You may never guess it, but you can learn a lot while riding on a plane.

Most people just blow right past social etiquette.  It’s like those unspoken “rules” and understandings just don’t apply when you’re sitting beside someone on a plane.  It’s a strange phenomenon.

When you break social rules, people feel awkward.  It’s tough to build significant relationships if you ignore them.  And if you’re convinced that your message is worth sharing, take note of the below “rules.”  If you’re not convinced your message is worth sharing, please quit reading and go find a better message.

8 rules I learned while riding on a plane

Don’t be the guy that’s always late.

It’s okay to be late occasionally.  But when you being late causes everybody else’s life to be placed on hold, you quickly become the enemy in the room.

Don’t be the guy that always complains.

I get it…life’s tough.  Yours is, and so is mine.  Quit whining and move on.  Take responsibility for your growth and begin moving in the right direction.  If you need help, ask.  But don’t just complain.

Don’t be the guy that talks incessantly.

Learn to shut your mouth.  Being a good friend means listening, too.  If I know your whole life story and you don’t even know my name…something’s out of balance.

Don’t be the guy that’s always slamming pop culture.

If you hate it that much, just stop talking about it.  Nobody else despises it as much as you do, and you’re just alienating people.

Think seriously about how you’re going to introduce yourself.

On one leg of my flight, the lady beside me opened with, “I have to warn you. I will probably kick you on this flight.”  Not a great way to say hello.  Being friendly goes a long way in building a relationship.

Don’t be the guy that turns every single conversation back to “Jesus.”

Jon Acuff refers to this as the “Jesus juke,” turning a normal conversation into a spiritual moment of shame.  Just enjoy someone’s company.  There are times to interject comments, stories, and experiences that help people understand who you are and who Jesus is.  But if we’re talking about sports, don’t shame me for watching football instead of reading my Bible.

Don’t be the guy that farts on a plane.

Farting on a plane is like the ultimate dutch oven.  For everyone on the plane.

Don’t be the guy that eats a hard-boiled egg on a plane.

It smells bad.  It looks weird.  And dredging your egg through salt on your tiny napkin is just strange.

Building relationships is tough work.  Don’t make it harder by breaking these rules.  Whether you’re working online in social media or sharing your faith or trying to build influence or investing in your small group ministry, relationships matter.

Ever broken any of these social “rules”?

What other social “no-no” rules would you add?

 

I recently flew Delta Airlines, and noticed a promo sign that said this:

Building a Better Airline, not just a bigger one

Say what you want about Delta, but this (relatively) new initiative is a strong one. In an industry marked by frustration over lost baggage, TSA joys, and cancelled flights, Delta is trying to give the customer a better experience.  They’re trying to build a better airline.

There are two key words here in their new strategy, “Building a Better Airline, not just a bigger one” that I think church leaders could learn from.

How can churches build better, not just bigger?

1. A Better experience

Delta is looking to build their company on standards and procedures that set them apart from everyone else.  They’re changing things up and implementing new ideas that position them as the leaders in their industry because the services and conveniences they offer serve their customers more efficiently, effectively, and liberally.  Case-in-point: there’s a TV on the back of each headrest.  And they offer lots of free programming.

If you’re a part of a local church and you’re not thinking, “How can we serve our congregation and our community more efficiently, effectively, and liberally?” then you’re not asking the right questions.  You’re not wrestling through the right things.

2. A “bigger” company

Notice one word: “not just a bigger one.”  They are looking to build a bigger company, it’s just not the only thing they’re looking to do.  See, there’s nothing wrong with growth.  In fact, if they weren’t looking to build a bigger company, I’d wonder why they’re even in business.  Individuals (or groups) launch a business to see it grow, no?

Should churches be any different? *

We want our churches to grow numerically, right?  If not, why do we even exist?  Of what value is the Great Commission?  Why would the Bible include numbers when it referred to the early, New Testament church in the book of Acts, where God was adding thousands daily?  If numbers didn’t matter, why include them?

Numbers aren’t just blind figures.

They’re people.  They represent a person who is far from the Lord.  One who needs to hear the Gospel.  One who needs Hope.  One who needs encouragement.  One who needs to understand God’s grace.

“Numbers” aren’t our motivating factor…but sharing the Gospel and making disciples of people (in an increasing number) is our motivation.  So numbers do matter. **

How is your local church working to offer a “better” experience for “customers”?

Do the numbers really matter?

* I understand that the strategy of some churches is to send people out, and keep the numbers on their campus lower.  This is a viable strategy…but one in which these churches still should value numbers.

** This is a Ron Edmondson-ism.

 

Want a snapshot into my thought process?  Here you go.

image by Beaty Bass

Me: I could write a blog off of this thought:

If you’re not funny, don’t try to be.

Because I read something the other day where someone was trying to be funny, and they weren’t.  It was painful.

My brain: But you write things that you think are funny.  And they’re not.  So they’re painful.

Me: Ouch.

My brain: Don’t judge people on a funniness scale.

Me: I don’t mean to jud…

My brain: And who made you the funny judge, anyway?

Me: …

My brain: And isn’t “funny” subjective?  What’s funny to you may not be funny to everyone.

Me: Well, ok.  But some things just aren’t funny. Case-in-point: well, um…I can’t think of one right now.  But you know what I mean.

My brain: You mean that there are some things that just aren’t universally funny.  Right?

Me: Yeah.

My brain: There you go again.  Judging “funny” purely by what you find “funny.”

Me: But why would someone write something intending to be funny, when they’re not?

My brain: Hey, you don’t have to read their stuff…

Me: I guess not, but…

My brain: No, you don’t.  Just quit reading.

Me: I guess you’re right.  Nobody is forcing me to read.  That would be weird if they did.

My brain: Don’t you write from your own experiences?

Me: Yes.

My brain: And aren’t your experiences sometimes funny to you?

Me: Yes.

My brain: Boom!  Then you just contradicted yourself.  You’re funny to you, but not to everyone.  Isn’t this what you’re frustrated with other writers about?

Me: I suppose…

My brain: And are you forcing anyone to read your stuff?

Me: I sure hope not.

My brain: What kind of an answer is that?  It’s either a “yes” or a “no.”

Me: I guess that realizing there are countless voices out there, and that those non-funny funny guys can have their voice, too, is good.

My brain: Finally.  You get it.  It doesn’t matter.  They’re funny to someone.

Me: Be who you are, and let others be who they are. Hey, I think I’ll Twitter that.  Wait, no.  I’m having an important internal dialogue right now.  Stick with it.

My brain: What just happened right there?

Me: Sorry.  …But can’t I be a little critical?  Bust on people a little when they’re not funny?

My brain: Nope.  Again…you’re not that funny to most people.

Me: Ok, ok…I get it.  I’m not funny either.  Will you lighten up already?

My brain: You need to lighten up.  Give people the freedom to express themselves however they want.

Me: Fair enough.

See what I have to deal with?  Here’s my own takeaway from my own thought process:

I’ll let you be you.

In fact, let me take that one step further.

Please, please…you be you.

We need you.  Your brand of humor.  Your style of relating.  Your way of leading.  Your ideas, passions, giftings, and set of failures.  Your training, your taste, and your family dynamics.

Don’t be me.  I won’t be you.

And, I promise…I won’t judge you for being you.

Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. (Romans 12:4-6)

 

Leadership is challenging.  Whether you’re a leader in your community, your job, or your church, you’ve run into the difficulties that each and every leader faces.  Maybe your challenges are unique…but my guess is that they’re not.

I posted this on Twitter and Facebook recently, to see what other challenges leaders face:

I got some great (and some goofy) comments, so I thought I’d share them with you.

The most difficult part of leadership has to be…

• the followers. (@Matt_Harmer)
• filling in the blanks! (RGNeighbour)
• people. They’re the worst! (LizFentonDecker)
• leading when you don’t feel like leading. (@michaelPaulJ)
• coming up with yoda-like tweets. (@TonySteward)
• when I look into the eyes of those that follow me, I see a reflection of myself. (@poimane)
• authenticity. (@poimane)
• multiplying leaders. (@alviRadjagukguk)
• managing other people’s perceptions and expectations. (@makeda619)
• followers. (Noel Bagwell)
• loneliness. (Beau Coburn)
• letting someone else lead. (Theresa Rodriguez-Milton)
• not micromanaging. (Matt Pennington)

I would add the following

• change
• recruiting volunteers
• keeping the mission and vision front and center
• creating momentum
• managing AND leading
• admitting when you’re wrong

What did I miss?

Do you enjoy leading, or is it more of a burden to you?

 

My son is a running, jumping ball of courage right now.

• He rides his 4-wheeler down our front steps.
• He jumped down 3 stairs the other day…measuring at least his height.  He hit the floor, tumbled a little, and kept on running and laughing.
• Yesterday, he rode down our driveway (a fairly steep hill) as fast as he could on his little plastic truck…which was definitely not intended to be ridden as fast or as hard as he was riding it.
• He’s not afraid (usually) of talking with a complete stranger.
• He jumped off of his bed.  It’s taller than he is.

He just has this courageous spirit in him.  And I fight my hardest to not discipline that out of him.

Because seeing my son do courageous things thrills my heart, and I know it’s a expression of his God-given spirit of adventure.  And it would be easy for me to discipline that out of him in the name of safety and order.  I could demand that he not run amuck, that he play it safe, that he walk (err…jump) a more careful path.

But I am convinced that that’s not best for him in the long run.  That’s simply what’s good for me and my sanity in the short-run.

I want to encourage my son to continue to take risks.  Stand up to challenges.  Do things nobody else is doing.  Blaze his own path.  Follow his dream.  And live out the calling God’s placed on his life.  I want to teach my son to live dangerously. It’s much easier to rein that courage in, and point it towards Christ, than to re-program a man to live dangerously. I want to encourage him to be courageous now, and reward those small feats.

Have you ever been encouraged to live dangerously?

Disagree with the idea that boys (and men) living dangerously is a good thing?  Feel free to push back!  Click HERE to jump in the comments!

 

For any leader, creating trust is essential.

Merriam-Webster.com defines “trust” as “reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something : one in which confidence is placed.”  So creating that trust in relationships formed is crucial for the growth of the organization that you lead.  And when it comes to social media, trust is absolutely crucial.  Since you’re one voice among millions, you get one shot with potential followers.  One eye-grabbing tweet.  One game-changing blog post.  And if you don’t capture people there, you’ve likely lost them forever.  Hate it if you want, but that’s the game.

Without trust, people won’t follow you.  Well…they’ll follow you for a little while.  But positional leadership will only get you so far.  With trust, you can develop healthy, robust communities.

5 ways to create trust online

1. Consistency – I’ve given up on trying to figure out which posts are going to do well and which aren’t.  I’ve resorted to this: post consistently.  I’m bound to strike a nerve with someone at some point.
2. Quality – Add value, create discussion, spark interest, share an idea, encourage change, or share your story.  If it’s anything less, then why post?
3. Honesty – people are looking for transparency and relate-ability…not just someone who has got it all together.  Don’t just tweet the good things…tweet the bad ideas, the failed initiatives, and ways you’ve struggled.
4. Generosity – it’s not just all about you, promoting your stuff, making a name for yourself.  It’s also not just about giving products away.  Give away ideas, encouragement, and insights.
5. Uniqueness – if you start something new, then you are, by nature, unique in that area.  If you’re jumping into an existing area, let your platform set you apart from the rest of the pack.  Your story’s not the same, your passions aren’t the same, your job’s not the same, and your family’s not the same.  Don’t try to be me, and I won’t try to be you.

Trust is essential in building any relationship.  Social media is no different.

What am I missing?  How do you build trust?  Jump in the conversation HERE!

 

I love being a dad.

It’s not easy, by any stretch of the imagination.  But it’s good.

And one thing that we as a family love is laughing together.  And one way I personally promote that is by tickling my son.  It makes both of us laugh hysterically.

I don’t know if you’ve ever tickled a 2-year old, but it’s pretty funny.  It’s hard not to laugh along with them.

And I noticed this the other day: my son starts laughing before I even tickle him.

I just curl up my hand, like I’m going to tickle him…and just get it close to his belly, and he starts to cringe up in laughter.  And it’s not one of those courtesy chuckles.  It’s an all-body laughter.

The anticipation plays into his overall tickle experience.

And I’m convinced that Sunday mornings are similar.

From week to week, we should be building anticipation as to what’s coming next time.  Whether that’s through

• sermon series
• serving opportunities
• small group/Sunday alignment
• emails saying, “Get ready…”
• social media connections
• website resources
• mixing things up on Sundays so people really don’t know exactly what to expect
• building relationships that encourage continued gathering with other believers

We should be thinking, “What’s encouraging our folks to come back next week?”* Is there a reason for a newcomer (who may or may not be a follower of Christ) to return?  How are you communicating to them that coming back next week is vital?  Are you following up throughout the week?

If you believe that the message you’re presenting is valuable, why would you not create tension and anticipation for what’s coming next?

TV shows do it.  Movies do it.  Radio talk shows create it.  Teachers create it.  Guys who want a second date build it.

If you want a second round with a visitor, you’ve got to build anticipation.

How are you building anticipation?

Should we build anticipation, or should the message simply speak for itself, standing alone?

*Before you leave theologically charged comments, let it be known…I believe that God is the one who draws and changes hearts.  He is the Motivator.  It’s his kindness that leads us to repentance.  I just don’t want anything to get in the way of that, if I can help it.

 

…reveals what’s important to your heart.

Here are things I’m wrestling through:

• Is our small groups system really creating disciples?
• Is our small groups system a great picture of Gospel community?
• What does it look like for our whole church to be moving in the same direction?
• What’s next?
• Am I leading in such a way that others are growing to love God and people more?
• Is my ministry online truly helpful?  What needs to change so that it does more good?
• Am I leading my family well?  How can I do a better job?
• Is my son growing towards being a man of God?

These are the things keeping me up at night.

If you’re leading an organization…what is it that is causing you to sweat, go to work early, pray more, fast more, sleep less, and work harder?

If you don’t know what that is, maybe you should stay up at night and figure it out…

One day soon afterward Jesus went up on a mountain to pray, and he prayed to God all night. At daybreak he called together all of his disciples and chose twelve of them to be apostles… – Luke 6:12-13

 

I don’t play iPhone games often, but one that I’ve found incredibly addictive is Flight Control.

Never played it?  Just don’t.  It’ll suck you in, and you’ll be so concerned about landing those silly little planes that your eyes will start to twitch.

But there are a few lessons about leadership you can learn from Flight Control.

Leadership lessons from an iPhone game

1. Things gets progressively busier, and there’s nothing you can do about that.

Life never slows down, does it?  Don’t expect that, once you hit “that spot,” or “that season,” things will slow down.  Learning to manage your commitments is key, because those commitments will only increase in number and responsibility.

2. It’s okay to hit the pause button.

In fact, you need to do that.  Take a vacation.  Get away.  Put the phone down.  Disengage from social media.  I did recently. And it was incredibly refreshing.

3. You can set something in motion, but in order for it to reach its destination, you’ve got to check back in and help change things around.

In leadership, you can’t always expect that everything you start, every other leader you empower, will never need you to check in.  Managing is an important aspect of leadership.

4. It’s okay to quit and start over.

An idea you’ve been trying quit working?  Not as effective as you’d like?  Then quit trying to make it work.  Scrap it and start from scratch.  If you’re not willing to scrap your program for the health of the organization, you may be too closely connected to your idea.

5. Looking towards the future keeps you motivated to do better each time.

You’re not going to perfectly execute everything you start.  If you did, you’d be un-human.  Failure is an important component to success.

So…you ready to buy this game?

* for more ‘lessons from an iPhone game’, see my friend Jonathan Pearson’s post HERE

 

It’s ok to do things differently.

Create.  Move.  Stir.  Inspire.  Experiment.

Continually.

But when you’re making the changes, don’t spark change by slamming other systems.

Slamming other churches and leaders isn’t

• professional
• Kingdom-oriented
• God-honoring
• ethical
• long-term beneficial
• good leadership

In the long run, what you’ll find is that stirring people to change through dissension will create leaders that are divisive, unruly, and un-leadable.  When they have an idea for change, instead of working through it and wrestling through the details, they’ll begin ripping other systems…maybe even the one they helped you create.

It’s hard to see how God is honored when our systems and churches flourish at the expense of others.

Unity is a difficult concept to maintain.  But it’s worth the effort, for your organization and your community.

Instead of the wanted change communicated through the lens of disunity and pride, try something different.  Cast vision for change because you’re confident about what God wants.  Because He has stirred your soul.  Because your community needs the Gospel.  Because your local church needs you.  Because He’s calling you to lead.

But don’t throw other churches and leaders under the bus in the process.

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. – Ephesians 4:3-6