“What activity/hobby have you taken up that helps you & your spouse spend MORE time together? If you don’t have one, why not?”
There are lots of hobbies/activities that I enjoy. I like to run, bike, play golf, read, blog, and watch 24. I highlight those things because I do all of those without my wife. Either they’re solo activities or she hates them (well, lets just be fair…she hates 24…she says it’s like a bad male soap opera…I don’t deny it, but still love to watch!).
In and of themselves, these activities aren’t wrong. In fact, most of them are pretty healthy…running and biking are good for my physical body, while reading and blogging are good for my mind. I’m not indulging in activities that are harmul for me or for my family, so why would I ever need to be careful in doing them?
Even “good” things can become a hindrance to my relationship with my wife.
I am not ready to give up these hobbies. My wife isn’t asking me to, and, like I said, I enjoy them. In fact, it’s healthy for couples to be able to operate independently of each other at times. But most couples have the independent part of their lives covered pretty well. What they need to work on is bringing their lives together more.
I’ve recently taken up gardening. Though that may sound a bit girly, it’s really hard work. My wife and I constructed four raised bed gardens and a shade garden for our back yard. We’re really proud of the work! Maybe more importantly, though, we were able to work together to get it completed. We’ve found something to do together that we both enjoy.
Husbands, how can you reach out to your wife and develop a love of something that she enjoys doing?
Wives, how can you stretch yourself to do something that you know your husband loves?
Do you want your spouse to love you even more? Try loving something that they love.
What is meant when Paul commands us to practice hospitality (Romans 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9)?
Is it merely serving those people who are in your circle of friends, who think and live and act like you do? Is Paul saying, “When you serve your friends, do it with a smile!”? Is it merely serving those who will “pay you back,” whether in terms of money, gifts, or returning the favor in like manner?
Or is it more along the lines of being hospitable to those who may or may not EVER love you back, showing love and grace to those people, giving of your time and resources when there’s more of a possibility that you’ll NEVER be repaid on this earth?
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” -Jesus (Luke 6:32-36)
Jesus’ words cut me to the core. I’m not quick to lend expecting nothing in return. I expect that I’ll get my book back from you if I let you read it! If I help you out of a jam, some day I expect you’ll do the same for me. I’m quicker to do good to someone after they’ve done good to me. And I’m happier if you thank me afterwards.
I’m sorry if you find that repulsive…I’m just being honest. I’m not proud of this. It’s something I’m working on. Please give me some grace.
How do you handle “difficult” people? How are you hospitable to them? What if they are “annoying,” they “talk too much,” or they’ve taken advantage of your kindness one too many times? What if you know they could never repay you? Maybe it’s at that moment that you have the opportunity to look most like Christ.
I don’t have a ton of pet peeves, but here’s one. If you start your blog with, “It’s been so long since the last time I blogged…I’ve been so busy…” then don’t expect me to read it. I don’t care why you haven’t blogged. If it’s important enough to you to blog, you’ll do it. If it’s not, you won’t. No hard feelings…just don’t start out your blog apologizing that you haven’t blogged in a while. You’re blogging now…get on with it!
I wonder if God says something similar to us? “Sorry that I haven’t prayed as much…sorry I’ve let some area of my life slip…sorry I haven’t been going to church as much as I should…sorry I haven’t been reading my Bible…sorry I …” It’s true that God does care about the past, and about our past failures. But He’s working on redemption, which also has a present and future aspect to it. He’s not negating the past, but is saying, “Get going with things now!”
Don’t get so stuck in your apologies to God that you forget to crank the key, start the engine, and hit the gas. Jesus wasn’t content with us just acknowledging our sin…he urges us to go! (John 8:11)
Have you ever read the childrens book, Where the Wild Things Are? I loved that book when I was a kid! I recently heard about the movie that’s coming out this Fall (update: Released October, 2009), and I’m already getting excited about it. I’ve posted the trailer below, but thought I’d give a few thoughts on the book first.
I never realized how weird the book is. Honestly, it’s a bit strange on first reading. If you haven’t read it in a while, here’s a video of a reading of Where the Wild Things Are:
Here is my take from the book.
The pros:
1. It paints quite an accurate picture of the mind of boys. Boys long for adventure. They long for something bigger than themselves. Max’s imagination runs wild as he sails across the sea, meets monsters, and rules over these mean, dangerous beasts. What boy doesn’t want to rule over dangerous creatures? Boys don’t want to be subdued by them!
2. The book shows that there is punishment for misbehavior. However you choose to discipline your children, you must discipline them!
3. Max’s parents show him love when they put a hot plate of food in his room. Discipline must be followed up by love (though I would argue that discipline is a loving act, I’ll do that in another post). At the time that I am writing this post, my son is almost 6 months old. He would not quite understand discipline yet. However, when he does, rest assured that we will discipline him. Each and every time we discipline him, though, we will end with hugging him and affirming our love for him. We never want him to equate discipline with only punishment. We discipline because we love, and want him to be 100% certain that we love him even though discipline is painful.
4. The artwork is fantastic. This is one thing that I loved when I was a child, and continue to appreciate today. There are many pages of monsters romping through the forest (Ok, I know…even as I write this, I feel silly talking about how I like to see monsters romping through the forest, but hang with me…), who, though they’re monsters, aren’t overly scary for children. The unique artwork is definitely a strength of the book.
The cautions:
1. First of all, be careful what you allow your children to read. Introduce material to your children with caution. Just because a book, or a movie, or a TV show, is for “children” does not mean that it’s appropriate for your child. Be discerning when it comes to stories you share with your children.
2. Is withholding food from your children the best form of punishment? I’m just saying…
3. I know that this may be a stretch, but we never see Max’s parents explain to him why he was punished, or why they gave in after some time. It’s important that children fully understand why they are being disciplined, both before and after. Max showed a heart of rebellion and pride, both in the home and in his imagination. He is disciplined because of this, but it’s important for him to understand why this is a problem, that his parents are the ones with the authority (though not in a smothering, exasperating kind of way (Ephesians 6:4)), and that his words and actions reveal deeper problems (Luke 6:45 says, “Out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”).
4. Max is never required to obey. His parents give in after a while (they really have to give in, so that Max eats, which furthers my point…is withholding food the best form of punishment, especially if you have to give in?). Max does not obey, yet the punishment eases. Is that how real life works? If you steal money at work, and are punished for it, does the punishment simply go away after a short period of time? No! There are steps of reconciliation you must make. Proverbs 29:15 tells us, “A child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” Does Max truly regret rebelling against his parent’s authority?
In conclusion, I recommend reading the book, and doing so with discernment. It is a fun read for your children, and a good way to talk about deeper life issues.
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If you quit leading (your organization, your small group, your church, your home, your business) today, would those you lead be able to immediately pick up where you left off?
If not, how can you lead them to the place where they are capable of continuing on in your absence?
“…you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? Foryou are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” (James 4:14)
“And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.” (2 Timothy 2:2)
I posted some “Grandpa-isms” last week here. One of my favorites is, “There are 4 P’s that I do for my family: provide, procreate, protect…and make memories.” I have had many laughs as I try to figure out why he continues to call them the 4 P’s. However, I think that the final one, making memories, is an important piece for dads.
I have lots of memories from childhood. Things that will stick with me forever. I still remember Mom and Dad picking me up from school and taking me and my brother to the Smoky Mountains for the weekend. Or spending every Christmas Eve with my whole family at my aunt and uncle’s house eating lasagna. Or throwing the baseball with my dad for hours on end until my arm felt like it was going to fall off. Or my dad teaching how to swing a golf club with an old cut-off, duck-taped driver he constructed for me. Or having to go to sleep early the night before a big trip to Florida so that we could wake up and get on the road before God turned the lights on, only to have to change a tire that exploded while we were pumping it up after the sun rose. These were wonderful family-building times, and memories that I cherish dearly.
I want to make memories that Rex will cherish. I want him to look back on his childhood and have fond memories of the things we did as a family. I don’t want us to be a family who is so tied up with work and ministry that we don’t carve out time daily, and extended time regularly, to be with each other. I don’t have a naive view of life that says that everything will be rosy. But I’m confident that if I invest time in my son and “bring him up in the training and instruction of the Lord,” not “exasperating him,” and work to love him, be patient with him, and encourage him daily, the Lord will shape him into a godly man. I don’t have that hope because I’m some kind of super dad. Instead, I have that hope because I serve a God who changes hearts (Ezekiel 36:26), who loves despite our failings, and ultimately works all things for our redemption (Romans 8:28-29).
With The Master’s PGA tournament going on, I thought it fitting to write about Tiger Woods, who, in my estimation, is the greatest golfer of all time. If asked who the greatest golfer in the world is right now, 99.99% of people would say, “Tiger Woods.” The other .001% of people don’t know what golf is. If asked who’s the greatest golfer in the world throughout history, most would still say, “Tiger Woods.” Part of that is that we oftentimes cannot look beyond the present, and forget that there were plenty of good golfers in the past, but the part that I would to look at today is that he is that good. When Tiger retires from golf, likely he will have blasted every golf record known to man, leaving past, present, and future golfers behind.
As good as Tiger is, he still needs a coach.
If Tiger played a round of golf with his swing coach, Hank Haney, Tiger would likely beat him every time. If you were to watch both of their swings on slow-motion video, you’d say that Tiger’s is better. Tiger’s got more money, more tournament wins, and more experience in the clutch moments. He can hit his drives further, his irons straighter, and his putts truer. Yet Tiger has elected to hire a coach. Not only that, Tiger has improved after having a coach. Why might the greatest golfer of all time need a coach? Can he not just coach himself? Does he really need to improve?
I began a team leader (coaching) structure last year for our small group leaders. One reason is that I cannot offer adequate care for our small groups, because I am only one person. Coaches extend my arms and hands to minister to more leaders. The second reason is that our small group leaders need coaching. They need somebody to come alongside them, encourage them, show them what they’re doing that needs improving, and help them to implement these changes. So what advantage does a coach offer?
1. Coaches notice things that you don’t notice. Tiger Woods can’t see his own golf swing. In fact, nobody can see their own golf swing. Tiger needs somebody else to watch the details of his swing. You, in your leadership position, need an outsider to coach you. By outsider, I mean that you need somebody who is not in your organization, in your circle of friends, in your small group, or one who reads the same books that you read. Those in your organization tend to be blinded, missing the same mistakes that you miss. Outsider coaches offer a different perspective than those on the inside.
2. Coaches offer advice that others may not offer. Coaches have your best interests at heart, not your best “feelings.” Coaches are not the ones who only tell you what you’re doing correctly. They’re not afraid to tell you that you’re falling flat on your face, because they want you to do your best.
3. You need to improve. If Tiger Woods, the best golfer in my generation, and possibly the best golfer in all of history, needs to improve, then so do you. Your leadership can improve. Your influence can increase. You can become more effective. You’re not going to get there by critiquing yourself. You are not perfect, and there is surely room for improvement in your leadership, organization, or ministry.
By surrounding yourself with coaches, you make the statement, “I don’t have everything figured out, and I need help improving.” Is that a suicidal statement in the leadership world? Just ask Tiger.
Do you have a coach? You need one. So do I.
You can also read this post here, on the site, Small Group Exchange.
Yesterday I posted the first half of a review of Brian McLaren’s book, The Secret Message of Jesus, from one of my friends, John Mark. You can read that post here. In this post, John Mark will continue to interact with the worldview of Brian McLaren. The reason that I find this helpful is that I evaluate curriculum a lot as small groups pastor. I want to make sure that I find the most Biblical, relevant, and helpful curriculum to put into the hands of the small group leaders at Grace Community Church. John Mark has done a masterful job evaluating McLaren’s book, fairly interacting with McLaren’s view, and showing where he feels it is strong and where he feels it is weak. We need to be careful when we recommend books and/or curriculum to others, and John Mark’s careful eye will help you think critically about The Secret Message of Jesus. To read more of John Mark’s thoughts, check out his blog.
The Secret Message of Jesus by Brian McLaren, Review part 2
How are we to relate to people with whom we have (sometimes serious) disagreements?
In the case of conversations and most lectures, I think too much important information is either tacitly assumed by the speaker and/or forgotten and misunderstood by the listener(s). I think McLaren probably spent most of his talk in the outermost ring of the target – on issues that he believes are contemporary implications and applications of Jesus’ message about the kingdom. He could assume much of the important interpretations of Scripture passages or mention the center and an arrow or two in order to justify his focus on caring for the poor (which was a/the major theme of the lecture).
Since McLaren did us the favor of putting his interpretation of Jesus’ message in writing, here is where we find the important beginnings (avoiding the metaphor of “foundation” out of deference to McLaren) of his worldview. There is plenty of lucid expression of important biblical teachings and relevant historical background to the Bible in this book. McLaren expresses appreciation for the writings of NT Wright several times during the book, and I noticed that influence during sections about competing Jewish sects during Jesus’ day, as well as in the chapter on the storyline of the Bible and the McLaren’s ubiquitous emphasis on the here-and-now transformative power of the good news about the kingdom of God.
McLaren’s defense of Paul as translating Jesus’ message into new imagery for the Gentiles, (and so) agreeing with Christ essentially is succinct and generally good (ch. 11-12). His chapter on conversion (“Getting It and Getting In” ch. 13) explains that process in five “moves” that admirably describe how to become a follower of Jesus (without using church language!). These strong points must be noticed as I evaluate the book; though I disagree with McLaren’s views at some major points, there is much that is good here.
I wrote notes in the book as I read and reviewed, so I could be nit-picky about everything. I’ll mention three major points that, if McLaren altered his views on these three things, would dramatically overhaul his worldview. First is the center of your diagram: what did Jesus (and the Gospel writers) mean by “the kingdom of God/heaven”? McLaren discusses it so much that I can only summarize his view. The kingdom of God is the inclusive movement Jesus began and the community it created. Jesus’ teachings, if followed, “would give birth to a new world” (4). The diagram you drew shows that Jesus and his disciples want to reorient people around Jesus’ teaching, and so change the way this world works.
In contrast, I think the kingdom of God is the active work of God through Christ and the Holy Spirit to bring creation under the authority of Christ (and his Church). McLaren makes an ancient interpretive mistake when we makes God’s reign equivalent to the sum total of Jesus’ disciples (most often) or to the disciples’ efforts to promote Jesus’ teachings (a few times in the book). Clarifying what I mean: when Christians obey the Great Commission (Mt. 28), we’re not “expanding the kingdom” – we’re calling on rebels and traitors (among whom we were born) to acknowledge that the King has already begun reigning and subduing his enemies. He grants clemency (forgiveness) to rebels who will switch their total allegiance. The Church expands.
The second major issue falls in the inner ring that touches the center of your diagram: how McLaren understands Jesus’ vagueness and use of parables. These elements are present in the Gospels. Yet they are not the total picture of Jesus. For instance, take Matthew’s Gospel. Other than the parable about forgiveness (ch. 18), the parable about laborers and reward (ch. 20), and those about the “end of the age” (ch. 25), most all the parables are spoken to the general public (esp. ch. 13, 21-22). Jesus tells his followers (13:10-17 and parallels) that he uses parables to intentionally exclude the masses and include his disciples. McLaren suppresses this explanation for Jesus’ use of parables. Other public parables were usually very clearly understood (21:45). Besides the parables, Matthew records long sections of direct, clear teaching from Jesus (ch. 5-7, 10, 12, 16, part of 18, 23-24). The times that Jesus was vague and used parables had purposes to them (that can usually be understood in their written context); we should follow the example of the disciples who understood Jesus’ message and were clear and direct most (or all) of the time.
The third major issue surprised me the most when I found it in ch. 8 of The Secret Message of Jesus. After observing that exorcisms as recorded in the Gospels may not be palatable to some worldviews today, McLaren says those exorcisms might point to larger problems. “What if it [practice of exorcism] is yet another sign and wonder pointing to his larger, less obvious strategy: to draw corporate or even cosmic evil out from the shadows and into the broad daylight, so that it can be seen and named and rejected and banished?” (63) McLaren lists some of the habitations of corporate evils spirits: government, political movements, religious parties, religious structures and hierarchies, professions, and family systems (65). Jesus particularly confronted the Roman Empire and the religious establishment of his day, says McLaren, the doing of which got Christ killed. In so doing, Jesus exposed the systemic evil in those institutions and was vindicated for letting himself be killed by rising from the dead. In effect, the cross of Jesus accomplished (or was intended to accomplish) a big, “scandalous” exorcism of corporate evil (ch. 8) and became God’s “repudiation of violence” (153). Suffice it to say that I don’t think this is a defensible interpretation of exorcisms, and it plainly is far from Jesus’ and the apostles’ interpretation of the cross.
It’s just a small step from McLaren’s abstracting of individual exorcisms on a corporate scale into a plan for nonviolent confrontation with any modern institutions or groups (the discussion guide encourages readers to find analogies to the political and religious factions of Jesus’ day). McLaren finds in Jesus a prophetic voice (ch. 3) that would encourage his followers to challenge the status quo of our day. Especially in view of the interpretation he gives to the cross of Jesus, I can understand how McLaren promotes the sorts of political and social activism I’ve heard he does. How would your views look on the diagram?
