image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

Yesterday, I compiled a list of 50 things you should never tell your child. Ever.

But that’s only half of the story. While there are plenty of things you should not say to your child, there are also plenty of things you should tell them on a habitual basis. I’d be remiss to leave out that part of the story.

Most of these are applicable no matter what the age. Whether your children are 2 or 60, you can and should speak them.

Some of them may need to be uniquely suited if your children are older than 2, though. And some (like #19) may not work if you’re a single parent.

50 things you should tell your children

1. I love you.

2. I will always love you.

3. No matter what you do, you’ll always be my child.

4. I love you, but I’m still going to punish you.

5. Yes, I’ll forgive you.

6. Will you forgive me? I messed up.

7. You’re so valuable to me.

8. Let’s go to church.

9. Yes, I’ll drop what I’m doing to play.

10. No, I’m not too busy.

11. You drew that?!? Amazing!

12. I’m proud of you.

13. You slipped up, but you’re still precious to me.

14. Can we talk?

15. Let’s hang out.

16. You don’t have a choice here. You’re 2 years old.

17. You’re safe with me.

18. Yes, I’ll help.

19. You’re not the most important person in my life…your mom (my wife) (or your dad (my husband)) is.

20. Honoring God is always the right choice.

21. Learning to obey mommy and daddy is important.

22. Let’s pray.

23. Let’s go on a date! (dad to daughter, or mom to son)

24. To boys specifically: Never treat your mother with disrespect. Never.

25. To boys specifically: stand up for yourself.

26. To boys specifically: it’s okay to cry.

27. To boys specifically: it’s okay to be dangerous.

28. To boys specifically: being dangerous can leave you hurt. But playing it safe isn’t what men are called to do.

29. To boys specifically: fight for things that are eternally valuable.

30. To boys specifically: stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

31. To girls specifically: You’re worth far more than rubies.

32. To girls specifically: you’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not.

33. To girls specifically: you’re my princess, and you always will be.

34. Love those that nobody else loves.

35. Love others more than you love yourself.

36. Love and respect those who don’t love or respect you.

37. Serve others like your life depended on it.

38. Learn to respect those in authority over you. Life will be much easier if you do.

39. There is no problem so big that you can’t come to me.

40. You’ll never do anything to lose my love.

41. You have so many gifts. Can I help you use them?

42. I will always want what is best for you.

43. It’s okay if you mess up. I mess up, too.

44. No matter where you are or what you’ve done, if something’s wrong, call me. I’ll come running.

45. I don’t care if your friends get to do that. I’m your parent, not theirs.

46. Be a good friend. Others will love you for it.

47. It’s okay to be upset.

48. You can never do anything so bad that God would desert you.

49. You’re a ____ (insert your last name), and ____s (insert your last name again) don’t back down from our convictions.

50. Your mom and dad aren’t perfect. But we love you unconditionally.

Question: 

Anything you’d add?

* image credit: CreationSwap user Justin Knight

50 things you should tell your children is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image credit: Creation Swap user Jon Davis

There are times in our lives where fear is as palpable as the key in the ignition of your car.

You sit there, wondering if you really have to start the engine. You wonder if it would be easier to plant, unencumbered by the stress that awaits you the next time the engine will go silent. When the engine returns to its resting state, you’ll be much closer to the fear you dread.

There are times in our lives where fear seems to grip our hearts so tightly it squeezes every the life out of each ounce of authentic, unconjured courage. Our past failures fuel the fire where fear slowly burns, the warm coals pulsing red-hot. Out of nowhere, a flame sparks upward and we’re reminded of the heat contained within. The gray coal we thought dormant shows life once again, and our past rears its head and cripples us again.

Fear seeks to destroy you, and the beautiful future laid out before you. It wants nothing less than to maim and leave you insecure. It takes the gifts God has given you and twists them so they appear weak and inert.

And you can do one of two things with that paralyzing fear.

What to do with your fear

You can let it keep you in the driveway, effectively out of the game of idea-sharing, problem-solving, healthy community, where fear and insecurities dominate.

Or you can dominate your fear. Reminded that you weren’t created out of fear, but out of love, you can stoke the flame of your God-given gifts. Laughing at fear’s potential to cripple, you can begin to help others become conquerers. (2 Corinthians 1:3-11; Romans 8:35-39)

If you’re afraid, work through it and let it propel you to work harder, dig deeper, and fight with all the strength you’ve got.

If you’re afraid, use that fuel to charge your creativity to go places it’s not gone. Instead of stuffing fear under the proverbial rug, find a way to explore it, using it for good. (Genesis 50:20)

Whatever you do, don’t let fear win.

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:6-7

Palpable, conquerable fear is a post from: Life and Theology

 

You know a complainer.

The guy that, no matter what happens, no matter how good or bad a situation, he’s going to find a way to be upset about something. The girl that is constantly down on whatever you, or anyone else, does.

image credit: CreationSwap user Alan Belcher

They’re good at tearing people down, discouraging an entire team, and slowing growth.

Here’s the reality: there is always something to complain about.

Life is often exceedingly difficult. Organizations are often in decline. Things seemingly couldn’t get worse.

If we’re honest with ourselves, “complainers” put words to the thoughts racing through our heads. But there’s a difference in having a thought and acting on it. A difference in having a thought and fleshing that out for everyone to join in with you. A difference in keeping a thought to yourself and recruiting others to moan with you. *

No matter where you are in life, you’ll find complainers.

• At family gatherings.
• At church.
• At the water cooler at work.
• At conferences.
• On vacation.
• On Facebook.
• By text message
• By email
• By phone calls
• By twitter updates.

Brothers don’t shake hands

Complainers need a hug. They need to be told that it’s going to be okay. They need to be reminded that God is in control, and that he’s a good, loving, kind God.

But they don’t need to be put in the role of director, no matter the size or structure of your organization. In fact, it’s incredibly dangerous for your organization if these people are put into director roles.

5 Dangers of a Complaining Team Member

1. They’ll drag the whole team down with them.

Before you know it, your organization will be full of doubting, complaining naysayers who see nothing but doom and gloom. Complainers are great recruiters.

2. They compromise your vision.

They ratchet up the negative aspect of the vision God’s placed in your heart, and if you’re not careful, you are pulled into the vortex of their negativity, and your once-clear vision becomes muddied.

3. They’ll not perform their job well.

They’ll be focused on the difficult parts of their job, and be distracted from the good, positive aspects.

4. They’ll not help your organization move forward.

Stuck on past failures and current challenges, they’ll not be challenged to press forward and find new, innovative solutions.

5. They’re never satisfied.

As soon as something goes their way, they’ve found another situation to complain about. They’re toxic even in the best of times. Nothing you can do will satiate their desire for more complaints. Everything you do fuels their fire.

Nip complaining in the bud. It’s a heart issue, reflective of a heart that doesn’t rest soundly in the goodness and power of God. And it’ll rot your team from the inside out.

Don’t let complainers be directors.

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” – Philippians 2:14-15

* I’m not naive. I can be honest when personal, and organizational, change needs to happen. I’m not contending that you should mask all problems with a smile. I’m making the argument that constant complainers are toxic.

* image credit: CreationSwap user Alan Belcher

5 Dangers of the “Complainer” is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image credit: Creation swap user Joe Cavasos, edits mine

We use the letter ‘x’ for a variety of things.

• It marks the spot on a treasure map.
• It stands for ‘kisses,’ as when you sign something XOXO
• It represents an unknown amount of something. As in something that costs $XX.XX
• It represents getting rid of something. I’m “X”-ing that out. Striking it from the record.

Used alone, ‘X’ often stands in place of something else. In other words, it “replaces” the real meaning that should be intended. It stands in place of something more important that, for whatever reason, you did not wish to display.

Replacing Christ with an X

Which can get a little hairy when it comes to Christmas, right? X-mas is seen by many as a way of, quite literally, removing Christ from Christmas. Replacing the King of the world with an “X.” I mean, at least it’s a capital letter when it’s done…but still, it seems a bit too easy to be rid of the most pivotal person in all of human history.

And, come on…nobody says, “Happy X Day” for Labor Day or “Happy Xter” for Easter or “X Luther King, Jr. Day” for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. That would be weird. Except for Xter day…I kind of like how that sounds.

Greek to English

Before you get yourself in a tizzy over the X that people often use “in place of Christ” in Merry X-mas, I think it prudent to understand a bit about language. Here’s rule number 1:

Greek is different than English.

At least that’s what they taught me in seminary.

And it’s so pertinent in this situation.

English has basically transliterated the Greek word (which is the language of the New Testament) for Christ. The Greek word for the name of Jesus Christ is pronounced ‘yay-soos’ ‘cree-s-toss’. Spelled out, it looks like this: Ιησούς Χριστός.

Notice the first letter of the second word: ‘X’. “X” is the first Greek letter in the name of Jesus. And that ‘X’ isn’t actually an ‘X’ like it is in English. It’s actually a “Chi.” You may have seen/heard this in various fraternities/sororities (e.g., the sorority: Chi Omega).

Throughout history, ‘X’ has been a shorthand way of referring to Jesus because it’s the first letter of his name in Greek. In no way meant to be disrespectful or derogatory, ‘X’ has historically just been a way of referring to Jesus Christ.

‘X’ is not, and has not been, a replacement for Christ in Christmas. There are many ways to keep Christ out of Christmas…but unfortunately for those of you who like to hop on the “keep Christ in Christmas” bandwagon, this isn’t one of them. If you are looking for some proactive ways to “keep Christ in Christmas,” I’ve got some thoughts for you HERE.

So I’m starting a new campaign.

“Keep X in Christmas!”

I’m having buttons made as we speak.

Merry X-Mas!

*image credit: Creation swap user Joe Cavasos, edits mine

Keep ‘X’ in Christmas! is a post from: Life and Theology

 

I find myself in a strange stage of life at this moment. In many ways, I can appeal to two very different groups: older leaders and younger leaders.

To younger leaders, I’m older. I’ve been in vocational ministry for nearly 6 years, have experience writing, teaching, leading teams, and consulting. I’ve been married for more than 7 years and have a 3 year old son. To “young” leaders, I’m old…ahem…experienced.

To older leaders, I’m still young. I’m not yet 30, still have a young child, have not run as many ministry laps as others, and still have a lot to learn. The “wet” behind my ears isn’t yet fully dried.

I find myself stuck between new leaders and old leaders. Which leaves me categorically nowhere. Thanks a lot, late-20s.

Living the Tension

For many of the decisions in my life right now, I live in this tension. I’ve been around long enough to stand on my own feet…but l have also been around long enough to know I don’t know everything. There are still days I feel in over my head. There are still days where I doubt myself. There are still days when I desperately need the sage advice that experience brings.

But I’ve been around long enough that people are looking at me for that same kind of advice. Which frightens me…and should frighten many others, too.

Many days, I wonder whether the next step forward is a good one…or is just a creepy man with a white wigbeard. Should I tell him what I want…or look at him, like my son did, with much trepidation?

photo credit: me

Allow me, out of this tension, to speak to you.

To older leaders:

We need you. Urge us to proceed with caution or to run full throttle. Prod us to start something new. Encourage us to quit doing what we’re doing. Tell us what you would do if you were our age. We crave your years of experience. We long to learn from your failures so we don’t replicate them. Help us to stand on your shoulders and see further than our own vantage point offers.

To younger leaders:

Seek wisdom. It’s out there for you. In books, podcasts, and blog posts. It’s available in other men and women, screaming to shed light on the dark and confusing areas of your life. Don’t try to navigate the fog on your own. Life’s too short, and you haven’t lived enough of it.

Out in the open wisdom calls aloud, she raises her voice in the public square; on top of the wall she cries out, at the city gate she makes her speech. (Proverbs 1:20-21)

Whatever stage in life you find yourself, you have a role. Lead upwards and downwards, sideways and backwards. The Kingdom needs you.

Wisdom for leaders young and old is a post from: Life and Theology

 

photo credit: Creation Swap User James Cronin

Worry is a curious thing.

We think we can buy our way out of it.

We think we can think our way out of it.

We think we can outlast it.

We think we can out will-power it.

We think we can beat it.

But in the end, it will beat you.

In the end, it will destroy you.

In the end, it won’t give up.

In the end, it will dominate every area of your life.

In the end, it will leave you afraid.

In the end, you’ll be its slave.

Worry withers under the burden of Hope.

And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? – Jesus (Matthew 6:30)

* Photo credit: Creation Swap user James Cronin

A curious thing about worry is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image via iStock Photo user IB

Self-perceptions are more spoken into existence by others than they are self-taught.

Don’t believe me?

• Why do you think that some kids feel awkward? It’s because they’re told that they are.
• Why do some kids feel un-loved? Because they’re told that they never measure up.
• Why do some leaders perceive themselves to be weak? Because everyone tells them that they are.
• Why do some wives feel like they never measure up? Because they’re never told that their work investing in their homes is worth the effort.
• Why do some older people feel like they have no life and wisdom to give? Because they’re devalued by those who claim to love them.

We speak perceptions into existence every day through conversations and interactions we have with coworkers, family members, and the annoying guy at the drive-thru. The words, tone, and attitude you share with others can literally change the way that others view themselves.

I am speaking my son’s reality into existence every day: I tell him that he’s courageous. And strong. And that he’s a leader. And that nothing can hold him back. And that God’s going to use him in big ways. And that my love of him is secure. He can’t do anything to lose it.

Speaking Realities in Leadership

Want to lead someone? Then change their perceptions of themselves. The Bible calls this ‘encouragement.’ Encourage even the smallest step in the right direction. As you feed the work of God in someone’s life, people see where God is working. Your encouragement acts as a new set of glasses, changing the way they see everything. As you encourage with love, people feel loved. As you encourage with grace, people feel graced. As you encourage people with hope, despair melts away. Negative perceptions are overcome with a timely word and action.

Without your encouragement, though, they’re going to continue feeling an absence of love and grace and motivation. Without your encouragement, they won’t know which direction to head.

• Encouragement focuses not on what is, but on what could be.
• Encouragement focuses not on past failures, but on future hopes.
• Encouragement focuses not on current shortcomings, but on timeless Truth.
• Encouragement focuses not on overwhelming fear, but on a big God.
• Encouragement focuses not on weaknesses, but on gifts and strengths.

Through encouragement, you have the chance to shepherd a person’s reality of themselves.

Correction may be warranted at times, but right now, just point out the bright spots. Help them see what you see.

There’s someone in your life right now that needs encouragement. Let them hear it from you today.

And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. – 1 Thessalonians 5:14

*image via iStock photo user: IB

Shepherding Realities is a post from: Life and Theology

 

photo credit: Creation Swap user Jared Rarick

I don’t know what your situation looks like right now. Maybe it’s bleak. Maybe it’s tough. Maybe there’s no hope, and you don’t know what your next step needs to be. Maybe your plans, and where you want to be in life, haven’t panned out.

Maybe you are undervalued, overworked, and underpaid. Maybe you aren’t appreciated at home. Maybe your “best” still isn’t good enough.

In these moments, it’s easy to wish our life away. It’s easy to complain, sulk, and be angry that life’s not how we want it to be.

And if you find yourself wishing your life away, do you know what’ll happen? You’ll wish it away. Life will pass you by, and you’ll be caught for years just staring into outer space, going nowhere.

That’s what the men in Acts 1:11 were doing. They were staring up into the sky, frozen and ready to wait right there until Jesus returned. They were completely unproductive and unmotivated. They had watched Jesus teach and heal, then be crucified on a cross. He died, was buried, then resurrected and ascended to heaven. They had placed their hopes on Jesus, and he’d left them. I can expect that they were frustrated, confused, and worried. Their Hope and their Promise was gone.

And the problem was that before Jesus would return there was still work to do.

Don’t get caught daydreaming your way out of where you are. Don’t want things to just be over. God’s got work for you to do now. People to invest in and gifts to give. Missions to fulfill and communities to transform. Relationships to heal and hope to give.

There Ain’t No Easy Way Out

Quit looking for the easy way out. Maybe there’s not one. Maybe God’s not going to swoop in and supernaturally make life easy for you. Maybe His plan isn’t to heal you of that disease. Maybe His plan isn’t to reconcile that relationship. Maybe His plan isn’t to make you financially secure.

Maybe, though, just maybe…His plan is to comfort you through it. And give you hope and mercy and grace. And use you to breath life and hope into someone else. (2 Corinthians 1:3-7)

Question: Ever been caught daydreaming?

*Photo credit: Creation Swap user Jared Rarick

No more daydreaming is a post from: Life and Theology

 

Photo credit: Creative Commons User Herzensangelegenheit

I need you to use your gifts.

Because when you use your gifts, something awakens in me.

I can’t always explain it, but

• when you teach, light bulbs go off.
• when you sing, my heart sings.
• when you lead, I follow.
• when you serve, I want to serve.
• when you love, I understand God a little better.
• when you give, I want to give.
• when you open your home, I feel God’s presence.
• when you share your wisdom, life makes more sense.

You see things I don’t see. Hear things I don’t hear. Taste things I don’t taste. Understand things I don’t understand.

When you use your gifts, I see God in a new light.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. – 1 Peter 4:10

*Photo credit: Creative Commons User Herzensangelegenheit 

I need You is a post from: Life and Theology

 

Mark spoke on fear.

In dealing with fear, the first question to ask is this:

What are you afraid of?

Heights? Widths? Mice? Bugs? Snakes? Spiders? Clowns?

Conflict? Failure? Criticism? Embarrassment?

Fear in the mind causes stress in the body.

It’s invariable that leaders have fear. Your body starts to manifest the fear. Maybe that’s a nervous eye twitch. Maybe that’s canker sores.

Then you start eating badly or drinking too much.

You start getting sinus problems and headaches. Some of you just start reading a lot of books on the rapture, wanting this life to just be over.

Mark was afraid when he started Mars Hill: what if this doesn’t work?

Then people came, and his fear was: what if they stay?

Luke 12:25 says, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

Fear is not always a sin, but it is always an opportunity

In dealing with fear, the second question to ask is this:

Who are you afraid of?

This is one of the most important question a leader can ask. Because someone other than God is taking the place that only God should have in our lives. We feel like we need someone to feed us, praise us, and not oppose us…we begin to need them for life. We place people in positions of fear, then we worship them as functional gods.

When you fear someone, you cannot love them. Because to love someone is to give to them, but to fear them is to take from them.

The key of all idolatry is that we trade the creator God for created things…and other people are the likely candidates for this.

Proverbs 29:25 shows us that the fear of man is a trap. It may be that you’re afraid of someone, or that you’re in awe of a person, giving them too much influence on your spiritual, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

The fear of man is fearing others instead of God. At a young age, it’s called peer pressure. As adults, it’s called co-dependency or people pleasing.

Do you have a fear of man problem?

• Whose opinion matters way too much to you?
• Is your appetite for praise too healthy?
• Are you overly devastated by criticism? Criticism may hurt…but it shouldn’t devastate. Criticism is constant, instant, permanent, and global. (Rick Warren)
• Are you committed to things and people that God did not call you to? Don’t follow other people’s calling on your life…follow God’s.

What is fear?

1. Fear is vision without hope.

Fear means that we see vision in the worst possible scenario, and we freak out. Fear sees the future, and says that it’s going to be painful and so it drives you to stress and fear.

2. Fear isn’t always rational, but it is always powerful.

3. Fear is about not getting what we want

…or getting what we want and losing it…or getting what we don’t want.

4. Fear preaches a false Gospel.

It says, “There is a potential Hell awaiting you, and you could have an alternative heaven on earth, so you need a functional savior.” It gives us a false hell, a false heaven, and a false savior. It’s a savior that we, through fear, have created in our imagination.

5. Fear turns us all into false prophets.

Ever been afraid of a future event, then when you got there, it wasn’t just like you thought it would be?

What is the solution to fear?

The Bible says, “Fear not.” Which is the most frequently listed commandment in the whole book.

But the Bible says that it’s not just about facing your fears…it’s about being with God.

The Bible on Fear

• Adam, our first father, as we see in Genesis 3, is afraid after he sins. He’s hiding, and God comes to him and answers his fear by being present with Adam. He pursues Adam in the midst of his fear.
• Abraham, in Genesis 15:1, is told to fear not because God is his shield.
• Isaac, in Genesis 26:24, is told to fear not because God is with him. He’s told to remember he’s not alone.
• Genesis 28:15: “I am with you.”
• Exodus 33:14, Moses is told that God’s presence will go with him. “how can I lead these people? I don’t know where we’re going, but I’ve got to lead them!” God’s answer isn’t “here’s a map,” but it’s “here I am.”
• Elijah, on the battlefield, in 2 Kings 1:15, “Fear not!” (on the brink of war)
• David: Psalm 23 says, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear, because God is with me.” Things may not be ok, but I’m ok because God is with me.
• Isaiah 41:14: “Do not fear, you worm of Jacob.” Can you think of anything more defenseless than a worm? Little girls pick them up and mock them. “Little Israel, fear not, for I myself will help you.” Though the fears are real, the lack of resources is real…fear not, I bring resources.
• Jeremiah 1:8 – fear not, for I am with you.” Jeremiah has lots to be afraid of. He smote sad that indie rockers. He’s the “weeping prophet.” “Why did I get out of my mother’s womb? Cursed is the man who brought my mother the news that I was going to be a boy.” He couldn’t’ even get married. He was depressed, by himself, an indie rocker poet.
• Daniel 10:12: fear not, Daniel, for I have come.”
• Haggai 2:4-5: be strong, be strong, be strong.” Be strong because God is with him.
• What did God tell Mary through the angel? Fear not, teenage girl. God will be with you.
• Matthew 28:20 – “I will be with you.”

You know what we have to fear more than anything? DEATH.

But the worst thing that can happen to you is that you die and go to be with Jesus. We need to reset our worst-case scenario. The worst-case scenario is that you go to be with Jesus sooner rather than later…that’s not so bad!

When times are at the hardest, and your grief goes the deepest, remember, “Fear not, God is with you.”

Everything may not be ok, but if God is with you, you’re ok.

Mark Driscoll, Catalyst 2011 is a post from: Life and Theology