If you have a “day off,” would you rather have something to do or nothing to do?
Having nothing to do stresses me out. I feel like I should to be doing something. Since I’m a pastor, and Sunday is a work day for me, I try to take at least part of Friday and Saturday off. Yesterday, Laura and I had a community group over for game night at our house. Today is a “day off” for me, but it’s nowhere near a day off. I’m preparing for leadership training tomorrow and a membership information class that I’ll be leading. In addition, my wife has a booth (for the small business that we have on the side) set up at a spring fair here in Clarksville. I set it up this morning, and will tear it down this afternoon.
I hate having nothing to do. I wasn’t created for that. Call it a personality quirk if you’d like, but I like to work. What about you?
One of the questions that I had for other groups pastors when I began leading group life at Grace was, “How do you do leadership training?” Honestly, I didn’t get any satisfactory answers. Some said that they do an intense, all-afternoon training once/month, 2 all-day trainings/year, and even more training for new leaders. Whew! It wore me out just hearing their plan! Other leaders only take their group leaders to conferences for training. Some churches don’t do anything. I wasn’t satisfied with any of those plans. I’m always trying to think of outside-the-box ideas on how to train small group leaders here at Grace Community Church. This week, I’m leading a training, and I’m pretty excited about it. Here are some of the highlights. If this is something you can apply in your setting, feel free to use it! If you’re a small group leader, consider sharing this with your groups pastor. I’ve laid out the general idea/direction that we’re going. I haven’t included specifics, because I haven’t completed the training yet, and want leaders to feel like they’ll get new information by coming!
Here are the guiding principles I developed for leadership training:
1. Do training on the night that groups meet. By offering training on the nights that each of our groups meet, I ensure that they’ve got the night available. In other words, if your group meets on Tuesday nights, then you’ve set aside every Tuesday night already, so the excuse of, “I’ve already got something else planned on that night” doesn’t work. In addition, this pushes group leaders to find an apprentice to lead their group that night. Group leaders must ask someone in their group to lead while they attend the training. This helps us to locate potential leaders, and gives those potential leaders the chance to actually lead the group for a night.
2. During the training, give leaders time to talk with each other. You do that in small groups, right? Then why should leadership training be any different? If your small groups are driven by discussion (and not by a teacher behind a lectern), then why should your training events be vastly different? Leaders can connect with each other, be encouraged by each other, and learn from successes and failures that they’re all having.
3. Make the training worth their time. I’m presenting new information, new stuff that they could not get elsewhere. It’s not stuff that I could simply share by email. It’s much better to communicate these things with them face-to-face. If the leaders feel like it’s a waste of their time, they won’t come. I need to make sure that what I’m sharing is helpful for them and their group, both immediately and as they’re thinking about how to grow their group in the future. If what I’m sharing could be shared in an email, I’d share it in an email…that would be much easier, quicker, and cheaper.
4. Honor them. They’re leading groups for you on a regular basis…at least get them some food! Let them know how much of a difference they’re making in the lives of those they’re ministering to.
5. Cast vision. I’m going to change their minds about something. I want them to leave with a different view on small groups and the church than when they came. If they don’t leave with a different thought, then why did they come? If I don’t work to change their minds about something, then I’d say the training wasn’t worth their time.
I’m honored to have the opportunity to sound the trumpet for small groups here at Grace. My prayer is that others would hear the trumpet and come on board.
“What activity/hobby have you taken up that helps you & your spouse spend MORE time together? If you don’t have one, why not?”
There are lots of hobbies/activities that I enjoy. I like to run, bike, play golf, read, blog, and watch 24. I highlight those things because I do all of those without my wife. Either they’re solo activities or she hates them (well, lets just be fair…she hates 24…she says it’s like a bad male soap opera…I don’t deny it, but still love to watch!).
In and of themselves, these activities aren’t wrong. In fact, most of them are pretty healthy…running and biking are good for my physical body, while reading and blogging are good for my mind. I’m not indulging in activities that are harmul for me or for my family, so why would I ever need to be careful in doing them?
Even “good” things can become a hindrance to my relationship with my wife.
I am not ready to give up these hobbies. My wife isn’t asking me to, and, like I said, I enjoy them. In fact, it’s healthy for couples to be able to operate independently of each other at times. But most couples have the independent part of their lives covered pretty well. What they need to work on is bringing their lives together more.
I’ve recently taken up gardening. Though that may sound a bit girly, it’s really hard work. My wife and I constructed four raised bed gardens and a shade garden for our back yard. We’re really proud of the work! Maybe more importantly, though, we were able to work together to get it completed. We’ve found something to do together that we both enjoy.
Husbands, how can you reach out to your wife and develop a love of something that she enjoys doing?
Wives, how can you stretch yourself to do something that you know your husband loves?
Do you want your spouse to love you even more? Try loving something that they love.
What is meant when Paul commands us to practice hospitality (Romans 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9)?
Is it merely serving those people who are in your circle of friends, who think and live and act like you do? Is Paul saying, “When you serve your friends, do it with a smile!”? Is it merely serving those who will “pay you back,” whether in terms of money, gifts, or returning the favor in like manner?
Or is it more along the lines of being hospitable to those who may or may not EVER love you back, showing love and grace to those people, giving of your time and resources when there’s more of a possibility that you’ll NEVER be repaid on this earth?
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” -Jesus (Luke 6:32-36)
Jesus’ words cut me to the core. I’m not quick to lend expecting nothing in return. I expect that I’ll get my book back from you if I let you read it! If I help you out of a jam, some day I expect you’ll do the same for me. I’m quicker to do good to someone after they’ve done good to me. And I’m happier if you thank me afterwards.
I’m sorry if you find that repulsive…I’m just being honest. I’m not proud of this. It’s something I’m working on. Please give me some grace.
How do you handle “difficult” people? How are you hospitable to them? What if they are “annoying,” they “talk too much,” or they’ve taken advantage of your kindness one too many times? What if you know they could never repay you? Maybe it’s at that moment that you have the opportunity to look most like Christ.
I don’t have a ton of pet peeves, but here’s one. If you start your blog with, “It’s been so long since the last time I blogged…I’ve been so busy…” then don’t expect me to read it. I don’t care why you haven’t blogged. If it’s important enough to you to blog, you’ll do it. If it’s not, you won’t. No hard feelings…just don’t start out your blog apologizing that you haven’t blogged in a while. You’re blogging now…get on with it!
I wonder if God says something similar to us? “Sorry that I haven’t prayed as much…sorry I’ve let some area of my life slip…sorry I haven’t been going to church as much as I should…sorry I haven’t been reading my Bible…sorry I …” It’s true that God does care about the past, and about our past failures. But He’s working on redemption, which also has a present and future aspect to it. He’s not negating the past, but is saying, “Get going with things now!”
Don’t get so stuck in your apologies to God that you forget to crank the key, start the engine, and hit the gas. Jesus wasn’t content with us just acknowledging our sin…he urges us to go! (John 8:11)
Have you ever read the childrens book, Where the Wild Things Are? I loved that book when I was a kid! I recently heard about the movie that’s coming out this Fall (update: Released October, 2009), and I’m already getting excited about it. I’ve posted the trailer below, but thought I’d give a few thoughts on the book first.
I never realized how weird the book is. Honestly, it’s a bit strange on first reading. If you haven’t read it in a while, here’s a video of a reading of Where the Wild Things Are:
Here is my take from the book.
The pros:
1. It paints quite an accurate picture of the mind of boys. Boys long for adventure. They long for something bigger than themselves. Max’s imagination runs wild as he sails across the sea, meets monsters, and rules over these mean, dangerous beasts. What boy doesn’t want to rule over dangerous creatures? Boys don’t want to be subdued by them!
2. The book shows that there is punishment for misbehavior. However you choose to discipline your children, you must discipline them!
3. Max’s parents show him love when they put a hot plate of food in his room. Discipline must be followed up by love (though I would argue that discipline is a loving act, I’ll do that in another post). At the time that I am writing this post, my son is almost 6 months old. He would not quite understand discipline yet. However, when he does, rest assured that we will discipline him. Each and every time we discipline him, though, we will end with hugging him and affirming our love for him. We never want him to equate discipline with only punishment. We discipline because we love, and want him to be 100% certain that we love him even though discipline is painful.
4. The artwork is fantastic. This is one thing that I loved when I was a child, and continue to appreciate today. There are many pages of monsters romping through the forest (Ok, I know…even as I write this, I feel silly talking about how I like to see monsters romping through the forest, but hang with me…), who, though they’re monsters, aren’t overly scary for children. The unique artwork is definitely a strength of the book.
The cautions:
1. First of all, be careful what you allow your children to read. Introduce material to your children with caution. Just because a book, or a movie, or a TV show, is for “children” does not mean that it’s appropriate for your child. Be discerning when it comes to stories you share with your children.
2. Is withholding food from your children the best form of punishment? I’m just saying…
3. I know that this may be a stretch, but we never see Max’s parents explain to him why he was punished, or why they gave in after some time. It’s important that children fully understand why they are being disciplined, both before and after. Max showed a heart of rebellion and pride, both in the home and in his imagination. He is disciplined because of this, but it’s important for him to understand why this is a problem, that his parents are the ones with the authority (though not in a smothering, exasperating kind of way (Ephesians 6:4)), and that his words and actions reveal deeper problems (Luke 6:45 says, “Out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”).
4. Max is never required to obey. His parents give in after a while (they really have to give in, so that Max eats, which furthers my point…is withholding food the best form of punishment, especially if you have to give in?). Max does not obey, yet the punishment eases. Is that how real life works? If you steal money at work, and are punished for it, does the punishment simply go away after a short period of time? No! There are steps of reconciliation you must make. Proverbs 29:15 tells us, “A child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” Does Max truly regret rebelling against his parent’s authority?
In conclusion, I recommend reading the book, and doing so with discernment. It is a fun read for your children, and a good way to talk about deeper life issues.
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If you quit leading (your organization, your small group, your church, your home, your business) today, would those you lead be able to immediately pick up where you left off?
If not, how can you lead them to the place where they are capable of continuing on in your absence?
“…you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? Foryou are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” (James 4:14)
“And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.” (2 Timothy 2:2)
I posted some “Grandpa-isms” last week here. One of my favorites is, “There are 4 P’s that I do for my family: provide, procreate, protect…and make memories.” I have had many laughs as I try to figure out why he continues to call them the 4 P’s. However, I think that the final one, making memories, is an important piece for dads.
I have lots of memories from childhood. Things that will stick with me forever. I still remember Mom and Dad picking me up from school and taking me and my brother to the Smoky Mountains for the weekend. Or spending every Christmas Eve with my whole family at my aunt and uncle’s house eating lasagna. Or throwing the baseball with my dad for hours on end until my arm felt like it was going to fall off. Or my dad teaching how to swing a golf club with an old cut-off, duck-taped driver he constructed for me. Or having to go to sleep early the night before a big trip to Florida so that we could wake up and get on the road before God turned the lights on, only to have to change a tire that exploded while we were pumping it up after the sun rose. These were wonderful family-building times, and memories that I cherish dearly.
I want to make memories that Rex will cherish. I want him to look back on his childhood and have fond memories of the things we did as a family. I don’t want us to be a family who is so tied up with work and ministry that we don’t carve out time daily, and extended time regularly, to be with each other. I don’t have a naive view of life that says that everything will be rosy. But I’m confident that if I invest time in my son and “bring him up in the training and instruction of the Lord,” not “exasperating him,” and work to love him, be patient with him, and encourage him daily, the Lord will shape him into a godly man. I don’t have that hope because I’m some kind of super dad. Instead, I have that hope because I serve a God who changes hearts (Ezekiel 36:26), who loves despite our failings, and ultimately works all things for our redemption (Romans 8:28-29).
