Category: Church (page 23 of 28)

Sometimes traditions should change

December 16, 2010 / / 2 Comments

My traditions are changing this year.

And I’m thrilled.

(Photo by Karen Long)

When I was a kid, on Christmas Eve night, we’d head over to my Aunt and Uncle’s house, eat homemade lasagna with the whole family, then come back home in time to go to sleep.  We’d wake up early on Christmas morning, open gifts with my parents, eat homemade donuts my dad made, then spend the afternoon at my Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  That was our tradition.

When I got married, my traditions changed.  Nothing went away…but lots of traditions were added.  On Christmas Eve night, we’d go to a traditional candlelight service in Winchester, TN, then head to my wife’s grandma’s house to eat and exchange gifts.  We’d get back to Clarksville about midnight, wake up and head to my parent’s house to eat homemade donuts made by my dad, then spend the afternoon at my Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Then we’d head to my wife’s Grandma and Grandpa’s house to finish the day thoroughly exhausted.  Christmas was special…but often felt rushed and hectic.

This year, our traditions are changing again.  In a big way.  Our son is getting to the age where we want to begin crafting his Christmas traditions.  We’re treating Christmas Eve morning as our Christmas morning.  And if our family wants to see Rex (which is the only person they care about in our family, if we were truly honest with each other), they have to come to us.  Christmas Eve night, I’m thrilled to be worshipping for the first time on Christmas Eve with my church family (details HERE).  Christmas will be much more relaxed, yet we’ll still be able to spend time with all of our family.  It’ll just be spread out over a few days.

Traditions change. And that’s okay.  When we’re unwilling to change, it’s easy to work ourselves into a rut.  In that rut, we forget why we do what we do.  And we begin doing things simply because we’ve always done them…getting frustrated with anyone who questions or challenges our traditions.

Traditions change. And they should.  Because we change.  Life doesn’t stay the same.  It takes us through many different roads.  People are added.  Taken away.  And that changes the flavor of our families.

Traditions change. And if you stick so closely to your traditions, you’ll alienate many newcomers.  Take, for instance, my son.  If we were unbending in our holiday routines, he’d always view Christmas as a rushed, tiring, hectic, gifts-focused time.  I don’t want that.

So this holiday season, evaluate why you do what you do.  What is it that you, as a family, value? Don’t just continue the same traditions because you’ve always done them. Because if you’re not careful, your traditions can block you from that which you value.

What is your favorite Christmastime tradition?

Is there something new you’re doing this year?

How do you handle change?

 

A word for young pastors

December 13, 2010 / / 1 Comment

Rick Howerton is a good friend of mine.  What I love about Rick is the wisdom that he has…and shares generously.  He has recently transitioned to a new position with NavPress, where he’s overseeing small group life.  In my opinion, Rick is the foremost small group expert in the country.  You can follow him on Twitter HERE.  His blog is currently being redone, and will launch again in January.  When it launches, it’ll be a must-read for small group pastors and leaders.

When I spend time around people who have been leading in the church for longer than I’ve been alive, I love to soak up as much wisdom from them as I can.  I want to know what I should be thinking, reading, doing, and being…now…so I can grow into the husband, father, pastor, and leader God intends.  I asked Rick to share some wisdom for young pastors.  Because none of us wants to waste the influence God’s given us.

A word for young pastors

What you interpret as your “instincts” may be the whisperings of the Holy Spirit. Throughout my ministry life I have found myself instinctively making leadership decisions. For many years I followed those instincts and saw God’s blessing. As I grew older and learned the Scripture I realized those instincts were actually the whispers of the Holy Spirit guiding me down biblical paths. Today, when I have an instinctive moment, I check it with the Word of God. Bottom line… do not ignore what may seem instinctive, check it with God’s Word then move forward if you’re on the same page as God.

Make your family the people you are most passionate about discipling. We seem to be embracing discipleship like we never have before. I’m noticing that, in our mind’s eye, discipleship is finding a few other people of the same gender and giving our time, attention, and discipleship energies to them. We should do this but not at the expense of the discipling of our own children. Remember this… God created in your child a longing to know the love of and to have the knowledge of the dad and mom that God gave them. You were appropriately chosen by God to disciple your kids.

Never believe the lie that new ideas are the only right ideas. It seems that every generation of church leaders chooses to set aside anything that was birthed through the generation that came before them. In so doing, we oftentimes move away from biblical church to generational and cultural church. Cling to biblical church while allowing new methods to be played out, but don’t play out new methods if they demand you delete the parts of the Bible that aren’t cool or sexy… today.

Don’t give too much of your attention to the great theological debates. If you do they will…

  1. redirect your energies from the transformation of hearts to theological treatises and coalitions that, in the end, will begin to shape a politician, not a pastor.
  2. lead you into ecclesiastical elitism… believing that those evangelicals whose theological perspective is different than yours are not as theologically astute as yourself or that the interpretations they espouse are heretical when in fact, both sides of the debate may simply be demanding a final word on what God is keeping a mystery (Deut. 29:29).
  3. force you into a pigeon-hole that will limit your ministry. Most of us want to affect the world in the name of Jesus Christ. Many have chosen to battle for a theological perspective which has limited the churches and movements they are welcomed into.
  4. become idols, taking the place of the Christ. You will know if this is true if your reputation is built on a theological perspective rather than Jesus Christ. Remember these things… What you speak of most passionately you will be known for. What you’re willing to go to battle for you will be known for. What we are to speak of most often and go to battle for is the person of Jesus Christ.

______________________

If you’re a young pastor or leader, I’d love to connect with you!  Please find me on Twitter, Facebook, or follow along HERE on the blog.  Learn along with me, from guys like Rick.

 

Customer Service Matters

December 13, 2010 / / 5 Comments

I was out Christmas shopping the other day, and the experiences I had at two different stores was polarizing.

I started off going to store (which will remain nameless) where you ship packages.  When I pulled up, I quickly realized it was going to be “one of those” visits.  The line was out to the second, outer door, and wrapping back deeper and deeper in the store, and I could tell the customers were frustrated.  I had to get some stuff dropped off, so I didn’t have the option of turning around and coming back later.  I began waiting.

As I got a little closer to the register, I realized that there was only one worker, and he was burned out.  The only other worker in the store was running around taking care of other things.  I heard him announce, “We’re locking up!  If anybody comes to the door and tries to get in, please tell them that we’re closed.  If they don’t believe you, please call me and I’ll take care of it.”  I didn’t feel valued as a customer in the least.

Next, I went to our local mall, to one of the clothing stores there (which will also remain nameless).  As soon as I walked in, I was greeted by a smiling worker who offered me a shopping bag.  As I went throughout, the workers were pleasant, and looking to serve me.  When I walked to the front to checkout, the line had begun to back up.  At that moment, another worker announced, “If you are able to pay by credit card, we can take care of you right now!”  There were multiple “cashiers” setup with iPod touches that could scan your card and process your payment right there on the spot, without you having to wait in the long lines.  

I felt like each worker, and thus the whole company itself, truly cared that I was there.  That wanted me to have the most pleasant experience possible from the moment I walked in to the moment I left.  Every detail mattered.  And in the process, they’ve created a raving fan out of me.

Don’t doubt that customer service matters.  It will create raving fans who will tell others about your organization.  Bad customer service creates raving fans as quickly as good customer service does.  Especially in our churches.

People talk about your church after they visit.  I guarantee it.

What do you think they’re saying?

Did they feel warm, welcomed, and valued?  Or did they feel like you didn’t care for them?

You know that there are plenty of theological, philosophical, practical, and past hurts that keep people from experiencing God’s love, grace, and forgiveness.  Let’s not let their rejection be based on poor customer service.  How easy is it to offer a warm smile?  A hearty handshake?  A good cup of coffee?  An umbrella on a rainy day?

Have you had a customer service experience you’ve talked with someone else about lately?

Does your church focus on customer service issues?  Should you help start the focus?

 

Mass Market churches

December 6, 2010 / / 2 Comments

Companies that are built around mass marketing develop their products accordingly.  These companies round the edges, smooth out the differentiating features, and try to make products that are bland enough for the masses.  These companies make spicy foods less spicy, and they make insanely great service a little less great (and a little cheaper). – Seth Godin, Purple Cow, 55

Seth Godin, above, is looking at businesses that are trying to have mass appeal.  The way that companies have tried to achieve their mass appeal is by trying to make their products (and services) appeal to everybody.

And in the process, they’ve made their products (and services) appeal to nobody.

And the same things can happen in our churches.  We can try to please more and more people, changing and adding each time another group of people comes along.  Accommodating more and more desires, saying, “Yes” to more and more ideas, and spreading the church staff and church body so thin that effectiveness and excellency go right out the door.  The more you juggle, the more likely you are to drop a ball.  Or all of them.

Instead of that, figure out what God’s calling you as a church to do and be…and go do that.  You can’t accommodate all styles of worship.  Or all styles of small groups (community groups, cell groups, Sunday School, discipleship classes, etc.).  Or all styles of teaching.  Or all of the truly good ideas that come along.

Simplifying is one of the most difficult tasks that an organization can do.  And it’s also one of the most important.

People want to be led.  And God’s called you to do just that.  Figure out what you, as a church, value the most, and start doing that.

 

Good small groups…

December 4, 2010 / / 1 Comment

I haven’t run into many people who say, “I want my small group to tank.  I want to lead my folks off of a spiritual cliff so that they’re further from God than they were before they even met me.”

Quite the contrary.

Most people want their group to succeed.  They want to grow spiritually, and help others grow as well.  They want to have vibrant meetings that challenge people’s faith and encourage them to love God and others more.  They want to help foster healthy marriages and strong, God-honoring parenting.  They don’t want the group meeting to be a drag on anyone.  Rather, they long for everyone in the group to look forward to the meeting because they’re building healthy relationships with those in the group.

These people are willing to do what it takes to craft a successful group…they’re just not always sure what they should be doing to make that happen.

This week on Twitter and Facebook, I’ve been talking about what good small groups (and good small group leaders) should be in the business of doing.  Here are my thoughts.

Good small groups

  • Communicate with each other more than once/week
  • Are filled with admittedly broken people
  • Embrace those far from Christ
  • Don’t just talk about the Gospel.  They apply it.
  • Serve their community as much as they serve one another.
  • Don’t avoid difficult relational issues. They work through them.
  • Looks a lot like a healthy church.

Good small group leaders

  • Embrace the messiness of relationships
  • Are quick to offer grace because they’ve been given so much [grace]
  • Ask for help
  • Look a lot like good pastors.
  • Are patient with group members who are difficult to love.

What else do you think good small groups should be doing?

What else do you think good small group leaders should be doing?

 

Somebody’s getting fired

December 1, 2010 / / 26 Comments

When you get a call from somebody telling you they want to be a small group leader…

be worried.

When you get a call like this…

quit your job.

Here’s the voicemail that was left on my office phone today: click HERE to listen.

*I’ve got my suspicions on who the mystery caller is.  And I’m working to get him fired right now.

UPDATE

Estavon Williams left another voicemail today.  Looks like I may be out of a job now.

Click HERE to listen to the second voicemail.

 

Reinterpreting the Lord’s Supper

November 29, 2010 / / 4 Comments

I was brought up to see the Lord’s Supper as a solemn time.  Incredibly solemn.

And painfully introspective.

Were you brought up in this tradition?

I almost came to dread taking the Lord’s Supper (communion).  Because I knew that, for the following 10-15 minutes, somebody was going to be reminding me, “You need to get your heart right with God.”  And then they were going to read something terrifying like this

So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.  Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup.  For those who eat and drink without discerning the body of Christ eat and drink judgment on themselves.  That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgment. (1 Corinthians 11:27-31, emphasis mine…and whoever was reading the text for that Sunday morning we took communion)

I was going to have to beat myself up, cry my heart out to God for sins that I’d committed, and make sure there wasn’t anything that I had done (or not done) that was even remotely sinful.  I definitely didn’t want to “eat and drink judgment” on myself.  Who wants to do that?

I wonder if “fear” is what Jesus intended when he encouraged his disciples to eat the bread and drink the cup? (Luke 22:19-20)  Somehow, I doubt it.

At first glance, though, the above text (1 Corinthians 11:27-30) seems to be a terror-inducing statement.  If you’re not careful, and if your heart’s not in the right place, you may die when you take communion.  Some in the early church surely did.

But at second glance, this text isn’t encouraging morbid introspection.  It’s speaking to an entirely different matter that was going on.

What was happening in the Corinthian church was that some people were arriving for communion, and making a meal out of the bread and wine.  They would eat the bread (and the rest of the meal) before those who were hungry arrived.  Not only would they top off all of the wine, but they would drink so much that they would get drunk…right there in the middle of the church gathering! (verses 20-21)  And I don’t know about your church, but at mine, you’d have to eat a lot of wafers to make a meal out of that bread.

What! Do you not have houses to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God and humiliate those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I commend you in this? No, I will not.  When you come together to eat, wait for one another – if anyone is hungry, let him eat at home. (1 Corinthians 11:22; 33)

So drinking the cup and eating the bread in an “unworthy” manner has much less to do with fear, and much more to do with selfishness.  Paul was condemning the Corinthians because they neglected the communal aspect of the Lord’s Supper,

  1. …eating and drinking before others arrived.
  2. …eating and drinking so much that others didn’t have any.
  3. …drinking so much they became drunk.
  4. …humiliating those who had nothing.

So the next time your church administers the Lord’s Supper, don’t sweat it so much, like I used to.  And if you’re a pastor, try not to strike panic in the hearts of your people.  Let it be a time of celebration and worship, of remembering what Christ has done for you (both individually and corporately).

And don’t make a meal out of the stale wafers.

 

Premarital counseling

November 19, 2010 / / 6 Comments

Ever have one of those ideas that you didn’t realize was a good idea until afterwards?

I had a little accidental awesomeness yesterday.

I said this on Twitter and Facebook, and turns out it’s a question that lots of people think is important:

If you could tell an engaged couple 1 thing before they got married, what would you say?

The responses were so good, I decided to put them in a blog post.

  • To the engaged couple: you’re gonna hurt each other (sometimes on purpose, sometimes on accident), but forgiving is worth it.  @pckaufma
  • When u know, u know. Don’t ask how b/c u can’t explain it, but when it’s really right you’ll understand exactly what I just said.  @aim3
  • Never let the sun go down on your anger…ever.  @daniel1012
  • Agree that, no matter how hard it gets, divorce is never an option.  @rkinnick59
  • Why do you love this person? What will the purpose of your marriage be?  @LucySongJau
  • Always try to be the first to apologize and to ask for forgiveness. It makes you work through junk in order to do it sincerely.  @masonconrad
  • To be open with each other about finances and how much debt you actually have, if any. – Bobbi Jo Cozby Caulfield
  • Have them do the Dave Ramsey course… a lot of marriages fail due to money and this is a way to make sure they are on agreement on how to handle their finances. – Arie Detweiler Schlabach
  • I think they should be required to see a print out of the last 6 months of their bank account just to get a small idea of their money management. not that it should stop them from getting married, but that they know that about the other one before hand.  – Michelle McClure Reese
  • be quick to forgive and slow to dwell on differences that, when embraced, makes the “whole” more complete. But how can you really narrow it down to one? In short…love as Christ loves. So…I guess it would really be to know and love God first! How simply complex.  – Mya Parker
  • Open honest communication – Diane Boots Bryant
  • don’t go to bed mad. – Rebecca Hackett Schilling
  • Make sure you understand each other’s expectations of getting married. – Michelle Lawrence Moore
  • Elope – Kristen Cocker
  • In many states, marriage licenses are cheaper (or free) if you go to premarital counseling. You may think it’s a bunch of psychobabble bullcrap (or, alternatively, a bunch of hyper-religious “God says X, so you should Y” stuff), but premarital counseling can help you explore aspects of marriage you might not have considered, especially if you have had a short engagement. Plus, it can reduce the over-all cost of getting married, assuming the marriage counseling doesn’t cost you more than the discount on the marriage license. – Noel Bagwell
  • What I would say just changed on Sunday. Last 10%! Don’t hold it back. – Angela Ridge Edwards
  • Enjoy each other without having children for at least two years. Living with a spouse exposes areas in your relationship which need some addressing ~ this can be a fun process if you’re on the same page! When you have spent time really getting to know each other, then you can move forward, better prepared to become a family. – Todd Oesch
  • marriage is a contact sport, you must love restlessly and get up from failure quickly. – Lindsey Pippins
  • Sit down every chance you get. – Bradley Mayse
  • In short, your only responsibility before family is your relationship with God….get that right and the rest will fall in place. – Wiley Aaron Rutledge
  • That You cannot Change Him/or Her. It seems like every new couple has this thought cross their mind somewhere in the relationship process. So if something “small” makes you feel uneasy, that something “small” will become quite Large later on. – Heather Bro Moroschak

To me, this is one of the great values of community…learning from each other’s mistakes, victories, trials, pains, and joys.

What would you add to this list?

 

Finding New Leaders

November 16, 2010 / / 10 Comments

I was given the great opportunity of leading a couple of breakout sessions at the RightNow Conference in Dallas, TX, this year.

Before the official conference launched, there was a pre-conference experience focused on small groups.  With over 300 people in attendance, it is, as far as I know, the largest gathering of (mixed model) small group point leaders in the country.  And I’m convinced that the future of the small group movement sat in those rooms, bounced ideas off of each other, networked, and were challenged.  And not challenged just to follow one small groups model, but to implement the ideas in their local church context.

I shared my thoughts on finding new small group leaders.  I foolishly thought that this would be a lightly attended breakout session…until I remembered that almost every small groups pastor I talk with shares the same struggle of finding new small group leaders.

Here are my notes from my breakout session, followed by my slide presentation.

Finding New Leaders

If you don’t have a leadership deficit (meaning you never have trouble with needing new leaders), then you may just have an evangelism deficit.  So you having a leadership deficit points to the fact that you’re likely doing the hard work of evangelism, inviting those who are from from God to enter community.  It also points to the fact that you’re casting the vision for small groups well, because so many people are ready and willing to jump into group life.

Leadership deficits are a tension to be managed, not a problem to be solved.

Here are 5 principles that I use in finding new leaders:

  1. Lower the bar.  The lower you drop the bar, the easier it will be to find new leaders.  The higher you raise it, the more difficult it will be.  Finding the balance is key.
  2. Work on your vocabulary.  Make sure the language you use when you describe your small groups doesn’t intimidate potential leaders.
  3. Your lead pastor must be your greatest small group champion.
  4. Remove other competing systems that will take potential leaders away from small groups.  Even leaders will often choose the easiest path.
  5. Define your win.  The “win” in your small groups system may look different than in mine, but you’ve got to know what a “win” looks like so that you can be clear with potential group leaders.

10 places to find new leaders

  1. Apprenticeship – though this model produces new leaders who are fully ready to go when their feet hit the ground, getting those feet to hit the ground often takes too long.  Depending on this model alone lends itself to a high leadership deficit in growing churches.
  2. In current groups as they’re ending – have a conversation with the small group leader(s) as their group is wrapping up, and ask them who in the group could potentially lead in the future.  The trouble with this, though, is that group leaders often hesitate to take risks on unproven leaders.
  3. Steal from other churches – yeah…this was just a joke that I shared that nobody laughed at.
  4. “There’s not a group that works for me…” When you get this response from people, ask them if they’re willing to lead a new group.
  5. Start new types of groups – we started a small group aimed at new believers, opening up the door for potential leaders who, previously, didn’t see themselves fitting into our small groups system.
  6. Shame people into leading – joke #2.  Bomb #2.  It was 1:00…people were tired…and didn’t feel like even giving me a courtesy laugh.
  7. Staff members – are there staff members that could lead a group?
  8. Avoid burnout – give leaders a season(s) off from leading.  In that process, they can become refreshed, ready to re-enter group life when life slows down.
  9. Get people around a table – have a group of people that all want to meet on the same night, on the same side of town?  Bring them together and lead them through the process of picking a group facilitator.
  10. Alignment – the shorter length of time, inviting of friends and neighbors, and being handed a curriculum to start out with make this a great way to find new leaders that haven’t stepped up to the plate before.

Here are my slides:

Got any other principles or ideas to add?
 

Max Lucado, Outlive your Life, RightNow 2010

November 11, 2010 / / 0 Comments

Max Lucado is the pastor at Oak Hills Church in San Antonio.  He presented on the idea of outliving your life at the RightNow Conference 2010.

*Max Lucado has sold over 65 million books.  Try to wrap your mind around that.

At the end of time, we will be separated into two groups.  What a sight it will be when all people from all times will be there.

And when the cosmos finally has what it needs, a 1 king kingdom…what a sight it will be.

The first act of the just-crowned king will be to applaud our works of compassions.

We’re right to say that we’re not saved by our works of compassion, but by the compassion of Christ.  But those who are saved by Christ in return to acts of compassion.

And God makes a big deal out of the Church’s response (and applauds) her simple acts of mercy.

We find a great example of God’s compassion at the first all-church meeting.

Acts 6:1-7

Widows in the NT period needed help being taken care of.  Their only option in their culture was to turn to the Church.  And to the credit to the Church, they did care for the widows.  But apparently, some favoritism crept in.

We could envision the church leaders wanting to turn people away, couldn’t we?  We can just hear them say, “We are in the business of building churches, not feeding bodies.  Not serving soup.”

The only time we find Jesus reading a Scripture (Luke 4:16-19, cf. Isaiah 61:1-2), and who does he talk about?

The poor.

And to declare the year of the Lord’s favor.

And what we see from this passage is that God doesn’t want those who have to be so far from those who have not that they don’t see them.

Why is it that 80% of the world’s resources are owned and controlled by 20% of the people?  And should that bother us?  Should we do anything about it?

Some people are poor because they’re lazy.  Others are poor because of latitude.  They are more than willing to work.  And it’s a tough time to be alive on this Earth.

Compassion is our greatest apologetic.

The book of Acts isn’t just a record of what the Church did, but what the Church can do.

Have you been serious when it comes to compassion?

Are you engaging your church in acts around the world?

2000 verses in the Bible tell us to care for the poor.

 
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