Tag: awkward

This is awkward, but…how are you spending your money?

April 19, 2012 / / Comments Off on This is awkward, but…how are you spending your money?

Culture tells us that it’s not polite to talk about politics or religion at the dinner table.

Either of those topics brings about so much heat that people can too easily get offended to enjoy dinner. But you know what brings up even more heat than politics or religion?

Not “how’s your sex life?”

Not “How’s your present life?”

Not even, “I need some help.”

The question that brings up more heat is, “How are you spending your money?”

image credit: Creation Swap user Filip Ologeanu

You want to put someone on the hot seat, ask them this.

Ask them why they’ve decided to buy a new car, even though they don’t have any financial plan in place for a rainy day.

Ask them how many credit cards they currently have, and have maxed out.

Ask them why they feel ok buying their child every little thing they ask for, but have no sense of being generous to others.

Ask them how they’re doing at tithing.

Ask them how they’re stewarding the resources God’s given them.

When you ask any of these questions, be ready for someone to squirm.

Or punch you in the throat.

But these questions are so important. Not to be asked publicly, because that could cause enough embarrassment to sever a relationship. These are questions to be asked of someone that you have built trust with. Maybe someone you’re investing in spiritually. Definitely someone who trusts you with important things in life. This question is off limits in casual relationships…this question is evidence of a deeper, richer community.

Yes, these questions are awkward, but the way you handle your money says much about what you believe about God. Jesus says, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” (Matthew 6:24) The way you handle your money reflects your belief.

It’s unbelievably easy for money to become an idol in our lives. And the more secretive we operate, the stronger our idol becomes.

Idols lose their power when they’re brought into the light.

Get ready to cause a little heat with this one. But dealing with heat now will help keep from flames later.

This is awkward, but…how are you spending your money?

 

 

This is awkward, but…I need some help

April 3, 2012 / / 7 Comments

Creative Commons user Marc Wathieu, edits mine

I have something you don’t. And you need that. So ask me for it.

Maybe it’s my lawn mower.

Maybe it’s a pinch of salt.

Or maybe it’s $100.

Maybe it’s some wisdom I have.

Maybe it’s a ride to the airport.

Learning to ask for help is vital to your spiritual growth.

But it’s awkward, isn’t it?

Culture would like us to believe that this is just a “guy” problem. That since guys don’t want to ask for directions, they’re the ones that feel it’s awkward to ask for help. But this awkwardness and self-dependent isolation isn’t just limited to the “y” chromosome.

Men and women deal with this.

Asking for help gives the appearance of weakness. Because, if you were stronger, you wouldn’t need help, right? You wouldn’t need money. Or advice. Or guidance.

Asking for help signifies you don’t have all you need for life. It screams, “I’m not independently self-sufficient.” It rails against our culture of independence and isolation.

Nobody wants to say that. Nobody wants to show the chink in their armor. Nobody wants to appear weak and vulnerable and exposed. Nobody. We want to appear to have more insight and more capabilities than we actually do, that we don’t need outside wisdom or influence. We especially never need correction.

But it’s our weaknesses that expose the way that God created us, because He didn’t create us for complete independence. He created us to be dependent on others.* He created us to live in need of encouragement. He created us to live in need of biblical counsel. He created us to live in need of sex advice. He created us to live in need of advice for our present circumstances.

I bet you need a pinch of salt right now. Or $100. Or life’s falling apart, and you need much, much more.

Love is an unbelievably transformational and redemptive force that we need extended to us. If we’ll just ask.

Time to get off your high horse and ask. You were created to do just that.

Time to say, “This is awkward, but…I need some help.”

*Yes, we’re supposed to be dependent on God. No doubt about that. But for the purposes of this post, depending on God alone becomes a ruse to really go at life alone. Because you can still hide your inadequacies.

 

 

5 Foolproof ways to avoid the “When is this over?” glance

July 21, 2011 / / 4 Comments

How, during a meeting, do you check what time it is without the other person thinking you’re bored?

image via Fotolia

That’s got to be the most awkward glance ever.  Even more awkward than the, ‘Was that you?‘ glance you get in an elevator.

If you glance down during a meeting, it’s as if you’re saying, “Why are you so boring?  Why am I here?  Why are you here?  I can’t even stand to listen to you.”

You can try to cover it up with the classic, “I have another meeting…” OR, “Wow!  The time has flown!’

But there’s no real recovery. Especially when you’re only 10 minutes in to an hour-long meeting.  The damage is done.  Irreparable.  Any good you hoped would come out of that meeting left with the glance.

The Damaging Downward Glance

The glance at your watch is damaging because you’ve devalued the person. And nobody wants to be devalued or criticized or condemned.  Everybody wants to feel important, that they bring some value to the table beyond filling the space before your next meeting.

But the reality is that you may another commitment.  And your current cup of coffee can’t go on forever.  So how do you avoid the awkwardness?

5 Ways to avoid the “When Is This Over?” Glance

1. Check the other person’s watch.

I’ve done this.  It works.  Because you never have to move your head…just your eyes.

2. Always wear dark-colored sunglasses.

Then nobody knows where you’re looking.

3. Drop your pen and sneak a peak.

4. Drop the line, “My phone is blowing up today!” …and sneak a peak.

5. Have predetermined starting and stopping points.

Then everyone is clear right off the bay what the expectations are. Let them know that you have another meeting to attend as soon as yours is over.  Acknowledge the awkwardness before it hits.  Honesty is the best policy. ‘I hate to be that guy, but…I’ve got a meeting right after this.”  Or you could say, “I don’t want to cut things short, but I’ve got to be done here by _:00.”

 

 

Lessons from a plane ride

May 26, 2011 / / 7 Comments

You may never guess it, but you can learn a lot while riding on a plane.

Most people just blow right past social etiquette.  It’s like those unspoken “rules” and understandings just don’t apply when you’re sitting beside someone on a plane.  It’s a strange phenomenon.

When you break social rules, people feel awkward.  It’s tough to build significant relationships if you ignore them.  And if you’re convinced that your message is worth sharing, take note of the below “rules.”  If you’re not convinced your message is worth sharing, please quit reading and go find a better message.

8 rules I learned while riding on a plane

Don’t be the guy that’s always late.

It’s okay to be late occasionally.  But when you being late causes everybody else’s life to be placed on hold, you quickly become the enemy in the room.

Don’t be the guy that always complains.

I get it…life’s tough.  Yours is, and so is mine.  Quit whining and move on.  Take responsibility for your growth and begin moving in the right direction.  If you need help, ask.  But don’t just complain.

Don’t be the guy that talks incessantly.

Learn to shut your mouth.  Being a good friend means listening, too.  If I know your whole life story and you don’t even know my name…something’s out of balance.

Don’t be the guy that’s always slamming pop culture.

If you hate it that much, just stop talking about it.  Nobody else despises it as much as you do, and you’re just alienating people.

Think seriously about how you’re going to introduce yourself.

On one leg of my flight, the lady beside me opened with, “I have to warn you. I will probably kick you on this flight.”  Not a great way to say hello.  Being friendly goes a long way in building a relationship.

Don’t be the guy that turns every single conversation back to “Jesus.”

Jon Acuff refers to this as the “Jesus juke,” turning a normal conversation into a spiritual moment of shame.  Just enjoy someone’s company.  There are times to interject comments, stories, and experiences that help people understand who you are and who Jesus is.  But if we’re talking about sports, don’t shame me for watching football instead of reading my Bible.

Don’t be the guy that farts on a plane.

Farting on a plane is like the ultimate dutch oven.  For everyone on the plane.

 

Don’t be the guy that eats a hard-boiled egg on a plane.

It smells bad.  It looks weird.  And dredging your egg through salt on your tiny napkin is just strange.

Building relationships is tough work.  Don’t make it harder by breaking these rules.  Whether you’re working online in social media or sharing your faith or trying to build influence or investing in your small group ministry, relationships matter.

Ever broken any of these social “rules”?

What other social “no-no” rules would you add?

 

The art of small talk

December 22, 2010 / / 5 Comments

As Christmas rolls around, you’re going to be spending a lot of time with a lot of people you don’t normally spend a lot of time with.  People you don’t know or care about remember much about because you don’t get to see them that often.  And for most, the holidays involve sitting around and…talking.

So what do you do when your random uncle plops down beside you and it gets awkward because he doesn’t say anything?  Or your grandpa’s younger cousin that you’ve never seen before…what happens when she insists on sitting in the recliner across from you, and you have nothing in common?

Enter the art of small talk.

Small talk can carry you through the thickest difficult moments.  And it can help you seem like a hero who knows everybody.

Or, just like years past, if you don’t do it right, it can make you look like the jerk that hates Christmas.  And nobody wants to be that guy.

The art of small talk

1. How’s work going? Not a bad leading question.  Since most people work, you’re pretty safe here.

2. Where’s the rest of your family? Whether they’re somewhere else in the house, or they didn’t make it down this year, you’ve got your bases covered.

3. Did you try that ______? (examples include ham, turkey, pork tenderloin, pecan pie, etc.)  In this, you don’t even have to say whether you like the item in question or not.  Don’t show all of your cards right off the bat.

4. Gosh, how long has it been? Classic.

5. How are the kids? Everybody likes talking about their own children.  Everybody.

6. Talk about your kids. Easy, no?  See…told you you could do this.  Remember, everybody likes to talk about their children.  You included.

6. So what keeps you guys busy these days? Hobbies, pastimes, TV shows, and movies are always easy to talk about.

7. How was the drive in? Since we’re in the Christmas season, traffic was probably bad.  The kids probably complained.  They probably left later than they wanted.  This is a guaranteed winner.  Trust me.

8. You guys have any snow yet back home? If you live in a warm climate (like I do), this is a time to lament not having any snow in your area.

9. It’s so _____ (either ‘cold’ or ‘warm’) outside! Think quick on your toes.  This one’s not so tough.

10. I see you’ve been all over Facebook lately. Oh, wait…that’s what my family tells me.  Scratch that.

11. How long are you guys hanging around?

12. The _____ (sports team from their area) is doing ______ (either ‘good’ or ‘bad’) this year. This is a dangerous one.  If you don’t remember where the person’s from, or don’t know which team(s) are in their area, just steer clear of this one.

13. Have you seen Uncle ______? He’s looking good this year, isn’t he? Gotta be careful here, too.  If Uncle _____ isn’t looking great, your cover will be sniffed out.

14. Look at all those gifts! By the time all of the family arrives, there will likely be lots of gifts under the tree.  Capitalize on it.

15. So what else is going on? Keep this one in your back pocket.  After all other questions are exhausted, you can come back and back to this one.

Now you’re ready for any Christmas moment that your family may throw your way.

Got any additions for me?

 

Family & the holidays

November 22, 2010 / / 5 Comments

In honor of all of the extra time you’ll spend with your family this season, please leave a caption below.

(HT: Awkward Family Photos)

 

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