Confession 1: I’m not a huge fan of American Idol.

Confession 2: I kind of like the first few weeks of auditions.

It’s probably completely the sinful side of me that enjoys those awful auditions that make our ears bleed. Oftentimes though, I’ll watch the first few weeks of a season then check out once the competition officially begin.

I watch as people who think they can sing like an angel crash and burn in front of 3 judges and millions of TV viewers. As the hour progresses, I’m struck by a strange combination of emotions, wanting to laugh, cry, and scream at my TV all at the same time.

The whole time I’m wondering why so many of these people’s friends told them that they were good. You know that they didn’t arrive at this conclusion all by themselves. Someone else must have told them, “Umm…yeah, that’s good. You should try out for American Idol!” Or, “You’ll really go somewhere with that voice.” Or, “Yes, you are a superstar!”

I began to wonder if we try to do similar things in “community,” encouraging people where they’re not gifted. Praising people when they don’t need to be praised.

Dishonest community

In the short-run, it’s easier to choose a ‘white lie” and preserve the peace than to find a way to lovingly speak the truth.

• If I think I have the gift of teaching, but I’m awful at teaching, don’t tell me I’m good. If I didn’t do a good job, don’t tell me, “That’s the best sermon I’ve ever heard!” Be honest! It’ll sting in the short run, but like momma always said, “Honesty’s always the best policy.”
• If I think I have the gift of hospitality, but I’m a jerk when I’m hosting people in my home, don’t let me keep thinking I’m doing a great job. Authentic community is honest.
• If I think I’m a good writer, but my writing stinks, it would be unloving of you to tell me that it’s wonderful. And ultimately, if I think my writing is good, and I don’t work on it, in the long run I’ll never try to improve. And what I think I’m a superstar at will make me look foolish. I would bear the responsibility for that, but those along the way who were not honest with me would bear the load, too.

Authentic community is others-focused, not just you-focused.

Helping people understand their gifts is vital to the success of any leader. But don’t lead them to believe they’re awesome in something that they’re not. Speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) to those you participate in community with is a difficult thing to do. But it’s incredibly honoring as you seek to help someone improve a gift they’re using. Your words are setting them on a path to utilizing their gifts, not just embarrassing themselves with it.

Gifts are like muscles…they need to be exercised in order to be effective. Sometimes exercise has to start with a little honesty. And honesty is best received in the context of healthy, authentic, loving community.

 Do not lie to each other. – Colossians 3:9

Authentic community and stinging honesty is a post from: Life and Theology

 

And the creators of the video have made it available, in editable form, for free! (links below)

Happy video-sharing!

To download this video, see below.

• Download the QuickTime format (.H264) - 320×240 – 11MB
• Download the QuickTime format (.H264) - 640×480 – 65MB
• Download the Flash Video (On2 VP6) - 11MB
• Download the project files (After Effects CS3, Final Cut Studio 2) - 430MB

For info on how the project was created, see their site HERE.

Creative Small Groups Video is a post from: Life and Theology

 

I talked about it on a guest post I wrote for Matt Steen right HERE.

Here’s a video that I put together for our leaders, with help from Dustin York and Brian Coleman. *Make sure you watch about the 1:50 -2:05 mark for a cool effect that we incorporated.

A New Leadership Development Pathway is a post from: Life and Theology

 

If you’re looking for a small group, you probably wouldn’t like mine.

Why you won’t like my small group

• Nobody’s perfect. Our group is rather messy…in fact, much messier than I ever thought it would be. If your life is clean and put together, and messiness frustrates you, you’ll hate our group.
• We celebrate small steps, not just the ‘huge’ ones. And small steps may seem insignificant to you, so if you’re not willing to get excited over a step towards Jesus (no matter how seemingly insignificant), you’ll not feel at home with us.
• There’s no teacher. Just a facilitator. And the facilitator doesn’t have all of the answers, so if it’s merely answers you’re looking for, mosey on.
• We talk about challenging stuff. And I don’t mean that we debate obscure theological dogma. I mean that we work to apply the Scriptures to our lives. If you love a great, obscure theological debate, you may not enjoy our group.
• We expect full participation. Nobody in our group is lazy. In one way or another, every member participates, and is vital to the success of the group as a whole. If you want to be a lazy sponge, don’t join us.
• We know each other’s stories. No hiding in our group. Our group kicked off its first month by encouraging everybody in the group to share their faith story. Comfortable? Nope. This group’s not for you.
• We’re transparent. Mere platitudes aren’t acceptable. If all of your answers start with, “Someone once said…” instead of, “I am dealing with…” then you’ll never be comfortable in our small group.
• We’re diverse. If you’re looking for people that are just like you, who look, smell, act, read the same books, live on the same side of town, have the same number of kids…keep moving. You’re not going to find that here.
• Our group is going to end soon, and I’m going to ask each group member to take a step of faith and lead a new group…each one of them. No moss will be gathering with us. If you like moss, find another group.
• We serve together. Don’t want to serve? That’s fine. Just don’t get frustrated with us when we ask you to join us in making a difference in our community.
• We have fun. Every week. We laugh so hard that we snort. We play games, share stories, and study the Bible…all while having fun. I wrote more extensively about the importance of having fun in small groups HERE. If you don’t like having fun, you’re an old codger. And old codgers don’t last long in our group.

* image credit: iStockPhoto user Digital Skillet

#2 in 2011: Why you wouldn’t like my small group is a post from: Life and Theology

 

I recently had the chance to sit down with my good friends, Brett Eastman and Steve Gladen, and talk through how we go about producing our curriculum every week, and a couple of reasons why we made the switch. Brett and Steve produce The Small Group Show, a series of videos designed to resource and encourage small groups pastors and leaders.

Here’s the interview I did with them.

Question:

Are you a part of a sermon-driven small group, or a curriculum-driven one?

Sermon-driven small groups is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image credit: Creation Swap user Jamie Current

I’ve read a lot in 2011. And there are three books that rose to the top for me.

1. How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie

This is an old book, but it’s still unbelievably applicable today. Because relationships are still vital to whatever you do, whether that’s at work, home, or church. This book oozes practical wisdom.

2. Small Groups with Purpose: How to Create Healthy Communities, by Steve Gladen (blog)

I know, it’s niche. But it’s good. If you’re overseeing small groups, this book is gold for you. Steve has laid out the method that Saddleback Church has pioneered in launching thousands of small groups. And he’s broken it down where churches who are much smaller can learn from the principles that Saddleback has used.

3. Sticky Teams, by Larry Osborne

Our staff read through this book together and it was so, so good. Osborne packs this book full of the wisdom he’s learned in leading his teams of staff members at North Coast Church. If you’re a team leader, or plan on being one, especially in the church, this is a must-read.

Question:

Have you read a must-read this year?

 * image credit: Creation Swap user Jamie Current

My top 3 books for 2011 is a post from: Life and Theology

 

image credit: creation swap user Matt Gruber

Lots of small groups take the Christmas season off. And that’s fine.

But if you’re one of the groups that really loves Jesus, you’re not taking the season off. You’re soldiering through like the little drummer boy who could. Massive traveling, family celebrating, and time off of work won’t slow you and your group down!

If you’re one of the groups that’s meeting throughout the month of December, you may be wondering what you can do that’s a little outside of the norm. I’ve got some suggestions.

15 Christmas Ideas for your Small Group

Fellowship:

Don’t feel bad about wanting to have fun together as a group this Christmas season. Having fun together is very biblical.

•  Go caroling.
• White elephant gift exchange. See explanation HERE.
• Ornament exchange.
• Pot luck with your favorite Christmas dish.
• “Favorite book” exchange.
• Celebrate with a gift exchange mid-January. That way, you can get gifts on sale, and extend the celebration of the birth of Jesus. Jesus would probably have loved a good sale. Am I right?!?

 Serving

• Email your pastor for families in need, and serve them food and gifts.
• Contact your local public school system and tell them you’d like to sponsor ___ families with food and gifts this Christmas. Ask them to connect you with the families.
• Contact your local Salvation Army and sign up to ring the bell.
• Write letters to soldiers who are deployed, if you live in a military town.
• Bless your pastor. Examples: a gift card to Amazon, a night away for him and his wife, or a gift card to a nice local restaurant.

Worship/study

• The Purpose of Christmas book and/or study guide, by Rick Warren
• Christmas Reboot, by Alan Danielson
• Advent Conspiracy, by Rick McKinley
• Study through the sermons your pastor preaches this Christmas season
• Study Luke 2. Try using the Serendipity Bible to help.

 Is your small group meeting for the Christmas season?

* image credit: creation swap user Matt Gruber

15 Christmas Ideas for your Small Group is a post from: Life and Theology

 

When it comes to talking about the marks of a true follower of Jesus, it’s no surprise that Paul starts out talking about love.

Literally, Romans 12:9 says, “Let love be without hypocrisy.” This is significant because the hypocrite has one thing on his mind:

What will people think of me?

Not, “Who am I?” Not, “How can I serve?” Not, “How can I make much of the power of the Gospel to transform?” The hypocrite is primarily concerned with what others think of them, trying to make the outside look better than the inside. (Matthew 23:27)

Hypocrisy loves to hide.

We have this part of us that tries to hide and appear better than we really are. We don’t want people to see the “real” us. Because the “real’ us may be repulsive, scandalous, depressed, and unworthy. We think, “If you only knew the ‘real’ me…”

The great news about our approaching God is that we don’t have to hide! Christ died for us, right in the midst of all of our messiness. And the Church, authentic community, should be the same. But there’s a vast difference between the group leader who’s pursuing the Gospel with their group…and the one who’s not.

A me-centered small group leader

• Hides their junk.
• Tries to make much of his or her knowledge of the Bible.
• Hides behind the veneer of leadership.
• Hides behind pushing other people to share their story.
• Shares pain and heartache and difficulties and struggles using the terms, “him, her, they, them, and you.”

A Gospel-Centered Small Group Leader

• Shares their faith story knowing that it displays God’s grace.
• Shares their faith story knowing that it offers hope.
• Shares their faith story knowing that it breaks down walls that keep people from God.
• Pursues vulnerability because they’re not scared of being “found out.” They’ve already been accepted by the King.
• Uses the words, “I, me, and us” way more than, “you, him, her, they, or them.”

Anything less than genuine love (Romans 12:9) is cheapening the grace and mercy and kindness and power of God. Because it’s making much of you, and little of the God we say we love.

Being vulnerable with your faith story leads to Gospel health. And if our aim is Gospel-centered community, then we need to pursue genuine love. Love that says, “I know you, I know your story, I know your pain and your failures and your frustrations and your questions…and I love you still.” That’s what the Gospel says. (Romans 5:6)

And that’s what we should say, too.

*image credit: Creation Swap User Josiah Kopp

The Gospel-Centered Small Group Leader is a post from: Life and Theology

 

Image credit Creation Swap user Pierce Brantley

On the first night of our small group, I didn’t want to make things too awkward. I didn’t want to be the guy who dumped all of my junk on everyone…you know, the emo guy that just goes around with a rain cloud over my head, and shares dark things all of the time. You know who I’m talking about. Every time you talk to them you think, “How are you even still alive? You are so dark and mysterious…”

Community and Prayer

I didn’t want to pressure people too much, so I closed in prayer. I just laid it out there and said, “Hey, we’re going to close in prayer…please don’t feel the pressure to share anything…if you want prayer, please mention it and someone will volunteer to pray out loud for you in a moment.” There must have been something magical in those words. Because in that moment, the heavens opened up and it was glorious.

Our group gravitated towards each other’s stories. We could’ve gravitated towards a lot in that moment, but it was with each unfolding story that our group began moving inwards.

I didn’t ask for community to happen…it just did. Our group went from fragmented, broken individuals to a unified community in the matter of about 12 minutes. And I’ve seen this over and over again. Fragmented individuals come together more quickly and more tightly, forming the bonds of community, through the power of story. Stories reveal shared experiences.

Isn’t Community Through the Gospel?

I know that some of you right now are saying, “Nope, it’s not through story, you crazy liberal! It’s through Gospel. We’re aiming for Gospel-centered community, NOT story-centered community. Have you read Blue Like Jazz too many times?”

 Community is not realized in a group simply when we find out that we all follow Jesus.

Community is realized

• When I hear how the Gospel has changed your life.
• When I hear the junk you’ve had to deal with, and that God’s grace has brought you through it.
• When I hear the pain you’ve been through, yet hear how the hope of the Gospel has sustained you.
• When I hear about how the Gospel has changed your desires.
• When I see that the Gospel transformed your family.

In the process of hearing your story, I hear mine. I make connections between who you were and who I was. I link who you’re becoming with who I’m becoming. And I see that the Gospel is strong enough. Scandalous enough. Generous enough. Big enough to transform my story, too.

Your story gives me hope.

Without your story, community isn’t found. “Bible study” may be found. “Fun” may be found. “Relationships” may be found. But genuine community is formed when I see and hear and feel and  smell and hug and experience the Gospel in your life.

To choose to not share your story is to choose fear. And it’s choosing a weak, inadequate form of community when the Gospel offers much, much more.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. – Romans 12:15-16

Community is realized in story is a post from: Life and Theology

 

Scott wrote MissioRelate as a way of prodding small group systems to move towards life-changing, relational experiences that draw people into missional group life.

The word ‘missional’ seems to be abuzz acros the landscape of the American church. It’s ‘hip’ to be ‘missional’ right now. What I love about Scott’s work is that he plainly lays out the foundations of what it takes for small groups to be truly missional, both theologically and practically. This book just might change the way you think about small groups…in a very good way.

Check out this interview I did with Scott (sorry…for some reason, my video froze. I’ll figure out the whole recording thing soon enough!).

Here are the questions Scott answers:

1. You talk a lot about rhythms in your book…why are rhythms so important to group life?

2. You’re pretty critical of current small groups systems. What churches are doing it ‘right’ now?

3. How do you see the typical American mindset influencing church life these days?

5. Give us a couple of practical steps that a small group could take to really draw people in to missional group life.

Scott mentions a few resources in the video. You can see those HERE.

I’m giving away 2 copies of Scott’s book! To enter, just do one of the following:

1. Tweet a link back to this post. You can use this if you’d like: Check out a great new book on missional small groups from @mscottboren: http://ow.ly/6Xery

2. Facebook a link back to this post. You can use this if you’d like: Check out a great new book on missional small groups from Scott Boren: http://ow.ly/6Xery  // (make sure you tag me so I can enter you into the drawing)

3. Leave a comment telling us whether you think that ‘missional small groups’ are a good idea or not.

In your comment, please be sure to leave your email address so I can contact the winners!

I’ll complete the drawing on Saturday evening, October 15th, at 8:00 pm.

But even if you don’t win, you can pick up a copy of the book HERE.

Scott Boren & missional communities is a post from: Life and Theology