Tag: biblical parenting

Quantity time, Quality Time, & a Clingy son

Recently, I had a bit of traveling to do for work. Nearly 2 weeks worth, to be exact.

Confession: Though I see great value in getting out of your normal environment to dream, plan, and stretch, I hate being away from my family. I hate it.

My son is at the age where he definitely understands that I’m gone. But he doesn’t understand when I’ll be back. Every morning I was gone, he expected I was still going to be there to play with him.

"Show me your 'mean' face!"

Every night before he went to bed, he expected I’d be there to tuck him in.

My wife told him that I’d be home next Friday, but that meant nothing to him. Next Friday is just like tomorrow…or next year. He has no concept of time.

So when I returned home, he didn’t want me out of his sight. Everywhere I went, everything I did, every time took a sip of coffee, he was right by my side. He didn’t want to take the chance that I’d get on another plane without him. That I’d go somewhere and leave him back home. If I grabbed my keys, he heard them jangling together from across the house and came running.

It reminded me that in raising children, neglecting “quantity” time is a big deal. (I know that there are people that travel much more than I do, the demands of their job pulling them away. I interact lots with military families…I get it.) And when I neglect quality time, my son feels it.

Quality Not Guaranteed

You can’t avoid “quantity” time together and be guaranteed “quality” time.

Culture would lead us to believe that it’s the “quality” of your time with your family that is most important. That “quantity” time is a waste, and just isn’t feasible. With the demands of work, hobbies, church, etc., “quantity” family time is a thing of the past.

Truth: you can tell what you value by what fills up your calendar.

“Quality” time is found when you spend “quantity” time. In other words, “quality” time isn’t truly “quality” without a bit of “quantity” to go with it.

Oftentimes, I hear families say they focus more on the quality of their time together rather than the how much time they truly spend. Which is code, every time, for, “We’re too busy to spend much time together.”

Life takes on a different pace for most people through the summer months. A slower, more relaxed pace.

This summer, uncover quality through quantity.

Put your phone down. Don’t “Facebook” the moment. Instagram can wait. Instead of watching life unfold before you on your 3-inch LCD screen, watch it unfold in all its beauty.

Check voicemail later. Respond to emails after bedtime. Your Twitter feed can wait.

And take advantage of every moment.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart(K) and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (Deuteronomy 6:4-7, emphasis mine)

 

 

The Role of Parents

I serve at an unbelievably awesome church.  I won’t go into all of the reasons why I feel that way, but I’ll talk about one reason here.

We are a church that cares about families.  One way that we do that is by giving parents and children opportunities to talk about important matters of faith.  Children and parents typically go their separate ways on Sunday mornings, right?  Children to the children’s area, parents to the sanctuary…or Starbucks, if they really don’t like the preacher.  I’m not challenging this at all.  In fact, it’s probably best that parents have a separate area on Sunday mornings (the whole Starbucks thing, though…yeah, that’s probably not best).  However, this does not negate the fact that parents and children need to talk about God…together!

This may be revolutionary to you, but it is not the job of the local church to be the primary voice of truth and training for your children.  That’s the job of their parents!  Parents should not abdicate their role to the youth pastor or children’s pastor.

Deuteronomy 6:4-7 says, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (emphasis mine)

Talking to children “when you sit at home…walk along the road…lie down and get up” only makes sense in the context of a family…not the local church.  The local church’s role is to equip parents to do what God has called them to do, helping them to live out their faith with their children.

So, in order to not step on the toes of parents whose job it is to teach their children how to honor the Lord, in addition to giving parents tools each week on Sunday morning (to continue the conversation started in their child’s small group), we have a once/month event.  This event, called Cross Street Live (for children k-5th grade), is designed to communicate the truths of Scripture in a way that is fun and engaging for children.  The catch is that the parents are required to attend as well, thus exposing them to the truth and giving them topics to talk about with their children.

Sound like something you’d be interested in?  Great!  It’s open to the public, and it starts this Sunday, September 20th!  All of the information is listed on the Cross Street Live website.

Will you be there?

 

Attention all Dads!

Check out this video. (sorry, I’m having trouble embedding videos onto my blog, so I had to provide a link)

My son is only 10 months old, but I can already see that he loves it when I show him that I’m proud of what he’s done.  He beams with pride when I am excited about his accomplishments.

Children need their parents’ support.  They need us to be proud of their achievements.  They need us to get down in the dirt and play.  Be made to look silly sometimes.  Sacrifice time, resources, energy, and our free time…to attend one of their games…one of their dance competitions…to play in the back yard…to teach them how to ride a bike…how to drive a car.  In short, they need us to love them.

Isn’t that what God did?

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.  –Philippians 2:3-11

 

One year of being a parent

dsc_0107One year ago today, I shared with the GCC staff that my wife and I were pregnant with our first child. I remember this exact day because it was April Fool’s day, and there were some who thought I was playing a mean joke on them. Well, turns out I wasn’t. Now, one year later, I have a 5 month old son, Rex, of whom I am incredibly proud. This last year has been unbelievable, experiencing 8 months of pregnancy with my wife (well, I can’t take much credit for that, but thought I’d throw that in there), paying hospitals and doctors SO much money, going through the stressful event of my son 4 weeks before his due date, then having to have surgery before he was 3 months old, finding out what it means to be a parent and not get more than 3 hours of sleep per night for months on end, experiencing joy like nothing else at coming home and having my son smile at me, and falling in love with my wife all over again as I see her growing into a God-honoring mother.

I can’t wait to see what the future holds for our family. I’m confident, though, that if we continue to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and founder of our faith, God will work all things for our good (Hebrews 12:2, Romans 8:28-29). My prayer is that our marriage and parenting might point others to the life-transforming power and love of the Gospel.

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Rex cheering for the greatest college, UT!

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Rex and his friend, Story Vaden, hanging out

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