I noted a few things HERE that we can rightly say our circumstances are not.  Today, let’s look at a few things our circumstances are.

When “life” happens, remember

1. Circumstances give you a chance to slow down. Moving through life at blazing speeds is something that most of us do well.  When trials happen, you’re forced to slow down, and given the chance to evaluate things.  Use that time wisely!

2. God is in control of all things. Even when everything seems to fall apart, reminding yourself that God is ultimately in control is a great source of hope. (Ecclesiastes 7:14; John 10:27-29; Colossians 1:17)

3. You need others to help you discern the hand of God. We gravitate to quick, rash decisions…and paralyzation, waiting forever before doing anything.  But it is within the counsel of other godly men and women that wisdom is found. (Proverbs 13:20; Proverbs 15:22)  Others who love you, have your best interest at heart, and are committed to helping you grow rightly give counsel to help you see where God’s working.  (see my related posts on the value of small groups HERE)

4. Circumstances don’t control the outcome of your life. Your relationship with God does.  If they begin to control your life, it’s because you’ve given them that power, because Christ is greater than he who is in the world.  (1 John 4:4)

This is what the Lord says:
Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
who rely on human strength
and turn their hearts away from the Lord .
They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
with no hope for the future.
They will live in the barren wilderness,
in an uninhabited salty land.

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
and they never stop producing fruit. -Jeremiah 17:5-8

Ever felt like you were controlled by your circumstances?

Ever worked through the difficulties and found God at work the whole time?

A friend of mine is struggling through overcoming an addiction.  It’s a tough road.  Seriously, really tough.

He’s been clean now for a while.  And the freedom he’s experienced after running away from his addiction, finding rest and satisfaction in Christ, has been amazing.  And to tell you the truth, it’s been refreshing to me, as well.  Seeing a man live in realization that Christ has broken the chains of sin reminds me of the work Christ did to rescue my heart.

And here’s what I’d like to tell you right now: He’s still clean every day.  Every day gets easier and easier, and it’s as if the past years of addiction are melted away, and their power to sway is so weak it’s as if it’s nonexistent.

But that would be a lie.

Just the other day, he had to confess a breach in sobriety.  And I wept for him.  And with him.

And that conversation could have easily been the last of our conversations.  Because many Christians say that they’re willing to walk the hard road with a struggling brother.  ”You need a helping hand overcoming _____?  I’m there for you!”  Underlying that open hand of mercy is a backhand ready to be unleashed the moment that friend takes a step backwards.  It’s one of those unspoken rules.  ”If you fall back into that sin, my helping you is done.”

Maybe it’s because, if they fall back, it’s reflects badly on them.  It used to just be the addict’s problem…now it’s the helper, too.

Maybe it’s because they want to help…as long as it’s not too difficult emotionally.

Maybe it’s because they wrongly think that an addict’s addiction is over, once and for all, the moment they ask for help.  That the problem will never resurface, and that the struggle against it is, in a way, over.

Whatever the reason, it’s not a good one.  Take out a pen and paper and write this down:

A breach in sobriety is not the end of the battle.

That’s what I told my friend.  I reminded him that our relationship is a safe place for him to be open and honest…even if he messes up again.  There will be consequences to him taking steps backwards.  It could wreck his life…again.  But it wouldn’t wreck my commitment to walking this through with him.  I reminded him that just because he messed up again, he hadn’t lost the battle forever.  That he still had work to do, but that I was still standing beside him, helping him fight.  That he was going to probably mess up again, but that God’s forgiveness still covers him.  That he could be honest about even the smallest breaches, and that in being honest with the small things, he’s working to fight against the Enemy, and do battle even in his failures.

My friend needs me.  Your friend needs you.  Especially when they’ve messed up…again.

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. -God, Deuteronomy 31:6

Have you ever had a friend mess up time and time again?  What did you do?

Have you ever messed up time and time again?  How were you treated by others?

After having looked at cows, rhinoceroses, anteaters, and sloths, God puts Adam in a deep sleep.  When he wakes up, he sees Eve and immediately notices that she’s much different than anything he’s ever seen.  I imagine she had that angelic light and chorus around her as Adam laid eyes on the one he would spend the rest of his life with.   Adam manages to stammer out these words:

This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man. (Genesis 2.23)

Adam and Eve rapidly move from this level of relationship to one of blame-shifting, hiding, deceiving, lying, and pride.  What’s the result?

Disrupted community.

Enmity.  Pain.  Difficulties.  Frustrations.  Sweat.  Shame.  Banishment.  Broken relationships.

Sin in the OT is first a relational breach.  Adam and Eve are separated from each other and from God.  Things that should bring great joy would forevermore be painful and difficult.  And maintaining and growing the relationships that matter most would be far from easy.

Don’t think that your sin only affects you and your relationship with God, and that, since it’s just between you and God, it won’t make a difference in the lives of others.  There is a horizontal aspect to sin.  It erodes community.

To think it only affects you is to think to little of sin and its consequences.

Have you ever noticed your personal mistakes having a negative impact on community?

An essential part of building community is laughing together.

Those I feel closest to I also laugh with.  I mean, we do talk about really important stuff.  Life-changing.  Heart-wrenching.  Tear-enducing.

But we also laugh together.  So hard that we cry.  So hard that it hurts our stomachs.  So hard that we accidentally pass gas.

And I’m convinced that it’s healthy to laugh together.  Ecclesiastes 3:4 says that there is “a time to laugh.”  Laughing together helps to build relationship.  It helps to build trust.  And community is fostered when you laugh with somebody.

Too many people think that “religion” has to be completely stoic.  To be a “good” follower of Christ means that you’re straight-faced, walk around with blank stares, and have furled brows.  But that’s just not true.

God created humor.  And if you never experience that with other followers of Christ then you’re missing out on a great blessing.

I laugh a lot with the guys I work with at the Grace offices.  At the end of one of our Sunday services, a few of us went out on stage as Adam Bayne’s “band” to help him with an announcement.  Enjoy laughing at this picture…at our expense.  Go ahead…I’m giving you “a time to laugh.”

And while you’re at it, why not invite your neighbor over for a cup of coffee, and laugh together with them, too.  Who knows?  It may be that God uses that to help you build a relationship with them that leads them to follow Christ.

Ever had someone come up to you at a stoplight and offer to wash your windshield?

I remember when I was a kid, and it happened to us when my dad was driving.  He politely declined the offer.  I said, “What?!?  A guy just offered to clean your windshield, Dad!  Why didn’t you let him?”  His response: “Because he was going to charge us.”

My cousin, Tyler, had a similar experience the other day.  While walking the streets of Rome, a guy approached him and made him a bracelet, making polite and engaging conversation the whole time.  My cousin, being a naive teenager, thought the guy was just being nice.  When he was done, the bracelet-making street guy said, “I did you a favor, now you do me a favor.  Give me 5 Euros.”  He pulled a 10 out, to which the guy said, “I’ll take 10!”

A gift quickly loses its appeal when the generosity is removed.

In fact, a gift isn’t a gift if there’s no generosity.  When a gift is attached with an expectation, it’s not a gift.  It’s a transaction.  Which is fine if I’m buying something.  But not if I’m receiving a gift.

When you serve your community, do you do so expecting nothing in return?  Or do you expect that, after you serve somebody, they’re going to come to your church?

When you give “selflessly” of your time and resources, do you secretly expect that there will be a return on your investment?  That, because you gave, they are obligated to give something back to you (in the form of a person visiting (or giving money to) your church, your organization, or your small group)?

It’s okay to hope that the love and generosity you show others will be reciprocated.  But making it an expectation strips a gift of its beauty.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  -Luke 6:35

“You need to make a personal decision to follow Christ.”

I’ve heard that many times.  Have you?

It’s something you have to do, on your time, in your heart, in your seat, that you will not regret…with all heads bowed and all eyes closed (thus shutting out the rest of the congregation).

This decision, the one that can, and should, rock your entire community…all boils to you.

Am I the only one that thinks this seems really individualistic, self-centered, and anti-community?

Salvation just doesn’t happen like that.  It is true that you have to make the decision, but the decision isn’t made in a box.  It’s made in the context of community (relationships with others).  It’s community that leads people to a relationship with the Lord, not a mere intellectual ascent to the Truth.  It’s seeing the truth lived out.  Not reading an airtight apologetic.  It’s experiencing the Truth in love.  It’s being served.  Valued.  By community.

And it’s community that you’re saved to.  You’re not saved to be an island.  Rather, you’re saved to be a part of a family.  “Fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household…in him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord.  And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” (Ephesians 2:19-22)  When you trust in Christ, you are grafted into a family.  Adopted…and given the rights of the firstborn son.  And you instantly become a vital part of that community, which the Bible calls a “body.” (1 Corinthians 12)

So next time, instead of closing a service with, “Bow your heads and close your eyes and make an individual decision…” why not acknowledge the community that has led people to this saving faith, and invite people to look around and rejoice at the family that they are saved into?

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. 1 Peter 2:9-10

I’m reading through The Tangible Kingdom: Creating Incarnational Community by Halter and Smay.  Thought this quote might challenge some folks:

Advertisements by their very nature are intended to coerce thinking and behavior.  They are neded when there is no personal relationship between the seller and the potential buyer.  This type of coercion is expected when you’re trying to decide what beer to drink or car to buy, but it’s highly offensive when people try to tell you important truths without any tangible relationship.

[...] Paul shares his insights on posture [the nonverbal forms of communication that accompany what we say] with those who were coming to faith in 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8, “But we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.  We love you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”  An expanded paraphrase might be, “Because we found ourselves emotionally attached to you all, we couldn’t just preach at you.  We knew you needed time to process your faith, and the only way to help you understand the big picture was to stay with you longer.  We knew the message would make more sense if you saw it lived out in our lives.”      –pp. 40-41

When you think of “sharing your faith,” does your mind immediately go towards speaking?  Or do you think about doing life together with people?

You have a story.

It may be ugly and offensive.

It may be neat and pretty.

It may be rough and unfinished.

And you’re probably scared to share it, because of what people will think when they hear it.

But sharing your story within community is one of the most powerful things you can do to build community.

I recently shared my story with my small group.

And let me tell you…it felt great.

To have people intently listening to my life story, nod their head in understanding, ask probing questions, and affirm God’s work in my life felt so freeing.

And confirmed to me the value of my story.

You have a story.

And the beautiful part is that God’s still working on you.

Will you consider building community around sharing your story and listening to others’ stories?

How important is it to have your lead pastor’s buy-in? Can a small group ministry thrive in an environment where the pastor isn’t living life with others in biblical community?

Randall Neighbour doesn’t think so.

Here’s part 3 of my interview with him, as a follow-up to his book, The Naked Truth of Small Group Ministry: When it Won’t Work and What to Do About It.  You can see part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE.

Does your pastor buy in to small groups?  What kind of an effect has that had on your small group system?

I’ve read the blogs.  I’ve listened to the arguments.  I had even tried it out…a little.  But I hadn’t fully experienced online community.  I would say that there has been some level of “community” developed for me through Twitter, Facebook, and blogs.  Community, for me, though, is one of those things that was always developed in person.  Sometimes it’s on a biycle, other times it’s with my small group, and other times it’s at a coffee shop with a few guys.  But it’s always been in person.

I unexpectedly experienced community yesterday morning after I read this update from Alan Danielson:

@alandanielson: I’m praying for NOW 10 more minutes. Reply with your prayer request or join me for live prayer via @TokBox

There was a link after the update, and I clicked on it.  There was Alan, sitting in front of his computer screen, praying for his friends.  I shared my request with him, and he prayed for me on the spot.  Ok.  Kind of cool.

Alan then invited me to “hang on the line” (he meant to stay logged into Tokbox), and he was going to invite some of his other friends into the conversation.  As the other 3 men joined, they began to share their experiences from their prayer time.  They, like Alan, had prayed for their friends during that 20 minutes, and invited people to share requests with them.  As they finished sharing their stories from the prayer time, they shared their own requests with the group.  I thought that it would be a bit cheesy, even cold-feeling because we were so far spread out across the country, looking at each other on a tiny screen.  But real, gut-wrenching requests were shared.  Nothing fake.  No masks.  No walls of separation.  Real, honest, vulnerable requests.  And it all happened while I sat in my office chair alone.

Twitter and Tokbox helped me fulfill this today:

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:11-13

I felt a real burden, prayed a real prayer, and was really encouraged, after talking with these men.

What do you think of online community?  Is it real?  Or is community only formed while sitting in the same room as the other person?