Author: Ben Reed (page 13 of 86)

7 Leadership Lessons Pastors Can Learn from Building a House

February 25, 2013 / / 0 Comments

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My wife and I are building a house for the first time. It’s the 2nd home we’ve owned, and instead of buying an existing house, we decided to build. People told us we were stupid for doing this. We were moving cities, changing churches, changing jobs, and starting all new relationships. And building meant we’d be living with my in-laws for a season throughout all of this change. (let it be known…my in-laws are saints for putting up with us for this long!)

This has been a fun journey, building our house. And I have learned a few leadership principles along the way. (if you’re a pastor, before you’re critical of me for devaluing theology to leadership, read my thoughts on what I wish seminary had taught me. The Gospel needs to be proclaimed, and its sustainability rests well on the back of good, solid, God-honoring leadership.)

7 Leadership Lessons Pastors Can Learn from Building a House

1. Trust, but don’t abandon.

I trust my builder to do the job right…but that doesn’t mean I just abandon him. I check in, almost daily. Not because I want to micromanage, but to make sure that we’re tracking in the same direction. To make sure that the extra plug we wanted has been put in. To make sure that the trim work was done up to par. The builder is great, but he’s just one person, and we’re in on this project together. Two eyes are better than one.

Pastoral leadership trust doesn’t mean you don’t give accountability, oversight, and direction. Management is essential in leadership.

2. Keep a constant stream of communication.

Working on our house, we have a developer, a builder, electricians, roofers, landscapers, other subcontractors, and various paid laborers. On top of that, we’re working on securing our loan, and there are 3 different people I’m working with there. Lots of streams of work are happening. Without a constant dripping of communication from me, things would quickly get off track, off schedule, and way out of whack.

Good leadership keeps open, active lines of communication moving. When communication seems to dry up, leaders drip water back in.

3. Document where you were so you can celebrate where you’ve been.

Along the way, we’ve taken pictures. We’ve got pictures of our empty lot, the slab, the frame, the guys on the roof, a skid-steer moving dirt in our front yard, and the concrete guys pouring our driveway.

Good pastors help people see where they, and the church as a whole, has been…and where you’re headed. It’s hard to celebrate what you don’t remember.

4. Always keep the end in mind.

Along the way, we’ve had to continually remind ourselves that this process will end in us moving into our home. If we didn’t have that end in mind, I’d go crazy. All of the checking in, the communication, and the pickiness would be worthless if we weren’t actually going to move in one day. I need that reminder!

Leaders help others see what the end goal is. In your church, that may be an increased community engagement, more small groups, an upcoming event, a new building, or student camp. Paint a picture and point people to it often.

5. Be picky when the goal isn’t exactly what you wanted.

Most of the time, the builder has hit exactly the mark we want. But on occasion, he’s missed it. Just the other day, I had to make a correction in our bathroom because something was out of place.

Don’t settle for less-than-perfect when it comes to your overall goal. There will be compromises that you have to make along the way, but at the end of the day, make sure you actually do accomplish the goal you set out for. 

6. A little incentive never hurt.

I dropped the workers a little cash, and they helped me out with a little project in my garage. Happily.

As a leader, celebrate with people! Celebrate steps of faith. Celebrate God’s work in their lives. Because what you celebrate gets replicated. Thank, encourage, and…buy people a gift every once-in-a-while.

7. Don’t give up before the project’s done.

It would have been easy at times to just throw our hands up in the air because this project was taking too long, was too detail-intensive, and was too frustrating. With us being this close to the finish line, I’m thrilled we didn’t give up.

There may be times when you need to give up on certain portions of a project or an event, certain timings, and certain details along the way. But seeing a project to completion is the only real way you can learn what needs to be done better next time. 

 

What real men do

February 22, 2013 / / 2 Comments

I asked this recently on Twitter and Facebook, and got some great response.

Real men _____.

I broke my list into two categories. The things that real men do that we puff our chest out about. And the things that, I believe, make us great.

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image credit: Creation Swap, Todd White

Real men (read these while grunting like a caveman)

  • Drink their coffee black
  • Drink their coffee so strong you have to eat it with a fork
  • Hate cats and thinks they’re pointless.
  • Work in the yard.
  • Occasionally grow a mustache because they can.
  • Hate ‘browsing’ at the mall. Shopping = getting what you need and leaving.
  • Prefer charcoal to gas.
  • Love tobasco on everything. Everything. And will drink it straight from the bottle if called upon.
  • ‘If it is ‘bacon-wrapped,’ it’s better.’ – men
  • Only cries while slicing onions.
  • Can drive a stick shift.
  • Yell at the tv when the ref gets the call wrong.
  • Will eat a jalapeño whole if the moment calls for it. 
  • Never owns a juicer. (Or at least doesn’t admit it)
  • Love a good steak. Medium-rare.
  • Prefer their turkey deep fried.
  • Prefer their potatoes deep fried. 
  • Prefer anything and everything fried.
  • Never eat ribs with a fork.
  • Never consider a salad a meal. 

Real men (what makes a man great)

  • Put others first
  • Play with their children (wrestle with their boys. Play tea cups with their girls)
  • Are present with their family 
  • Cherish their spouse 
  • Have deep relationships with other guys
  • Worship God in their own way. (authenticity)
  • Spend way more time with their wife and kids than they do playing video games. 
  • Ask for help when they need it. 
  • Leads their family spiritually.
  • Takes steps of faith.
  • Serves their community. 
  • Encourages others constantly. 
  • Admits they’re weak.
  • Flee sin. 
  • Cry out to God. 
  • Realize they can’t do life alone.
  • Admit when they mess up.
  • Pray.
  • Find ways to be generous with their expertise.
  • Work hard at their job.
  • Work hard to serve their family. (Not just at their job)
  • Act silly with his children, looking foolish for a good laugh.
  • Spoil their children with an extra donut when mom’s not looking. 🙂
  • Watch a chick flick because he loves his wife.
  • Goes shopping with his wife
Anything you’d add?

 

 

The Ben Nevis

February 19, 2013 / / 2 Comments
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image credit: reypastor.org

Over spring break my junior year in college, I took a trip with a few buddies to Edinburgh, Scotland. We had a buddy who was studying there for the semester, and it made for a good excuse to travel halfway around the world to a country none of us had ever visited.

We saw the sites in London, stayed in hostels, visited the most famous golf course in the world, and climbed the highest mountain in the UK, the Ben Nevis. Standing a glorious 4,409 feet high, we knew we were going to dominate this mountain. When you’re a college student from Tennessee, that’s what you do.

My hiking attire:

  • A gray GAP, lightweight hoodie
  • Jeans
  • Tennis shoes

Between the 5 of us hiking that day, we brought 3 bottles of water, 4 energy bars, fruit we’d taken from the hostel where we’d just stayed, and a couple of handfuls of granola.

We weren’t really clued in to our unpreparedness, even though the hostel owner gave us that look, and said, “You’re going to climb the Ben in that?” Dumb, not-scared-of-anything college students, we pressed on.

About an hour into our ascent, I remember passing this couple who looked very “official.” They were decked out in North Face gear, rugged-looking boots, backpacks that could withstand a hurricane, and canteens of water that kept their water at just the perfect temperature for days. And they matched.

“You guys making it ok?” with the same look that the lady at the hostel had given us over breakfast. Apparently our “gear” gave us away. We all glanced at each other as if to say, “Don’t you say a word about how dumb we feel.”

“Yep! Ship shape!” I said. “We almost there?”

They gave a chuckle and continued trudging downwards past us.

When we finally made it to the top, we looked even more out of place. There were guys with ice picks. People donning full-face masks to keep out the cold. And guys with gloves so thick it warmed my hands just to look at them. I cinched my hoodie a little tighter around my face, and drank in the most beautiful site my eyes had ever beheld. Everywhere I turned, making sure not to slip off of the snowy ledge, I saw beautiful Scotland countryside. Mountain after mountain, separated by green valleys, sheep grazing to their heart’s content. Turns out, we crested the top on the only day that entire month where the clouds broke. It was as if God was smiling on our little ragtag crew.

All we could stand was ~30 minutes. We were all freezing. The snow had melted into my shoes, and I could feel the blisters pulsating. Time to head down. Most people gingerly and carefully made their way down the first 200 feet, which was covered with snow. Not our crew, though. We dropped to a sitting position and slid down. What took most people 10 minutes took us less than 15 seconds. I had to dig my heels in to keep from careening off of the side of the mountain (that’s no joke…I really thought I was going to be with Jesus in that moment), but we’d started our journey back.

I was miserable, but I tried to not let that show in my face.

Every person I passed, I’d give them a smile, and a quick,

  • “Hey, you’re almost there!”
  • “It’s worth the climb!”
  • “Don’t quit now!”
  • “Trust me, you’ll be glad you did this!”
  • “Just a few more bends and you’ll get the most beautiful view you’ve ever seen!”

With almost every person I spoke this to (minus the one guy that gave me the sink eye), I saw their face brighten a bit. I saw their shoulders straighten ever so slightly. They would stand up a little straighter. For some, the corners of their lips would curl in a tiny smile.

That’s what encouragement does. It speaks hope and life into places where death would love to take control. It breathes steps for someone else, and releases unknown burdens. It says,

  • This fight is worth it.
  • Don’t give up.
  • Your family needs you!
  • Your faith is worth it!
  • The prize is coming! 
  • Not much further!
  • Now is not the time to quit!
  • I’ve been where you’re going…don’t stop now!

Somebody you know needs encouragement. Right now. They’re on the mountain, and they’re about to quit. They’ve stopped for a break, and they’re not going to start going again until they hear from you. They don’t know that, just ahead, the clouds are breaking. Only you know that it’s just a few more cut backs before they reach the top. Only you know the view ahead is breathtaking.

You may not be a mountain climber. I’m sure not. But a timely word of encouragement can change someone’s life.

Who can you encourage today?

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. – Hebrews 3:13

 

 

Why we love the underdog

February 18, 2013 / / 5 Comments

I’m a Cincinnati Reds fan. And I’m a Tennessee Titans Fan. And I root for the UT Vols. Which means I’m always a fan of the underdog.

My team tends to be the one that Vegas says, “Bet against.”

As a Reds fan, I grew up in “The Nasty Boys” era: Norm Charlton, Randy Myers, and Rob Dibble, the three-headed closing pitching monster that did the heavy lifting in the late innings for the Reds in the late 80s/early 90s. Throw in a little offensive power like Erik Davis, Chris Sabo, and Paul O’Neill, and you’ve got a lovable losers team worth rooting for.

Even with all of that, they were the underdog in the 1990 World Series against the A’s. Which made their sweep of the A’s even that much sweeter.

I love rooting for the underdog. The guys that everybody counts on losing. The guys that are counted out before the game begins. The team that nobody gives a chance.

And don’t we all love rooting for the underdog? It’s no secret that our culture loves movies like Remember the Titans, The Bad News Bears, and Rudy. We love shows like The Biggest Loser. Because there’s a part of us that wants the “unlovable” guy to win. That wants the big bully to lose.

But why do we really love the underdog so much?

Because we are the underdog.

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image credit: abcnews.com

In life, we feel like we’re the guy at the bottom.

We are the underdog

  • We were the one who was picked on at school.
  • We were the one who picked on others because we were insecure in ourselves.
  • We were the one whose marriage was doomed to fail.
  • We weren’t the one “most likely to succeed.”
  • We were the ones that nobody thought would be a good parent.
  • We were the ones that almost failed out of shop class.
  • We were the ones that never could get the girl.
  • We were the ones that were made fun of.
  • We were the nerds.
  • The goof-ups.
  • The forgetful.
  • The lazy.
  • The cheap.
  • The funny-looking.
  • The ugly one.
  • The one with the broken family.
  • The one with the addiction.
  • The one that was slow.
  • The overweight one.
  • The one with the lisp.
  • The dumb one.
  • The one who couldn’t dance.
We’re not any different spiritually, either.

Spiritual underdogs

Spiritually speaking, we’re the underdog, too. The Bible says that we are

  • dead (Romans 5:12, 19)
  • disobedient (Romans 11:32)
  • dumb sheep (Isaiah 53:6)
  • Like a thorn (Micah 7:2-4)
  • worthless (Romans 3:10)
  • Not good (Luke 18:19)
  • Evil (Ecclesiastes 9:3)
  • dumb (Jeremiah 10:14)
  • unable to save ourselves (Colossians 2:13)
The Bible paints a picture of us not of ones who are on top of the heap, righteously fighting for the good of our souls. We’re made out exactly the opposite. And if we’re honest with ourselves, doesn’t life feel like this? As much as we try, we feel further from God. As hard as we work, life still doesn’t make sense. As much as we want to do the right thing, we stumble into the wrong thing. We’ve never drifted into doing the right thing. We continuously drift into that thing that we don’t want to do. (Romans 7:19)
The Bible doesn’t paint a picture of us that we haven’t seen before. We look at it in the mirror each and every day.
We love to root for the underdog because we are the underdog.
Which makes the grace of God that much more beautiful.

I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’  So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. – Luke 15:18-24

It’s time we embrace our weaknesses. And turn back to the God who saves the weak, the dead, the dumb, the blind, the maimed, the bleeding, the wicked, and the wanderers. And find He’s running towards us with open arms.

 

 

A leader’s focus

February 13, 2013 / / 2 Comments

Drops of dirty road water hurled themselves at the hem of my gym shorts as I rounded the corner. It was a chilly February afternoon, and I was almost halfway through with my jog. It happened to be my long run for the week, the final installment that week for my 13.1 mile training plan.

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image credit: Shape.com

As I rounded the corner, I started down a longer, straight stretch, a slight downhill section that cut its way between a row of houses, cold rainwater zipping across the road as I splashed my way down.

I looked up, and in the distance I saw the next corner I had to round. It was over a half-mile ahead. For the next minute, that’s all I focused on, and as I did, I felt myself slowing down, physically and mentally, frustrated I wasn’t further down the road. Anxious about how far I still needed to pound. My legs were ready to quit, and my mind was nodding its head in agreement. Until I looked down.

I dropped my eyes for a moment and focused on the wet pavement in front of me, putting one foot in front of the other. Looking at the pavement, then at the next puddle, then at the next mailbox, I pressed onwards until, before I knew it, the corner I’d dreaded was already behind me. The music in my ears echoed on as I focused on the next step.

The focus of a leader

There are times when leaders need to look way ahead, dream big dreams, and help paint a massive, far-off-in-the-distance picture of the bigger-than-what-we-can-even-imagine future that’s coming.

But there are also times when we need to put our heads down, and help others see that next step. Forget “the big picture.” Forget “the dream.” Forget “where we’re headed.” Just help people take that next step. Help them to not lose focus on what’s in front of them, and celebrate small wins. To look too far into the future can be paralyzing, frustrating, and anxiety-inducing.

Even a small step of faith in the right direction is worth celebrating. We’re all in process. Don’t paralyze people by the scope of the road you point them down.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Jesus, Matthew 6:34

 

 

 

 

 

Being called out from the pulpit

February 12, 2013 / / 8 Comments

It’s one thing to be “called out” in a general way because you’re convicted by Truth. That’s the work of the Spirit, and it’s a great thing (though in the moment we don’t always think so).

It’s another thing entirely when you’re specifically “called out” from stage, the sermon stopped, and you’re told “I hope if you’re going to be a preacher that everybody in the audience talks when you preach. You’ll reap what you sow.”

Ouch. (you’ll see that in the video below)

I was called out once for using an electronic Bible. That was fun.

Check out this clip.

Is it ever appropriate to call out somebody publicly, from the pulpit?

 

(HT: Todd Rhoades)

 

The curator

February 12, 2013 / / 4 Comments

Confession: I am an information junkie.

I follow over 100 blogs. Follow over 13,000 people on Twitter. Over 2,000 people on Facebook.

I read books. Listen to podcasts. And consume vast amounts of media.

Not to be lazy and sit around clicking on my computer, but because I enjoy it. I enjoy new ideas, different perspectives, and stretching my mind.

But it’s a bit overwhelming, and there are days when I just throw up my hands, close my laptop, and stop. It’s just too much to take in. Especially when so much of what people are sharing isn’t worth reading. My official records show that over 90% of blogs aren’t worth your time.

Enter the curator. The person who distills the best of the best and serves it up for you on a platter.

Todd Rhoades (Twitter, Facebook, blog) has been doing this for years. I have loved getting the best of the best content from Todd in his Monday Morning Insights. He does the hard work of crunching more information than you can shake a stick at (for those of you who shake your sticks at information) and putting a post together.

I saw Todd at a conference recently, and encouraged him that the art of curation is something that the blogosphere needs. As a pastor, I love that there’s a guy that I can trust that’s snagging content that I wouldn’t have normally read and putting it together. Doesn’t everybody want to be the guy who finds the coolest stories. The funniest videos. The latest breaking news?

Todd (along with Matt Steen) have just started publishing an ebook. His goal is for this to be a monthly resource, curating a month’s worth of news, covering areas such as:

  • Children’s Ministry
  • Church Administration
  • Church Planting
  • Communication
  • Discipleship & Small Groups
  • Family & Personal Life
  • Church Humor
  • Innovation & Ideas
  • Megachurch
  • Multisite
  • Outreach & Evangelism
  • Preaching
  • Productivity & Time Management
  • Social Media
  • Staffing & Personnel
  • Student Ministry
  • Technology
  • Theology
  • Trends
  • Vision & Mission
  • Volunteers
  • Worship Resources

I’ve read through this month’s and it’s really well done. Some of the articles I’d read already, but many I hadn’t. I found it easy to navigate, easy to download, and full of great content. It’ll cost you a few bucks, but it’s worth it. And it’ll cost you a few bucks less if you use the code BENREED.

Just pick up your copy HERE.

 

 

9 Parenting Tips to Avoid

February 11, 2013 / / 20 Comments

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Let me list my parenting resume

  • I’ve been a parent now for over 4 years.
  • I’ve read a lot of parenting books.
  • I’ve listened to a lot of parenting sermons.
  • I’ve preached about parenting issues.
  • I’ve blogged about being a parent.

Which means I have it all figured out.

Come on, you know that once you’ve written a blog about parenting, you’ve got it all figured out.

In my vast years of experience, I’ve noticed a lot of parenting nuggets being thrown around. And I’ve noticed a lot of things that aren’t shared as nuggets as much as they’re just lived out in the moment.

Things get out of hand, and go sideways in a restaurant, and you default to a certain behavior, whether in the moment you believe that’s what’s best for your child or not. Right?

You don’t really think that yelling back at your child in Wal Mart is what’s best for him, you, or the rest of Wal Mart, do you? You don’t really think that giving in to your child’s temper tantrum is what’s best, do you? But in order to save face, and just “get through” the moment, we make decisions and base our actions on more immediate gratification.

I’ve seen some pretty bad decisions that have been made in the heat of the moment. I’ve committed lots of these. And I’ve noticed a few things that you and I should avoid.

9 Parenting Tips to Avoid

1. Count to 3.

“Timmy, listen to daddy. I’m going to count to 3, and you have to _____. 1…2…2.5…2.75…2.85…2.94…” Don’t expect obedience the first time you ask for it. Give your child a chance to disobey you for a little while longer.

Delayed obedience is disobedience.

2. Always let them decide.

They’re a child. They decide what’s best for themselves. Eating a candy bar before bed? Yes! Oh, you don’t want to go eat there for dinner, like mommy and daddy do? Ok! You want to stay up late because you just don’t want to go to bed? Sure! Thanks for letting me know, you little ball of wisdom!

Children need your wisdom. And they need to know you’re the parent, not them. As a parent, God’s called you to be an authority in your child’s life.

3. Let your world revolve around them.

Get in as many “activities” as possible, because that’s what’s best for your children and your family. Always be doing something. And during the “off” seasons, find something to fill your time. Because “resting” (the Bible calls this “Sabbath”) is something we do when we die.

If you let them, children will make your world completely circle theirs. This isn’t healthy. Good parents help their family find balance between doing and being.

4. Don’t have a discipline plan.

Don’t plan for discipline…because that’s no fun! Just try to figure out in the moment what you’ll do. That way, if you’re really angry, you’ll do something stupid always do the right thing.

Plan out how you’ll discipline. Don’t make it an “in the moment” thing, or you’ll end up disciplining in a way that you regret. Godly discipline is loving, and for our good. (Hebrews 12:5-11)

5. Don’t make them go to church.

What kind of parent would you be if you forced your child to do what you know is best for them? You haven’t been called to shape the way your children grow and mature. Come on…do you even love your child?

Set corporate worship, and healthy relationships, as a weekly standard for your family, because you know you need it…not necessarily because you always wake up every Sunday eager to go. Do what’s best, not just what “feels” right at the time.

6. Always be firm.

Don’t ever let up on your kids. Because if you do, they’ll get out of hand. No grace. No mercy.

Model for your children what the grace of God looks like. Sometimes, when they’ve disobeyed, show them grace, and explain the radical grace of God to them. Don’t exasperate your children. (Ephesians 6:4)

7. Don’t ever play.

You’re the parent. They’re the child. They need to understand that distinction. Don’t ever get on the ground and play with them. Don’t show them your weaknesses. And for goodness sake, don’t ever have fun.

If you don’t play with your child, you rob them of a beautiful gift. And you paint a picture of a boring God to them.

8. When you don’t know what to do, let Google be your guide.

Not sure what to do in this parenting situation? Google it! There’s so much great advice that will always point your children to Jesus, and help your family grow. Use Google, and Google alone.

Always be wary of what you read on the internet. Find a parent (or two or three) and ask them to speak in to your life as a parent. Surround yourself with people wiser than you, and bounce ideas off of them, growing from their wisdom and experience. 

9. As long as they’re not bothering me…

They’re watching something that may be a bit inappropriate for their age? Playing with something they shouldn’t? Spending too long on Facebook? Well, at least they’re out of your hair for a couple of hours.

Do. Not. Disengage. Know what is influencing your child. Set boundaries, and stick to them. Media shapes your children’s minds in powerful ways.

Anything you’d add?

 

 

 

Craveable

February 7, 2013 / / 0 Comments

Is your life as a follower of Jesus ‘Craveable’?

How about your small group?

How about your church? Is it craveable?

Watch this video, then pick up the new book by my friend Artie Davis.

 

Pick up your copy HERE!

 

The inner rebel in me

February 7, 2013 / / 2 Comments

There’s something in me that bucks against the grain. The tried-and-true, well-worn path of least resistance that most of us like to cruise down. When I see you cutting that path, something in me awakens.

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Show me your mean face!

When you tell me, “We’ve never done this before,” I want to do it. Here. Now.

When you tell me, “It can’t be done,” I know it can.

When you say, “It’s just not possible,” I know I serve a God who parted the seas and raises the dead.

When you say, “We don’t do that here,” I know we can…now.

When you say, “She probably won’t be ready to lead for a long time” I remind you that we serve a God who radically saves.

When you say, “I will never beat this _______” I say, “Let me tell you about 20 people I know who have.”

When you say, “I’ll never get over this fear…” I say, “God did not create us with a spirit of fear.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

When you tell me, “You can’t do it.” I say, “Watch me.”

When you say, “Not here, not now, not ever.” I say, “Here. Now. Today.”

When you say, “You’ll never make it,” I say, “Why don’t you help me?”

Anybody else feel their rebellious spirit awaken in the face of opposition?

 

 
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