I’m a father.  I have a 2 year old son that I love dearly.

And I’m often thinking about the future for him, and how I can raise him so that he becomes a great man who loves God, loves his family, and ministers the Gospel well.

I love that I get to be around him so much, and get to play a huge role in his life.  I don’t take that for granted at all.  I mean, we eat dinner as a family every night of the week…how awesome is that?!?

But when I read THIS STORY, I was immediately convicted, and began thinking about what I would do if I were to die young.

What am I doing to pave the way for the future growth of my family?

What if I die in the next couple of years…is my family prepared for something like that?

Have I invested my time in the things that matter most?

Check this video out.  And think through your own life and family, the way you spend your time, and the preparation you’ve done for the future.

(HT: @BenArment)

 

I never joined a fraternity.

I wasn’t a recluse at all…I had my circles of relationships.  I just didn’t ever join a fraternity.  And part of my reason for not joining was that I thought the whole thing was just weird.

They wore different colors.  They were always busy with fraternity activities.  They had their own house.  Their own chants.  Their own jokes.  Their own handshakes.  Their own sections at the games.  Their own language.

While fraternities had many positive things to offer (community, sense of belonging, lifelong friends, etc.) here are some negatives I noticed.

Where Fraternities missed the mark, they:

1. Were exclusivistic. If you weren’t one of them, you were treated like you were an outsider.

2. Seemed to lose the individual to the collective whole. After a person joined a fraternity, their identity became wrapped up with that fraternity.

3. Sent candidates through a long initiation process that, to those on the outside, was silly and pointless.

4. Dominated people’s time, and kept them from integrating with the rest of the student body.

I think this is what unhealthy churches do, too.  I know, I know…we should be developing healthy communities of people that love and care for each other.  But shouldn’t we want to grow?  Our goal as the Church isn’t to add just a certain type of the incoming class of freshmen…because our Savior died for people from every race and every tribe! If you want to add people to your local church (evangelism), you have to start thinking about how they will perceive what you do.

So how do we do that?  Take a cue from what fraternities do.

Growing churches…

1. Aren’t exclusivistic. *Before you comment, please read below* Rather, these churches take an inclusive stance to those outside of the faith, positioning and presenting their local church in a way that doesn’t offend, but invites, outsiders to come and see.  These churches consistently think, “How will a first-time guest perceive, and understand, what we do here?”

2. Give people the space to process, and the freedom to be themselves. If you’re producing drones that simply parrot back the “right” answer, never thinking and processing for themselves, then you’re doing a disservice to the individual God has created.  God has created us unique, and our uniqueness as individuals makes for a beautiful Church.

3. Don’t make the integration process difficult. If someone is seeking and curious, give them the chance to explore.  Immediately!  Don’t make them go through a 12-week membership process before they can serve, join a small group, or feel like they’re a part of your church family.  Strike while that iron’s hot.

4. Don’t dominate people’s time. Intuition says that more programs = more spiritual growth.  But if you have church activities every night of the week, how do you expect your church to truly be a vital part of the community?  How do you expect individuals to invest in their family?  How do you expect staff members to have any time of their own?  Advocating a simple model in your local church shows that you value investing in your community and in your families.

What other things do growing churches do?

*I’m not meaning theological exclusivity, as in the exclusivity of the Gospel (John 14:6).  My defense of that can come in another post.

 

I just had lunch with a guy in our small groups ministry, and we talked about the importance of accountability.  We talked about the fact that we all need to have those people in our lives who know everything about us, and are not afraid to ask us difficult, awkward, yet ultimately Christ-honoring, sin-defeating questions.  We need those people who know all of our junk, yet love us still the same.  They don’t love our junk, but they love the chance to help point out the sinful habits and blind spots that we have, and those things (whether good or bad) that ensnare us.  They’re not satisfied with letting us continue in our sin because they “know that he (Jesus) appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.” (1 John 3:5-6).  We are sinful creatures, and our sin loses its power when it’s confessed, and brought into the light.

How do you make sure you’re held accountable?  Are you accountable to anyone other than God?  Are you accountable to anyone other than your spouse?

How can you, as a group leader, help those in your group be accountable to each other?

1. Foster an environment of authenticity and vulnerability.  Be real with your struggles, failings, and sinful tendencies.  You’re not perfect, and your group members know that.  When you mess up, confess it!

2. Divide your group based on gender for times of prayer.  I don’t like to air out my dirty laundry in front of another man’s wife, and I’m sure that you feel similarly.  Guys can be more openly honest when it’s just guys in the room.  We understand each other better, know how we think and operate, and often know how to minister to each other and hold each other accountable better than you do.  The same holds true for girls.

3.  If you’re the leader, meet with group members (who share the same gender with you) outside of the normal group meeting.  These times are great for building relationship, and opening up with areas of your lives that are not as easy to bring up in a larger group setting.

4.  Choose curriculum, and ask questions in the group, that cover a wide variety of Scriptures and topics.  You won’t know what areas people in your group struggle with until you ask.

5.  Encourage group members to find somebody that can hold them accountable.  It can be another person in the group, or a believer outside of the group, but it does not have to be you, the leader.  Your role as the leader is to encourage others to put themselves into relationships full of confession, love, and vulnerability.

Accountability, just like spiritual growth, doesn’t just happen.  You have to desire it, and you have to seek it.  Accountability is crucial to your growth in Christlikeness.  How much do you care about your growth?