One of the small group experiences that we offer multiple times each year is called Starting Point. We believe that the foundational truths of Christianity are learned best in the context of relationships. This is a small group that is designed for “seekers, starters, and returners,” but is beneficial for people at any spiritual maturity level.
I love this video that helps explain the value that Starting Point offers. (ht: Mark Howell)
Starting Point – Fall 2009 from buckheadchurch on Vimeo.
Here are a few reasons that you should never, under any circumstances, be in a small group:
…you cannot tolerate messiness. Doing life together with others is often messy, because you are doing life together with sinners (don’t forget that you’re a sinner, too!)! Don’t always look for a neat bow to be tied at the end of each week of meeting together. It’s just not going to happen. Your story, and those in your group, is ongoing.
…you cannot tolerate a bit of chaos. Coordinating schedules, activities, emails, curriculum choices, food choices, etc. can be a big headache. If you can’t put up with a little bit of chaos, please check out now.
…you show up expecting to receive, but not give. In a small group, you’ll be expected to participate in the discussion. To reach out and build relationships. You’ll be expected to, on occasion, host the group in your home…or pray for others…or lead an icebreaker…or lead the group discussion. If you’re there just to soak it all in, small groups aren’t for you.
…you think that discipleship is limited to information transfer. It’s not! Read more about my thoughts about discipleship HERE.
…people get on your nerves. It’s inevitable. There will be “that guy” in your group. If you just absolutely can’t stand to be around “that guy,” then you can count on God putting him (or her) in your small group (just so you know, I think that it actually works for your good when God puts people who are not like you in a small group together. Conflict with others often reveals the sinful patterns in our own hearts. James 4:1-6 speaks to this.
…you are comfortable with your life. Small groups stretch you to love more, serve more, give more, and sacrifice more. Small groups are not for the faint of heart.
…you don’t want your faith to grow. Being an active part of a small group will grow your faith. The early church met in a gathering service and in homes (Acts 2:46). I’m not saying that the fact that they met in homes is the sole reason that “the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved,” (Acts 2:47) but it was surely one piece that God was using then…and that, I believe, he continues to use now.
What can you add to this list? Why would somebody not want to be in a small group?
“Sunday School guys” and “small group guys” are often pitted against each other. Here are some of the stereotypes:
Sunday schools help people to grow in Biblical knowledge…small groups don’t.
Small groups build healthy relationships…Sunday schools don’t really care about the relational aspect.
Small groups are relevant…Sunday school was relevant 50 years ago.
Sunday school really helps people go “deep” in their faith…small groups stay on the surface-level depth of Christianity.
Here are a few things I can confidently assert about the discipleship in the Christian life:
I believe that the way that we, at Grace, do small groups is the best way that the above truths of discipleship are accomplished. If, at some point, we cease to make disciples, I’m willing to throw out the system in favor of the mission. Don’t believe me? Read my post about that very thing HERE and HERE.
What do you think? Is discipleship better accomplished in Sunday School or small groups? Should we throw both of them out and start all over?
If you want to see small groups expert Rick Howerton and Sunday School guru David Francis talk this through, check out the video they put together HERE.
I took my wife on a date last night. We went to 3rd and Lindsley, a bar & grill in downtown Nashville, to eat and listen to music. We both enjoy music from the singer-songwriter genre, and though neither of us were too familiar with the lineup of musicians, we enjoyed the night. (as a side note, Paulie Pesh, the opener for the show, was really good)
Listening to the headliner Ernie Halter (another side note…neither of us liked his performance. The music was okay, but the lyrics, and his commentary on them, were really shallow, which is not becoming of somebody in the singer-songwriter genre), perform, I was struck by this:
Why is it easier for a musician, who knows nobody in the crowd, to be completely vulnerable and honest with his in-between-songs-running-commentary, than it is for people in a small group?
Maybe it’s the fact that he didn’t know anybody in the crowd.
Maybe he’s just an open book.
Maybe it’s that he was 2000+ miles from home, and didn’t count on word traveling back to LA.
Maybe he had had too much to drink.
Whatever the reason, he quickly developed a relationship with the audience. He had them (except my wife and I) eating out of his hand, sharing stories that allowed the crowd to be able to quickly know his story and his struggles. Community was developed in a matter of a couple of minutes.
The quicker a small group can move from surface-level talks about the weather to deeper talks about real life, the quicker they can move into authentic community. And this move to authentic community needs to start with you. Whether you’re the group leader or not, you can be the one that helps your group move away from one-word answers to questions and prayer requests for your next-door neighbor’s 2nd cousin’s cat. You can begin to discuss and pray over personal issues that matter, and lead the group to do the same.
Are you willing to take the risk?
One of my pet peeves in leadership is when I’m given a leadership responsibility, but not given any authority to make decisions. Have you ever run into this? You’re delegated a task, but not been trusted enough to answer questions, set any sort of direction for the project, or answer questions about the current or future direction. That’s why, when I ask somebody to lead a small group, I cast the vision for small groups at Grace, then actually let them lead. I get back and watch them shepherd their group.
I could get in and tweak with each and every group.
I could micromanage each group and make sure they were exactly like I wanted them to be.
But I’d rather cast vision, equip the group leaders, and let them lead.
After all, God has called them to lead the group, right?
If you feel confident enough in a person to ask them to become a leader, then it makes sense to actually let them lead! Try turning loose some of your control.
Have you ever been delegated a task only to find out that you have absolutely no authority, even over that task? What did you do?
Listening is an important aspect of leading a small group. I even mentioned it in a recent post HERE. Actively listening, asking appropriate follow-up questions, noticing body language, and helping people understand the heart of the issue being discussed are all part of facilitating discussion in a small group environment.
If you desire to be a good small group leader, you must work on your listening skills.
Obviously, listening isn’t the only thing that a small group leader needs to be able to do, but I believe that it is a vital skill that group leaders must learn. Check out this video. It’s a great example of somebody who does not really listen, does not ask appropriate questions, offends with statements and questions, and quickly judges based on partial information. Enjoy!
[vodpod id=Groupvideo.3069567&w=425&h=350&fv=]
Be quick to listen, slow to speak. -James 1:19
James knew us too well. He knows that we would struggle with speaking too much, too quickly, and too often. He knew that it would be easier to step up and say something than to push through silence and allow someone else time to process and respond.
James was a wise man. And we’d do well to follow his wisdom.
Small group leaders need to remember this when leading their small group.
1. Listen intently to people’s stories. Knowing where somebody has come from and why they gave that particular answer will be unbelievably helpful for you as you lead that person. Listening to and remembering people’s stories makes them feel that you care, and is a way you can love your group members.
2. Ask questions and wait for answers. Don’t ask a question and give your answer first. Let others chew on it and share their thoughts. Some people are slower to answer than others. They may be more contemplative and take longer to process their answers. Or, they may simply be polite and not want to talk over anybody. As the group leader, be okay with silence. You may have introverts in your group.
3. Observe body language. Communication happens verbally and non-verbally. Don’t neglect either. If someone seems to be eager to engage, give them the chance. If they’re hesitant, be careful pressing in too much.
4. Ask follow-up questions. Instead of taking an answer at face value and moving on, linger for a while. Ask a follow-up question that draws the answer out a bit more. Ask the group for feedback. Listen for similarities and differences in responses, and connect them.
Truth: The goal of a small group is not for the “right” answer to be the first answer.
Work to facilitate discussion.
Work to listen more and talk less.
This past weekend, Laura, my wife, and I traveled to Atlanta, GA, to visit with small groups pastor Scott Mawdesley, who was generous enough to give us a tour of North Point Community Church and allow us to ask lots of questions about what they do and why they do it. We also got to visit Buckhead Church on Sunday morning. The entire weekend was a great experience.
Whatever you do for a living, I would strongly suggest getting out of your normal environment. Plan a day, a weekend, or even an entire week, to get away and learn from somebody else in a related field. Here are 3 reasons why I think you desperately need this:
1. We migrate to tunnel-vision. Over time, you begin to think that you have the market on all of the great ideas. Well, you don’t. Trust me. You may have lots of good ideas, but not all of them.
2. Evaluation naturally declines when you’re in the same box for an extended amount of time. Think with me for a minute. If you’re literally in a box for a month, you might be in evaluation mode for a week or two. Then, you begin to think that you’ve evaluated everything. And probably, you have. It’s only when you get into another person’s box that you see that your box is in need of repair. Seeing other systems helps you to evaluate holes in your own.
3. Leading an organization (or a small group) can lead to burnout. Visiting other sites, and taking a break from wearing the “leader” hat, is refreshing, and needed on a regular basis. Getting out of your box allows you to take a deep breath and relax.
So here’s my question for you:
Have you taken a break from leading and visited another business/small group/church? What did you learn?
I’ve read the blogs. I’ve listened to the arguments. I had even tried it out…a little.
But I hadn’t fully experienced online community.
I would say that there has been some level of “community” developed for me through Twitter, Facebook, and blogs. Community, for me, though, is one of those things that was always developed in person. Sometimes it’s on a biycle, other times it’s with my small group, and other times it’s at a coffee shop with a few guys.
I unexpectedly experienced community yesterday morning after I read this update from Alan Danielson:
@alandanielson: I’m praying for NOW 10 more minutes. Reply with your prayer request or join me for live prayer via @TokBox
There was a link after the update, and I clicked on it. There was Alan, sitting in front of his computer screen, praying for his friends. I shared my request with him, and he prayed for me on the spot.
Alan then invited me to “hang on the line,” and he was going to invite some of his other friends into the conversation. As the other 3 men joined, they began to share their experiences from their prayer time. They, like Alan, had prayed for their friends during that 20 minutes, and invited people to share requests with them. As they finished sharing their stories from the prayer time, they shared their own requests with the group. I thought that it would be a bit cheesy, even cold-feeling because we were so far spread out across the country, looking at each other on a tiny screen. But real, gut-wrenching requests were shared. Nothing fake. No masks. No walls of separation. Real, honest, vulnerable requests. And it all happened while I sat in my office chair alone.
Twitter and Tokbox helped me fulfill this today:
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:11-13
I felt a real burden, prayed a real prayer, and was really encouraged after talking with these men.
What do you think of online community?
Is it real community? Or is community only formed while sitting in the same room as the other person?
I’m a small groups pastor, and part of my job is training up new small group leaders. In addition to philosophical/theological/boring stuff that I talk about in new leader trainings, I give practical advice to help them make their small group a success (I know, I know, some of you would argue that good theology is always practical…don’t get all up in arms about my wording…you know what I mean). Lots of this I learn because I lead a small group myself, and see group dynamics in action every week. Part of this I learn through reading books. Part I learn through reading blogs. But this time, I want to learn from you.
Have you ever been in a small group? How about a Sunday School class? How about a Bible study with at least a few other people? Still no? Have you ever been a part of a group of guys from the office, just sitting around and talking? (If you cannot answer “yes” to any of these questions, please close down your computer and get a real friend…j/k) If so, you can help me out.
What makes a small group successful? We may all define the “win” differently based on our context and goals, but what is it that helps you to acheive the goals you are setting out to accomplish? What can/should a small group leader do in order to be the best small group leader God is calling them to be? Leave a comment and let me know two things that you have learned from being a part of a small group. Your two answers won’t be comprehensive, but that’s ok. Here are mine:
1. Make your small group “fun.” If it’s not fun, people won’t come back. You may have the most Biblical discussion that has ever happened in the history of the church, but if it’s boring, you’ll lose people the following week.
2. Open a discussion. Give people a chance to voice objections, concerns, questions, and life experiences (and actually listen to their answers). They’re a part of the story, too, you know?!?
Those are my two. What do you think?
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