Tag: difficult people

Fixers

I was running the other afternoon.  In southern GA.  Along the beach.  I’ve got my headphones in, and I’ve been running for ~1 mile.  I passed somebody who was walking the other direction on the sidewalk, and she started trying to have a conversation with me.  All I picked up was, “Did you know it’s hot out here?”

Nope.  Had no idea.

I’ve had people ask me if I knew I had a sunburn.  “You should put more sunscreen on.”

I’ve had people tell me that my child is hungry.  Tired.  Cold.  Hot.  Ready to go.  Wants to stay.  Isn’t happy.

I’ve met with other leaders who, the moment we sit down, want to try to diagnose my leadership woes…even though we’ve never spoken before.

Ever met those people who try to fix everything?  I do.

It happens in small group, too.  You know the person I’m talking about. When a request is shared, they’re they first to offer a solution…not necessarily the first to offer to pray.

And for a long time, that bothered me.

But I’ve got a different perspective to offer.  I now see this “fixer” mentality as an extension of the cultural mandate (or creation mandate) given in Genesis 1:28:

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.  Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

In addition to God creating the earth, He gave man a directive: fill the earth and subdue it (this is what theologians refer to as the cultural mandate).  Rule over the earth on God’s behalf.  Bear the image of God by exercising dominion over the earth (just as God himself does).  This involves protecting, preserving, repairing, and promoting the health and wellbeing of living things here.  In short: make sure things work.

So when something is broken, it should bother us.  Whether that’s our house, our pet, our landscaping, the system of government that we find ourselves in, the systems of our organizations, or relationships with others, it should grate against something innate within us when we see brokenness.  Because it grates something within God himself.  And we are His image-bearers.  Which means that when we’re bothered by brokenness, our hearts are in alignment with our Creator.

The small group “fixer” has a heart that is beating like his Creator’s.  He sees something that’s not right, and immediately says, “I don’t like that this is broken.  Let’s fix it!”  Maybe she doesn’t go about it the right way.  Maybe he’s too brash in his desire to repair.  Maybe she comes across as offensive and unhelpful.  Probably their eagerness needs to be tempered with wisdom.  Probably they need to exercise grace.  Probably they need to be quicker to offer up prayers.  Probably they should be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19).

But their hearts are in the right place.  And we would do well to remember this.

Ever met a “fixer”?  Are you a “fixer”?

 

What is hospitality?

What is meant when Paul commands us to practice hospitality (Romans 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9)?

Is it merely serving those people who are in your circle of friends, who think and live and act like you do? Is Paul saying, “When you serve your friends, do it with a smile!”? Is it merely serving those who will “pay you back,” whether in terms of money, gifts, or returning the favor in like manner?

Or is it more along the lines of being hospitable to those who may or may not EVER love you back, showing love and grace to those people, giving of your time and resources when there’s more of a possibility that you’ll NEVER be repaid on this earth?

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” -Jesus (Luke 6:32-36)

Jesus’ words cut me to the core. I’m not quick to lend expecting nothing in return. I expect that I’ll get my book back from you if I let you read it! If I help you out of a jam, some day I expect you’ll do the same for me. I’m quicker to do good to someone after they’ve done good to me. And I’m happier if you thank me afterwards.

I’m sorry if you find that repulsive…I’m just being honest. I’m not proud of this. It’s something I’m working on. Please give me some grace.

How do you handle “difficult” people? How are you hospitable to them? What if they are “annoying,” they “talk too much,” or they’ve taken advantage of your kindness one too many times? What if you know they could never repay you? Maybe it’s at that moment that you have the opportunity to look most like Christ.

 

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