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My top 3 books for 2011

image credit: Creation Swap user Jamie Current

I’ve read a lot in 2011. And there are three books that rose to the top for me.

1. How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie

This is an old book, but it’s still unbelievably applicable today. Because relationships are still vital to whatever you do, whether that’s at work, home, or church. This book oozes practical wisdom.

2. Small Groups with Purpose: How to Create Healthy Communities, by Steve Gladen (blog)

I know, it’s niche. But it’s good. If you’re overseeing small groups, this book is gold for you. Steve has laid out the method that Saddleback Church has pioneered in launching thousands of small groups. And he’s broken it down where churches who are much smaller can learn from the principles that Saddleback has used.

3. Sticky Teams, by Larry Osborne

Our staff read through this book together and it was so, so good. Osborne packs this book full of the wisdom he’s learned in leading his teams of staff members at North Coast Church. If you’re a team leader, or plan on being one, especially in the church, this is a must-read.

Question:

Have you read a must-read this year?

* image credit: Creation Swap user Jamie Current

Community: Taking Your Small Groups Off Life Support

September 19, 2011 / Ben Reed / 2 Comments

My friend, Brad House (on Twitter HERE), has written a book, Community: Taking Your Small Groups off Life Support, that calls on you to wake up to the life-changing, community-altering reality of biblical, authentic, Gospel-centered community.

This book will challenge you to take your groups to the next level, equipping your church to facilitate small groups focused on transformation through the Gospel.

Check out this promo, then pick up a copy HERE.

Strategic Changes

September 16, 2011 / Ben Reed / 4 Comments

*credit, iStockPhoto user 06Photo

Chip and Dan Heath, in their book Switch, referred to the idea of “scripting the step” as you’re walking yourself, or anybody, through the difficult process of change.

We (at Grace Community Church) made some strategic, but very practical, changes to help people “script the step,” and more easily move towards authentic, Gospel-centered community in small groups. I wrote about some changes we made, and they’re over on Mark Howell’s blog today.

Head on over and check it out HERE.

And while you’re at it, track along with Mark on Twitter and Facebook.

The most commonly used prayer phrase

August 9, 2011 / Ben Reed / 2 Comments

Growing up in the church, I’ve heard many, many different public prayers.

image via iStock Photo

Small group prayers are the best. They’re personal, genuine, and heart-felt. What’s better than requesting prayer, then having someone pray for you right there on the spot?!? My most intense times of prayer, when I’ve felt closest to God, have been in the context of healthy community.

But there’s one thing I’ve noticed. And I don’t think I’m the only one who’s heard this. In fact, I think it’s the most commonly used prayer phrase. And when it’s used, it stands out like that one final nail that you still haven’t hammered in on the pergola in your backyard. All you hear is this phrase. It usually comes after a brief, awkward, I-don’t-know-what-to-say-now pause. Maybe you’ve heard it. It goes like this:

…and that situation…

“Lord, please be with Sally and Vick this week, and help them out…and that situation.”

“God, you know better than I do all of the difficulties John is facing in life…and that situation.”

“Lord, you love Gary, and I ask you help him out with his house…and that situation.”

“And that situation” becomes the way to close the deal. Hang up the phone with God. It sounds irreverent to say, “Later, God…” and so the question is, “How do I tell God, and the small group, that I’m done with that request?”

Enter “and that situation.”

It’s a fantastic catch-all, really. Because when you say it, everyone in the room goes, “Ohhh…that situation. Yeah, that’s bad. That situation.”

Here are 5 other times when “and that situation” fits beautifully.

5 Times for the “And That Situation”

1. When you’ve not listened closely enough to the request to remember the details, just drop a “and that situation.”

No reason to listen closely anymore when people share their prayer requests. You’ve got a perfect fall-back, catch-all, I-love-each-and-every-person-in-my-group phrase. Repeat after me: And. That. Situation.

2. When your group isn’t close enough to share the details of life, and you honestly don’t know the details of “that situation.”

Don’t press in to know people. That’s too difficult and too “honest.” Let it ride. “And that situation.”

3. When you have no idea what else to say, slip in a “and that situation.”

If it doesn’t naturally fit, it’s okay. God will fist-bump you for hanging up the phone with class.

4. When you don’t know the person you’re praying for very well.

“Would they be comfortable with me repeating details before God? Would God even want me to do that?” Don’t make things too awkward. Don’t try to get to know them later on so that next time you pray you won’t question things. “And that situation” that thing and move right on.

5. When you don’t have the words to adequately express your heart, push things back on God.

The Holy Spirit intercedes for us, right? I bet his “groans” sound something like a holy “and that situation.” (see Romans 8:26)

Question:

Have you ever heard little phrases creep in to your prayers?

Have you ever heard “and that situation?”

Join me and talk small groups

July 14, 2011 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

I enjoy conferences. I think that they help leaders tremendously. I’ve written before about why I go and what I take.

Conferences get you out of your normal environment. They introduce you to new ideas from thought leaders that are in related, but not identical fields, and they give you a chance to dream. But you know what the biggest problem with conferences is?

They’re expensive.

Gas (or airline)
Food
Hotel
Time away from family
Ticket for the conference

I’m excited to tell you about an opportunity to attend a conference on the cheap.

The 12 Conference:

It’s online, so no travel expenses
The individual ticket is $45 ($195 for a site license)…that’s cheap!
You get to hear from trusted leaders from around the country
It’s not just a Saddleback thing. Check out the list of speakers HERE.
You can bring your whole team for $195!
You can invite other churches to be a part of the event with you, for just $600. This would be a great way to include other churches and ministries.
You’ll have access to the notes and videos for 30 days on demand.
Interact with other attendees at the conference. 12 is being driven by interaction, not just information. When you sign up, you’ll be grouped together with other churches that are similar in size, and throughout the sessions, the speakers will give you a chance to interact with each other based on the session you’re in. It will feel like you’re attending a live conference.
2 days, 3 tracks, 8 sessions, 36 speakers…tons of content.

If you’re attending, let me know…because I’ll be there, too. I’m leading a handful of sessions.

The conference happens “live” on September 14-15. Register HERE.

But even if I weren’t, this is a conference I’d be a part of.

I love this line that’s a part of the promo for the conference:

We are not in the business of producing conferences. We are in the business of equipping leaders to do Kingdom work.

You in?

6 vital reasons to incorporate fun into your small groups

June 9, 2011 / Ben Reed / 5 Comments

Dear Small-Group Pastor,

I just want to take a minute to say that we’re all proud of the way you’ve done your research and found the most biblical curriculum. You’ve trained your small-group leaders to have airtight, foolproof theology. They can move from a discussion on the Nephilim to ecclesiology, then weave in a bit of distinction between Calvinism, the resurrection, and eschatology.

You’ve taught your group leaders how to facilitate a discussion, minister to the EGRs, fill the empty chair, raise up apprentice leaders, and plant new groups. You’ve helped groups become more “missional” by consistently serving their neighborhoods and communities. Group members are working to baptize and make disciples of all nations, starting with their families and neighbors.

But one thing is missing. Small groups aren’t fun. Sometimes they’re boring, actually. Sometimes people only come because they feel like they are supposed to.

So here’s my plea to you, small-group champion: incorporate fun, life, and humor into the small groups at your church.

Why to Focus on Fun

1. If it’s not fun, people won’t come back.

It’s possible to get more information in a more convenient time in a more convenient way through many other means. Podcasts, books, blogs, and forums offer information and discussion environments at any time of the day, every day of the year. What separates small groups from each of these environments is the relationship, face-to-face aspect. Make sure you maximize this!

2. If there’s no fun, it’s not reflective of real life.

If your group is intensely serious, it can drain the life right out of people. We’re only wired to take so much seriousness. And often, our work environments give us plenty of seriousness.

3. If there’s no laughter, people are missing out on great medicine.

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). Maybe what hurting people need isn’t more medicine, but a healthy small group. They need to laugh together so hard that they snort. They need to laugh at themselves. They need to laugh at a corny joke. Because God has wired us to receive healing through laughter. I’m not sure how it works, but after a difficult day at work—with the kids, with finances, with in-laws—laughing helps to melt away stress and anxiety, bringing healing to your aching bones.

4. Have you ever belly-laughed?

Seriously, there’s not much that’s more redemptive than belly-laughing with someone in your small group. If you’ve laughed that way, from your gut, you know what I mean. If you haven’t, then I sincerely weep for you. Join my small group, please—we’ll show you how to do it.

5. When we have fun together, we show others that we serve a good God.

Check this out: “Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them'” (Psalm 126:2). Did you catch that? When our mouths are filled with laughter, others are convinced that God has done great things among us. Could the flip-side be true? If our mouths aren’t filled with laughter, could people become convinced that the God we serve isn’t good? That he doesn’t take delight in loving is people? That the God we give witness to is ultimately boring, and the eternity with him that we say will be wonderful is painted as dull and lifeless?

6. Laughter builds community.

Laughing together can help your group bond in a rich way very quickly. Don’t neglect times of fun and laughing. Relish those times together. Jokes that carry from week to week, laughing at random things, and having fun together help set the stage for deep discussions, building trust among those in your group.

Convinced?

Have you ever been a part of a boring small group?

*I originally published this for smallgroups.com

Small Group Books

May 30, 2011 / Ben Reed / 6 Comments

Recently, I’ve been getting this question from a lot of other pastors:

Besides the Bible, what are the best books on small groups available?

Here are the ones I think are the strongest, and most helpful, when you’re looking to launch small groups or significantly change your system.

Best books on small groups

Small Groups with Purpose by Steve Gladen

Creating Community: 5 Keys to Building a Small Group Culture by Andy Stanley

The 7 Deadly Sins of Small Group Ministry by Bill Donahue and Russ Robinson

Simple Small Groups by Bill Search

Sticky Church by Larry Osborne

Community: Taking Your Small Groups Off Life Support by Brad House

Leading Life-Changing Small Groups by Bill Donahue (and the 2nd book, Coaching Life-Changing Small Group Leaders)

Seeker Small Groups by Gary Poole

Activate by Nelson Searcy

Concrete, alignment series

May 2, 2011 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

We at Grace Community Church launched a series called Concrete yesterday. We’re doing it as an alignment with our small groups, launching new groups whose goal is to engage people in authentic community for the 5 weeks of this series.

We’ve produced a DVD and small group study guide for our groups to track along with our Sunday sermons.

We do these alignments during series where you would feel comfortable inviting your friends and neighbors. And we construct our small group discussion guide so that if you have people you’ve invited who are far from God come into your home to do this study with you, they’re able to track along with the discussion, add in their own personal experience, and take a step of faith…whatever that looks like for them.

Who are small groups for?

Our small groups aren’t just for the mature. But they’re also not just for those new to faith.

They’re for everyone. Because we feel that everyone needs the opportunity to discuss the Scriptures, process life, and build relationships…in an environment that’s safe to explore faith.

For this alignment study, we’ve chosen topics that are accessible and challenging to people wherever they are in their spiritual journey. We’ll be exploring foundational issues, challenging people to take a step towards God in their prayer life, commitment to the local church, giving, reading their Bible, and sharing their faith.

If you care to join us, we’d love to have you! Click HERE for access to the podcast and small group study guide from week 1.

The rest of the study guide (link to weeks 1-5) can be found online HERE.

Click HERE for a pdf version of our study guide from week 1.

If you’re joining us, please leave a comment and let us know!

The anticipation

April 20, 2011 / Ben Reed / 9 Comments

I love being a dad.

It’s not easy, by any stretch of the imagination. But it’s good.

And one thing that we as a family love is laughing together. And one way I personally promote that is by tickling my son. It makes both of us laugh hysterically.

I don’t know if you’ve ever tickled a 2-year old, but it’s pretty funny. It’s hard not to laugh along with them.

And I noticed this the other day: my son starts laughing before I even tickle him.

I just curl up my hand, like I’m going to tickle him…and just get it close to his belly, and he starts to cringe up in laughter. And it’s not one of those courtesy chuckles. It’s an all-body laughter.

The anticipation plays into his overall tickle experience.

And I’m convinced that Sunday mornings are similar.

From week to week, we should be building anticipation as to what’s coming next time. Whether that’s through

sermon series
serving opportunities
small group/Sunday alignment
emails saying, “Get ready…”
social media connections
website resources
mixing things up on Sundays so people really don’t know exactly what to expect
building relationships that encourage continued gathering with other believers

We should be thinking, “What’s encouraging our folks to come back next week?”* Is there a reason for a newcomer (who may or may not be a follower of Christ) to return? How are you communicating to them that coming back next week is vital? Are you following up throughout the week?

If you believe that the message you’re presenting is valuable, why would you not create tension and anticipation for what’s coming next?

TV shows do it. Movies do it. Radio talk shows create it. Teachers create it. Guys who want a second date build it.

If you want a second round with a visitor, you’ve got to build anticipation.

How are you building anticipation?

Should we build anticipation, or should the message simply speak for itself, standing alone?

*Before you leave theologically charged comments, let it be known…I believe that God is the one who draws and changes hearts. He is the Motivator. It’s his kindness that leads us to repentance. I just don’t want anything to get in the way of that, if I can help it.