a means to an end.  They’re your calling.  It doesn’t matter what “business” you’re in.

Good leaders are good listeners.

 

 

7 Personal Truths I Learned Through Preaching

July 18, 2011 / / 11 Comments

I’m a “learner,” at least according to Strengths Finder.  I enjoy learning new things, exploring new ideas, and trying to understand different systems.  But sometimes I “learn” about myself.  And that seems to happen each time I preach.

Last time I preached, I learned a lot about myself. See what I mean HERE.

I had the opportunity of preaching again at my church, Grace Community Church, yesterday.

7 Personal Truths I learned Through Preaching

1. I’m hard on myself.

Always. In fact, I’m probably much harder on myself after I preach than others are. I know the spots where I swung and missed, the spots where I didn’t connect, and what I should’ve said differently. And I’m good at beating myself up.

2. I’m vulnerable right after the message.

I’m all about “constructive criticism,” but I need some time. Give me a few hours…24, if you’re feeling extra generous.

3. Rehearsing through the whole sermon a few times helps me a ton.

I’ve started doing this, practicing through the whole sermon a few times, from start to finish, adding in key phrases, transitions, and striking things that are out of place. When I’m piecing things together throughout the week, I find I inevitably leave out key pieces of the puzzle.

4. I carry a lot of the emotional weight of the room.

I shared a heavy message yesterday, and I could definitely feel the weight of emotion in the room as I preached. This thought encourages me to pray for my pastor more…even while he’s preaching.

5. Preaching drains me.

I said this last time, but I’ll say it again. After I’m done preaching, I feel like I’ve worked a full day.

6. “Great message!” doesn’t do much for me.

It doesn’t feel all that encouraging. I’d much rather hear something like, “That’s what I needed to hear.” Even if it comes through an email.

7. Preaching is a lot of work.

The prep that goes into each message takes lots of time. The guys that do this every week are studs. Props to Ron Edmondson and Chad Rowland, my pastors!

8. Preaching connects me with God unlike anything else.

My mind is more active, my spirit more tuned in, and my heart is more primed.  Preaching, for me, is the culmination of a lot of intense preparation.  And I feel tightly connected with God through it.

Question: Do any of these resonate with you?

 

 

The battle

July 15, 2011 / / 3 Comments

I have a good friend who’s a soldier in the US Army. He and I run together regularly, and we talk about life.

As expected, his life as a soldier is much more exciting than mine as a pastor.

Acclaim Images

We were talking about his last deployment, and the times he had spent at the base.  Mid-sentence, still as cool as the other side of the pillow, he dropped this line on me:

…a rocket exploded close by…

I stopped him right there. Never. Ever. Has that happened to me. “Do you not have bunkers on the base? Where you can take cover when a rocket blows by your base?” He responded, “There are concrete slabs set up that you can get under, but most guys don’t even bother.”

He told a story about a time he had just arrived on the base.

We heard this sound going over our head, and my buddy and I looked at each other and both said, ‘What was that?’ Then we heard the huge *BOOM* down range. We ran into the nearest living unit, frantically scurrying around, asking everyone there, ‘Where’s the bunker?!? Where’s the bunker?!?’ Nobody was 100% certain. One guy said, ‘I think it’s somewhere over there, pointing off into nowhere.’ And the strange thing to us was that nobody was frantic. They weren’t worried about the rocket that had just exploded.

I, still baffled that a rocket would explode so close, probed for more explanation.

The guys shooting the rockets had to be within 2 miles of our base to even come close to hitting us. Which doesn’t leave much time from when the rocket is fired to when it hits the base. So by the time the sirens go off signaling an incoming rocket, you’ll have about 10-15 seconds before the rocket hits. Most of the time, you’ll just take your chances and not sweat it. Nobody in our unit died from rocket fire the whole time I was there.

What’s happened is that these guys have been lulled to sleep because they’ve been in the war for so long. Nobody in their unit had died from rocket fire, so it was as if it weren’t really that dangerous.

I guess I’ll never get it.  I keep getting hung up on this line:

…a rocket exploded close by…

War is going on all around them, but they live as if it doesn’t exist.

And the exact same story can easily be ours spiritually.  May we not forget that our Enemy is on the prowl, looking to devour us (2 Peter 1:5). May we not let our guard down. The battle we fight is a spiritual one that’s unseen, but it’s a real battle nonetheless.

The battle for our hearts is a fierce one. When you let down your guard, you’ll find yourself weak and vulnerable to defeat.

It’s when we don’t see the effects of the battle for months and months that we can be lulled into thinking that the battle is over…and that things aren’t still dangerous.  If you haven’t heard any “rockets” lately, it’s time to buckle down.  You’re in danger.

Hold fast to your King.

 

 

 

Join me and talk small groups

July 14, 2011 / / 0 Comments

 

I enjoy conferences. I think that they help leaders tremendously. I’ve written before about why I go and what I take.

 

Conferences get you out of your normal environment. They introduce you to new ideas from thought leaders that are in related, but not identical fields, and they give you a chance to dream. But you know what the biggest problem with conferences is?

They’re expensive.

  • Gas (or airline)
  • Food
  • Hotel
  • Time away from family
  • Ticket for the conference

I’m excited to tell you about an opportunity to attend a conference on the cheap.


The 12 Conference:

  • It’s online, so no travel expenses
  • The individual ticket is $45 ($195 for a site license)…that’s cheap!
  • You get to hear from trusted leaders from around the country
  • It’s not just a Saddleback thing. Check out the list of speakers HERE.
  • You can bring your whole team for $195!
  • You can invite other churches to be a part of the event with you, for just $600.  This would be a great way to include other churches and ministries.
  • You’ll have access to the notes and videos for 30 days on demand.
  • Interact with other attendees at the conference. 12 is being driven by interaction, not just information. When you sign up, you’ll be grouped together with other churches that are similar in size, and throughout the sessions, the speakers will give you a chance to interact with each other based on the session you’re in. It will feel like you’re attending a live conference.
  • 2 days, 3 tracks, 8 sessions, 36 speakers…tons of content.

If you’re attending, let me know…because I’ll be there, too. I’m leading a handful of sessions.

The conference happens “live” on September 14-15.  Register HERE.

But even if I weren’t, this is a conference I’d be a part of.

I love this line that’s a part of the promo for the conference:

We are not in the business of producing conferences.  We are in the business of equipping leaders to do Kingdom work.

You in?

 

 

10 keys to a successful marriage ceremony

July 11, 2011 / / 6 Comments

You may have never performed a marriage ceremony.  But you’ve attended plenty, I’m sure.

Some were probably good, and fun, and exciting.  Most, though, if your experience has been like mine, have been boring.

image via NotaryPublicParalegal

I remember the first ceremony I performed. To call it a disaster wouldn’t be fair, but whatever word is just short of “disaster” would aptly describe the experience.  Since then, through countless ceremonies I’ve done, I’ve learned a lot.

You’ve got to know one thing about me: I’m not all that traditional.  And my ceremonies reflect that.  If you’re a traditional person, though, I think that you can still incorporate these principles the next time you’re given the opportunity.

10 keys to a successful marriage ceremony

1. Insert some humor.

The bride and the groom are nervous and emotional and ripe with anticipation. Which makes everyone else nervous and emotional, too. A little humor eases a lot of tension. If you can get even a chuckle out of people, you’ll feel the weight lift in the room. Trust me…I can sense it every time.

2. Make it personal.

Every single line doesn’t have to be a personal, inside joke between the three of you. But sharing stories and quotes from the bride and groom helps everyone present feel like they know the soon-to-be-weds. My intro before I seat the parents, and before I get into my mini-sermon, is full of stories from the bride and groom.

3. Share favorite Bible verses/songs/quotes.

I’m not putting these on par as equals. I believe that Scripture is crucial in a marriage ceremony (see below), but in preparation for the ceremony (in meetings with the bride and groom), listen for clues. If they mention a favorite author, song, painting, or Bible verse, jot it down. You can use this to weave the truth about marriage into your ceremony.

4. Reflect on your own marriage.

Personal reflection can lead to beautiful, powerful, rich ceremonies.  Pull truth from your own experience in marriage, but don’t include your own stories. Use these as the background and motivation as you’re preparing, but leave out anthing that starts with, “When my wife and I…” or “On our wedding day…” or “One time, my spouse…” Hogging the spotlight is not cool…leave the spotlight on the bride and groom.

5. Craft your message for the bride and groom.

It’s their ceremony, right? Make sure you spend time speaking to them. There’s a great portion of my message where I’m speaking to the bride and groom by name. In a sense, I’m glad that the congregation is there to witness it, but that portion of the message isn’t for them specifically.

6. Craft your message for the congregation.

Don’t forget that you’ve got husbands, wives, and future husbands and wives in the congregation. As you prepare, think through how your message will land with them, and how you can even challenge them to love their spouse in a bigger, more self-sacrificial way.

7. Challenge the bride and groom.

Push them a little bit. They’re ready to make the biggest commitment of their life on earth…this is a huge deal! Push them to love more deeply, to be willing to weather the storms, to be willing to love through the pain, heartaches, and challenges of life. Challenge them now, and pray they take you up on it!

8. Don’t box yourself in.

Don’t make every ceremony have to look the same. Be willing to be flexible on the details. You don’t have to be flexible on the truth you’ll share…but remember, this isn’t your ceremony. It’s the bride’s and groom’s. If they want to do some non-traditional stuff, make it happen. (I once helped with a Mexican Lazzo ceremony. It was strange for me, but incredibly meaningful for the bride and groom.)

9. Link marriage with the Gospel.

For me, this is a must. It’s the one thing that I tell couples I can’t bend on. I don’t have an altar-call at the end of the ceremony, but I weave the Truth of the Gospel, the roles of the husband and wife in marriage, and the role of Christ and his bride (the Church) throughout the message.

10. Keep things short.

Nobody likes a long ceremony. Nobody likes a long ceremony. Nobody likes a long ceremony.

(experts say you need to hear something 3 times in order to best remember the idea. You’re welcome) If your portion of the ceremony goes over 30 minutes, you’ve probably lost everybody in the room, including the bride and groom. Here’s an important truth to remember: people didn’t come to hear you talk. They came to see the bride and groom get married.

Have you ever experienced a boring marriage ceremony?

What was the longest ceremony you ever attended?

 

 

 

The most powerful way to encourage attendance

July 8, 2011 / / 1 Comment

I recently got an invitation to attend a lunch with other like-minded leaders in Nashville. I was invited by the organizer of the event, because apparently “this is an event you’ll like.”

And I said, “I’ll be there.”

Was the exact same DM (that’s twitter shorthand for a message sent directly to you) sent to (probably) hundreds of other guys?  Yep.

Was it really just a way of getting a bunch of leaders in the same room to promote what they wanted to talk about?  Yeah. (I know, I know…you told us it wasn’t…but be honest)

If I’d gotten the exact same DM from the sponsoring company, would I have gone? Not a chance. *(this is an important marketing tip for churches and businesses.  If I receive an invitation from your corporate account, 99 times out of 100 I’ll ignore it.  Send it from  your personal account and it’ll get at least a second look)

But do you know why I went?

Because I got a personal invite from a real person.

I felt needed. I felt valued.  I felt that this event would be worth my time and effort to attend.

If the parent company had sent the DM, it would’ve felt pushy.  But coming from the person, it felt…personal.

The takeaway

Instead of sending out fliers for your next church event, encourage people to personally ask their friends.

Instead of buying a spot on a billboard to promote your event, encourage word-of-mouth.

Instead of blasting a mass email, encourage people to invite a few of their closest friends on Facebook.

“Personal” is a stronger, more meaningful “ask” than the mass appeal.

Question: Would you be more likely to attend an event if personally invited by someone you trust?

 

 
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