Tag: listening skills

Anticipating before listening

iStock photo user: Fabervisum

Good leaders listen well. They don’t merely anticipate.

I was at the bank yesterday, and as I left I said to the teller, “Bye, see you later!” To which she replied, “I hope you have a good day, too!”

She anticipated because she had heard the same thing from every customer that day. She thought she heard, “Have a good day!” She should have listened more carefully.

Not a big deal, because the response that my bank teller makes to me on the way out doesn’t make or break my day, but it does point out an important principle.

Listen before you answer.

Listen before you answer…

  • When you’re talking with your spouse and you feel like you already know what they’re going to say
  • When you’re in a hurry and you wish the person would just hurry up
  • When you’re the small group leader and you’re “expected to have the right answer”
  • When someone is going to ask your advice
  • When someone is not going to ask your advice, they’re just sharing their story
  • When you’re talking with an “extra grace required” person
  • When you’ll be expected to give a response and you’re not sure what you’re going to say.

The temptation is to move ahead and prepare what your response will be. That way, you’ll appear smart and on top of things.

But you’re better off listening fully before processing your answer.

Those who are sharing their heart with you will feel honored and respected knowing you truly care about them.

And when they throw you a curve ball, like I did my bank teller, you’ll be ready.

He who answers before listening — that is his folly and his shame. – Proverbs 18:13

Question:

Have you ever tried to anticipate what someone was going to say, and gotten it wrong?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone when they appeared absent?

*photo credit, iStock Photo user: Fabervisum

 

Small group leaders, listen up!

Be quick to listen, slow to speak. -James 1:19

James knew us too well. He knows that we would struggle with speaking too much, too quickly, and too often. He knew that it would be easier to step up and say something than to push through silence and allow someone else time to process and respond.

James was a wise man. And we’d do well to follow his wisdom.

Small group leaders need to remember this when leading their small group.

4 Ways to Listen Well

1. Listen intently to people’s stories. Knowing where somebody has come from and why they gave that particular answer will be unbelievably helpful for you as you lead that person.  Listening to and remembering people’s stories makes them feel that you care, and is a way you can love your group members.

2. Ask questions and wait for answers. Don’t ask a question and give your answer first.  Let others chew on it and share their thoughts.  Some people are slower to answer than others.  They may be more contemplative and take longer to process their answers.  Or, they may simply be polite and not want to talk over anybody.  As the group leader, be okay with silence. You may have introverts in your group.

3. Observe body language. Communication happens verbally and non-verbally.  Don’t neglect either. If someone seems to be eager to engage, give them the chance. If they’re hesitant, be careful pressing in too much.

4. Ask follow-up questions. Instead of taking an answer at face value and moving on, linger for a while.  Ask a follow-up question that draws the answer out a bit more.  Ask the group for feedback.  Listen for similarities and differences in responses, and connect them.

Truth: The goal of a small group is not for the “right” answer to be the first answer.

Work to facilitate discussion.

Work to listen more and talk less.

 

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