iStock photo user: Fabervisum

Good leaders listen well. They don’t merely anticipate.

I was at the bank yesterday, and as I left I said to the teller, “Bye, see you later!” To which she replied, “I hope you have a good day, too!”

She anticipated because she had heard the same thing from every customer that day. She thought she heard, “Have a good day!” She should have listened more carefully.

Not a big deal, because the response that my bank teller makes to me on the way out doesn’t make or break my day, but it does point out an important principle.

Listen before you answer.

Listen before you answer…

• When you’re talking with your spouse and you feel like you already know what they’re going to say
• When you’re in a hurry and you wish the person would just hurry up
• When you’re the small group leader and you’re “expected to have the right answer”
• When someone is going to ask your advice
• When someone is not going to ask your advice, they’re just sharing their story
• When you’re talking with an “extra grace required” person
• When you’ll be expected to give a response and you’re not sure what you’re going to say.

The temptation is to move ahead and prepare what your response will be. That way, you’ll appear smart and on top of things.

But you’re better off listening fully before processing your answer.

Those who are sharing their heart with you will feel honored and respected knowing you truly care about them.

And when they throw you a curve ball, like I did my bank teller, you’ll be ready.

He who answers before listening — that is his folly and his shame. – Proverbs 18:13

Question:

Have you ever tried to anticipate what someone was going to say, and gotten it wrong?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone when they appeared absent?

*photo credit, iStock Photo user: Fabervisum

 

iStockPhoto, user: Noriko Cooper

In the last week, I’ve had multiple pastors ask this question. Maybe it’s one you’re asking, too.

How do I structure my first small group meeting?

I think that pastors are asking it for a couple of reasons:

1. They don’t have small groups in their local church.

They’re trying to get groups off of the ground, and don’t have a template for how a group should launch.

2. They have small groups in their local church, but they want to ensure, as much as possible, that their personal small group succeeds.

I get that. You’re the pastor, and if your group “fails,” it reflects badly on you, who point people to the life-changing power of community. If your group “fails,” does “community” really work? (hint: the answer is that yes, it does still work…but you may just need to think critically about the dynamics of a small group)

The way that you structure your first few meetings will set the tone for the rest of your group’s life. Getting off to a slow start is a massive hindrance to success because relationships aren’t well-formed, group becomes “difficult” for people to attend, and most won’t see it as worth the trouble.

There are a few key principles to keep in mind as you launch your group. Whether that’s a singles group, a couples group, or anything in between, keeping these in mind is important to your group’s short-term and long-term success.

5 Non-Negotiables in Launching Your Small Group

1. Know what the “win” is for your group.

If you don’t know what you’re aiming for, you’ll never know if you hit it. Define the “win” for your group, and keep those front and center as you launch. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter tremendously (obviously within biblical parameters) what that win is…just that you define it. Define that win and go hard after it. *If you don’t know what the win is for your group, have a conversation with your groups pastor…if you don’t have a groups pastor, talk with your lead pastor for direction.

2. Incorporate “fun” into your group.

You may lead a phenomenal Bible study…but if people don’t feel like they’re having “fun,” they won’t come back. Don’t believe me? No problem…just test it out. Don’t laugh or play a game or have any fun, and see if people come back. After you’ve tried that, and your group has dissolved to 1, come on back and read this again. The reality is that people can get great Bible studies anywhere: podcasts, books, blogs, and forums. They can’t get a real, authentic, enjoyable relationship with people from a podcast, though. I’ve written about this more extensively HERE and HERE.

3. Incorporate “serving” into your group.

If you don’t launch with a focus on serving together, your group won’t naturally gravitate towards it. You have to build this as a value into your group. Whether your goal is once/week, once/month, or once/quarter, set some goals and offer some ideas for the group to chew on. Maybe it’ll be a ministry you believe in. Maybe it’s something in your neighborhood. Maybe it’s something that someone else in the group is passionate about. That’s not as important as building in the idea of serving your community.

4. Share your faith story.

Sharing your faith story, and encouraging others to do the same, is essential to building healthy community. If, in the first 8 weeks of your group, you haven’t done this, your group will feel stale and cold. Lecturers have no need to share their story…but small group leaders do! This is a vital step to building authentic community.

5. Share responsibility.

Don’t hoard the responsibilities you’ve been entrusted with in leading your group. It’s important that everything gets done, but you don’t need to do everything. In fact, if you do everything, you’ll burnout. You’ll also not equip others to lead and use their gifts and resources, which should be a role of all group leaders…equipping others to do the work of the ministry by fleshing out their gifts.

When you’re ready to launch your group, keep these 5 non-negotiables handy.

Question: Do you lead a small group? What am I missing? Anything you would add?

*photo credit: iStockPhoto, Digital Skillet

 

image via iStock Photo, Rellas

I recently posed a question (HERE), “What’s a win for your blog?”  In the post, I said that a “win” for me isn’t the number of comments or tweets I receive in response to my writing…it’s getting the chance to articulate my thoughts.  And many of you heartily agreed with me.

But I began to wonder.

Is that just a cop-out?

Is that just the Resistance (re: The War of Art, Steven Pressfield) saying, “Don’t work harder…it’s not worth the effort.”?

Because if something is written well, shouldn’t it connect and inspire and spark?  Shouldn’t it be helpful for others?  Maybe it won’t be helpful for everyone, but shouldn’t it be helpful for some?  If I’m using my gifts, shouldn’t others be impacted and benefit? (re: 1 Corinthians 12)

It’s not that I need to start writing in order to get comments and shares. That’s backwards and fake and forced. Nobody wants that. That reeks of inauthenticity.

I was talking with a worship leader about his performance between songs on Sunday mornings.  When it comes to speaking between worship songs, he admittedly stumbles over his words, not sure what to say or how to best communicate.  He gets nervous and clams up.  I told him

Just be yourself. Talk about how God’s been speaking to you throughout the week. If God’s been pounding you over the head with the concept of grace, then share that with us. If He’s been convicting you about holding a piece of yourself back from Him…share that with us. If He’s been prodding you to do something new…share that with us. Share from your heart, not just from a canned piece of information that, on paper, connects the dots from one song to the next. If God really is moving your heart throughout the week, and you share from that experience, it’ll connect.

Do the work

Don’t miss this: that statement is predicated upon his hard work in seeking God throughout the week.  Don’t miss that!  It’s only after he’s done the hard work of seeking God throughout the week that he can truly share from his heart.

Writing a blog is a lot like that. Do the hard work of being real, improving your writing over time, asking probing questions of your own heart, observing life well…and the result should show an engagement with others at some level.  Am I wrong?

Justifying mediocrity

In the church world, where I operate, I’ve heard people use the phrase, “It’s not about the numbers” to refer to the fact that they don’t exist just to simply add numbers of people.  The problem is that that statement is often used when things aren’t going well, justifying a lack of effort and innovation.*  With blogging, never ever use, “It’s not about the comments and the ReTweets” to justify innovation and hard work.  Never.

If you’re aiming for mediocre, you’ll hit it every time, regardless of your field of expertise.

Question:

Do you think, “It’s not about the comments or the shares” is ever a cop-out?

Have you ever used a phrase like that to defer criticism of your lack of innovation and hard work?

*Though this isn’t always the case, and I’m not singling out any one church in particular.

*image via iStock Photo, Rellas

 

Creative commons: Kai Blake

I’ve heard people say that a structured, time-sensitive service isn’t one that leaves room for the Spirit to work.  Ever heard that?  Ever said that?

The conversation starts innocently like this:

I wish we could have sung another song…or chorus…or verse.

OR

I wish that _____ (my pastor) could’ve preached just a little longer. OR It’s over already?

And then you follow it up with this bomb

…because the Spirit needed just a little bit longer to work on ____. (or, sometimes if you’re feeling extra humble, you’ll say that the Holy Spirit needed a little longer to work on you.)

And for saying that, I call you a crazy person.  Because that’s the only category you fit in right now.

“Why, Ben?” you say.  I’ll tell you in 6 points.

6 Reasons to Structure your Sunday Services

1. It says it in the Bible.

Multiple times in the Bible, it tells us that all Sunday morning church services are supposed to last for 1 hour.  Don’t question me on that.  I went to seminary.

2. We pastors can’t work more than an hour straight.

Like “they” say, preaching a normal-length sermon is like working an 8-hour day. So if we have 2 services every Sunday, we work a 16 hour day.  And if we, like we do at Grace, have 3 live services on our campus on Sunday, it’s like we’ve worked a 24 hour day.  And you want us to do more?!?  You walk a hard line, my friend.

3. How “bad” are you that the Creator of the universe can’t do anything in your life in a solid hour?

*I’m pausing here for dramatic effect, then peering judgmentally over the top of my glasses at you as they slide down to the end of my nose.

4. When you have multiple services on a Sunday, logistics dictates that you have some structured order.

After all, the next service, full of people ready to experience God, is coming.

5. Structure isn’t bad. Is it?

Since when has structuring something been considered evil? We see nothing in the Scriptures saying that limiting the length of a service is anti-Holy Spirit. In fact, we at Grace have found that people are more apt to engage when they know that there will be a planned start and stop time.

6. Structure doesn’t have to limit the Spirit.

To think that the Holy Spirit is limited by time is thinking very little of the Spirit. Can God not work in an hour? How much longer does He need? Does He need just a few more minutes to really do His best work? One more repeat of the chorus…one more killer illustration…one more winsomely timed video?

*image via Kai Blake

 

image via BioJob Blog

Innovation asks, “What’s next?”

Innovation doesn’t stop with the latest success

or slow down with the last failure;

it trudges on amidst a flurry of opposition,

enduring through the “No!”

“Better” is its carrot.

“Enough” doesn’t compute.

“Finished” isn’t an option.

“Change” is its motto.

“Creation” its creed.

Innovation asks, “What’s next?”

 

What’s the standard response time for responding to an email?

image via iStock Photo

 

When I was in graduate school, I worked at a coffee shop.

While I was there, I developed a great love for coffee.  Good coffee.  Coffee that’s handpicked, handcrafted, and consumed at just the right temperature.  Coffee that’s paired with the right pastry, in the right season, at the right…heck, who am I kidding?  I’ll drink coffee anytime.

I quickly learned how to make all of the specialty drinks, and my all-time favorite was the con panna.

photo via Justin Mcintosh

Con Panna means “with cream,” and it’s a simple drink to make.  Grab a canister of whip cream.  Then pull 2 (or, if you’re feeling extra frisky, make it 3) shots of espresso.  As soon as the shots are done brewing, transfer the shots to your demitasse cup, then top with whip cream.  As I like to call it: “heaven in a cup.”

Most coffee shops, though, won’t have this drink listed on the menu.  They’ll have the traditional cappuccinos, lattes, and cafe mochas.  But no con panna.  And it’s not that they don’t know how to make it.  It’s just not a huge seller in America.  Most people in America want something with a little less kick…a little smoother and creamier.  They’re not looking for something with so much punch.

But if you want to be super cool, just order a con panna next time you’re at your local coffee shop.  The barista will look at you with eyes that say, “How do you know about the con panna?”  Then you’ll look back with eyes that say, “I’m a coffee connoisseur.  I’m an insider.  Fear me!”  To which his eyes will respond, “Wow…I had no idea.  I have so much respect for you right now.”  To which your eyes will respond, “You better make it the right way…the way real Italians make it.”

I’ve shared the beauty of this drink with a lot of folks who frequent coffee shops.  You know what every one of them tells me?  ”I am going to order that drink next time I go!”  Why?

Because everyone wants to feel like an insider.

There’s something about us that wants to feel like we have a leg-up on others.  That we’re a step ahead.  We know a bit more.  We are in a bit deeper.  We’re just a little bit more awesome than the rest of the people in this coffee shop…because we know a random fact about Italian-style espresso.

You might spin that thought and think that it’s related to pride.  But I don’t think it is.  I think it’s a reflection of our desire to learn, grow, change, and improve.  And when it comes to leading people, this is an invaluable quality to overlook.

In leading people, help them feel like they’re insiders.

• Let them know what’s coming next…before it comes.
• Run an idea by them before it’s announced publicly.
• Ask for their input in prep for your next event.
• Tell them an idea you’ve been sitting on but haven’t fleshed out.
• Ask them to lead in an area that you haven’t yet explored as an organization.
• Encourage them to bring their ideas to the table…and then act on some of them.

The more knowledge you give people, the more valued they feel.

The more knowledge you give people, the more they feel like a vital part of the organization.

The more knowledge you give people, the more they will give of themselves.

The more knowledge you give people, the better results your entire team will experience.

Try it.

Question:

Have you ever had a con panna?  Do you even like coffee?

 

Recently, my church, Grace Community Church, ordained me.   It was an unbelievable kind of an experience for me. It was so incredibly special, and will be a great marker for me for the rest of my life.

But I had a lot of people ask me why I wanted to get ordained. Why, especially because I was already licensed (which is the process that the state recognizes for me to be able to marry and bury)?   Why, especially because it wouldn’t change my title or job description at Grace?   Why, especially because it wasn’t something our church had ever done before?  Why, especially because it’s more of a ‘traditional’ church-y thing, and I’m not ‘traditional’ or church-y?

There are a few reasons why I wanted to be ordained, and why I wanted to do it at this point in my ministry.

Why ordination?

Ordination affirms your call to ministry.

In the process of ordination, I got to share my story, and sit before the elders and others at Grace for them to question me on my calling, my theology, and my future aspirations. We talked through safeguards I have in place in my life, and how I pursue God. Those men affirmed God’s working in my life.   And I needed that.

Ordination tells you that other people have your back.

In a sense, ordination is a time where other guys hear your story and say, “Yep, we understand what God’s calling you to do…now go do it! We’ve got your back.”  And I needed that.

Ordination is an important step for pastors.

People often associate “you know what you’re talking about” with ordination.   There’s a different level of respect.  And it’s not that I think I deserve or have earned that…I don’t think I’m entitled to it. Rather, I know that the title “ordained” carries weight with it.  And I’m ready for that weight.

Ordination helps others understand their call.

In the process of public ordination, a local church sees someone who has been called to full-time vocational ministry. And I’m convinced that when they see that, God works in their heart. And sometimes He begins to plant the seeds of ministry in their heart, too. Because I know that it’s been in hearing other people’s stories that mine has seemed to gain more clarity.  And the church needs that.

Why at this point?

Ordination shouldn’t be rushed.

I’ve been on staff now for nearly 4 years.  I could’ve been ordained sooner, but I wanted to wait until Grace really knew me and my character.   I wanted many people in the church to be able to honestly say, “I can also affirm God’s call on your life.”  If I’d gone through this process earlier, there would’ve been some people who would’ve come down to pray over me.   But it would’ve likely been those people who just felt like they had to do it.  Now, there were lots of folks who came down front to pray over me…and these people have actually done life with me for nearly 4 years. They’ve seen my character and served with me, and are truly willing to stand beside me as I continue fleshing out God’s call for my life.  That’s much more meaningful to me than a forced ceremonial ordination.

I’m glad I went through this process.  It’s help me sure up my call, surrounded me with men who know who I am, and given me a renewed sense of God’s call on my life.

Question:

Have you been ordained?  Was it a good experience for you?

 

I saw this sign at a local food chain yesterday:

Last time I checked, being “sold out” meant you were selling things…which was good for business.  Right?

And if business is going so well that you’re selling out of supplies, shouldn’t you be looking for more suppliers?

I’m convinced that many people are just hunting for excuses to not do what they need to do.  Even when all of the signs are pointing in the same direction.  It’s easier to find excuses than it is to do the hard work required to be successful.

There’s rarely anything magical about success.

It’s more often about hard work, even when nobody else is looking, than it is about you being in the right place at the right time. (before you comment, know that I’m not taking God out of this equation at all.  He’s sovereign, and chooses what He wants to do…but I don’t think that God rewards laziness.)

Don’t let a lack of supplies become your excuse.

Don’t let a lack of volunteers become your excuse.

Don’t let a shortage of financial resources become your excuse.

Don’t let a hater’s discouragement become your excuse.

Don’t let, “We’ve never done it like that before” become your excuse.

Do the hard work, even when it’s not fun.

In the end, it’s worth it.

 

The Nines is a conference (online) I look forward to every year. (you can register for it, for free, right HERE)

It’s a conference with 99 speakers, each with a 9 minute platform to share their thoughts, and for pastors and church leaders to learn from each other.  It’s proven to be a great idea generator for me.

They have a number of speakers that they choose beforehand, but they reserve a certain number of spots for “write-in” votes.  The “people’s choice awards” of the church leaders community.

And this year, instead of just giving my virtual “thumbs up” to the guys and gals I nominated, I thought I’d give a little explanation, and a further encouragement for you to “thumbs up” them, too.  Here’s my list.

My votes for The Nines:

Ron Edmondson

he’s a leader of leaders. He’s one of those guys that, when he speaks, I’ve got to have a pen and paper handy (err…your Evernote account just needs to be up) just to keep up with the flow from the fire hydrant of ministry goodness.  Connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and on his blog.

He can share enough wisdom in 9 minutes to start a revolution.

Jonathan Pearson

He’s creative, he’s genuine, and he’s generous. He’s the communications pastor at Cornerstone Community Church, and few understand communications like Jonathan does. He speaks clearly to, and for, his generation.  Connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and his blog.

Give him 9 minutes, and you’ll hear and understand the heartbeat of a generation.

Brandon Cox

Brandon is currently a church planter by profession. And a great one at that. But over the last year, as he and I have connected online and in person, I’ve been struck by his wisdom and winsomeness when it comes to networking. There are few as connected as Brandon. He’s a master with people.  Connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, and his blog.

In 9 minutes, you’ll believe in the power of social media to connect with the world.

If you agree with any of these nominations, head on over to The Nines site and give them a “thumbs up” HERE.