Spence Shelton led a breakout, making the case for multi-generational small group, at the RightNow Conference 2010.  Spence is the small groups pastor at The Summit Church in Raleigh-Durham, NC.

Spence started out asking a question:

Who have been the most influential people in your life?

It’s probably some people who were in previous generations…some in your current generation…and some that are in generations younger than you.

Spence recommends Joseph Hellerman’s book, When the Church Was a Family.

The American culture is filled with consumers.  And since the culture is filled with that, our churches are filled with that mindset, too.

Here’s the line of thought that Spence runs with at The Summit:

Come as you are, but we’re not going to leave you there.

Making the church accessible to non-Christians is great, where we’ve created various environments for people at different ages, stages, and spiritual maturity levels.  And the problem is that these environments that were supposed to be front-door ministries became silos.  They became environments where you could “get your church, your way, right away.”  The idea here is that “you come as you are and stay as you are.”

This is a problem when you read Scripture.

3 Principles of the Biblical World that the Church was birthed into, in 1st century AD

1. In the Biblical world, the group took priority over the individual.  The individual felt responsible to the group for decisions.  It was a group-first mentality.  It was a strong-group culture.  We now live in a weak-group (individual-driven) society.
2. A person’s most important group was a person’s blood-family.
3. A closest family bond was a sibling bond, not the marriage bond.

We currently live in a weak group/strong individual culture now.  So when Paul calls people his “brother,” it carried much more weight than it does today.

The changing of the family

• In Deuteronomy 6, God gives His great command to the family.  He encourages parents to teach the law of the Lord to your children, in such a way that (though it takes a long time) it becomes permanent.
• In the Jewish culture, even the surrounding community helped to shape the hearts and minds of children.
• This makes Jesus’ statement that his mother and brothers weren’t his family, he’s reinstituting the idea of what a family is.  Instead of just flesh and blood, “family” is now those who are united in Christ.
• Galatians 3:26-27 – in Christ, all are one.
• Titus 2:1-8 – older men are called to be wise, and invest in younger men.  This is again a reinterpretation of what “family” is.

If our primary environment for growth, and our idea of “family” is based on the New Testament examples above, and we have single-generational groups, we’re not giving an accurate picture of the family.  Rather, if we have multi-generational groups, offering those as our environment for spiritual growth, we can give an accurate, New Testament picture of healthy spiritual family.

Objections to multi-generational groups

• Friendship is best built around common interest.
• I don’t have anything helpful to offer to another generation.  I don’t have all of the answers that the younger generation is going to ask.  Rebuttal: if you’re further along in life, you have something to offer the younger generation.
• Am I going to be the only one like me in the group?  There’s great value in being around people not just like you.  Though it does work best when there’s one other person like you.

*This concept of multi-generational groups applies to all areas of diversity, including racial and socio-economic.

Moving from life-stage silos to multi-generational

• It starts with you, believing in this and stepping out and doing it.
• Remember that your people are consumers.  This concept doesn’t work that really well in a short conversation at the small groups table.  The Summit holds multi-generational groups up as an ideal, but doesn’t force it with everybody.  He works this DNA into small group leaders, and encourages them to begin to look like the family of God.

Q&A

What do you do when you want to transition to multi-generational but your lead pastor isn’t convinced that this is the way to go?

• Ask your lead pastor to participate in a multi-generational group with you.  Convince them through experience.

If you have an older and a younger generation, how do we begin moving them closer together?

• Identify a couple of leaders (including yourself), who aren’t just like you (age/stage in life), and ask them to do small groups like this.

What are some studies/books that can help with that?

• Why Small Groups, CJ Mahaney
• Hellerman’s book (listed above)

Is it a detriment that people are talking about issues that others in the group aren’t dealing with?

• Spence has heard people say that it’s refreshing to see what marriage is like from a married couple, instead of just in a sermon or a book.
• Don’t allow your conversation in your small group to just be about yourselves and your situation.

Who is the leader, the younger people or the older people?

• Either

What do you do about childcare?

• We reimburse childcare costs

What do you do about teens?

• Some are brought into the adult small group experience, it’s going well.  But Spence isn’t ready to make a rule that teens of certain ages should go into small groups.
• No children in the small group.

Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?

I’ve run into this question myself.  A group leader approaches me and says, “Can I invite ______…he goes to another church, but…”  Or a group member approaches me and says, “My good friend goes to ________ Church, but I’d love to invite her to our small group…can I?”

I’ve posted this question on Twitter HERE, The Small Groups QHub HERE, and gotten some great responses.

Todd brings up a good point

@benreed If it’s obvious their goal is to win others to their theological position, or they’re avoiding dealing with sin, i’d confront.

If their goal is to win others to their theological position, it’s time to have a conversation (though the whole “obvious” part is, in my estimation, difficult to ascertain).  We see this at different points in the New Testament, where people came into the local church and, through their teaching, intentionally divided the local church (passages dealing with false teaching: Matthew 24:11; Mark 13:5-6; Galatians 1:6-10; 2 Corinthians 11:1-4; Col. 2:1-10; Peter 3:17-18; 1 John 4:1-6).

Spence says

@benreed I ask them to view their time in group as training to launch groups at their church

I love that idea (though I have a few exceptions…you’ll see what I’m talking about below).

There’s a lot that goes into answering this question.  I don’t think that the answer is a simple, “Yes” or “No.”

Trying to understand another person’s intent/desire/theological bent/difficulties is not an easy task.

Should you kick someone out of your group if you find out they’re attending another church?

Instead of making a general pronouncement for or against kicking people out of your group, why not consider these things:

Should I kick them out?

1. Not all churches have a discipleship structure that helps people grow in their faith. I know…I know…at some point, we need to take personal responsibility for our growth.  We can’t depend on others solely for our own spiritual growth.  But if we’re in such a difficult place (local church) that we can’t lean on them when life is tough (for example, how about a church plant in a place where the Gospel isn’t prevalent), then we need to be able to draw from other churches.

2. Some pastors of other churches aren’t able to be fully open and honest in their own church’s small groups. If they were completely open about their struggles with church members, it may be tough for church members to hear them preach on Sundays.  *Pastors need to have people in their life to whom they can be fully transparent…but it may not be people in their congregation.

3. Not all churches truly offer grace. People’s sins sometimes preclude them from having regular fellowship with believers because their church can’t truly offer grace and forgiveness.  Once others find out the nature and extent of a person’s sin, they can no longer have regular fellowship with them.  It’s not that these who have sinned are trying to run from accountability…they’re longing for grace, and they get it from God, but not from His people.  It’s unfortunate, but true.

4. Some people are sensing that God’s calling them to another church. Small groups are a great test of the health of a local church. Instead of walking out of their Sunday morning services immediately, they can explore what God would have for them through the small groups at your church. *I understand that there are “biblical” and “unbiblical” reasons for leaving a local church, and my intent in this post is not to address those reasons.

5. Exercise wisdom. Look at these on a case-by-case basis.  Instead of making judgments against every person’s situation in a blanket fashion, work with each of these situations individually.3. Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody.

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment. (Proverbs 18:1)

If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)

Some people try to get away from accountability, but not everybody.  Some people hop from church to church because they don’t feel they are getting the respect they deserve, but not everybody.  Some people are true false teachers, but not everybody.

At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself (or your church) what’s right.  I don’t think that the Bible explicitly spells out the absolute “right” or “wrong,” “black” or “white” way to handle this issue.

May we be people quick to forgive and quick to offer grace…because we serve a God who is ready to run after the prodigal.