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Generosity

Ever had someone come up to you at a stoplight and offer to wash your windshield?

I remember when I was a kid, and it happened to us when my dad was driving. He politely declined the offer. I said, “What?!? A guy just offered to clean your windshield, Dad! Why didn’t you let him?” His response: “Because he was going to charge us.”

My cousin, Tyler, had a similar experience the other day. While walking the streets of Rome, a guy approached him and made him a bracelet, making polite and engaging conversation the whole time. My cousin, being a naive teenager, thought the guy was just being nice. When he was done, the bracelet-making street guy said, “I did you a favor, now you do me a favor. Give me 5 Euros.” He pulled a 10 out, to which the guy said, “I’ll take 10!”

A gift quickly loses its appeal when the generosity is removed.

In fact, a gift isn’t a gift if there’s no generosity. When a gift is attached with an expectation, it’s not a gift. It’s a transaction. Which is fine if I’m buying something. But not if I’m receiving a gift.

When you serve your community, do you do so expecting nothing in return? Or do you expect that, after you serve somebody, they’re going to come to your church?

When you give “selflessly” of your time and resources, do you secretly expect that there will be a return on your investment? That, because you gave, they are obligated to give something back to you (in the form of a person visiting (or giving money to) your church, your organization, or your small group)?

It’s okay to hope that the love and generosity you show others will be reciprocated. But making it an expectation strips a gift of its beauty.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. –Luke 6:35

A Community Decision

April 8, 2010 / Ben Reed / 6 Comments

“You need to make a personal decision to follow Christ.”

I’ve heard that many times. Have you?

It’s something you have to do, on your time, in your heart, in your seat, that you will not regret…with all heads bowed and all eyes closed (thus shutting out the rest of the congregation).

This decision, the one that can, and should, rock your entire community…all boils to you.

Am I the only one that thinks this seems really individualistic, self-centered, and anti-community?

Salvation just doesn’t happen like that. It is true that you have to make the decision, but the decision isn’t made in a box. It’s made in the context of community (relationships with others). It’s community that leads people to a relationship with the Lord, not a mere intellectual ascent to the Truth. It’s seeing the truth lived out. Not reading an airtight apologetic. It’s experiencing the Truth in love. It’s being served. Valued. By community.

And it’s community that you’re saved to. You’re not saved to be an island. Rather, you’re saved to be a part of a family. “Fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household…in him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” (Ephesians 2:19-22) When you trust in Christ, you are grafted into a family. Adopted…and given the rights of the firstborn son. And you instantly become a vital part of that community, which the Bible calls a “body.” (1 Corinthians 12)

So next time, instead of closing a service with, “Bow your heads and close your eyes and make an individual decision…” why not acknowledge the community that has led people to this saving faith, and invite people to look around and rejoice at the family that they are saved into?

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. 1 Peter 2:9-10

Advertisements and Evangelism

March 31, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

I’m reading through The Tangible Kingdom: Creating Incarnational Community by Halter and Smay. Thought this quote might challenge some folks:

Advertisements by their very nature are intended to coerce thinking and behavior. They are neded when there is no personal relationship between the seller and the potential buyer. This type of coercion is expected when you’re trying to decide what beer to drink or car to buy, but it’s highly offensive when people try to tell you important truths without any tangible relationship.

[…] Paul shares his insights on posture [the nonverbal forms of communication that accompany what we say] with those who were coming to faith in 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8, “But we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We love you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.” An expanded paraphrase might be, “Because we found ourselves emotionally attached to you all, we couldn’t just preach at you. We knew you needed time to process your faith, and the only way to help you understand the big picture was to stay with you longer. We knew the message would make more sense if you saw it lived out in our lives.” –pp. 40-41

When you think of “sharing your faith,” does your mind immediately go towards speaking? Or do you think about doing life together with people?

The power of your story

March 18, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

You have a story.

It may be ugly and offensive.

It may be neat and pretty.

It may be rough and unfinished.

And you’re probably scared to share it, because of what people will think when they hear it.

But sharing your story within community is one of the most powerful things you can do to build community.

I recently shared my story with my small group.

And let me tell you…it felt great.

To have people intently listening to my life story, nod their head in understanding, ask probing questions, and affirm God’s work in my life felt so freeing.

And confirmed to me the value of my story.

You have a story.

And the beautiful part is that God’s still working on you.

Will you consider building community around sharing your story and listening to others’ stories?

Does your pastor REALLY need to buy-in?

March 13, 2010 / Ben Reed / 0 Comments

How important is it to have your lead pastor’s buy-in? Can a small group ministry thrive in an environment where the pastor isn’t living life with others in biblical community?

Randall Neighbour doesn’t think so.

Here’s part 3 of my interview with him, as a follow-up to his book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It. You can see part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE.

Does your pastor buy in to small groups? What kind of an effect has that had on your small group system?

The Validity of Virtual Community

July 23, 2009 / Ben Reed / 2 Comments

I’ve read the blogs. I’ve listened to the arguments. I had even tried it out…a little.

But I hadn’t fully experienced online community.

I would say that there has been some level of “community” developed for me through Twitter, Facebook, and blogs. Community, for me, though, is one of those things that was always developed in person. Sometimes it’s on a biycle, other times it’s with my small group, and other times it’s at a coffee shop with a few guys.

I unexpectedly experienced community yesterday morning after I read this update from Alan Danielson:

@alandanielson: I’m praying for NOW 10 more minutes. Reply with your prayer request or join me for live prayer via @TokBox

There was a link after the update, and I clicked on it. There was Alan, sitting in front of his computer screen, praying for his friends. I shared my request with him, and he prayed for me on the spot.

Alan then invited me to “hang on the line,” and he was going to invite some of his other friends into the conversation. As the other 3 men joined, they began to share their experiences from their prayer time. They, like Alan, had prayed for their friends during that 20 minutes, and invited people to share requests with them. As they finished sharing their stories from the prayer time, they shared their own requests with the group. I thought that it would be a bit cheesy, even cold-feeling because we were so far spread out across the country, looking at each other on a tiny screen. But real, gut-wrenching requests were shared. Nothing fake. No masks. No walls of separation. Real, honest, vulnerable requests. And it all happened while I sat in my office chair alone.

Twitter and Tokbox helped me fulfill this today:

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:11-13

I felt a real burden, prayed a real prayer, and was really encouraged after talking with these men.

What do you think of online community?

Is it real community? Or is community only formed while sitting in the same room as the other person?

Bike Riding & Community

July 12, 2009 / Ben Reed / 3 Comments

I rode bikes a fair amount in college.

I was into mountain biking for a while, but going to school in West Tennessee, the flattest part of the state, doesn’t afford many mountains. So I traded the mountain bike in for a road bike. I rode some with my roommate, but also a lot by myself. I would tell people, “I love just getting out there and riding by myself.” I must not have liked it that much, because after college I gave up biking.

In the last couple of months, I’ve picked it back up. I ride three times/week. Twice it’s a shorter sprint, and once/week is a long ride. I’m loving it! And I’m sticking with it. Why?

I experience community when I ride my bike.

You see, I don’t ride alone. I ride with three guys from my community group, one of their sons, and my uncle. Somehow, in riding 30 miles with people, life happens. Significant conversations happen. The distractions of normal life are stripped away, and riding through the country opens up the heart. I’ve built great relationships with these guys, and I look forward to our rides together.

Biking alone is ok, but I

get tired more quickly
don’t have the motivation to keep going
don’t have the motivation to get up early and push myself
get bored
go shorter distances
quit earlier than I intended.

When I bike with the guys, I am encouraged to get up early, to keep riding, to push myself even harder, and to finish the ride.

That’s what authentic, God-honoring community does.

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. -1 Thessalonians 5:14

Thanksgiving and Community

December 1, 2008 / Ben Reed / 3 Comments

I was reminded over Thanksgiving of the fact that I was created for community. We all have heard that “it’s not Thanksgiving without the _______,” right? Fill that blank in with Turkey, dressing, cranberries, or punkin’ pie, and you have the typical answer given in response to the essential component of Thanksgiving. But I was reminded of the more cohesive component, that of family (which takes on a whole new meaning for me now that I’m a dad).

No longer did I wait in eager anticipation for the pineapple and cheese concoction that my mom makes (which, by the way, is awesome!). I eagerly awaited the arrival of my brother and his wife, my parents, and all of my in-laws. Everybody came to our house this year, and it was beautiful. The food was great, but sharing it with those I love was even greater. There’s something inside of me that longs to live life in community with others. Food may enhance that, but it can’t replace it.

I was talking with a guy in the hallway at church yesterday, and he told me that his plan was to eat Thanksgiving dinner alone, but at the last minute, a friend invited him to share dinner with their family. His eyes lit up when he told me about being invited to their home and not having to do Thanksgiving alone.

I believe that our dissatisfaction in living life alone was woven into our souls by God. Look at God’s words to Adam in Genesis 2:18: “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Adam wasn’t created to be his own friend! There was something out of whack when it was just Adam and the animals. He, just like us, was created to live life in relationships with other people. There’s something wrong when we find ourselves isolated and self-sufficient, and something about the holiday season brings this God-given need to the surface. We were created to depend on others.

I keep coming back to this in my thoughts and in my blogs, but I really want my son to catch the value of traditions. I hope and pray that our Thanksgiving traditions ring the bell of truth that God created us to be dependent on Him and dependent on others.