image credit: CreationSwap user Marian Trinidad

I’m not a perfect parent. In fact, I’m far from it. I say the wrong things, do the wrong things, and am learning more and more every day.

And I’m not one to judge.

But I heard a mother say something the other day, and it made every bone in my body cringe. She was walking up to the door of a building, texting on her phone, while her young son walked in front of her. I noticed that they stood at the door for 15-20 seconds, and the son hadn’t opened the door yet. He was staring around, noticing the nice day, looking into the building, and…well, not opening the door. Apparently, his mother expected he would have already opened it. So she blurted out, loud enough for everyone to hear,

What is wrong with you?!?

He was stunned. He didn’t cry or yell back or stomp his feet because he was angry. He just stood there and looked up at his mom. Obviously thinking it was ok just to take in the scenery and move at a slower pace, it took him aback when his mom, who was distracted by something on her phone, snapped at him and degraded his very existence. I’m sure that what he heard was

There is something wrong with you…otherwise, you would’ve opened the door already for me!!

And in that moment, I realized that knowing what not to say to your children doesn’t automatically come to you when you have a child. I guess I thought it did.

So I thought I’d put a list together of things you should never say to your child. Even in jest, these can be damaging to a young mind.

50 Things to Never Say to your Children

1. What’s wrong with you?!?

2. You’ll never amount to anything.

3. I don’t really like you.

4. You’re worthless to me.

5. You’re stupid.

6. I wish you’d never been born.

7. I wish you were more like ____.

8. If you’d just shut up…

9. Stop being loud so I can work…

10. It’s okay to lie a little bit

11. You’re such a disappointment.

12. If you do that again, I’ll hit you.

13. YOU made me this way.

14. YOU caused the problems between your mother and I.

15. You’re dead to me.

16. I don’t love you right now.

17. You’re an idiot.

18. Hard work will never get you anywhere.

19. I hate you.

20. I don’t have time for you.

21. Quit bothering me.

22. Until you fix this problem, I don’t love you.

23. Left up to me, I’d never see you again.

24. You’re not important to me right now.

25. I hate coming to your games.

26. Quit dreaming, that’s never possible.

27. This is your art? It’s awful…

28. Quit being so creative. That’ll never get you anywhere.

29. When you grow up, I hope you’ll be more like your brother/sister.

30. Quit acting like your mother.

31. Your father was a loser, too.

32. If you keep acting like this, your mom and dad might get a divorce.

33. From mother: Don’t listen to your daddy.

34. From dad: Don’t listen to your mother.

35. If you do that again, you’re going to make God not love you anymore.

36. Was it your birthday yesterday?

37. I don’t think I can ever forgive you for what you just did.

38. If you choose to do that, our relationship is over.

39. I’m ashamed to call you my child.

40. Do as I say, not as I do.

41. I know I’m right. There’s nothing you can do or say to convince me otherwise.

42. No, I won’t listen to you.

43. God loves you because you’re good.

44. Go talk to someone else. I’m too busy with work right now.

45. No, I won’t read to you.

46. To boys: real men don’t cry.

47. To girls: don’t cry.

48. You better stop, or I’ll give you something to cry about.

49. Quit being such a little baby.

50. Do what you want, I don’t care.

Question:

Anything you’d add?

* image credit: CreationSwap user Marian Trinidad

50 Things to Never Say to your Children is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image credit: CreationSwap user Gabriel Smith

There’s a great danger in attending seminary. In fact, seminary has robbed many people of a great ministry.

There, I said it. I feel much better.

The danger I’m referring to is an intellectualism that can drive students to value truth over people. That finds more value in being theologically “right” than in loving people. Seminary can leave students with an unbalanced view of ministry and theology and life.

Life, as the seminary student will find out, does not operate like a seminary classroom. The once black-and-white difficult doctrines either fall on deaf ears in most congregations…or appear somehow like a shade of gray not hinted at previously.

In the classroom & outside

That said, I see the benefits of seminary for ministry. I was able, during my last 4 semesters of seminary, to work in a local church, fleshing out the information I was being fed in the classroom. And for me, that intimate connection with a local church helped me turn the corner. It helped me value knowledge, but never walk away from people in the process. It helped me work through living, breathing shades of doctrinal gray.

At Grace, we’ve been looking for a way to raise up and develop future leaders. We’ve had short-term interns, but those tend to be centered around doing tasks than actual development for ministry. We wanted something that was more robust, that gave people real hands-on ministry experience, and that also connected the dots theologically as young leaders were cutting their teeth. Even in areas of ministry like small groups.

I think we’ve found a way to accomplish this.

Residency in Ministry Program

We’re calling it, for now, our Residency in Ministry program. Similar to a medical residency, we view this as a post-college “residency” where those in the program will be doing real ministry alongside pastors who are a little further down the road. They’ll be entrusted not with making copies (though, as we all know, that is a small slice of ministry, too) but with life-changing ministry. They’ll be viewed as full-on staff members, held to the expectations of the rest of our staff team. They’ll also receive a small stipend and have their housing covered.

In addition to doing the work of ministry, one major benefit of the program is that seminary tuition will be included. Clarksville is ~45 minutes from the new Nashville campus of Southern Seminary. We’ve already had staff members (myself included) who have worked full-time at Grace and attended classes concurrently. And as I said above, I believe that this is a great way to learn and do ministry: in the classroom and in the “lab.”

We’re receiving applications now, looking to have residents in place by August, 2012.

If you’re interested, just head right HERE and start the application process. If you know someone who would fit the bill, send this info along. If you have any questions, we’ve tried to answer the most frequently asked HERE.

We’re stoked about this program, and are convinced it will be a great benefit to a great number of young leaders.

If you were at the right stage in life, would this program entice you?

Residency in Ministry is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image credit: CreationSwap user Douglas Shelton

If you’re anything like me, witnessing comes super-easily. It seems I can winsomely turn every conversation I have back to the foundations of the gospel, have people laughing, nodding their head in agreement, crying, and saying, “Amen!” within just a few minutes. I quote a verse, and people cry out, “Please, more truth, Ben!” I sing a hymn while walking down the sidewalk, and people never look at me like I’m a freak … nay, they begin singing along, raising their hands in worship. I just have to encourage them not to close their eyes while they’re walking!

I carry tracts in my pocket, because every time I meet an unbeliever and give them one, they ask me if I’ll baptize them on the spot. I say, “It seems you need to hear about Jesus …” and they immediately respond, saying, “Yes, I’ve been waiting all my life! Please tell me more…” I always have the perfect word to say, the perfect prayer to pray, the perfect timing, and the perfect closing.

Don’t you?

No?!? Yeah, me neither. To me, witnessing is tough. It often feels stilted, forced, and unnatural. I never seem to have the right timing. And trying to perfectly remember each point about the gospel, combined with the fact that I’m nervous — that I feel like the other person hates me for bringing it up, that I feel woefully inadequate to share, that I feel like I have no idea what I’m talking about, that I just know that the other person has to be somewhere else and do something else — makes sharing my faith one of the most difficult activities I ever do.

I think we make it too difficult, though. I know I do.

When it comes to sharing the gospel, let me offer you three steps to think through.

3 Steps to Sharing the Gospel

Follow

Follow Christ. That’s what He calls each of you to do, right? You, living the life God has called you to live and being the person God has uniquely gifted you to be — that’s a great testimony to God. Each of us is a walking billboard for the goodness of God and a testimony that God can redeem, right, and set straight a person’s life. You don’t have to be perfect. Nobody expects you to be flawless. (Gasp!) And if you try to portray that to people, you’ll come across as arrogant and fake. You don’t have to have a perfect testimony, but you do have to follow a perfect Savior. That’s essential.

Share

Share your story. Your story is compelling. Riveting. Life-changing (assuming you actually have been changed). And sharing your faith involves sharing your story. Be honest, transparent, and vulnerable. People will connect with your brokenness more quickly and fully than they ever will your “awesomeness.” Share the junk God’s redeeming you from, the junk you’re done with, the bigger picture He’s inviting you into, and the ways His grace is sufficient and His love is captivating.

Invite

Invite other people into your story. Build relationships with people. And not just so that you can “get them saved.” Genuinely love people. Invest in them. Be their

friend. Listen to their story. Value them as God’s crowning creation. Look for ways to serve them, expecting nothing in return and with no strings attached. In so doing, you’re inviting them into the story that God’s writing through you. I’m convinced that people want to plug into something that’s bigger than themselves. Inviting people into your story, showing how your story fits into the broader story of God’s redemption of His people, does just that.

“THAT’S ALL?”

That’s it. Sharing your faith is much less complicated than we (church leaders) often make it. But it’s also much more difficult. Much more engaging. Much more demanding of your time and effort. Much more challenging of your life.

The goal of evangelism isn’t for the person to walk away with the “right” doctrine. Though doctrine is important, it’s not an end in itself.

Right doctrine should

• drive us to love others more, not less.
• move us toward people, not away from them.
• move us to condemn less, and love more. It should propel us toward kindness and patience, breaking our hearts for those far from Christ.
• drive us to serve others, looking for nothing in return.

“All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and contrary people” (Romans 10:21, ESV). All. Day. Long. God’s hands are full of hope, love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, and blessing. He sent His Son to earth to have a relationship with us. Let’s not reduce the beauty and power of that to mere words. To do so rips the truth of its love, grace, and mercy.

Follow Christ. Share your story. Invite people in. It’s that simple.

Without love, truth is …

Obnoxious.

Offensive.

Impersonal.

Insignificant.

Empty

Relationships matter.

Question: 

Have you ever given someone a tract, and seen the heavens instantly open up?

* I originally had this article published in the Fall 2011 edition of Collegiate Magazine (with a couple of minor tweaks here to fit it in as a blog post. To read more, pick up the magazine HERE. 

** Image credit: CreationSwap user Douglas Shelton

Evangelism simplified is a post from: Life and Theology

 

Confession 1: I’m not a huge fan of American Idol.

Confession 2: I kind of like the first few weeks of auditions.

It’s probably completely the sinful side of me that enjoys those awful auditions that make our ears bleed. Oftentimes though, I’ll watch the first few weeks of a season then check out once the competition officially begin.

I watch as people who think they can sing like an angel crash and burn in front of 3 judges and millions of TV viewers. As the hour progresses, I’m struck by a strange combination of emotions, wanting to laugh, cry, and scream at my TV all at the same time.

The whole time I’m wondering why so many of these people’s friends told them that they were good. You know that they didn’t arrive at this conclusion all by themselves. Someone else must have told them, “Umm…yeah, that’s good. You should try out for American Idol!” Or, “You’ll really go somewhere with that voice.” Or, “Yes, you are a superstar!”

I began to wonder if we try to do similar things in “community,” encouraging people where they’re not gifted. Praising people when they don’t need to be praised.

Dishonest community

In the short-run, it’s easier to choose a ‘white lie” and preserve the peace than to find a way to lovingly speak the truth.

• If I think I have the gift of teaching, but I’m awful at teaching, don’t tell me I’m good. If I didn’t do a good job, don’t tell me, “That’s the best sermon I’ve ever heard!” Be honest! It’ll sting in the short run, but like momma always said, “Honesty’s always the best policy.”
• If I think I have the gift of hospitality, but I’m a jerk when I’m hosting people in my home, don’t let me keep thinking I’m doing a great job. Authentic community is honest.
• If I think I’m a good writer, but my writing stinks, it would be unloving of you to tell me that it’s wonderful. And ultimately, if I think my writing is good, and I don’t work on it, in the long run I’ll never try to improve. And what I think I’m a superstar at will make me look foolish. I would bear the responsibility for that, but those along the way who were not honest with me would bear the load, too.

Authentic community is others-focused, not just you-focused.

Helping people understand their gifts is vital to the success of any leader. But don’t lead them to believe they’re awesome in something that they’re not. Speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) to those you participate in community with is a difficult thing to do. But it’s incredibly honoring as you seek to help someone improve a gift they’re using. Your words are setting them on a path to utilizing their gifts, not just embarrassing themselves with it.

Gifts are like muscles…they need to be exercised in order to be effective. Sometimes exercise has to start with a little honesty. And honesty is best received in the context of healthy, authentic, loving community.

 Do not lie to each other. – Colossians 3:9

Authentic community and stinging honesty is a post from: Life and Theology

 

And the creators of the video have made it available, in editable form, for free! (links below)

Happy video-sharing!

To download this video, see below.

• Download the QuickTime format (.H264) - 320×240 – 11MB
• Download the QuickTime format (.H264) - 640×480 – 65MB
• Download the Flash Video (On2 VP6) - 11MB
• Download the project files (After Effects CS3, Final Cut Studio 2) - 430MB

For info on how the project was created, see their site HERE.

Creative Small Groups Video is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image credit: Creation Swap user Jon Davis

There are times in our lives where fear is as palpable as the key in the ignition of your car.

You sit there, wondering if you really have to start the engine. You wonder if it would be easier to plant, unencumbered by the stress that awaits you the next time the engine will go silent. When the engine returns to its resting state, you’ll be much closer to the fear you dread.

There are times in our lives where fear seems to grip our hearts so tightly it squeezes every the life out of each ounce of authentic, unconjured courage. Our past failures fuel the fire where fear slowly burns, the warm coals pulsing red-hot. Out of nowhere, a flame sparks upward and we’re reminded of the heat contained within. The gray coal we thought dormant shows life once again, and our past rears its head and cripples us again.

Fear seeks to destroy you, and the beautiful future laid out before you. It wants nothing less than to maim and leave you insecure. It takes the gifts God has given you and twists them so they appear weak and inert.

And you can do one of two things with that paralyzing fear.

What to do with your fear

You can let it keep you in the driveway, effectively out of the game of idea-sharing, problem-solving, healthy community, where fear and insecurities dominate.

Or you can dominate your fear. Reminded that you weren’t created out of fear, but out of love, you can stoke the flame of your God-given gifts. Laughing at fear’s potential to cripple, you can begin to help others become conquerers. (2 Corinthians 1:3-11; Romans 8:35-39)

If you’re afraid, work through it and let it propel you to work harder, dig deeper, and fight with all the strength you’ve got.

If you’re afraid, use that fuel to charge your creativity to go places it’s not gone. Instead of stuffing fear under the proverbial rug, find a way to explore it, using it for good. (Genesis 50:20)

Whatever you do, don’t let fear win.

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:6-7

Palpable, conquerable fear is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image credit: creation swap user Ron Loveday

I’m reading through the whole Bible this year, on the chronological plan via YouVersion. I might have started a little later than you did, but this plan is a great way to read through the entirety of Scripture.

But can I be honest with you?

Sometimes when I read, my eyes gloss over, I finish reading, and I have no idea what I’ve read.

I know, I know…not very holy, right? Not what you’d expect of a pastor. A pastor should 100% internalize every passage…nay, every word. Pastors should read a passage, and instantly be able to explain it using alliteration starting with the letter K. A pastor should read a passage and pretty much have it memorized, able to recall it at just the right time in just the right situation.

I guess I’m not a normal pastor.

Just trying to be honest.

This problem often happens when I read a familiar passage. It feels like I’m not really reading it, my eyes scanning the page like I’d scan a newspaper article I’ve been forced to read. A couple of key words jump out, but the passage feels very little like God’s authoritative, life-giving Word. My scanning eyes wander across the page, but my mind will wanders to other, less important tasks.

The Jedi Mind Trick

So I have decided to trick my mind by introducing the unfamiliar. Instead of reading one of the Bible translations I have read for years (English Standard Version, New Living Translation, New International Version), I’ve started reading the Holman Christian Standard Bible for my daily reading. It’s different enough that I can’t just scan a passage and instantly know what it’s going to say, my scanning habits having to slow down because my mind doesn’t recognize the cadence of the familiar.

Will this work?

Maybe. It’s working so far.

As I read through the book of Genesis, a book I’ve read countless times, it feels fresh again, alive with a renewed sense of beauty. It’s refreshing, my heart and mind approaching each passage as if I’m reading it for the first time. It’s what I needed to do.

Maybe it’s time for you to consider switching translations for your daily reading. Maybe it’s time to trick your mind into doing what you want it to do. Thinking what you want it to think. Meditating on what you want it to meditate on.

Question: What’s your preferred translation?

*image credit: creation swap user Ron Loveday

Playing a Jedi mind trick on yourself is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image via iStock Photo user: Maurits Vink

I’ve written a few times about my love of Evernote. I’m a big fan.

I use it in so many ways, and it’s become my go-to app for writing, idea generation, travel plans, meeting notes, and collaboration. I wanted to share a couple of new ways I’m using it. Last week, I led a missions team to Costa Rica. Evernote helped in big ways.

Next time you travel, I think it will help you, too.

Using Evernote for traveling

1. In coordination with IdeaPaint

I shared last time that I had a white board sticker that I put on my wall. The only problem with the sticker was that it kept falling down, which is not very professional during a meeting. So I decided to use IdeaPaint, a paint that is used like a whiteboard. I can write and erase on it, and it leaves no ghost marks or faint colors behind. As I was planning things out for our trip, I could write them on my wall, snap a pic when I’m done, and save the pics to Evernote.

2. Scanning in important info

As part of being a team leader of our trip to Costa Rica, I had to gather lots of info from each team member. And lots of info for the organization we were going through. And lots of information for Grace. And I needed to have all of that info with me. I had passports, emergency contact info, insurance information, etc. I had hundreds of pieces of paper I needed to travel with. So I scanned every one of them in to Evernote, and they were instantly searchable. So, for instance, if I needed to search for Justin’s drug allergies, I didn’t have to dig for the right paper…I just typed it into Evernote and voila!

3. Collaboration with key documents

I’m the small groups pastor at Grace, not the missions pastor. So I don’t personally need to keep a record of everything from our travels to Costa Rica. That’s the responsibility of Lindsey Frey. So I “shared” the “Costa Rica” notebook with Lindsey, and she’s able to file away every document I put together. And when I make changes to the notebook, those changes are reflected in her notebook, too. Which means I don’t have to make a second copy of everything, or update her every time a change is made.

4. Keeping up with travel arrangements

I saved all of our itineraries to Evernote. Most of our team were traveling on the exact same schedule. Two team members, however, were traveling back home 3 days later. So things could easily get a little sticky. But with Evernote, I was able to keep the itineraries separate, and quickly and easily pull up the various airline information for each team member. Which was nice, because I was able to share those itineraries in a flash with our team, and with anyone in the States who needed the info.

5. Writing blogs

I wrote blog posts every day updating our progress. When I was at The Abraham Project, I didn’t have access to internet. But even without access to internet, Evernote works. So I’d jot down my blog post ideas throughout the day, then when I got back to the bed-and-breakfast where we were staying, Evernote would sync up, and I’d have access to the notes on my computer. Rather than just trying to remember my thoughts throughout the day, I had downloaded them when they came to mind. Which made the writing process much quicker and easier.

Next time you’re leading a missions team, or taking a trip of any kind, consider using Evernote. It’ll make your life much easier.

Have you converted to using Evernote? Are you “sold” on it?

* image via iStock Photo user: Maurits Vink

Evernote for travel: 5 new uses is a post from: Life and Theology

 

You know a complainer.

The guy that, no matter what happens, no matter how good or bad a situation, he’s going to find a way to be upset about something. The girl that is constantly down on whatever you, or anyone else, does.

image credit: CreationSwap user Alan Belcher

They’re good at tearing people down, discouraging an entire team, and slowing growth.

Here’s the reality: there is always something to complain about.

Life is often exceedingly difficult. Organizations are often in decline. Things seemingly couldn’t get worse.

If we’re honest with ourselves, “complainers” put words to the thoughts racing through our heads. But there’s a difference in having a thought and acting on it. A difference in having a thought and fleshing that out for everyone to join in with you. A difference in keeping a thought to yourself and recruiting others to moan with you. *

No matter where you are in life, you’ll find complainers.

• At family gatherings.
• At church.
• At the water cooler at work.
• At conferences.
• On vacation.
• On Facebook.
• By text message
• By email
• By phone calls
• By twitter updates.

Brothers don’t shake hands

Complainers need a hug. They need to be told that it’s going to be okay. They need to be reminded that God is in control, and that he’s a good, loving, kind God.

But they don’t need to be put in the role of director, no matter the size or structure of your organization. In fact, it’s incredibly dangerous for your organization if these people are put into director roles.

5 Dangers of a Complaining Team Member

1. They’ll drag the whole team down with them.

Before you know it, your organization will be full of doubting, complaining naysayers who see nothing but doom and gloom. Complainers are great recruiters.

2. They compromise your vision.

They ratchet up the negative aspect of the vision God’s placed in your heart, and if you’re not careful, you are pulled into the vortex of their negativity, and your once-clear vision becomes muddied.

3. They’ll not perform their job well.

They’ll be focused on the difficult parts of their job, and be distracted from the good, positive aspects.

4. They’ll not help your organization move forward.

Stuck on past failures and current challenges, they’ll not be challenged to press forward and find new, innovative solutions.

5. They’re never satisfied.

As soon as something goes their way, they’ve found another situation to complain about. They’re toxic even in the best of times. Nothing you can do will satiate their desire for more complaints. Everything you do fuels their fire.

Nip complaining in the bud. It’s a heart issue, reflective of a heart that doesn’t rest soundly in the goodness and power of God. And it’ll rot your team from the inside out.

Don’t let complainers be directors.

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” – Philippians 2:14-15

* I’m not naive. I can be honest when personal, and organizational, change needs to happen. I’m not contending that you should mask all problems with a smile. I’m making the argument that constant complainers are toxic.

* image credit: CreationSwap user Alan Belcher

5 Dangers of the “Complainer” is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image credit: Creation swap user Branden Shape

I started my 1-year Bible reading plan today.

16 days after the start of the new year.

Which is neither trendy nor inspiring.

Nobody wants to show up late to a party. Or be the last one to leave. Or catch on to the cool things after everyone else.

I was reading my Bible, but wasn’t in a specific plan, because quite frankly, I forgot to start one. (I was reading my Bible daily…just not as a part of a specific plan) With my trip to Costa Rica, I simply forgot to get cranking on the new plan.

Why does this matter?

Why does it matter that I’m starting my Bible reading plan 16 days after the rest of the world has started their plan, their diet, and their life changes?

Because there are changes that you haven’t made yet, either. There are things you know you need to do, but for whatever reason, you haven’t. And looking at the calendar could leave you paralyzed, because you had good intentions of making those changes over 2 weeks ago.

Maybe you forgot. Maybe you didn’t realize you needed to start. Maybe you intentionally chose to put things off.

Start now! No more procrastinating!

Whether what you’ve been wanting to do is start a Bible reading plan (I’m reading the chronological plan on YouVersion), start a blog, or quit smoking.

It’s time you forgave that person who wronged you.

It’s time to write that book.

It’s time to reach out to your neighbor.

It’s time to break that addiction.

It’s January 17th. It’s not the trendy time to make life changes. But who needs trendy times, anyway?

Instead of standing still, paralyzed by the mountain of changes that need to happen to move you where you need to be, do something. Take a step in the right direction, and God will reward that step.

Don’t wait until everyone else is making changes. Change now!

January 17th is my fresh start.

Care to join me?

What changes are you going to work on?

* image credit: Creation swap user Branden Shape

Fresh starts don’t have to be trendy is a post from: Life and Theology