image credit: CreationSwap user Marian Trinidad

I’m not a perfect parent. In fact, I’m far from it. I say the wrong things, do the wrong things, and am learning more and more every day.

And I’m not one to judge.

But I heard a mother say something the other day, and it made every bone in my body cringe. She was walking up to the door of a building, texting on her phone, while her young son walked in front of her. I noticed that they stood at the door for 15-20 seconds, and the son hadn’t opened the door yet. He was staring around, noticing the nice day, looking into the building, and…well, not opening the door. Apparently, his mother expected he would have already opened it. So she blurted out, loud enough for everyone to hear,

What is wrong with you?!?

He was stunned. He didn’t cry or yell back or stomp his feet because he was angry. He just stood there and looked up at his mom. Obviously thinking it was ok just to take in the scenery and move at a slower pace, it took him aback when his mom, who was distracted by something on her phone, snapped at him and degraded his very existence. I’m sure that what he heard was

There is something wrong with you…otherwise, you would’ve opened the door already for me!!

And in that moment, I realized that knowing what not to say to your children doesn’t automatically come to you when you have a child. I guess I thought it did.

So I thought I’d put a list together of things you should never say to your child. Even in jest, these can be damaging to a young mind.

50 Things to Never Say to your Children

1. What’s wrong with you?!?

2. You’ll never amount to anything.

3. I don’t really like you.

4. You’re worthless to me.

5. You’re stupid.

6. I wish you’d never been born.

7. I wish you were more like ____.

8. If you’d just shut up…

9. Stop being loud so I can work…

10. It’s okay to lie a little bit

11. You’re such a disappointment.

12. If you do that again, I’ll hit you.

13. YOU made me this way.

14. YOU caused the problems between your mother and I.

15. You’re dead to me.

16. I don’t love you right now.

17. You’re an idiot.

18. Hard work will never get you anywhere.

19. I hate you.

20. I don’t have time for you.

21. Quit bothering me.

22. Until you fix this problem, I don’t love you.

23. Left up to me, I’d never see you again.

24. You’re not important to me right now.

25. I hate coming to your games.

26. Quit dreaming, that’s never possible.

27. This is your art? It’s awful…

28. Quit being so creative. That’ll never get you anywhere.

29. When you grow up, I hope you’ll be more like your brother/sister.

30. Quit acting like your mother.

31. Your father was a loser, too.

32. If you keep acting like this, your mom and dad might get a divorce.

33. From mother: Don’t listen to your daddy.

34. From dad: Don’t listen to your mother.

35. If you do that again, you’re going to make God not love you anymore.

36. Was it your birthday yesterday?

37. I don’t think I can ever forgive you for what you just did.

38. If you choose to do that, our relationship is over.

39. I’m ashamed to call you my child.

40. Do as I say, not as I do.

41. I know I’m right. There’s nothing you can do or say to convince me otherwise.

42. No, I won’t listen to you.

43. God loves you because you’re good.

44. Go talk to someone else. I’m too busy with work right now.

45. No, I won’t read to you.

46. To boys: real men don’t cry.

47. To girls: don’t cry.

48. You better stop, or I’ll give you something to cry about.

49. Quit being such a little baby.

50. Do what you want, I don’t care.

Question:

Anything you’d add?

* image credit: CreationSwap user Marian Trinidad

 

Are you one who writes notes to yourself? I am.

I email myself.

Write myself notes on sticky pads.

I use reminders on my phone.

I use Wunderlist.

Sometimes I even write notes on my hands.

Most of these notes are information-driven because I’m prone to forget to do things. If I don’t write it down, I’ll forget it. I need reminders often.

And if something as eternally insignificant as picking up the milk warrants me writing myself a note, how much more vital should it be for me to write myself reminders about the things that matter most?

Today, I wrote a post for Michael Perkins’ blog. It’s a note to myself. Check it out HERE. It’s a reminder to myself to invest in the things that matter most. I’d love to say that I’ve arrived, and that it’s not still a struggle. But I’m a work-in-progress. I’m still drawn to building things that won’t last through eternity.

And I need grace. Every day.

Do you write notes to yourself?

 

I love being a dad. Especially a dad to a boy.

I don’t necessarily know what I’m doing…I’m learning every day, and I’m loving the journey.

At the mall just the other day, I heard a dad telling his son,

No. No. No. Be careful. No. Don’t jump off of that bench. It’s not safe. No. No. Be careful.

And it rubbed me the wrong way.

One thing I’ve learned is that raising a boy often goes against your natural instincts. Especially my wife’s natural instincts.

A parent’s natural instinct is to protect their child. Which, no doubt, has prevented countless tears in my house alone. Parents want to protect them from

• falling
• jumping off of things
• jumping into things
• climbing things
• eating things
• putting fingers in things
• putting things in the trash
• getting things out of the trash
• coloring the wrong things
• going outside
• rolling in that
• touching that

But if you’re going to raise a boy to grow into a man, you’ve got to fight against your natural instincts at times. Here’s a principal I’ve learned in the 3 years I’ve raised my son:

If you say ‘No’ or ‘Be careful’ more than you encourage your son to take a risk, you’re limiting your son’s potential.

Boys long to be dangerous. They want to take risks and be adventurous. They have a God-given desire to do things that could very well cause them bodily harm.

And in a flash, your God-given reaction to protect meets his God-given desire to risk.

We want our children to feel the freedom to innovate, try new things, and take risks when they get older, right? To not be held in bondage by social norms and cultural expectations. We want them to be willing to take bold and courageous steps of faith. No?

I understand that those risks need to be shepherded, but they need not be stifled. ‘Be careful’ shouldn’t be the two words that come out of your mouth more than any other. Next time you’re getting ready to say, ‘Be careful,’ try inserting the words, ‘Let’s do this!’

Instead of forbidding them from taking risks, be with them and encourage them while they take the risk. Show them that it’s okay to be dangerous sometimes. To go on an adventure. To do something that momma may not approve of. To try something they’ve never seen anyone else try. To attempt something that may not pan out.

I’ve seen young boys that are scared to death to take even a small risk. They’re afraid of falling and hurting themselves. They’re afraid of failure.

So they never try.

It’s sad, really.

Boys aren’t meant to just be caged up. Boys are testing out the ropes of manhood. Don’t cut those strings.

 

As a church (Grace Community Church), we say that we value the family. Now I can personally vouch that we do.

I know that older generations accuse my generation of not working hard. But if you spend much time around me, you’ll realize that I don’t fit that mold. (and, in fact, I’d submit that my generation isn’t lazy…we just work differently)

I really enjoy hard work. And when I have to be out of the office for an extended amount of time, it drives me nuts. Not because I’m being pressured from other team members or not living up to perceived expectations. It’s simply because I love what I do, and I love working hard at it.

When Family Calls 

So when I had to be out of the office for 10 days, it was tough…

Read the rest of my guest post for Ron Edmondson’s blog HERE.

 

I know this is random, but I thought you’d enjoy the laugh.

(HT: 22 Words)

 

My son loves when we read Curious George to him.  It’s one of his favorites!  But I read everything with a critical eye.  And while I don’t always appreciate that part of me, I just can’t turn that switch off and just completely read for fun.  I wish I could.

Image via MyDorchester

Yesterday, I told you about the bad parenting lessons I’ve learned from Curious George. (you can read that HERE)

But I’d be remiss to say there aren’t some great jewels of life wisdom here, too!  Even wisdom that leaders can glean.  To be honest with you, I never thought I’d be learning leadership lessons from a cartoon monkey.  But, alas…the life of a dad…

5 Leadership Lessons Curious George Teaches us

Enjoying life is infectious.

When you enjoy life, you help others to do the same.  At the end of every book, the entire cast of characters is smiling.  Not to say that life’s easy or fluffy or always happy, but looking for ways to enjoy the gifts and opportunities God’s giving you is infectious for everyone around you.

Helping people is messy work.

George’s goal throughout the series is to help people.  But in helping people, he often gets into big messes.  Before it’s all said and done, many people are frustrated with George.  Even those who love him the most (the man with the yellow hat).  Which is what you’ll sometimes, unfortunately, find in life.  Helping people change, grow, and deal with life is often messy and frustrating.  But I can’t even begin to tell you how it’s worth the frustrations.

Creativity is messy and chaotic, but at the end of the day, it’s worth it.

If you pursue creativity in life, things will get messy and chaotic.  Rarely will you find yourself in the middle of creativity and in the middle of order.  Just know, going in, that you’re going to have to put up with a bit of chaos in the creative process.  But at the end of the day, it’s worth it.  The insights, new directions, and “art” you’ll create through the process make it worth the effort.

Curiosity will get you in lots of trouble.

The more you poke around, question systems, and look for new ways of doing things, the more you will frustrate some people.  Because, often, it’s easier to leave the status quo untouched.  To assume you can “arrive” and be done growing and changing.  And the more you push for those out-of-the-box changes, the more you’ll frustrate those who are satisfied with keeping things the way they are.

Curiosity will lead you to lots of fun.

Children naturally gravitate towards creativity and fun.  But life has a tendency of breaking many of us of that.  Curiosity is a beautiful thing.  It leads to new discoveries and new adventures, as long as you’re willing to pursue it.  Don’t get so tangled up in details, systems, and processes that you forget to have a little fun along the way.  There’s an adventure around every corner if you’re willing to look.

Question:

Have you seen any of these lessons come true in your life?

 

Ever read a book from the series, Curious George?

image via Zap 2 It

I’ve got a 2 year old son, and we read a lot to him. Curious George is one of those books he likes. “Monkey book!” he says.

And I’m a critic. I read and listen to things with a critical eye. Sometimes, that’s really helpful. But many times, it’s just annoying.   I wish I could just read and flip that little switch off in my brain…because I’m sure that the author producer wasn’t trying to communicate the strange things that are now running through my head about his book…but I can’t help myself.

Curious George is a great children’s series…but when I read it, here’s what I see.

5 Bad Parenting Lessons from Curious George

• Don’t worry about listening to your Dad. Everything will be okay. Even if you do what he would never want you to do, within 20 minutes, he’ll be laughing with you.
• Don’t worry about listening to your Dad.  You’ll have more fun that way.  Especially if ice cream is involved.  And at the end of the day, the disaster you caused means everybody wins…except the ice cream shop.
• Don’t worry about listening to your Dad. In the end, it doesn’t matter. Everybody will love you more.  The more trouble you cause, the more people will end up liking you.  Ignore the rules!
• Don’t worry about listening to your Dad.  You won’t ever get punished. (The man in the yellow hat never dolls out any consequences).  That chocolate factory that you nearly destroyed…ahh…don’t worry about it, little guy!  Just laugh about them losing thousands of dollars of chocolate!
• Your poor decisions don’t ever cause any real trouble. You may wreck the local library, let all of the animals out of the zoo, and ruin everything of value in your friend’s new restaurant, but just give it a few minutes…everything will be even better because of your mischief.  In fact, thank you for your bad decisions.

Question:

Ever read Curious George?  Am I the only one who sees these things?

 

image via Naima Williams

At night, the last thing my wife and I do with our son is pray for, and with, him. One thing we always do is ask him who he’d like to pray for, because we want to get him in the habit of praying for people that he knows and loves. And he’s gotten pretty good at remembering people.

It’s a cool thing to be able to tell our friends and family, “Hey, Rex prayed for you by name last night.”

But lately, I think he’s picked up on the fact that the more names he suggests, the longer that “bedtime” is prolonged.

The more names he suggests, the longer mom and dad stay in my room.

The more names he suggest, the longer the light stays on.

He’s even begun naming, and praying for, things like his Mac Truck, the light (which he immediately reminds us that “Daddy” and “Poppy” fixed), his “Chloe” (a stuffed animal dog he likes to sleep with), his trains, and our family car. He’s prayed for fireworks, monkeys (jury’s still out on why he wants to pray for monkeys…), and lightning bugs. He’s prayed for his hat(s), his sucker, and himself. He’ll pray for my truck, “work,” and church.

And after a couple of these “extras,” I always say, “Ok, Rex, that’s enough. It’s time to go to sleep.” And I kiss him on the forehead, turn off the light, and close his door.

Faith like a child

But I wonder…is this really a ploy by my son to become more manipulative? Or is it a great example of the faith of a child?  Faith that says, “God’s provided these people in our lives…hasn’t He also provided these ‘things’ for our enjoyment and benefit?”

It’s reminded me to slow down. Because I don’t pray for the things he’s praying for. When was the last time I thanked God for my truck? Or for the lights in our home? Or for the beauty and wonder of lightning bugs?

When did I thank him for the simple joys of fireworks and…ahem…monkeys?

Have I ever thanked God for fun things like toys?

Or suckers?

I’ve got a lot of growing up to do. Never thought I’d learn that lesson from my 2 year old.

Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” – Luke 18:17

 

I asked this question recently on Twitter and Facebook:

What is the most difficult part of parenting?

I got some fantastic responses…so great, in fact, that I thought I’d share them with you.  I think some of them will resonate with you.

The most difficult part of parenting:

My answers (thought I’d throw my own thoughts in, too):

• Consistent discipline
• There are no step-by-step instruction books on parenting.
• My child has a will and so do I
• So much of who you are comes out in their personality
• You don’t get a break. Even when you’re apart, you think about them.
• It can be embarrassing.
• $$$$
• Getting them to eat (my son is 2.5)
• Helping them understand why they should do the right thing.

Your answers

• Having to deal with kids! FROCPastor

• Putting my kids’ needs before my own. BradHuebert
• The most difficult part of parenting is having kids.  It would be much easier without them! Jeremy_Riggs
• Not being perfect myself. JCWert
• Discipline with consistency. Lori Prine Clayton
• The children. Justin Henne
• The other parent. Elizabeth Clark
• Being stern, with them knowing it’s in love. Brenda Taylor
• Being constantly humbled by my sinfulness. It’s a very real picture into my idolatry of myself.  Courtney Shelton
• Discipline and tough love.  Sarah McAfee
• Guilt. Bonnie Bowers
• Letting the poop slide right off of you…literally and figuratively.  Theresa Milton
• Patience.  Joseph Smith
• Not having kids to practice on…thanks for rubbing it in, Ben.  Tyler Aman
• Letting them go to grow.  It is natural for us to want to shelter and protect them.  It is difficult to step back, even when it is good for them.  Keith Davis
• Letting them go when they are grown, letting them be who they want to be without question, I really can’t answer this fully, wow!  And I have raised 3 kids already, on the 4th and last!  Jackie Olvis
• I just wish my children were still at home!!!  (I also mean when they were younger and I was younger too!)  Mary Jane Ross
• When someone hurts them and you can’t do anything to stop it.  Hazel Tindle
• Different at every stage.  There are changes I welcome joyfully and those that pass with sadness.  I do agree that letting go is hard and has been present and progressive at every stage.  Camie Green
• Letting go when they are adults.  Beth Bunch
• Not giving them so much attention that gets them looking at themselves instead of God.  Granny Piper

What do you think the most difficult part of parenting is?

 

We showed this video yesterday at Grace.

You may have seen it before, and if so, forgive me.  If not…you’re welcome.