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Let’s speak Gibberish

June 1, 2011 / / 5 Comments

My wife and I recently went to the beach, and saw a strange sight.

There were four ladies standing in a circle, obviously together and doing something.  We, not being nosey, passed on by.

It’s blurred…don’t judge me for taking a “curious” pic

But I couldn’t help overhearing them talking.  And I couldn’t help noticing that it was another language, one that I didn’t understand.  I didn’t think anything about it.  My wife and I moseyed on, looking for sea glass as the sun rose.  But then I heard a little English.

Oh, look who’s here!  It’s _____.  Yeaaaaaaaah! (*said very loudly)

So apparently _____ is a popular person.  Then I heard this little diddy drop:

You guys ready?  Let’s speak some gibberish!

So…I figured out what that “foreign” language was that the ladies were speaking.  Gibberish.  Nonsense.  Unintelligible words.  They would speak this gibberish, and, from a distance, appeared to be having a perfectly normal conversation.  Then they would force laughter (it wasn’t natural…just trust me on that) that was heard all the way across the beach.

And you know when you hear people laughing, and it makes you want to laugh, too?  Yeah, this wasn’t that kind of laughter.  It was just weird.

Confession: I don’t know what they were doing.  They may have been practicing for improv.  They may have been just purely being silly.  They may be a strange cult.  I don’t know.  But as an outsider, it was strange.  Borderline creepy.

And I think that this is how many people view our local churches.  And when we don’t keep them in mind when we structure our Sunday morning experiences, we keep them at the edge.  Here’s what I was thinking when I saw the women, and what I believe outsiders think of our local churches.

Local Churches & The Gibberish People

The closer I get the weirder they’ll be.

I heard enough to know that I didn’t want to get any closer to this group.  Offer new folks the chance to see your church at a snapshot.  Make it easy for them to try community out.  Easy to serve.  Easy to test the waters.  You know that if they experience community, they’ll want more.  So make it easier to get close.

They’re really speaking another language I don’t understand.

In our churches, we have to be careful with the language we use.  Loading our services with “churchy” talk just makes people feel like we’re speaking another language.  Using normal, everyday language communicates that we value “outsiders.”

They don’t want me or need me.

This group was completely self-sufficient and satisfied without me.  Don’t let your church convey the same thing.  Having a system in place for them to plug into healthy community and service is huge.  Expose the holes you have on Sunday mornings.  Expose the holes you have in accomplishing your vision to reach your community.  And ask people to help plug in.  Most people want to know that they bring something to the table and can contribute.

I don’t have a need for that silliness.

Churches should be careful to articulate why we do what we do.  Cast the vision regularly for why you do small groups, take up the offering, serve your community, and sing songs.  Don’t leave it up to people’s imagination.  Help them understand why you do what you do.

They just care about themselves.

May this never be an attitude of our churches.  Ever.  We don’t exist for ourselves.  (Philippians 2:4)

It’s not wrong for these women to do what they were doing.  But it may be wrong for churches to adopt some of their practices.

Do you consciously think about “outsiders” when you enter the building on Sunday mornings?

How are you intentionally structuring things so that everyone feels welcomed?

 

 

15 social media etiquette rules

May 30, 2011 / / 1 Comment

Just as common sense isn’t common, neither is etiquette.  Especially in social media.

image by BioInsights

Here’s a general rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t say it in a normal conversation, don’t say it on social media.

Scratch that.

If you don’t have common sense, appealing to reason, and asking you to exercise common sense, won’t work.  Just take a look at my social media etiquette rules below.

The 15 rules of social media etiquette

1. Thank someone for ReTweet-ing you. Especially if they share one of your posts with their followers.  If you don’t, it’s the equivalent of someone saying, “Great job on that speech!” …and you glancing them in the eye, then turning and walking away.

2. Create stuff. Don’t just be a commenter.

3. Comment on stuff. Don’t just be a creator.

4. Enter the conversation regularly. Not just as a response to someone engaging you.

5. Don’t make it all about you, your book, your blog, your podcast, or your life. Even if you are that awesome, we don’t want to hear about it all of the time.

6. ReTweet, ReTweet, ReTweet. Be copious with your ReTweet-ing.

7. If you’ve got something mean to say, say it via DM. Don’t publicly say something everyone can see. Reword it to make it a constructive criticism, not just a destructive one.

8. Keep your blog posts short. If I wanted to read a book, I’d have bought a book.

9. Don’t auto-Direct Message me. Ever.

10. If I want to read your blog, I’ll read your blog. No need for you to DM me about it.  Especially when it’s already in your profile bio.

11. Give more than you receive.

12. Don’t ask me to ReTweet your post. Create better content so I’ll be compelled to ReTweet it without being asked.

13. Build relationships. It’s called “social” media for a reason.

14. Don’t vent on social media. It’s unflattering.

15. Don’t be an auto-bot. Of course, if you’re an auto-bot, you’re probably not reading this post, so this last point is unhelpful.  Sorry.

Any other social media etiquette I missed?

 

Small Group Books

May 30, 2011 / / 6 Comments

Recently, I’ve been getting this question from a lot of other pastors:

Besides the Bible, what are the best books on small groups available?

Here are the ones I think are the strongest, and most helpful, when you’re looking to launch small groups or significantly change your system.

Best books on small groups

Small Groups with Purpose by Steve Gladen

Creating Community: 5 Keys to Building a Small Group Culture by Andy Stanley

The 7 Deadly Sins of Small Group Ministry by Bill Donahue and Russ Robinson

Simple Small Groups by Bill Search

Sticky Church by Larry Osborne

Community: Taking Your Small Groups Off Life Support by Brad House

Leading Life-Changing Small Groups by Bill Donahue (and the 2nd book, Coaching Life-Changing Small Group Leaders)

Seeker Small Groups by Gary Poole

Activate by Nelson Searcy

 

Lessons from a plane ride

May 26, 2011 / / 7 Comments

You may never guess it, but you can learn a lot while riding on a plane.

Most people just blow right past social etiquette.  It’s like those unspoken “rules” and understandings just don’t apply when you’re sitting beside someone on a plane.  It’s a strange phenomenon.

When you break social rules, people feel awkward.  It’s tough to build significant relationships if you ignore them.  And if you’re convinced that your message is worth sharing, take note of the below “rules.”  If you’re not convinced your message is worth sharing, please quit reading and go find a better message.

8 rules I learned while riding on a plane

Don’t be the guy that’s always late.

It’s okay to be late occasionally.  But when you being late causes everybody else’s life to be placed on hold, you quickly become the enemy in the room.

Don’t be the guy that always complains.

I get it…life’s tough.  Yours is, and so is mine.  Quit whining and move on.  Take responsibility for your growth and begin moving in the right direction.  If you need help, ask.  But don’t just complain.

Don’t be the guy that talks incessantly.

Learn to shut your mouth.  Being a good friend means listening, too.  If I know your whole life story and you don’t even know my name…something’s out of balance.

Don’t be the guy that’s always slamming pop culture.

If you hate it that much, just stop talking about it.  Nobody else despises it as much as you do, and you’re just alienating people.

Think seriously about how you’re going to introduce yourself.

On one leg of my flight, the lady beside me opened with, “I have to warn you. I will probably kick you on this flight.”  Not a great way to say hello.  Being friendly goes a long way in building a relationship.

Don’t be the guy that turns every single conversation back to “Jesus.”

Jon Acuff refers to this as the “Jesus juke,” turning a normal conversation into a spiritual moment of shame.  Just enjoy someone’s company.  There are times to interject comments, stories, and experiences that help people understand who you are and who Jesus is.  But if we’re talking about sports, don’t shame me for watching football instead of reading my Bible.

Don’t be the guy that farts on a plane.

Farting on a plane is like the ultimate dutch oven.  For everyone on the plane.

 

Don’t be the guy that eats a hard-boiled egg on a plane.

It smells bad.  It looks weird.  And dredging your egg through salt on your tiny napkin is just strange.

Building relationships is tough work.  Don’t make it harder by breaking these rules.  Whether you’re working online in social media or sharing your faith or trying to build influence or investing in your small group ministry, relationships matter.

Ever broken any of these social “rules”?

What other social “no-no” rules would you add?

 

The blog vs the book

May 25, 2011 / / 11 Comments

Writing a blog may be more effective than writing a book.

I’m not convinced of this.  But here’s one thing I know.

When I’m doing initial research for a project, I don’t first ask Dewey Decimal.  I used to.  But the game has changed.

I’ve replaced Dewey Decimal with a little tool you may have heard of: Google.  And if you tell me you haven’t, I’ll tell you you’re a liar.

A Google search for a topic may lead you to a book.  But if it does, you’ll probably skip right over that to click on the link that lands you on an article you can read immediately.  And the way that search engine optimization (SEO) works, a single blog post is forever searchable.

When it comes to most of our information gathering, our culture values speed and timeliness over exhaustiveness.

Publishing isn’t dead

Books and publishers still serve our culture well.  They help sift ideas and package them in a way that helps a broad audience.  They put flesh to content that single blog posts just can’t do.  They have often spent years building trust through their platform (by publishing reputable, helpful resources), and use this as a launching pad for current and future titles.  But the publishing industry’s strengths lead them to be a slow-moving machine that’s not capable of moving as quickly as a blogger.

The days of books aren’t over.  But the days of books being the primary starting point for research is done.

Moving your idea forward

So if you want to get your idea out, start a blog.  Don’t wait for a publisher to pick you up.  If you wait for a publisher, your culture-shifting idea may take years to get into people’s hands.  Most books take years to move from initial idea to gathering dust on a shelf.

I just talked with a guy in London who had found my blog helpful in dealing with a delicate small group issue he faced in his local church.  Could he have found the answer to his questions and concerns in a book?  Certainly.  But Google is much more accessible, when problems arise, than your local library.

Write a blog post, and your content is at the fingertips of people who need it most.  In fact, consider guest-posting right here on my blog.  I’d love to feature you!  Details HERE.

I may write a book someday.  But in the meantime, I’ll keep fleshing my thoughts out quickly and efficiently right here on the blog.

Ever considered starting a blog?

What’s keeping you from posting more often?

 

 

Accountability

May 24, 2011 / / 1 Comment

If you want accountability in your life, you’ve got to take responsibility.

image by Cassandra Security

Nobody will do that for you.  Others can pour into you, teach you, model for you, and share resources with you.  But if you want accountability, you’ve got to take that responsibility on yourself.  I’ve asked people to help me with certain aspects of my spiritual life.  Sometimes it’s “worked.”  Many times, it hasn’t.  But I’ve learned some principles along the way that have helped ensure success.

8 principles in seeking spiritual accountability

1. Ask for it.

If you don’t ask, nobody will respond.  You need these deep relationships that help you with your personal spiritual growth.

2. Help define what it needs to look like.

Don’t just assume that if you ask someone, they’ll instantly know what accountability needs to look like for you.  You have to help set the paramaters.  How often?  What will you talk about?  What questions should they ask you?

3. Be vulnerable and share your story.

Otherwise, how can someone else help?  If they don’t know who you are, where you’ve been, and the weak spots in your life, they’ll have no idea how to help you grow.

4. Take a risk.

You’ll never know if the person on the other end, that you’re asking to step into that relationship with you, is 100% trustworthy.  This is  a step of faith, not a step of pre-knowledge.

5. Remember that accountability is a two-way street.

This isn’t a cure-all solution.  You’ve got to be doing the difficult task of working on yourself and your own shortcomings.  Having someone “hold you accountable” doesn’t assure you’re accountable.  You’ve got to continue to actively pursue that relationship, and be open and honest with where you are at all along the way.

6. Give the other person the room to say, “No.”

This is a big responsibility that you’re asking someone to.  Give them the freedom to say that this is not the right season for them.  Forced accountability rarely works.  Both parties have to be willing to step in and do the hard work.

7. You have to continue to drive the relationship.

Don’t expect that you can ask once, share your story, and the other person will then magically follow up with you exactly when you need it.  You’re the one asking for accountability.  You need to be the one driving this relationship.

8. Ask for grace.

Since accountability isn’t a cure-all, there’s a good chance you’ll mess up again.  In a big way.  And this is where many “accountability partners” fall apart.  If you’ve messed up, you think, “I can’t possibly be honest about this with him now.”  And he’ll think, “I guess I’ve failed at holding him accountable.”  What needs to happen is what happened in the beginning: grace.  Set out from the beginning this idea that if failure happens, grace is the knee-jerk response.

You need someone to spur you on. (Hebrews 10:24) You’re too weak on your own to fight sin, insecurities, and the battles that rage against you doing what God’s calling you to do.  You need someone who’s got your back.  You need someone who is going to encourage you on the good days and the bad.  You need a warrior who won’t give up on you, who knows where you’re headed, and is willing to walk through the dark and the light to help you get there.

So encourage each other and build each other up – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Do you have someone who’s intentionally encouraging you and helping hold you accountable?

Have you seen this kind of relationship misused?  Where one (or both) parties expected too much?

 

The sound of hope

May 20, 2011 / / 0 Comments

What does hope sound like?

I love what Jason Roy, of Building 429 (and of Grace Community Church…Jason’s one of the worship leaders at my church) has to say.

‘”I forgive you.  Daddy, I love you!” Isn’t that the sound of hope?’

‘We have this huge God who loves us, who says over and over to us, in the moment of our sin, where we need Him most desperately, He says, ‘I love you!  You’re forgiven!’  That’s the sound of hope to me.”

We all need hope.  We’re sinners living in a broken world.

Thankfully, God’s grace and forgiveness is free.

but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more – Romans 5:20

* While you’re at it, pick up Jason’s new album on iTunes HERE.

 

A blogging limerick

May 19, 2011 / / 1 Comment

The perspiration of writing

Some days I just don’t feel like writing

I think and I type, nothing’s flying

But press on I must

One more line or bust!

Inspiration, please find noggin’

Anybody else resonate?

 

Building a better Airline

May 17, 2011 / / 10 Comments

I recently flew Delta Airlines, and noticed a promo sign that said this:

Building a Better Airline, not just a bigger one

Say what you want about Delta, but this (relatively) new initiative is a strong one. In an industry marked by frustration over lost baggage, TSA joys, and cancelled flights, Delta is trying to give the customer a better experience.  They’re trying to build a better airline.

There are two key words here in their new strategy, “Building a Better Airline, not just a bigger one” that I think church leaders could learn from.

How can churches build better, not just bigger?

1. A Better experience

Delta is looking to build their company on standards and procedures that set them apart from everyone else.  They’re changing things up and implementing new ideas that position them as the leaders in their industry because the services and conveniences they offer serve their customers more efficiently, effectively, and liberally.  Case-in-point: there’s a TV on the back of each headrest.  And they offer lots of free programming.

If you’re a part of a local church and you’re not thinking, “How can we serve our congregation and our community more efficiently, effectively, and liberally?” then you’re not asking the right questions.  You’re not wrestling through the right things.

2. A “bigger” company

Notice one word: “not just a bigger one.”  They are looking to build a bigger company, it’s just not the only thing they’re looking to do.  See, there’s nothing wrong with growth.  In fact, if they weren’t looking to build a bigger company, I’d wonder why they’re even in business.  Individuals (or groups) launch a business to see it grow, no?

Should churches be any different? *

We want our churches to grow numerically, right?  If not, why do we even exist?  Of what value is the Great Commission?  Why would the Bible include numbers when it referred to the early, New Testament church in the book of Acts, where God was adding thousands daily?  If numbers didn’t matter, why include them?

Numbers aren’t just blind figures.

They’re people.  They represent a person who is far from the Lord.  One who needs to hear the Gospel.  One who needs Hope.  One who needs encouragement.  One who needs to understand God’s grace.

“Numbers” aren’t our motivating factor…but sharing the Gospel and making disciples of people (in an increasing number) is our motivation.  So numbers do matter. **

How is your local church working to offer a “better” experience for “customers”?

Do the numbers really matter?

* I understand that the strategy of some churches is to send people out, and keep the numbers on their campus lower.  This is a viable strategy…but one in which these churches still should value numbers.

** This is a Ron Edmondson-ism.

 

The quest for the perfect cup of coffee

May 12, 2011 / / 15 Comments

If you’re in the business of leading people, you must also be in the business of building relationships.

If you’re not, you can forget about having any significant level of influence.

Yesterday, I had a cup of coffee from a Chemex.  You know how long it took between the time I ordered it and the time I took my first sip?

Nearly 12 minutes.

Was I frustrated?

Not a bit.

It was a perfect cup of coffee.  Perfect.  It was clean, smooth, and a bit chocolatey.  Its roasty-ness wasn’t overwhelming, but its flavors deep and rich.

With the Chemex, you don’t just hit a button and watch the magic happen.  You have to stand beside it the whole time it’s brewing, continuing to add more water at just the right time.  Then wait for the percolation to happen.  Then add more water (with a very specific type of kettle) to the areas that are dry, starting with the center and moving out towards the edge.  Until finally, after all of the water has percolated through and the brewing process is complete, you get a decanter full of perfection.  The cup of coffee that comes from the Chemex is truly a work of art.

And relationships are no different.

We’d like to think that relationships are microwavable.  Quick, easy, and cheap.  But they’re far from it.

Truths about Significant Relationships

Relationships take time, effort, and expense.

They take constant care and attention.  Don’t walk away, or you’ll miss that key opportunity, that key moment that the next step forward is contingent upon.

Each relationship is different.

Building relationships is not a one-size-fits-all model.  Just as each Chemex cup takes a slightly different amount of time to brew, depending on the grind of the coffee, the speed at which you pour the water, and the temperature of the water, so each relationship takes a different amount of effort, time, and care.

You can’t have significant relationships with a vast number of people.

There’s just too much expense involved.  It’s not possible to give of yourself enough to have deep, significant relationships with significant numbers of people.

Relational investments take cultivation to grow.

Don’t expect to hit a button, wave your magic wand, and voila!  Cultivating important relationships is hard work.  You’ll have to let other things slide.  Other commitments, responsibilities, emails, phone calls, and things less important.

It is worth the wait.

If you’ll give a relationship the time and effort it needs, you’ll be surprised the mutual benefits that will follow.

If you lose sight of the end goal, you’ll get frustrated.

You’ll get burned, feel like it’s too big an investment, and feel the tension to just move on.  Like this is a hopeless cause that’s benefiting nobody.  Offering grace, mercy, love, and hope isn’t something you do because you are looking for immediate results.

“Love is patient…Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 7)

 

 
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