Author: Ben Reed (page 21 of 86)

5 Things Small Groups Do Well

I’ve lived and served in small group life for nearly 5 years, on staff at Grace Community Church.

Small groups have become my heartbeat. Connecting people in biblical, authentic community has become the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning, and what keeps me up late at night.

photo credit: iStockPhoto user Digital Skillet

Over the past 5 years, I’ve seen lots of folks thrive in small groups…and many die on the vine. I’ve noticed that there are certain things that small groups can never be…and certain things that at which small groups excel.

Those qualities that a small group does well are summed in 1 Thessalonians 5:14:

And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

 5 Things that Small Groups Do Well

1. “Brothers” 

Small groups help people “belong.” This is absolutely essential in our walks with Christ. That we have brothers and sisters to whom we belong, and are connected with at a deep level. This is the foundation for the rest of the verse, and the foundation for living life in community.

2. “Warn those who are idle”

We’re not talking about an “idol.” The word here is “idle.” Speak truth and hope into the lives of people who are stuck. Who forget that living life as Jesus follower is one of action. One of serving and loving and giving and going. Some of us need to quit planning, and start doing.

3. “Encourage the timid”

Fear is a reality for us in many different seasons of life. It grips our hearts and keeps us in bondage. Which is why we need other people. We need others to encourage us when we need to take that step of faith. We need to know that others have our back when we might fail.

4. “Help the weak”

Oh, how often I’ve needed this. And how incredible a bond you form with someone when they help you in need. When small groups rally around people in their group, or others in their community, there’s a deeper level of relationship than is found in most other areas of life. Helping the weak is something that healthy groups do well, especially when we realize that we can use our pain to help others.

5. “Be patient with everyone”

We’re all at different points in our spiritual journeys. And at various points, each of us can be a difficult person. The way we treat each other reveals our theology. Whether we’re walking through a mess ourselves, helping others deal with a mess, or trying to figure out what God’s got next for us and we’re just fearful or resistant, we need others to be patient with us…and we need to learn to be patient with others. Just like God’s patient with us. And it’s impossible to practice patience on your own. Being that we’re all broken sinners…small groups give us a great chance to exercise patience with one another.

Notice one key component of all of these: they’re active. None of these can be accomplished while you’re passive. None can be accomplished if you just look at group life as a sponge. If you expect that following Jesus is about sitting around.

If you go expecting to sit and soak, you’ll dry up. If you go expecting to give deeply of yourself…expect to be filled.

Question:

Have you seen any of these fleshed out in group life? What else do small groups do well?

 

 

 

 

Quantity time, Quality Time, & a Clingy son

Recently, I had a bit of traveling to do for work. Nearly 2 weeks worth, to be exact.

Confession: Though I see great value in getting out of your normal environment to dream, plan, and stretch, I hate being away from my family. I hate it.

My son is at the age where he definitely understands that I’m gone. But he doesn’t understand when I’ll be back. Every morning I was gone, he expected I was still going to be there to play with him.

"Show me your 'mean' face!"

Every night before he went to bed, he expected I’d be there to tuck him in.

My wife told him that I’d be home next Friday, but that meant nothing to him. Next Friday is just like tomorrow…or next year. He has no concept of time.

So when I returned home, he didn’t want me out of his sight. Everywhere I went, everything I did, every time took a sip of coffee, he was right by my side. He didn’t want to take the chance that I’d get on another plane without him. That I’d go somewhere and leave him back home. If I grabbed my keys, he heard them jangling together from across the house and came running.

It reminded me that in raising children, neglecting “quantity” time is a big deal. (I know that there are people that travel much more than I do, the demands of their job pulling them away. I interact lots with military families…I get it.) And when I neglect quality time, my son feels it.

Quality Not Guaranteed

You can’t avoid “quantity” time together and be guaranteed “quality” time.

Culture would lead us to believe that it’s the “quality” of your time with your family that is most important. That “quantity” time is a waste, and just isn’t feasible. With the demands of work, hobbies, church, etc., “quantity” family time is a thing of the past.

Truth: you can tell what you value by what fills up your calendar.

“Quality” time is found when you spend “quantity” time. In other words, “quality” time isn’t truly “quality” without a bit of “quantity” to go with it.

Oftentimes, I hear families say they focus more on the quality of their time together rather than the how much time they truly spend. Which is code, every time, for, “We’re too busy to spend much time together.”

Life takes on a different pace for most people through the summer months. A slower, more relaxed pace.

This summer, uncover quality through quantity.

Put your phone down. Don’t “Facebook” the moment. Instagram can wait. Instead of watching life unfold before you on your 3-inch LCD screen, watch it unfold in all its beauty.

Check voicemail later. Respond to emails after bedtime. Your Twitter feed can wait.

And take advantage of every moment.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart(K) and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (Deuteronomy 6:4-7, emphasis mine)

 

 

Insider’s lingo: a quiz

With nearly every post I write on this blog, I try to push people to think more deeply, take a step of faith, and find Jesus more captivating.

Not this post, though. This is just pure randomness. Enjoy.

image credit: Creative Commons user Turbo Toddi

I played golf yesterday with a good buddy of mine. He’s the best golfer I know. He played on the European tour for a decade, and if he hadn’t injured himself in 2010, he would’ve been on the senior PGA Tour right now.

He’s an instructor, a master club fitter (1 of only 20 certified in the world), and has worked with countless guys on Tour.

To top all of that off, he talks a big talk. (don’t most golfers?!?)

Throughout the round, there are phrases that Larry says. I call them “Larry-isms.” Little goofy sayings that he drops that have me in stitches throughout the round. Growing up playing golf, I can piece together what he’s meaning. But I wonder if you can decipher any of these phrases.

If you think you know, leave your answer in the comments section. I’ll report back in and let you know if you got it.

Golf Lingo

1. “It doesn’t take a Lamborghini long to warm up. It may cough at little at first…but then it purrs.”

2. “That’s right in the honey hole.”

3. “Oooh…that’s downtown Joey Brown.”

4. “I’ll buy you a cold drink at the turn if you hit that.” Followed immediately by “The water fountain is on the left.”

5. “Be the number!”

6. “That a 9? Don’t be afraid of it.”

7. “You’re dialed in right now.”

8. “Ride!!”

9. “It wouldn’t have looked better if you’d painted it.”

10. “I want you to start it at that brown pine and let the baby’s breath float it.”

11. “You had that read, you just didn’t get it to the depot.”

Any guesses? Leave a comment!

 

5 Leadership Lessons I Learned from a Torn Quad

Recently while working out at CrossFit, I ripped my quad.

It hurt about as much as you’d expect ripping a quadriceps muscle would hurt. Unless, of course, you thought it wouldn’t hurt at all. In which case…it hurt much more than that.

image via: http://www.flickr.com/photos/crossfitpulse/

I was doing a kip-up, a martial arts-style move where you “jump” from your back all of the way on to your feet. I made it to my feet, and in that moment, all of the energy transferred to my already-weakened quads, and I instantly felt the pain shoot through my legs.

I sat down for a minute, trying my hardest not to throw up. And trying to act like I was ok. One of the trainers came over to check on me. “You’re probably just tight…and when I’m tight, I just take my fist and pound down my leg like this…” at which point he punched me in my leg. I crumpled to the ground like a man with a torn quad would if punched in said torn quad.

It’s taken me a week to get back to the gym. I’m not nearly at 100%…just close nough to fake my way around.

In the process, I learned a lot about life and leadership.

5 Leadership Lessons I Learned from an Injury

1. Stretching is vital.

If I’d stretched a bit more, I may have prevented my injury. Or at the very least, stretching would’ve reminded me that my quad was still weak.

In leadership: Before major decisions, take a moment to breathe. Before you blow up on a co-worker, stop and check your heart. Before you move forward, take a moment to look back. Before you start your day, spend a few moments in prayer. It’ll remind you who you are, where you’re headed, and that you’ve got a loving Father who wants to guide and shape you every step of the way.

2. Know your limits.

Apparently, kip-ups are above my pay grade. For now. 🙂

In leadership: “Knowing your limits” means understanding your gifts and your weaknesses. And learning, when you’re weak, to surround yourself with others who are gifted. Don’t be prideful. Know your limits. And know that you don’t have every gift necessary.

3. Sometimes, you just have to slow down.

When I was injured, I couldn’t go to the gym. Well, I could’ve gone, but it wouldn’t have done any good. I would’ve had to sit out the majority of the workouts.

In leadership: Organizational life can move at a fast pace, and if you don’t intentionally slow down, remind yourself of what matters most, doing what only you can do, and resting, you’ll burn out. God created the Sabbath because we need it. Which is also why, I believe, He created the hammock. Sabbathing should be a part of your weekly workflow. It’s vital, whether you’re “injured,” or just want to prevent “injuries.”

4. Allow others to help you.

I had to ask for help while I was injured. I needed help across the gym floor. At home, I needed help getting ice packs ready and, at times, just doing normal activities.

In leadership: To try to lead alone is foolish. God has hard-wired us to need others. He’s created us to be dependent on Him…and dependent on other people. Don’t forsake the gift that significant relationships play in your life. Alone, you’re prone to giving up, prone to always thinking you’re right, and only have 1 life experience to draw from. Together, you collaborate, refine processes, and draw from multiple life experiences.

5. Healing takes time.

It’s taken me a week to get back to the gym. It’ll probably take me a month or more before I’m back to pushing myself.

In leadership: When you’ve been injured, whether by relationships, broken dreams, or your own bad choices, it takes time to heal. The same is true for those you’re leading. Don’t expect that you, or anyone else, can recover immediately. It might be awkward, but ask for help! Surround yourself with people who know and love you best. You might not like mine, but find a small group. And pursue active healing.

Question:

Ever torn a muscle?

 

 

The difference between pride & confidence

The decision I made to move into full-time vocational ministry was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. It took me nearly a year of praying, fasting, reading, and seeking counsel.

But when I made the decision, there was no swaying me. Not a chance you were going to convince me I was headed the wrong direction. I was sure that the direction my compass was pointing was the right one. I made the decision resolutely and began planning my life around it.

image credit: creation swap user Nathan Michael, edits mine

I wondered, though…was this a healthy confidence? Built on the back of the Truth of Scripture, the counsel of others, and God’s hand leading me throughout the previous 12 months? Or was it simply me trying to mask my self-centered, “I’m-right-and-you’re-not” pride?

The line that distinguishes pride and confidence is often indistinguishable.

From the outside, looking in, it’s like trying to find a fishing line in mid-air. You know it’s there, but unless you find yourself tangled up in it, it’s a line that’s not visible to the naked eye. A line that, if you don’t stand in the right spot, you’ll find yourself hooked by.

To see the fishing line, you need a piece of contrasting material. Hold up a black t-shirt to the line, and it instantly stands out. Take the t-shirt away, and the line seems to go with it.

It’s incredibly easy to slide from confidence into pride. To slide from a healthy view of self to an unhealthy perspective of your gifts and abilities. In fact, if you’re not careful, you won’t even realize you’ve made the transition. It takes intentionally holding up a contrasting material for you to see this invisible line.

Know this: if the line disappears, you’re in trouble. If you can’t tell when you’re moving into pride, your leadership will be damaged. You’ll make poor decisions. You’ll destroy relationships. And you’ll leave a pathway of destruction that will take years to rebuild.

Looking at pride and confidence contrasting each other can be the mirror we use to tell this important distinction.

5 truths about pride

The prideful person

never says they’re wrong.

doesn’t accept input, but goes at everything alone. They makes decisions in a vacuum.

bristles when taking advice/correction.

doesn’t take others into account.

craves public and/or private recognition for the works they’ve done.

 

6 truths about confidence

The confident person

measures their choices and actions with wisdom.

weighs input from others, and moves towards the Truth.

doesn’t proceed through selfish ambitions. (Philippians 2:3-4)

realizes they can’t do it alone.

knows who they are, and who they aren’t. They’re “confident” where God has gifted them.

works to build others up. (Ephesians 4:12-13)

Let not the wise boast of their wisdom

or the strong boast of their strength

or the rich boast of their riches,

but let the one who boasts boast about this:

that they have the understanding to know me,

that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,

justice and righteousness on earth,

for in these I delight,”

declares the Lord. – Jeremiah 9:23-24

Question:

Have you seen a difference between pride and confidence? Have you seen these distinctions play out? Have you ever slid from healthy confidence to pride?

 

 

The best way to love your enemies

image credit: Creation Swap user Stephen Hay

My wife and I don’t watch a ton of reality TV.

But there are a few we catch each time around:

I find myself drawn in as personalities take shape, and characters are revealed. Within the first few weeks of a season, I’ve got “my” contestant. The one I want to see win it all.

I can usually nail who will win it, who will lose it, who the network’s keeping around for ratings, and who has no chops to hang with the big dogs.

I also find myself instantly being frustrated by certain people.

“Why could she say that?”

“Why would he treat ____ that way?”

“How could she be so callous with _____?”

In just a few weeks of watching a show, I can develop intense emotional responses to negative contestants. Not in a sinful way, but in a very real way. I know that being in an intensely stressful environment with other contestants in a competition brings out the worst in people, but goodness me…these guys can get downright nasty. And I can jump on the “Down with ____ bandwagon” as quickly as the next guy.

Maybe this is to my shame.

But you can’t tell me you don’t have that guy or that girl you don’t like either. Come on. Don’t lie. You’re rooting against them, too.

The Change

When I hear a snippet of people’s stories, though, my “I don’t like that person” goes out the window.

There was a contestant on one of the cooking reality TV shows that I was watching who was a cut-throat villain. I’m not saying that to exaggerate…she really was. She was mean. Sly. Cutting. And she took no prisoners. She was the person that everybody loved to hate.

But then I found out she’s a single mom, and loves her daughter like crazy. Much of what she does is to provide a living for her daughter. She broke down when she was telling her story about raising her daughter by herself.

And part of me broke with her. I understand a small slice of single parenthood because, living in a military town, I get to walk that road with families regularly. It’s tough. Tougher than one parent should ever have to shoulder alone. And it breaks the toughest of parents.

In watching this person’s story unfold before my eyes, I shifted from seeing her as the villain to seeing her as a fighter, battling for her family. Grinding it out so her daughter would understand hard work, success, making an impact on our culture. Stepping on toes so her daughter could stand on her shoulders.

Beyond TV

When you hear someone’s story, it humanizes them. Instead of just being the person who insulted you, their cutting words become a cry for help.

Instead of being your enemy, a person becomes a chance for you to extend love in a new way.

Instead of being a villain, your enemy presents a new opportunity to serve.

Instead of being a homeless man on the side of the road, they become a dad who’s been beaten up by life.

Instead of being a cut-throat business man, they become a man who’s never understood real love.

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” – Mark 2:17

When you react defensively, you ruin a chance for redemption. You spoil an opportunity to extend grace. You heap shame and condemnation and anger on someone who needs none of that.

Next time someone says something hateful, humanize them. Get to know their story. Understand their pain. Put yourself in their shoes.

I’m not saying that you should justify sinful behavior.

I am saying that it’s time to build relationships.

Let’s get to know people.

Especially your enemies. (Matthew 5:44)

Question:

Have you ever been shocked to be broken by someone else’s story?

 

 

Be the expert

If you’re the leader, be the expert.

image credit: Creation Swap user Gabriel Smith

Too many times, I hear leaders bemoaning a lack of knowledge, a lack of skill, and a lack of certainty. Living in and operating out of the weaknesses and insecurities, not out of the grace, strength, and knowledge God has blessed them with. They rest in the expertise of others instead of growing in to the expertise that’s needed of them.

God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.

But not if you resist the equipping.

Leaders:

  • Quit it with the insecurities.
  • Quit it with the ‘I don’t know what I’m doing.’
  • Quit it with the focus on your weaknesses.
  • Quit it with the, “I’m just not sure…”
  • Quit it with the shirking of vision to others.

Time to own up to your title. Time to grow in to your shoes.

This is not about acting like a pompous know-it-all.

It’s all about being the expert that those you lead expect you to be. Your calling is too important to sit on the sidelines.

Accept your gifts.

Let your passions drive you.

Learn. Experiment. Take risks. Fail. 

Repeat.

If you’re the leader, be the expert.

 

The best way to capture, record, & search data

Most of my posts here on the blog are for pastors and small group leaders.

Occasionally, though, I venture outside of that. Today happens to be one of those days.

As you may know, I’m an Evernote fanboy. I’ve found all kinds of great ways to use it. From gathering ideas, to capturing meeting notes, to traveling, I’ve found Evernote to be one of the most helpful software programs around.

public evernote iPad wallpaper

Recently, it’s taken another step forward for me in my workflow.

For the past few months, I’ve worked out at a local Cross Fit gym.

They encourage you to buy a journal to log your workouts, times, max reps, and goals. There is a section to daily write in the details of your workout, and another space to write in your personal records. Which is not a bad system…for the 1950s.

Evernote does all of this, and more.

After every workout, I type in the details of the workout, the weight I used, and my time.

I also make sure to add in my max rep/weight. Know how I do that? I record it like this:

Max bench press: ___

Murph time: ____

I can do this on my phone or on my computer. In fact, I can even snap a picture of the white board before I leave, and import it in. (this image is searchable…Evernote recognizes your handwriting in the premium version)

The great part about this is that Evernote is searchable. So next time we’re doing bench press, I don’t have to try to wrack my brain to figure out what my last max weight/rep was. I just search Evernote, on my phone right before I work out…and voila…I’m reminded.

Some workouts are repeated, and it’s easy to search for a particular workout, or personal record (PR) for a movement.

And since it’s all searchable on my computer or my phone, it’s easy to quickly jog my memory, and keep a record in one place, syncing between my devices, forever.

No more accidentally forgetting a journal. No more paying money for another device to carry around. No more flipping between pages to figure out where to put the information. Evernote does it all.

Where else could this data capture work for you?

Using Evernote to capture data

  • Practicing for a sport
  • Recording test results for a class you’re taking
  • Recording travel mileage for tax purposes
  • Keeping up with sermon illustration ideas
  • Tagging your favorite Bible verses
  • Snapping pictures of receipts for use during tax season
  • Jotting down quotes from books you’re reading
  • Remembering web pages.
  • Keeping up with places you’ve traveled
  • Storing your thoughts from restaurants you’ve eaten
  • Keeping up with your medical/immunization records
  • Storing gift ideas
  • Remembering names of people you meet
  • Keeping up with your to-do lists

Any time you may need to capture, and later search for, information, Evernote does it.

For free.

Question:

Do you use Evernote?

 

 

The #1 way to fight insecurity

Moses is one of my favorite heroes in the Bible. Partly because of the danger surrounding the time of his birth. Partly because he was an amazing leader. Partly because he got to part an entire sea.

 

The Delivery of Israel & the Red Sea, 1825, Francis Danby

But mainly because I love how real Moses appears. You get to see Moses’ humanity throughout his story. The fact that he’s weak, doubts his call, and still messes up gives me loads of hope that God could use me despite my weaknesses, doubts, and failures.

God called Moses to lead the oppressed Israelites to freedom from their bondage to Egypt, and Moses doubted whether this would work. After all, he was just Moses. And Pharaoh was the most powerful man in the world.

In Exodus 4, so God could prove to Moses that He is who He says He is, God asks Moses to throw his shepherd’s staff on the ground. When he does, it turns into a snake. He then asks Moses to pick it up by the tail. Not the head. The tail. (For the record, I have some level of faith…but if you ask me to pick up a snake by the tail, I’m out. Call someone else.)

Moses picks it up, then God tells him to put his hand into his cloak. When Moses pulls his hand out, it’s leprous. God instructs Moses to put his hand back in his cloak, and when Moses pulls it out, his hand has returned to normal.

Cool story, no? Crazy miracles, no? Moses had seen two miracles, right before his eyes, but still responded with this:

“O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” – Exodus 4:10

Sticks turning to snakes. Hands being turned all crazy. And Moses still doubted? Doubted that God could use his bumbling mouth to lead a people to freedom? Doubted that God could do what He said He’d do? Doubted God would come through for him?

Yep. Moses listened to the voice of insecurity.

Because Moses thought he was still operating in his own power.

Insecurity does a great job highlighting weaknesses and isolating you from Truth. Moses was weak, and on his own, he would surely fail. Before the most powerful man in the world, Moses would just curl up into the corner and cry, being constantly reminded of how weak and “unusable” he was.

Good thing for Moses, though, he wasn’t going alone. He was simply a mouthpiece for the living God.

We are Moses

We’re no different than Moses.

We see miracles all around us. We see God healing people (often through medicine). We see God reconciling marriages. We see addictions broken. Hearts far from God turning back to Him. Sons returning home. Fathers owning their responsibilities. Mothers selflessly giving of themselves. Walls coming down.

We even see God using us to bring about change in others. We see God working miracles in our own lives.

Great miracles.

But we doubt. We wonder how God could ever use us. Just like Moses did. We feed our insecurities and doubts, relying on our own strengths. We remind ourselves that we’re

  • weak
  • scared
  • busy
  • tired
  • funny looking
  • dumb
  • failure
  • wounded
  • ugly
  • hopeless
  • addicted
  • lazy
  • bitter
  • worn out
  • shameful
  • too messy
  • still in process

So how could God ever use us?

Because God says to you:

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

It’s not about your strength and your gifts and your ability to lead. It’s about you trusting God to do what only He can do.

Your insecurities are a chance for God to show off through you. To remind you that it’s not about you.

Ready to fight doubt? Ready to defeat insecurity?

Take a step of risky faith.

And listen to the voice of God, not men.

 

 

Exponential conference, a giveaway

It’s been a while since I’ve given anything away here on the blog. So it’s about time I changed that.

I’m giving away 2 simulcast tickets (you can watch it at any point from your computer, alone or with a team) to this year’s Exponential Conference.

Want to skip the contest and just buy your simulcast ticket? You can do so HERE.

I’m a part of a church plant, Grace Community Church, so the Exponential Conference is especially intriguing to me. Since I couldn’t make it to this year’s event in Orlando, FL, I’m especially excited to be able to watch the simulcast and process it with my team.

The Exponential Conference has become the largest gathering of church planting leaders in North America each year with nearly 5,000 attendees. Exponential champions healthy, reproducing-faith communities by inspiring, encouraging and equipping church planting leaders. From leaders considering church planting to seasoned veterans, the conference’s 100+ national speakers, 100+ workshops, and 15+ tracks provide some of the best church planting training available. For the first time ever, the 5 Main Stage Sessions and 4 Family Track Sessions from an Exponential Conference will be made available via live Simulcast.

The emphasis of the 5 Main Sessions are:

  • Sifted for a Purpose
  • Sifted in our Calling
  • Sifted in our Purity
  • Sifted in our Relationships
  • Sifted for Multiplication

The emphasis of the 4 Family Track Sessions are:

  •  Avoiding Blowing Up and Burning Out (Jud and Lori Wilhite)
  • How to Disciple Your Children (Mark Batterson)
  • Raising Pastor’s Kids (Bill Hybels and Shauna (Hybels) Niequist)
  • Battle Lines: Family and the Ministry (Darrin and Amie Patrick)

Although the conference is designed for church planting leaders, the content and theme will be a blessing to any leader serving the local church.

“Sifted”, the theme of Exponential 2012, highlights the importance of the spiritual, physical, and emotional health of the leader as a vital component in catalyzing leaders who reproduce. Where most resources focus on the “doing” of models, approaches and innovations, “Sifted” focuses on the “being” and health of church leaders. The conference seeks to help leaders embrace their unique story of sifting.

If you’d like to buy a ticket to the event, you can do so HERE.

I’m giving away 2 free simulcast tickets to the conference, for you and/or your team to watch together.

Just enter the giveaway below!

Contest ends Friday, June 1st, at noon central.

 


 

 
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