The more and more I’m active in social media, the more and more anonymous commenters I seem to attract.

Image via Guardian

And at one level, I get it. Anonymous comments are a chance to share what you really think, without the ramifications of having to deal relationally by asking hard questions, making pointed statements, and pushing someone in a way you wouldn’t normally do in person. I get it. But if you’re going to make some strong statements, don’t hide behind a false name. Be real.  Give the person you’re attacking the chance to talk to a real person…not just a fake name.

Here’s the principle behind what I’m saying:

If you believe in what you’re saying, sign your name to it.

This principle holds true with many things in life.

If you’ve got a good idea, and you believe in it, sign your name to it. If you don’t believe in it, why promote it?

If you’ve got a new policy, and you believe it’s worth implementing, sign your name to it. Stand behind it. If you’re not willing to stand behind it, and deal with the questions and complaints, why implement it?

If you’re ready to hire a new person, and you believe they’re the right person for the job, stand behind them. Let everyone know you believe in this person. If you don’t believe in them, don’t hire them.

If you’re leading your organization in a new direction, stand behind the decision. There may be bumps along the way, but if you believe this is the direction you should go, then show everyone you believe in it.

Anonymous people rarely get anything done.  It’s when you are willing to sign your name to what you believe that the ball can begin moving forward.

We don’t need more anonymity.  We need leaders.

Question: Have you ever gotten anonymous comments on something you’ve done?

 

How, during a meeting, do you check what time it is without the other person thinking you’re bored?

image via Fotolia

That’s got to be the most awkward glance ever.  Even more awkward than the, ‘Was that you?‘ glance you get in an elevator.

If you glance down during a meeting, it’s as if you’re saying, “Why are you so boring?  Why am I here?  Why are you here?  I can’t even stand to listen to you.”

You can try to cover it up with the classic, “I have another meeting…” OR, “Wow!  The time has flown!’

But there’s no real recovery. Especially when you’re only 10 minutes in to an hour-long meeting.  The damage is done.  Irreparable.  Any good you hoped would come out of that meeting left with the glance.

The Damaging Downward Glance

The glance at your watch is damaging because you’ve devalued the person. And nobody wants to be devalued or criticized or condemned.  Everybody wants to feel important, that they bring some value to the table beyond filling the space before your next meeting.

But the reality is that you may another commitment.  And your current cup of coffee can’t go on forever.  So how do you avoid the awkwardness?

5 Ways to avoid the “When Is This Over?” Glance

1. Check the other person’s watch.

I’ve done this.  It works.  Because you never have to move your head…just your eyes.

2. Always wear dark-colored sunglasses.

Then nobody knows where you’re looking.

3. Drop your pen and sneak a peak.

4. Drop the line, “My phone is blowing up today!” …and sneak a peak.

5. Have predetermined starting and stopping points.

Then everyone is clear right off the bay what the expectations are. Let them know that you have another meeting to attend as soon as yours is over.  Acknowledge the awkwardness before it hits.  Honesty is the best policy. ‘I hate to be that guy, but…I’ve got a meeting right after this.”  Or you could say, “I don’t want to cut things short, but I’ve got to be done here by _:00.”

 

What’s next is what you create.

It’s time for you to

Dream.

Create.

Scheme.

Plan.

Try.

Fail.

Try.

Execute.

Instead of waiting, watching, and spending time trying to find what’s next, create next.

And you’ll find everyone else is looking to you.

Question: What are you creating now?

 

My son is piecing lots of words and thoughts and phrases together.  It’s quite hilarious, actually.  Here are a few he’s said recently.

Right there!  Daddy…Poppy…eat…hot!

Translation: “I ate dinner there with Poppy one night, and his plate was so hot it burned me.”

Oh no! Wait…Daddy…church…right there!

Translation: “We just drove by the road that we turn down to go to church…turn around!”

Me…Daddy…play…school

Translation: “Daddy and I played on the playground at that school and it was fun!”

Daddy…outside…work…help…me

Translation: ‘I helped Daddy work outside.’ (see picture below for when he said that)

Daddy…back…hat?

Translation: “Daddy, would you turn your hat around backwards?”

Daddy…yucky

Translation: “Daddy, you smell bad.”  (I get that one a lot…)

But this is the one that takes the cake:

Daddy die!

Out of context, this statement from my son seems oddly dark and twisted.  In context it makes perfect sense.  I promise you my son is not a weirdo.

See, if you’d been there in the moment, you wouldn’t have thought anything was out of place.  He was riding his four-wheeler, and right in the middle of the yard, the battery died.  All he was doing was letting me know that, so that I’d go plug it back in and charge it up.  Not weird at all.

And that’s what building a relationship does.  It helps put things into context.  It helps make sense of a person.  Learning their story, understanding their struggles, their heartaches, their missed opportunities, their hopes and dreams takes them from being an “outsider” to being someone you relate with and that you can serve with.  All of a sudden, they’re not so un-relatable…you begin to see how your stories at some level mesh, and how you can speak truth into that person’s life.

Relationships are difficult, no doubt.  And they’re messy and frustrating and will test your patience and your life’s calling.  But taking the time to hear someone’s story, helping them pull out the bright spots, shining light in the dark places, will make you a better leader.  Because through truly getting to know people, not just brushing them off and casting them to the side, you’ll grow to love them more.

People aren’t a means to an end.  They’re your calling.  It doesn’t matter what “business” you’re in.

Good leaders are good listeners.

 

You may have never performed a marriage ceremony.  But you’ve attended plenty, I’m sure.

Some were probably good, and fun, and exciting.  Most, though, if your experience has been like mine, have been boring.

image via NotaryPublicParalegal

I remember the first ceremony I performed. To call it a disaster wouldn’t be fair, but whatever word is just short of “disaster” would aptly describe the experience.  Since then, through countless ceremonies I’ve done, I’ve learned a lot.

You’ve got to know one thing about me: I’m not all that traditional.  And my ceremonies reflect that.  If you’re a traditional person, though, I think that you can still incorporate these principles the next time you’re given the opportunity.

10 keys to a successful marriage ceremony

1. Insert some humor.

The bride and the groom are nervous and emotional and ripe with anticipation. Which makes everyone else nervous and emotional, too. A little humor eases a lot of tension. If you can get even a chuckle out of people, you’ll feel the weight lift in the room. Trust me…I can sense it every time.

2. Make it personal.

Every single line doesn’t have to be a personal, inside joke between the three of you. But sharing stories and quotes from the bride and groom helps everyone present feel like they know the soon-to-be-weds. My intro before I seat the parents, and before I get into my mini-sermon, is full of stories from the bride and groom.

3. Share favorite Bible verses/songs/quotes.

I’m not putting these on par as equals. I believe that Scripture is crucial in a marriage ceremony (see below), but in preparation for the ceremony (in meetings with the bride and groom), listen for clues. If they mention a favorite author, song, painting, or Bible verse, jot it down. You can use this to weave the truth about marriage into your ceremony.

4. Reflect on your own marriage.

Personal reflection can lead to beautiful, powerful, rich ceremonies.  Pull truth from your own experience in marriage, but don’t include your own stories. Use these as the background and motivation as you’re preparing, but leave out anthing that starts with, “When my wife and I…” or “On our wedding day…” or “One time, my spouse…” Hogging the spotlight is not cool…leave the spotlight on the bride and groom.

5. Craft your message for the bride and groom.

It’s their ceremony, right? Make sure you spend time speaking to them. There’s a great portion of my message where I’m speaking to the bride and groom by name. In a sense, I’m glad that the congregation is there to witness it, but that portion of the message isn’t for them specifically.

6. Craft your message for the congregation.

Don’t forget that you’ve got husbands, wives, and future husbands and wives in the congregation. As you prepare, think through how your message will land with them, and how you can even challenge them to love their spouse in a bigger, more self-sacrificial way.

7. Challenge the bride and groom.

Push them a little bit. They’re ready to make the biggest commitment of their life on earth…this is a huge deal! Push them to love more deeply, to be willing to weather the storms, to be willing to love through the pain, heartaches, and challenges of life. Challenge them now, and pray they take you up on it!

8. Don’t box yourself in.

Don’t make every ceremony have to look the same. Be willing to be flexible on the details. You don’t have to be flexible on the truth you’ll share…but remember, this isn’t your ceremony. It’s the bride’s and groom’s. If they want to do some non-traditional stuff, make it happen. (I once helped with a Mexican Lazzo ceremony. It was strange for me, but incredibly meaningful for the bride and groom.)

9. Link marriage with the Gospel.

For me, this is a must. It’s the one thing that I tell couples I can’t bend on. I don’t have an altar-call at the end of the ceremony, but I weave the Truth of the Gospel, the roles of the husband and wife in marriage, and the role of Christ and his bride (the Church) throughout the message.

10. Keep things short.

Nobody likes a long ceremony. Nobody likes a long ceremony. Nobody likes a long ceremony.

(experts say you need to hear something 3 times in order to best remember the idea. You’re welcome) If your portion of the ceremony goes over 30 minutes, you’ve probably lost everybody in the room, including the bride and groom. Here’s an important truth to remember: people didn’t come to hear you talk. They came to see the bride and groom get married.

Have you ever experienced a boring marriage ceremony?

What was the longest ceremony you ever attended?

 

I recently got an invitation to attend a lunch with other like-minded leaders in Nashville. I was invited by the organizer of the event, because apparently “this is an event you’ll like.”

And I said, “I’ll be there.”

Was the exact same DM (that’s twitter shorthand for a message sent directly to you) sent to (probably) hundreds of other guys?  Yep.

Was it really just a way of getting a bunch of leaders in the same room to promote what they wanted to talk about?  Yeah. (I know, I know…you told us it wasn’t…but be honest)

If I’d gotten the exact same DM from the sponsoring company, would I have gone? Not a chance. *(this is an important marketing tip for churches and businesses.  If I receive an invitation from your corporate account, 99 times out of 100 I’ll ignore it.  Send it from  your personal account and it’ll get at least a second look)

But do you know why I went?

Because I got a personal invite from a real person.

I felt needed. I felt valued.  I felt that this event would be worth my time and effort to attend.

If the parent company had sent the DM, it would’ve felt pushy.  But coming from the person, it felt…personal.

The takeaway

Instead of sending out fliers for your next church event, encourage people to personally ask their friends.

Instead of buying a spot on a billboard to promote your event, encourage word-of-mouth.

Instead of blasting a mass email, encourage people to invite a few of their closest friends on Facebook.

“Personal” is a stronger, more meaningful “ask” than the mass appeal.

Question: Would you be more likely to attend an event if personally invited by someone you trust?

 

Excellence doesn’t have to be expensive.

image via TypeInspire

A common misconception is that excellence is expensive. That you’re going to have to expand your budget, buy new “toys,” and constantly be on the cutting edge to have a service that is accomplished with excellence.

Thinking that excellence is tied with money is crippling. If you have the money, you’ll begin to rely on the money to do the work of excellence for you…that’s called laziness. If you don’t have the money, you’ll begin using the excuse, “We can’t do it as well as _____ because we just don’t have the resources.” Bologna. That’s a lack of utilization and equipping.

In the church world, where I spend my time and energy, I’ve seen plenty of leaders let excellence slide because they don’t have financial resources to pour into gadgets, lights, sound equipment, video equipment, new mics, and flashy “stuff.” And while that “stuff” looks nice, it doesn’t, in any way, guarantee excellence.

Want to pursue excellence as a local church? Here’s how you do it.

5 Easy Ways to Pursue Excellence

Execute your order of worship relentlessly.

I was recently a part of a service that was not planned well.  The worship leader didn’t know the lyrics well, and there were lots of gaps between songs, announcements, and the sermon.  Planning the order in advance so that everyone involved can see all of the details is crucial.  Running a rehearsal, including announcements, any videos, and any other elements are seen by everybody involved (before the live service) helps ensure major mistakes don’t happen.

Simplify.

The more programs you offer, the more diluted each becomes. And the less “excellent” each is, because each takes significant amounts of resources (time, energy, volunteers, money) to do well.  The simpler, more focused your church is, the more excellent you will be in each area.

Take pride in what you do.

Look around you. Take note of the little things. It’s often the small, seemingly insignificant gestures that go miles in promoting excellence. Here are a few things we do at Grace:

• pick up stray trash
• staff every door on Sundays with a welcoming person
• keep printed material up-to-date
• keep volunteers in the loop on information that new-comers will ask about
• offer good coffee
• set up an area on Sundays for moms with crying babies to still hear the service and not disturb others
• keep your website updated
• respond to emails promptly

Evaluate and improve constantly.

If an aspect of your church isn’t working, it’s time to change things up. Allowing a program to hang around because “we’ve always done it…” pushes excellence right out the window.  Evaluating, improving, and constantly being willing to change things that are broken encourages excellence across the board.

Celebrate.

If you feed something, it lives.  If you don’t, it dies.  Feed those actions, those habits, those strategical and forward-thinking moves that staff members and volunteers take.  When you feed those actions, they (and those they lead) will notice what your church values.  Thank them publicly.  Send them a note.  Throw them a party.  Celebrate steps in the right direction.

Pursuing excellence isn’t about money. It’s about the details. If what you’re offering (the Gospel) is valuable to your congregation, then casting it in the best light is vital.  Pursuing excellence does just that.

Are you serving in a church that pursues excellence?  What steps have you taken to get there?

 

image from iStockphoto, user: LDF

You might think that great leaders always leave you confident of the product (or service, or idea) that they’re “selling.”

You might think that great leaders always leave you with a clearer understanding of a key idea or concept.

You might think that great leaders have to be a certain age or stage in life.

But if that’s your sum total of a great leader, you’ve missed out on the one thing that all great leaders do well.

Great leaders leave you feeling better about yourself.

When you meet with a great leader, you feel more confident in God’s call on your life.

They aren’t afraid to point out holes, and prod into the areas that need work.  But somehow, when your time with them is up, you feel more confident and sure of your leadership than before you’d met.

Great leaders look for tiny glimmers of hope and expose it for you to see.  They look for areas where God’s working and say, “Do you see that?”  They listen for God’s voice and sound the trumpet when He’s working in your life.  Great leaders see the best in you and say, “Do more of that!”

I only know a couple of great leaders.  And I love when I get to sit down with them.

Great leaders encourage.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up… – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

 

It’s hard to believe that I’ve been blogging for 3 years now. I’ve loved interacting with you guys, building this community of people, and processing my thoughts out loud. Thanks for giving me grace to think and grow all along the way.

I’ve learned lots of lessons over the past 3 years. Many I’ve had to learn the hard way.  Hopefully I can save you some frustrations.

Lessons I’ve learned in 3 years of blogging.

1. The more honest, the better.

People will connect with you more over your honesty and transparency than they ever will over your victories and moral platitudes.  My posts that have gotten the most positive feedback have been the ones where I’m gut-level honest with my thoughts and experiences.

2. The more accessible, the better.

As I make myself accessible (here, on the blog, through comments), I find people appreciate that. To build community, you’ve got to build relationships.

3. Be generous.

The more ideas I share, resources I recommend, connections I make, and in general, the more I can give away, the more I always get in return.

4. It’s as much about ‘rhythm’ as it is ‘discipline.’

I hear lots of guys say that blogging is a discipline. And I get that. But I like to look at blogging and see where it fits in the rhythm of my life. Rather than ‘disciplining’ myself, I’d rather it be a flow of my life.  I’ve found more joy and inspiration having a blogging rhythm than having a blogging discipline.

5. Put in the work now and you can reap the benefits later.

I can look back and snag some great, well thought out ideas. Someday, I just might write a book. You know where I’ll turn first for my good ideas? The archives.  And it’s because I have put lots of work into so many posts.

6. Just publish.

Some days, my thoughts aren’t fully developed or perfect or polished. But I just have to “publish” anyway.  It’s better to float ideas and thoughts out there, and synthesize them as you go, than to every single thought fully planned out before completion.

7. I enjoy writing.

I really do.  I’ve found it a great avenue to flesh out my thoughts.

8. It’s about quality posts more than ‘technique’.

I’ve read articles on blogging technique, SEO, key words, timing, consistency, and focus.  And while those things are important, don’t forget to write quality posts!  If you write good stuff, Google will find you.

9. Mixing up the type of posts I write (video posts, social media, theology, etc.) is as helpful for me as it is enjoyable for readers.

Writing the same kinds of posts every day gets boring.  So I mix up the categories, the style, and the focus to keep things fresh, both for the readers and for my own creativity.

10. I have no idea what it really takes to write a post that’s going to take off.

I have written about this before HERE…and it’s still true.  The posts I feel will take off…fall flat.  The ones I write on a whim go viral.  I default back to #8 and #9 (above)

11. I’m not done.

And neither is blogging.  Blogging is a great tool, and our culture is continuing to turn to blogs for information, ideas, and insights.  I’m definitely not done.

If you’ve read my blog at any point over the past 3 years…thanks.  Keep sharing your thoughts, experiences, and insights.  Keep leading well, changing, and growing.

I hope I’ve helped you on your journey in some small way.

 

I’ve been behind a creative roadblock since yesterday.

image via NBC33

I ran into it on Monday.  But because of the looming deadline of when the project has to be complete, I powered on through the block.

Except that I didn’t really power through it.

I thought that if I spent enough time, and put forth enough effort, the ideas would eventually come.  They’d eventually surface after hours and hours of failed attempts.

The roadblock persisted.

But now the roadblock’s gone.  And in the process, I learned how I got passed it.

5 action steps to get  the creative juices flowing again

1. Talk with another teammate.

A fresh set of eyes can do wonders to point out holes you’re missing.  I talked with another staff member, and immediately he helped me decipher a step forward I could take.  He saw things I didn’t.  He wasn’t bogged down with it like I was.

2. Stop working on it.

This is counterintuitive, I know, especially with a looming deadline.  But I had to take my eyes off of the project…get away from it, and think about something else.  And you know what happened?  When I returned the next day, I knocked out in an hour what would’ve taken me an entire afternoon to complete had I kept pressing through.

3. Step back and zoom out.

When I returned to the project, I tried to look at the project as a whole.  I had focused in on minute details for so long, that when I zoomed out to see the whole project, the holes I was trying to patch were seen quickly and easily.  Seeing the entire project is key to moving forward creatively.

4. Produce a hard copy.

I had been doing all of my work on a computer, digitally.  There was something that happened, though, when I could look at a physical page and evaluate it.  It felt different.  I could spread each of the pages out in front of me, and look at the whole project at a single glance.  And being able to physically “touch” the project changed things up enough to shake me out of my funk.

5. Do something physical.

Go for a run.  Work in the garage.  Walk around the mall.  For me, I worked in my backyard.  I wasn’t actively thinking about the project I still had to complete, but the act of physical labor helped clear my head, exhaust my body, and, somehow, prepare me to get through the roadblock.

Question: What do you do when you’re blocked?